Help ! My Husband will not get up in the mornings !!

U

upearly

Cathlete
Ok here it goes.... I need advice, Married, three wonderful kids, and a job I love... Yes I am thankful for ALL my blessings, BUT my husband and I are at odds about his sleeping habits !!
My husband has his own tree removal business works late and he has always been a hard sleeper !! We have fought this issue since we have been together ! Married 19 years next month. He will not get up in the mornings and it is making me nuts !! I get up early 4:30 to work out, and get the kids up at 6:30 for school. I leave for work usually around 8:00-8:30 and 95% of the time he sleeps through all the noise of us getting ready and is still asleep when I leave !! It makes me NUTS !! I have begged, pleaded, screamed, cryed and nothing works... He stays up late usually 1:00 or later. I have tried to tell him to help our marriage, to please try to change his bed time and maybe that would help !! Any advice !! I am really really having a hard time with him being in bed every morning when I leave for work !!
Annette
 
How is his sleeping late affecting your marriage other than him being in the bed when you leave? Is he providing for the family? Is it hurting you financially because he sleeps late? Is it just irritating because you wake up early?

I'm not trying to be funny or mean, but you need to think about this. If he's been this way for so long why do you expect him to change? Can you perhaps work on not letting it get to you? 19 years is a long time and this doesn't seem like a serious enough issue unless there is more...

~Marietta
FITXME
http://www.picturetrail.com/fitxme
 
Anette,

Are you sure this isn't something physically unique to him? Is this the only thing in your marriage that is an issue? Is the problem with him sleeping late that he doesn't help you with the kids or are there other factors that are causing you annoyance? Why is this a major issue for you?

My ex-husband was the same way but he worked second shift and then drank with his buddies after work until 1:00 in the morning and then fell asleep in front of the T.V. on his LazyBoy until 11:00-12:00 the next day. He could sleep through a hurricane, LOL! Drove me absolutely bonkers so I understand your frustration. But his drinking habits were the thing that finally caused me to file for divorce more than his sleeping habits.

I'm thinking if you've brought this to his attention all these years and he still hasn't made a move to change things...he's not going to. But, maybe it's something physical. Has he been to a doctor.
 
Annette -

My response is going to be in line with the previous 2 posters. Why is it so important to you that he is out of bed when you go to work? Some people are natural morning people, some are night owls. Is he out late at night drinking or seeing other women? I think if you keep something like sleep patterns become such a bone of contention, this resentment alone could cause a problem in your marriage.

I suggest just going about your business in the morning and don't let it get to you. He's a big boy - as long as he's not missing work, let him sleep!

Angie
 
I feel for you! My ex was the same way, but like Candi's he also drank too much (among other issues...). You start feeling like you're leading completely separate lives when you go to bed alone and he sleeps through the morning!

If you're otherwise happy though, maybe you should try to entice him to go to bed with you earlier in the evening.;)

It sounds like nagging and complaining are a lost cause, but maybe you can speak to him about it at another time of day and explain that you miss him and want him to be with you and the kids during the brief time you have together in the mornings. He may also need to checked out by a doctor for sleep problems. Good luck!
 
Anette-

DH and I have a similar problem...But the other way around...He's the early bird, and I'm the night owl...The only part of our relationship that's been affected has been, well, between the sheets! He's not one that like to be woken up! Thank goodness I'm a "morning person" in that aspect, and can then play the man roll...Roll over and go back to bed!

Seriously, though...I still get up and get DD off to school on time...Just am not out of bed when Jason leaves...

MJ

PS Have you tried taking all of the covers and throwing the cat on him??? LOL!!
 
Hi Annette,

I'm inclined to agree with the other posters. I can't help but wonder if there's more to the story. My husband could sleep standing up, but he works very hard, loooong hours so I don't give him any grief about it. He's really exhausted when he comes home. Maybe you should just tuck the covers under his chin and give him a kiss before you leave in the morning!

Michele
 
I have to agree with Angie and Michele. Why are you getting so worked up about him sleeping in?

I leave my SO sleeping peacefully in bed most mornings, as I get up and rush around getting the dog walked, the DD fed and off to school, lunches packed and everything ready to go.
 
I also don't see what the problem is. Just because you are a morning person, doesn't mean he is as well.

I think the BIG problem here is not the situation but your (over)reaction to it.

What if he got upset about you not staying up late with him? Would you/could you/ change it? (But why should you).

It seems to me like, unless something else is going on that you're not telling us about, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

My father was an early morning person, and my stepmother a late sleeper. He'd get up about 6:30, get me breakfast and get me off to school. She would get up later, and stay up later as well. Neither one of them tried to change the other, though they did sometimes tease each other about it.
 
You all are GREAT !!
Reading all this makes me feel better !! I know I should just be ok with this, I think some of it is how I am "wired" and I will just try to "let it go" and just be thankful he is NOT out drinking and chasing other women !!
This is a great place !! Thanks for all the support and helping me with this !
Annette :)
 
Yes, just what is the problem with his sleeping in - you said he works late, so then he get to bed late. As for your tactics to get him to wake up earlier - "How's that workin' for you?"

Please elaborate on why you want him to change his sleep schedule.
Just Do It! :)
 
Annette,

You may not be able to let it go until you identify what about his sleeping late is really bothering you. If you can identify it and then reason with yourself, you may be able to let it go once and for all!

What I'm saying is, your feelings are your feelings and are valid. Whether you are overreacting or underreacting isn't the point. You are having a reaction to his sleeping late for some reason. Just trying to blow feelings off doesn't usually work.


HTH
:)
 
Annette,

I agree with the ladies on this one, especially Candi suggesting you identify why his sleeping in bothers you. Then you can communicate it to your husband and work on it together. If it is because you want help getting the kids ready or yourself ready then let him know, maybe he can help in some way and go back to bed. But if he is up late and needs your help, get ready for a wake-up call!

If it is because of intimacy issues, ask him if he can be woke up or if he can wake you up.

Maybe it is some other reason...but if it's just because you all are up so he should be too...then he'll just be waking up to sit in his robe and slippers, hair all mashed up and watching you guys hustle around. Is that what you want?
 
As a late sleeper myself, I have to agree with most of the others. My parents were like this, as well. What I say - take this difference in biological clocks as a grand opportunity!! The morning hours when he's sleeping as "your time." Enjoy the peace of creating your own schedule during those hours, spending time alone with bonding with your kids, etc. Likewise, he can enjoy the quiet solitude of the late hours when you're asleep. My father was always the morning person in our family and on the rare occassion I would get up, I was amazed at how peaceful that time of morning is. He would enjoy his coffee and newspaper in silence. He would run the errands that were important to him, and then have the rest of the day to deal with everything else. I had coffee brewed and waiting for me when I woke up! My mother, the late bird, used the late hours to read in silence or do her things. Rather than cajole and harangue him, celebrate your differences and use them to your advantage!!
 
RE: Help ! My Husband will not get up in the mornings ...

Annette,

I tend to agree with the other posters but I am wondering if it is that you are looking for help from your DH in getting the kids ready to go, etc? If that's the case, then you have a very valid reason for wanting him up...if not, then I'd agree with letting it go because he's not hurting anyone...in fact, if you DON'T want his help in the mornings, he's probably better off in bed and out of your way! ;)

Just my 2 cents.
HTH.:)
 
after 8 years i deal with it. we come to a compromise that he doesnt stay up later then midnight and i don't b*tch about it.its a pain when you are running around trying to get kids ready for school we have all been there done that have t-shirts to prove it LOL. but if i wake him up when he has to be at work early and gives me a hard time, guarntee he will be written up for being late b/c i won't wake his butt up again. he has learned after several rounds of it, that i am not his mother and i am not a personal alarm clock. he has gotten better once i stop nagging him and just started being a b*tch about it without using my words }(
kassia
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
Annette, I suffer from this same thing with my DH. He comes home from work and watches tv or plays Xbox until the am. I get up early, get the kids fed, dressed, make their lunches, make sure they shower and brush their teeth, etc... While he sleeps in. By the time the kids are in bed, I am ready to pass out exhausted because I get up so early. Here is the thing, I don't care how late he stays up. He is made to be a night owl, I was made to be an early riser. HOWEVER, I do care that he doesn't help me with the kids! I quit making his breakfast and serving it to him in bed, he can bring his butt out here and eat with the family. Sometimes it feels like he is a bachelor with all the benefits of a married man. They are his kids, too, and he can take part in the responsibilities as well as the fun weekend stuff, darnit!!! We had a very long talk about this and were able to come to a compromise. He gets up at least two days during the school week to help me out. I know that you guys will be able to work something out that makes both of you happy! :7

Missy
 
My wife works days, I work 3rd shift. The sleeping patterns in our house have never affected family relationships.

We've never needed daycare.

Are there other issues than the sleep habits that are the undercurrent?

Dave
 
Everyone has a different biological clock. He's not doing it to piss you off, its just the way HE is wired - just like you're wired to get up early. You can only fight Mother Nature for so long and I don't think this would be the hill I'd be willing to die on. Someone earlier had a great suggestion of looking at early mornings as "your time." Good luck!
 
Thanks EVERYONE !
This has helped me ALOT !! Maybe I just needed to hear how other felt about this... Yes, maybe I should look at the idea that there is another reason this upsets me so much. I know some of it has to do with me thinking if he got up and got to his work earlier in the day, one he could make more money and second end his day sooner and be home more during the evening hours... I am very thankful for everyone who took time to respond and it really has helped. I have thought about all the suggestions all day long.
Thanks
Annette
 
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