HELP!! my 16 yr old daughter wants diet pills

E

espocomp

Member
I'm just glad that she asked me if she could take them instead of doing it behind my back. I am afraid if I don't allow her to try it that she will do it anyway. How should I aproach this? I have always set a good example by working out. I invite her to take walks with me and do videos but she never takes me up on it. And as many young girls think, she thinks this could be the easy way, or just a quick fix. She just finished a very rigorous field hockey season and unfortunatly gained weight because of goody bags that they brought eachother before the games full of candy and junk. I am so discouraged because we were talking all last winter about how staying active was going to get her back in shape. I try to tell her that diet and excercise go hand in hand but she eats anything she wants and sets no limits for herself. She is 5'7 1/2 and probobly about 150 she is beautiful and would probobly just need to lose about 15 lb. (The love handles are coming on) I would appreciate advice from anyone who has been through the same experience.
 
I don't have kids, but I would do everything in my power to prevent her from using pills. As you know, it doesn't ultimately work and it sends her the wrong message and could set her up for a lifetime of usage/false hope/weight gain, etc. I would do what you've been doing - trying to engage her in activity and healthy eating habits. Does she like to cook (do you)? Perhaps you could prepare healthy meals together (subscribe to Cooking Light or Eating Well - then plan to prepare recipes together). Or, sign up for a cooking class together that focuses on healthy eating. Clean out the junk food from your own home. The other thing that always works with kids - money. Pay her for every session she chooses to exercise with you. She may see the money, but you'll see the long-term benefit. Join a gym together? And be sure to make it all about her health, not image. Just keep her away from the pills!
 
well you said yourself she eat whatever she wants. those pills aren't going to make a different in losing weight. in fact they are bad for you heart,liver, and stomach. ask her if its worth dying to be thin? i have an aneorix sister and know all these little tricks from diet pills to laxatives. you are going to have to be stern and tell her if she feels uncomfortable about her self then she needs to make the change with NATURAL ways like diet and exercise. not even diet just watch portions and choose healthier options.

do some research, and search for sites of ppl that went this route. some are ill, some lost family members, some praise it, some don't. i personally don't b/c it about killed my sister and its even in research that pills are USELESS without diet and exercise. so whats they point in taking the risk if you still have to the old fashion stuff anyway.

http://www.geocities.com/hotsprings/5233/fraud.html


kassia



When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
It's great that she came to you first, so make sure to applaud her for that. I would try to take a positive approach to this: It's great that she sees an issue and she is trying to find ways to resolve it. Maybe you can challenge her to change her eating habits and exercise just a few times a week? Create an incentive somehow? Most importantly, let her knwo what those pills do to your body, that 15 pounds is not a lot to lose and that there is no such thing as a "quick fix." Even if she loses the weight, she may still be "flubby" from not doing it the right way.
 
Is 150 and 5-7 really overweight? She probably should be guided to weight lifting and working on firming up, and maybe advised on limiting junk food, and the biggie for teens, soda. I don't think she can possibly be that overweight at that height and weight.

A girl in my son's class(he is a senior), lost over 100 pounds. I asked her mother how she did it. The mother said the first thing she did was eliminate soda. By doing that only, she dropped 20 pounds. Our teens take a tremendous amount of calories in by drinking them!
The rest she had to work harder at cleaning up her diet, and she is now a runner.
 
Check out dove's website for their campaign for real beauty.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/dsef/temp2.asp?id=4187

They may have some useful ways to help. When I was a teenager and overweight, I wanted to go on a ski trip with the high school team. My dad agreed that they would pay for it as a weight loss "treat". I had to weigh in every week and I even put a poster of the ski resort on the pantry door as a reminder. I ended up losing the weight and kept it off for the rest of high school (college and a real job have set me WAY back). Through it all, I've never resorted to diet pills because as other's have said, they are just a "quick" fix. I'm working on lifestyle changes.

If she's serious about field hockey then I would approach it from a athletic point by discussing the benefits of weight training in the "off" season. The diet pills would most likely take away from her performance as an athlete.

HTH

Jeanette
 
Well, she will be coming home from school soon and I will have more to talk about thanks to your suggestions. I don't keep any junk food in the house, never soda. Kids find ways to get there hands on these things downtown, at school, friends houses etc. We have a family membership to the YMCA and I have asked her many times to take a class with me. She may very well just decide to try taking a pill anyway, regardless of what I say but I will keep being a positive influence. And in response to the question of whether or not she is overweight, I say that she cannot comfortably wear the close fitted clothes that she has always worn and it has affected the way she looks at herself. I would love for her to make better choices so that she can feel better about herself. Thanks for all of your help.
 
I really don't think 150 pounds is overweight for her height. I would just focus on being healthy and active, and not necessarily losing weight. Young girls are so susceptible to a lifetime of disordered eating behavior -- it only takes a little push to set them off. Love her and set a good example.
 
I don't have soda in my house either, but believe me, I know my kids are drinking it at school. As far as the clothes not fitting her anymore, hmmm.

My 12 year old daughter has "sprouted" the last 3 months. Drastically. In July, she was a stick straight size little girls slim 12. Last week she was invited to a swim party. She was locked in her room doing something and I knew something was up. She came out so I could check her math, and she finally blurted that her "blub" was hanging over. Now she is 5-2, about 105 and wears a size 3 juniors. I looked at her and asked her to explain the "blub" remark. Well, she was trying on the size slim 12 bikinis from last summer, and of course they made it look like "blub" was hanging over the bottoms, because they were not the proper size for her new figure. It so happened I had a cute bikini that my 20 year old niece had given me to give my daughter when she got big enough, and sure enough, she put that on, looked at herself and decided she was not "fat" after all. But she has also been motivated to do core work with me now!
 
Thought I'd weigh in as a psychologist who treats eating disorders. Excellent comments here, I'd just say to listen to your instincts. You don't want to advocate this, so don't. Yes, you cannot control what she does and she might ultimately try them. But at least this way you stick to your guns and if she's asking you about it, it suggests she does want to hear what you think.


You might say something to the effect that you cannot advocate diet pills because, from what you know, they are either unhealthy or ineffective and a waste of money. Speak with the health-oriented voice you've been using here, like saying that all research on weight loss has shown that permanent, healthy weight loss is the result of moderated eating and exercise, plain and simple. I think its also important to let her know that her weight for her height is actually healthy (I think her BMI is in the healthy range at her weight and height) - she may not realize this, and this lends support for your other healthy statements. Good luck, its a tricky situation!
 
Thank you so much for your helpful comments. Although my daughter disagreed with me about whether diet pills were harmful or not she let it go and ended up going to the YMCA with me last night for about 30 min. I asked her if we could do it more often and she agreed on her terms. It seems as though even if she had to disagree with me, she may have been listening and might try the better route. I will be going today to the nail salon to talk to the man who does her nails that helped put this idea in her head because he takes this pill that she wants. I am going to tell him to stick to giving advice about nails and not about what a sixteen yr. old girl puts into her body. I am going to tell him that whether he realizes it or not he has a great influence on a young girl and that if anything should happen to her as a result of taking diet pills he may be held somewhat accountable.
 
I never post on this board...just read...but wanted to suggest you relax about your daughter's body and food issues. Your anxiety about it could be making things worse. I don't know about others, but these types of things with my mother just became battles of the wills.

COuld you possibly take the approach that she is in fact a healthy weight? Maybe reinforcing with her that at her age it is more important to focus on developing her intellect and passions-not obsessed with her body size. IF she wants to eat healthier and exercise more, she will.

Could you possibly just suggest that if she wants to be healthier you'd be open to working out with her, but it's up to her to decide what is important?

I know with our daughters it is hard to sit back and watch them learn the hard way (i.e. if all I eat is candy and soda I get a body I'd prefer not to have) But when we step in and try and control and nag (we don't see it as nagging- but they do), it is counter productive.

She sounds like a pretty cool girl, I'd focus on praising the cool stuff she does do. Girls with great self esteem and areas of interest (i.e. hockey) usually find a way to make peace with food and body image. THey may struggle a little, but they work it out eventually. (Haven't a lot of the women on this board done just that?)

I worry myself as someone who exercises alot and is in pretty good shape, that I send a message to my teenage daughter that if she is "average" weight it isn't good enough. My decision to devote a lot of time to exercise and diet shouldn't be imposed on my daughter.
 
You know, I did not read this as the Mom being anxious about the body and food, but the pills, and it is good to go to the root, which is the nail guy. I think the diet pill route is a scary thing and Mom should step in.

If your daughter will work out with you, that is great. My daughter and I have actually gotten some good bonding in with the little 30 minute sessions sha and I are doing together a couple times a week. I show her different exercises that can help her strength and core, with and without weights and she plays CDs she likes while we do it. I think working out with our daughters can be a really good thing. I overheard her telling a friend on the phone about this great new move that was going to make her really strong. I have told her if she wants her friends to come over and work out with us, that would be fine too. I feel, as long as it is not done against their will, it is a good thing.
 
When she says her daughter who is 5'7 1/2 and 150 lbs needs to lose 15 pounds- I get concerned. There is nothing unhealthy about this weight.
 
Yes, and several of us voiced that the weight is ok. But also, the weight gain her daughter has was do to junky treats from hocky games. We all know that weight gained from junky treats looks really bad on a body, so even though the weight is probably ok for the height, it is possible that she is overfat. My husband is 170 and 5-11, not too high on the BMI and with a pant size of 32, not high there either, but he is overfat. His weight is soft weight. Perhaps the weight gained here is soft weight, and diet pills will definately not help that.

Also,it sounds like the girl has had a change in her weight recently, and SHE is reacting by wanting pills. I think encouraging the daughter to work out at the Y with her Mom is a good thing. Most teens would not go to the Y by themselves to work-out. Working out is a good way to deal with overfat brought on by bad eating habits(the junky treats), and working out also can get the teen thinking about what treats may be affecting the overfat(not overweight). Having a parent guide a teen, as long as the teen is asking for help, and it sounds like she is or she would have just taken the pills without mentioning it, is a good thing.
 
I would encourage her to lose weight using a sensible diet and exercise and explain that pills are unnecessary when one does that. There's no such thing as a quick fix and the best way is sensible eating and cardio and strength training. You know the benefits of exercise and here's the opportunity to offer all that good stuff to your daughter. Introduce her to the wit and wisdom right here in these forums and show her that the safe and effective way to get into shape does not need a diet pill. Whether or not 150 is right for her depends as much on her frame size and body type and it is helpful to take that into account and to set reasonable goals. Losing a pound a week, for instance, and eating enough calories not to be hungry which is never necessary to lose pounds. I would also encourage the two of you to use calculators to determine what weight is right for her and what is a reasonable amount of time in which to lose the desired amount of weight. If you can get a teenager to start on the path of fitness through a healthy lifestyle, the correct diet and workingout, that is a beautiful thing. Use http://www.fitday.com and http://www.dietitian.com/ibw/ibw.html to teach her how to meet goals while respecting her body. It could be something you do together. Good luck to you. Let her know you find the idea alarming and show her the way to do it properly. Create a plan with long and short term goals and have fun with it while bonding with your teenager. :)
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
Two years ago, when I was about your daughter's age, I was hospitalized for anorexia and nearly died. Although I never used, or considered using, diet pills, I turned to just not eating, which is just as bad, if not worse. The lack of nourishment really affected the way I felt, both physically and emotionally. When I was released from the hospital two months later, I was bound and determined to find a way to be healthy and happy. I turned to exercise and healthy eating. Although that seems ironic and like an eating disorder behavior (to some), I used these as a stress release and a natural way to feel whole. They filled a void in my life, and I am so thankful for that. Exercise and healthy eating make me feel strong and confident, and now, I cannot imagine living without that.

That said, you should be on alert for more eating disorder behaviors. Tell her that exercise and eating properly is the one and only way to find health and happiness. And put the emphasis on health, not on having the "perfect body", because that will just set you up for failure. If she wants to lose the weight (no more than 15 lbs., though), allow her to do it, but ONLY through healthy eating and moderate exercise. And don't just make it a quick fix. Foster a healthy lifestyle and lifelong freedom from unhealthy habits. Hope this helps!

Maria K.
Pullman, WA 99163
[email protected]
 
Check out this calculator for ideal wieight. http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm

At 5' 7", 150, your daughter is about 17 pounds heavier than the recommended or ideal weight for her height, although if she has a large frame, 150 could be more realistic for her. If her frame is smaller, she could very well be correct in wanting to pare down her weight. She most likely wants to do it in the easiest way possible and may see diet pills might seem a good way to make it easier. Think of the commercials on television which tout diet pills as a means of reducing weight and it's not too suprising that she has inquired about them. Even fitness magazines have ads for such products though to my mind they don't belong there. Encouraging her to use a healthy diet which includes occasional treats but consists mostly of lean proteins, good fats and complex carbs, in addition to exercise, may start her on a lifelong love of a fit lifestyle. Americans overconsume calories and underconsuming calories has been studied and is proven to increase longevity as long as nutrient requirements are met. If you look at the Okinawas, Sardinans and Seventh Day Adventists who have the longest life expectancies, they consume far fewer calories than most and that is much more desirable than the typical diet of the over fat. I would not be too worried although it could be a good idea to inquire into why she feels it's time to reduce her weight. If someone has called her fat, indeed, she could develop disordered thinking but most likely she just wants to slim down and 150 pounds for 5' 7" is toward the heavier end of the weight range for that height with 121 pounds being the low end and 136 pounds being the ideal. My 15 year old, who is slightly shorter than your daughter and a bit heavier, has shown an interest in losing weight. It's her age and the fact that both her parents are naturally slim and the bombardment of unrealistic media images of what women should look like. She skips breakfast and does not eat well at lunch, comes home starving and overeats. I have been eoncoraging her to change her eating habits and to use her bike more often. She is exercising more but her eating habits remain poor in spite of my guidance and nutrition is a hobby of mine. We are getting a family membership at the Y since my husband wants me to help him build muscle and I plan to use it to get both my teens working out. I am rather excited to make exercise a family affair and to extend my influence over a fit lifestyle into that arena since I am in control of the family diet and try to keep it well balanced and healthy. When they are "out there", I have no control and they often make poor choices but at home, they eat well. I hope someday my influence will cause them to feed themselves and perhaps my grandchildren ;)in the way I feed them now.

Your daughter is an athlete and I think you could get her working out with you and eating properly to slim down without diet pills. It would enhance her performance as an athlete. Diet pills have side effects whereas balanced diets and exericse done properly do not. :D It's wonderful she communicates with you and came to you for advice.

Here's a link to a page about teenagers and the dangers of diet pills:
http://www.1is2fat.com/teenagers_dangers_diet_pills.htm
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
I find it hard to understand why someone 5-7 and 16 should weigh 133 and someone 5-4 and 44 should weigh 134.

What does age have to do with this. I question this because all through high school I thought I needed to weigh 115 because of charts like this. Instead, if I got to 140 or below, I actually looked good because of my muscle mass. Still, I always felt like a failure. Now if I get below 140, I am too thin.

Even Weight Watchers have a graduated chart by age. Can someone tell me medically why?
 
oh i hate those stupid charts. if it were up to those things i would have to be 120 pounds. i don't think, so i like me the way i am, just shape up a bit but as far as needing to LOSE weight i don't think so. there would be nothing left me. everybody is so concerned with weight nobody thinks that muscle ways more than fat b/c its denser but it also "takes up" less space b/c its denser. makes sense to me.

kassia



When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
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