Help-Broken Heart

T

tygra

Cathlete
Hi All,

From my posts in the past, most of you know what happened and now it appears it is over. We are still in the house together until he can find a place but my emotions are all over - from mad, to very strong to extremely sad and mourning the memories. Today is a hard day. My Bday was Thurs and no plans were made with him, until later in the day he wanted to get together, but when I didn't call (was out at friend's house) he was mad and said again it's done.

How do I get past the hurt? How do I know that I want it over? How do you get past the failure feeling? The lonlness? i just wish the last 7 months had never happened. he really was, I thought, the love of my life and vice versa.

the pain is so very bad today. I haven't seen or heard from him since yesterday morning. said he was going to see his son in college, but i have no idea. He said is doesn't want to date the 'other' woman, but wouldn't show me where he told her it was over, nor would he go to counseling. she sent a text message to hm last Monday saying she had a dream about their hot passion and her socks were on. Called him snakeskin (nickname) and LOL. he said he had no idea why she'd send that other than she was trying to be with him. he says he doesn't want her at all. Her bday, he said, after telling me she was a lot like me, is apparently a few days after mine, so not sure if he's spending her bday with her?

I'm just feeling so defeated, so devasted today and very very sad.

:(
 
{{{{Jane}}}
I don't have much advice, just some virtual hugs.

Is there any way he can move out now? As long as you are living in the same house, your pain will be greater, IMO, and you won't be able to put this behind you and get on with your life, and heal.

Does he have friends or family he could stay with?

Do you?
 
Thanks, Kathryn.

No, he won't stay by his brother's or mom's as he knows they are upset with him. He is trying to not be here when I'm here. He also is out of a job, so he also has no $$ to get a place. We just purchased the house, the first for both of us, this past March - I don't want to leave, have a cat that moving is horrible on (as most know).

feels like I want him back, then why should I be treated this way, then mad, then sad. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. So much confusion.
 
OMG! I'm so sorry

Sorry to hear what you're going through and will be praying for you. It will be hard to get over him, trust me I know from personal experience, but time heals all wounds. Try to use this time to concentrate on you. Spend time hanging out with people who care about you. I'm sure your girlfriends won't let you down. Love can be the pitts. I don't even really know what else to say because I know what you're feeling all to well. The only thing that help me was time, and really meditating on what I really wanted from my next boyfriend. It was hard though because I found myself putting up a wall so I wouldn't get hurt again.

Hang in There
 
Hang in there. Sometimes the pain of breaking it off seems so great that it overshadows the pain of being in the relationship.

Try to be amongst your friends or even just out in public. Volunteer at a pet shelter, hospital, anything that will help get you surrounded by people.

It will be OK, tell yourself to smile because you have people around you that care about you.
 
Oh Jane HUGS to you! I feel your pain in your post and what you are going through. Hopefully you can get into a separate living situation soon which will help you get on with your healing process.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Jo
 
Jane,

I know what you are going through. I do. I've been through it twice in my life. There is no easy way from the hurt. It is, however wiser if one of you or both of you move ASAP. In fact, right now! Emotions are so high at this stage of the game that anything can happen, even physical pain. No matter how much it hurts and you don't care about life without him, try to get some energy deep inside you and get out.

Once you separated, you can start to heal. It won't seem like you are healing though, there are stages that you go through when it comes to grieving. But at least the process has begun. Always Remember this: Things have a way of changing, emotions are not the same, even memories are different when you give it some time. It's painful at first, but things do get better and you have a better sense to understand them.

I know it is hurting like you have never felt before, but it will ease in time. Give that a chance and don't hurt yourself over this. It's important you understand this. Go through this horrible experience and come out a better stronger person with much more knowledge in the near future. You will survive this.

The days will seem so long and you'll forget to take care of yourself, but please continue to eat and sleep at least. Exercise helps so very much and so does the Vitamin B's.

Let us know how things are going, and vent here anytime you want.
(((((hug)))))

Janie
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Jane,

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I think Kathryn gave you very good advice. It seems that would not be an option. A friend of mine has been going through a similar experience. Not the infidelity, but just not getting along. A neighbor took her husband in and things are going much better for her.

I know the hurt runs SOOOO deep. Of course, you have mixed feelings. There is a part of you that wants to take him back, because you want what you had with him before. One has to realize that that will not be able to happen. The thought of him betraying you with another woman is the worst kind of abuse. IMHO.

You need to keep your head held high and get out of the past and focus on your future. Even though right now, you cannot imagine a future without him.

I will pray for you to have strength and perseverance.

Cheryl
 
Jane,
I have nothing to contribute to ease your pain but please know that I will pray for you. Sending you many virtual hugs!!
Booboo
 
Jane, I am so sorry. I wish I could erase all the pain I know you'll be feeling for a while but I can't. I'll be thinking good thoughts on your behalf and saying prayers because I know how it feels. What I will say is this: once you're ready to get out there don't do as I did and pine for what you had. Don't keep rehashing what went wrong when it no longer makes sense. Try to move forward with an open heart and don't judge all men by the actions of one. I look back on my last breakup (you don't want to know how long ago THAT was) and kick myself for all the time I wasted being so afraid to love again. Even now, I look with wonder at women who grab the bull by the horns and say que sera as they get back out there and risk it all for love again. When you're ready, be THAT woman instead, okay?
 
Jane,

I could forgive infidelity -whether it was purely emotional or physical or both. Whether it was a reaction to a rough patch in the relationship with me or just being captivated by someone new, would not matter. But only in the face of genuine remorse and regret at the damage he caused to the relationship with me and a sincere willingness to let go of the other person. Continuing to let the other woman contact him does not strike me as being sensitive to your feelings or genuinely comprehending the magnitude of his betrayal. I dont necessarily think he should prove to you by showing the message he used to cut her out...but if he genuinely ends it with her you will know. It is easy enough to become inaccessible to a person if he wants to. Changing mobile number if she refuses to accept when he tells her it is over is simple to do, for instance.

I say this because you still feel confused about him. Unless he is truly over her, genuinely determined not to hurt you again, you are setting yourself up for extended unhappiness.

He may still genuinely care for you, but if he cant draw on that love to stop staying in touch with the other woman, or if he feels guilty about "abandoning" her, then he is unwilling to make the relationship with you the priority.

You deserve exclusive love from someone that you are willing to give exclusive love to. You deserve a relationship where you are his priority if you are willing to make him your priority. You deserve that he will make a sincere effort if you are willing to do the same to make the relationship work. If he is unwilling to go the distance in making a break with the other woman, the real, long-term loss in my opinion is his. It is unfortunate that you will go through the pain too.

Hugs to you.

You will be in my thoughts...I will be wishing you will find peace and happiness.
 
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Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts, prayers and excellent advice. I am hitting the workouts very hard, so that's a good thing. I have to take one day at a time I guess, although, as many of you know, those can be some very long days.

thanks for all of you to help me pass these long days - and Cathe's workouts to take some time as well.
 
I'm sorry you are going through this. But you probably are mourning what you once had. I am a firm believer that cheating is intolerable. Its a total disregard for your relationship and your feelings.

I just got the book "He's just not that into you" and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it. There is a whole chapter on if a guy cheats. It can help one see with eyes wide open and gain your confidence back. You need to stop all communication and just move on to bigger and better things.

Happiness is waiting for you when you are done grieving. Grab it with both hands sweetie!
 
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