Help! Pleas tell me if I'm overreacting...

gettingfitmom

gettingfitmom

Cathlete
Ok, my DD who is i month shy of turning 17, is dating a boy who is 16. His mother is dating a boy who is 1 1/2 years older than my DD. Am I wrong in feeling this is not right. She has 2 other children: a daughter who is 21, another son who is 14, and another daughter who is 12. This boy has moved in and has also dropped out of college, I am not sure if he is working. She :"allows" him to drink in her home. My Dh and I have come to the conclusion that this is not an appropriate environment for her and we have told her she is not allowed to go to his house, we rather he come to ourhouse. Is this unresonable? She is also not going to his dad's house because as we understand, he pushes his son around when he gets mad. In spite of all this, this boy my DD is dating is quite grounded, he tries to stay out of the house as much as possible. I do feel sorry for him. They have only dated three months. My DD feels me and my husband are not being fair. Are we being unfair? I hope not. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks, Kay
 
Doesn't sound unreasonable at all to me. That's an awful home environment and that women is breaking the law by letting that kid (yes, he's just a kid to me) drink in her home. You would have been over reacting if you told your DD that she couldn't date her BF at all - since his mother's behavior isn't his fault. But since you are only keeping her out of that nasty environment, you are not over reacting IMO, you are being a good parent.
 
She's dating an 18.5 year old? And she has a 21 year old daughter? That's just wrong and gross. You are totally reasonable in your reaction to this. Dating someone younger than you is one thing; a grown woman dating a kid is altogether another. I do feel badly for the boyfriend, as you stated. I would try to keep my kid as far away from that as possible. Let her think it's unfair - life is unfair in ways well beyond that.
 
My 1st thought is maybe the BF of your DD is finally seeing what a normal famiily / upbringing should be through your DD and I think that is a good thing. Could you restrict their movements in that DD is not allowed to his house at all? Sounds like he maybe tarnished for the sins of his parents.

I don't agree that his Mother s/b seeing someone the same age as her children.

What are your impressions of the BF?
 
Not even remotely unreasonable! This is one of those things your daughter may not "get" for many years...but she will understand some day, and she will agree with you! What a difficult situation for that young man.
 
Wow! What a compassionate and understanding mom you are! I love that while you want to restrict your DD from an environment that is not good for her, you are not trying to restrict her dating this boy. It sounds as if he needs your family as a stabilizer. I don't think you are being unfair at all, in fact given the situation I think you are providing the perfect compromise. I think your DD will eventually come to understand. It's okay for her not to think it's fair - which is something I sometimes have to remind myself when it comes to my DD16.
 
The bf is no longer a minor, since he's 18; however, it is a bit weird. Granted, I'm dating a man who is 16 years younger than me - but he's a man, not a teenager. It seems it bothers your dd's bf as well, so as long as you're not forbidding them to see each other, then it doesn't sound unreasonable.
 
I would feel exactly the same way. I think is great that you are not asking DD to stop dating the boy. I think your restrictions are completely reasonable and sound. Good for you!!

The mother dating a boy who is not of legal drinking age? Goodness:rolleyes:
She could go to jail for supplying the alcohol to an underage minor.
 
THANKS everyone!!!!!!!!!!At least DH and I aren'talone in our thinking. MammaPew- the BF seems very nice. He is respectful, and seems grounded for all that he is going thru. He doesn't seem to fully understand why DD can't come over, but like one of you wrote, they should understand this later. Thanks for all your input and advice. I feel better now :) Kay
 
andtckrtoo said:
Wow! What a compassionate and understanding mom you are! I love that while you want to restrict your DD from an environment that is not good for her, you are not trying to restrict her dating this boy. It sounds as if he needs your family as a stabilizer. I don't think you are being unfair at all, in fact given the situation I think you are providing the perfect compromise. I think your DD will eventually come to understand. It's okay for her not to think it's fair - which is something I sometimes have to remind myself when it comes to my DD16.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. Keep your daughter away from that Jerry Springer environment and encourage the boy to feel welcome among your family. He sounds like a good kid, in spite of everything, and your family environment has the power to positively effect his life, at a crucial point. Thank God for parents like you who pay attention. Too bad there aren't more.
 
gettingfitmom said:
THANKS everyone!!!!!!!!!!At least DH and I aren'talone in our thinking. MammaPew- the BF seems very nice. He is respectful, and seems grounded for all that he is going thru. He doesn't seem to fully understand why DD can't come over, but like one of you wrote, they should understand this later. Thanks for all your input and advice. I feel better now :) Kay
Click to expand...

Even if you use the excuse that you want to make sure your daughter is supervised with her boyfriend, and the only way you'll be sure that happens is to have them hang out at your house, that would be fine. You never know how lax this mom is with allowing these teens alone, especially since she is dating one herself. Ick!

Have you seen Desperate Housewives this season? Lynette's teenage son having an affair with his friend's mother and getting her pregnant. Gee-ross! Actually, we had a science teacher at my high school who was in her mid-to-late 40s and she would have a new senior boy every year.
 
You're the mom -- you make the rules! And FWIW, I COMPLETELY agree with your stance on this issue! Holy smokes!
 
DSS62467: I agree IMO,I don't think too may 19 yearolds sit around the house and read the paper:) Who knows what they do. She does live close by and every morning his truck is there. She wrks evenings in a bar/grill place, to me that doesn't say much either beacuse she leaves her kids home at night till almost midnight. That can't be good either. Hopefully this will fade out here shortly... Kay
 
Well...her kids aren't babies, and if that's the job she can get which can allow her to pay the bills, I don't know that I'd hold it against her. There are a lot of good people who work in restaraunts & grills. But the lack of judgement elsewhere is what matters.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top