Grief recovery for animals ... question

M

MarlaGaz

Cathlete
I hope you don't mind if I continue this topic. I just would like your suggestions/ideas/experience about helping an animal through grief.

I'm trying to help Maeve as much as possible, and I'm finding that helping her also helps me. I'm grieving for my loss of Hunter and for hers, too. It's very difficult.

I'm taking her on many walks and outings to places that are fun for her, like walks in the woods, and to the pet store to pick out her own treats. I'm also considering signing her and I up for some kind of training class. I'm wondering if that might be something she'd like, and possibly get her focus elsewhere.

Maeve is 5 and hasn't had any "official" training. Is it still possible to enroll her in some kind of class (with me, of course). I thought it might help her if she and I had something we could do together like that, but I didn't know if that was only for very young dogs.

Any ideas?

Thanks.
 
I LOVE that idea! You can certainly can take an older dog to training classes (and you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!). I see adult dogs in the Petsmart training classes all the time. I say go for it, you'll both have fun. :)
 
I think anything that gets her out and having fun will help her. By taking her to a training class, you'll get her socializing with other dogs. Dogs are pack-animals and are not meant to be alone. I think it's wonderful that you spend so much time with her.

Are you considering getting another dog when you've had time to heal? I wonder if it would help Maeve if she was involved in deciding who the new family member will be?

Your dogs are and were very fortunate to have a mom that cares so deeply for them.

And yes...I do think Maeve can benefit from "official" training. They are never really too old.
 
Hi Marla,

I think training classes (good training classes) are great for dogs. I've taken both of my dogs to them, my Boston Terrier went twice, one when she was 3 and again when she was 7, and both were beneficial.

Maybe you talk to one of the trainers about some fun stuff that you and Maeve could do together, like agility, fly-ball, tracking, etc.
 
Our local animal shelter allows prospective "parents" (and volunteers) to take dogs out in an enclosure to play and socialize. Many times, when people already have a dog and are looking for another one, they bring their dog along to see how the two get along. If you have a shelter that does the same, you could take Maeve for some play dates. Who knows, maybe you'd find a dog who clicks with her, and you'd end up having a permanent companion for her!
 
Hi Marla - I only have one dog at a time and I have found with all of them especially my current honey, Montana, that socializing with other dogs is the best thing for her. We have a park in our city that is "pure heaven" for dogs. They are supposed to be leashed, but it's not enforced at all. Dogs of all sizes and ages run around and socialize together. Anytime I go, there are always a big group of dogs to play with. I also have a network in my neighborhood. Neighbor dogs come over regularly to play and we help each other out by letting one another's dogs out if we are not home for an extended period of time, walking each other's dogs, etc. We all have keys to each other's homes and trust each other implicitly. Socializing has made my dog a better pet and she is alway tired at night. HTH

Mar
 
By the way, feel free to continue this topic as long as you need to.

The place where I had my dog trained has classes for adult dogs and also has "open" times where you can bring your dog to play with other dogs (kind of like group playdates). I would think that this would be pretty widely available, you can check with your vet.

Not knowing your lifestyle or other circumstances, here are a couple of other things to consider: 1) Get Maeve involved in Canine Agility. There should be a kennel near you that does training. There are competitions around and I hear it's a blast for both the dogs and the owners. 2) a much longer training commitment but still an idea is to have Maeve trained as an official Therapy Dog (I know she's already yours). I believe she would have to take Adult obedience as well as AKC Canine Good Citizen training and I don't know what you do from there. If you decided to pursue it, you could bring her to hospitals, nursing homes, etc. I have seriously considered doing this with my dog but right now, I don't have the time to do the training. Check out www.akc.org for more info. One more thing that a friend of mine does is that she belongs to the local breed rescue (in this case Golden Retriever) and she "fosters" dogs until they can be placed into carefully screened homes. This might be a good thing to do until you are ready to get another dog or when you are ready, you could adopt a dog from one of these organizations if that is what you should choose.

I hope some of this is helpful to you. Grief follows its own path and timetable, there are no "shoulds". Some losses you never get over but time helps you put them in perspective. I know this from my own experience.

Be well,
--Lois

"Don't forget to breathe!"
 
Wow! These are all fantastic ideas and I'm actually feeling excited about the possibilities.

I'm definitely going to look into all your great ideas. Maeve can be pretty jealous about getting her attention from me, so (for now) group playdates might be just perfect for her. She could hang out with the "pack" and have a great time and then come home and be spoiled by me. :)

I'm definitely going to find a fun training class for her and I (and an obedience class, too -- she loves to pull the leash). This is ALL great stuff.

We're not sure about getting a second dog yet. Right at this moment I'm not sure if it would help Maeve or make her feel worse (because she can be really jealous). I want her to know she's treasured. I just don't want to add to her sadness.

On the other hand, I don't want her to be alone when we go out. Right now I'm going to find some fun classes for her and I, and I know if another dog is destined to join our family, that dog will show up in our lives and we'll know what to do.

Thank you all a MILLION times for helping me. You've comforted me and given me clarity.

Blessings to every one of you. :)
 
Sounds like a good plan. I'd suggest looking for a positive trainer in your area, maybe a clicker trainer. If you can't find one, I'm on about 5 dog lists and might be able to help out.

Colleen
 
Hi Colleen,

I know absolutely nothing about dog training options. Any guidance you can give me would be so helpful. What is clicker training? Are there other positive training methods? What should I stay away from?

Thanks so much. :)
 
Stay away from any trainer who uses negative reinforcement. I don't know any trainer around here who uses it but some trainers are definitely sterner than others. I have heard good things about clicker training although my dog was not trained that way. I have gotten a lot of info on akc.org, I also found that "Dog Training for Dummies" was pretty useful. I loved working with my dog when she was a puppy. It was our bonding experience.

--Lois

"Don't forget to breathe!"
 
Clicker training (c/t) is how they train dolphins. Basically you teach the dog that the click means they did "it" right and they get a treat. You don't jerk or pull the dog into positions. You get them to figure it out or you can lure them. I prefer getting them to figure it out. For example, I do agility and wanted to teach my dog the dog walk. I started with a short plank. My criteria was to get her to put her feet on the board. I put the board down, she sniffed, I c/t. Then she investigated closer and put a foot on c/t. I did that a few times, then I waited until she put 2 feet on. Then moved to 4 feet on. I practiced c/t by teaching all my dogs to nose touch a big duffle bag. Basically it is like the game hot/cold. You encouarge the dog by c/t. Some people also lure with food and then c/t.

Here is a good link that explains it better:

http://www.clickandtreat.com/Newbies/newbies.html

For training something like a sit, you could hang out with her with your clicker and treats. Wait for her to sit, wham c/t and give her the food. It won't take her long to figure out that the click means she did the right thing.


Colleen
 
Do try agility training. My dog absolutely loves it and you will get a little workout as well. And you don't have to go as far as doing the competitions. There are many people (like me) who go to the classes just to learn, have fun, and let the dogs socialize a little. If your dog knows the basic 'sit', 'stay', 'come' commands you shouldn't have any problems. In agility, I found that more training was needed for the humans than with the dogs!
 
Hi TK,

Thanks for your great suggestion. Maeve is a very devoted and obedient dog -- her only vice is that she pulls a little on the leash. She comes to me when I call her, sits, stays, etc.

I think she would love the agility training, and so would I. I'm really looking for something fun for her and I to do together, and aksi to give her some socialization after the loss of her "big brother," Hunter.

Thanks. :)
 
Marla, You are a great MOM !! Your dog is lucky to have you. You are dealing with this well .what a great exsample for your children too Hugs to you ,please dont stop posting about this topic ,its such a great support system for all topics.:) :)
 
My Lab pulls on her leash as well. It is her only vice. She's better than she used to be but still pulls somewhat when on leash. I think she just gets excited but I have not been able to train her out of this habit. Someone told me "it's a Lab thing". Actually, my friend's Lab pulls as well.

--Lois

"Don't forget to breathe!"
 
Nah, not a lab thing any dog will do it unless they know better. The longer they do it, the harder it might be too break. Think of all the guide dog labs that don't pull. You could try a couple of different methods:

1. Be a tree. Sometimes succesful, sometimes not. When she pulls, stop. Then take a step forward. If she pulls, stop....and so on and so on.

2. Penalty yards. When she pulls back up until she stops. Then go forward, keep repeating.

3. Teach her heel by luring or with a clicker.

Colleen
 
I second the idea of agility training. I have 2 wire fox terriers, one is 8 and one is 9 and they have both been in agility classes. My 9 year old female ( kelsey), just got her first Agiltiy AKC title this past weekend at our dog club;s agility trial. We have some great pictures of members dogs doing agility on our club site:

www.wltc4dogtraining.com

Your dog will feel much closer to you, have something to look forward to and will hopefully help her get through this grief period.

My thoughts are with you and your family.
 
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