former smokers

S

sbigelow

Cathlete
Hello,

I have a question for all those smokers out there who have successfully quit this awful habit. My husband is 41 and has been smoking since he was 13. He smokes about a pack a day. What is the best way to approach a smoker about quitting. He says all of the "nagging" will not make him quit- when he makes that decision about quitting than he will quit. He has tried to quit in the past but was not successful. It just bothers me to see him killing himself and any suggestions I make he kind of brushes aside. I know its a VERY hard habit to break but he doesn't seem to want to try even though he says he want to quit. Should I just take a backseat and just wait until he makes that decision to quit if he ever does??

Thank you

Sarah
 
Hi Sarah,

I am an ex-smoker, I gave up 6 years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my first child - I gave up on the spot. I went from 20-30 cigarettes a day to zero, and it was hell, I had morning sickness as well as cold turkey symptons. But I had always said previously that I would need a very good reason to quit, I had tried before but only managed to give up for 4 hours. I could think of no better reason, than carrying my unborn child.
I think for any one wanting to quit smoking, they have to want to do it, and can only do it when they decide. It is a horrible thing to give up.

Good Luck Sarah !

Anna :)
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Nov-21-02 AT 09:14AM (Est)[/font][p]Hi

I quit when I was 21 which is 14 years ago after smoking for 10 years the main reason was religious rather than health. My dad quit when he was in his 60's about 10 years ago.

I just went cold turkey smoked a pack of 20 one evening and never again I found praying and keeping myself occupied when the craving for a cig hit really helped me, and getting away from situations and people who encouraged me to smoked.

Nagging doesn't actually help, it tends to make people continue my neighbour is suffering from lung cancer and is still smoking his wife is still nagging him to give up and he is about to start chemo.

I would suggest visiting his doctor to get some idea of what its out there and what might work for him, there is a helpline in the UK is there one in the US? this could really help him talking to others.

Then I know it is hard but take a back sit encourage support and applaud but this is something he has to do for himself.

Babs
 
Hi Sarah,

Just to add, I don't know how anyone can afford to smoke these days now ? A pack of 20 Marlboro Lights in the UK retails at around £4.75p (about $7s), and when DH and I visited New York, we were surprised to see how much they cost, the US is not much cheaper than the UK ! Yet in Europe, at the holiday resorts you can buy ciggies dirt cheap £1-£2 a pack (About $3-$4s) !
Maybe telling DH that the Porsche he has always wanted might not be such a distant dream if he gave up the cigarettes ! :7

Anna :)
 
Hi Sarah:I quit about 8 years ago.I tried quitting about 4 times before I finally quit for good.I went to smoking cessation classes and also started the nicotine patch.Your husband has to do it for himself,nagging won't help.I'd take him to a long term facility and have him talk to some of the people with respiratory problems from years of smoking.Some can't even go back and forth to the bathroom without their oxygen concentrators.Their lung capacity is so compromised that they are constantly sick with pneumonia and other respiratory infections.I hope he decides to quit for his own sake.Good Luck.~Linda~
 
Sarah,

As an ex-smoker, I have to say you do have to just sit back & wait him out. NAGGING WILL GET YOU NOWHERE BUT IN THE DOG HOUSE! We smokers are very defensive about our habbit. I loved a cigarette with coffee, after a meal & with a cocktail & while decorating cakes. I cannot make a cake without having a nicotine fit. Don't ask why, I couldn't explain it, I just do. My husband quit cold turkey the day before we got married. I continued until I got pregnant a few months later, quit for 2 years & started up again like I had never quit. The more he nagged, the more I smoked.

I know it's hard to watch him potentially smoke himself to death but if he was a smoker when you met, you have to remember you loved him enough to marry a smoker. You can't make a leopard change his spots.

Good luck.
Deborah

I'm ready to take the next step! http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/a_smil09.gif
 
Hi Sarah,

It is so hard to quit smoking, and your husband has to be totally committed to doing so. It has to be his idea, because it is a mental, as well as physical addiction. I have not smoked for 10 years, and I still think about it. Every single woman in my family has died at the age of 52. My mother was still smoking while dying of lung cancer, despite knowing that those stupid things had killed her, she still could not stop. My motivation is my kids and husband. I remind myself that I want to be here to be old with my husband, and to see my future grandchildren. The same motivation I use to exercise. You're in a tough spot. You can be supportive, but, ultimately, only he can make that choice. It's like us and Cathe. Only we can decide to get our butts off the couch and do it every day. I have heard good things about the pill they are using for smoking cessation. Would he consider trying that? Best of luck to you.
Dawn
 
UGH!!!
I understand. I am a former smoker myself. This July 5 was my 7 year anniversary (yahoo!). How I ever smoked in the first place, well, it is beyone my comprehension now.
your husband, IMHO, is right. You can't make a person do anything they are not mentally ready to do on their own. I tried quitting many times. Then for awhile I quit quitting smoking, and just resigned myself to a life as a smoker, knowing it would do me in. Then, I just did it. I set a stop day for myself, right after I was on vacation with my husband, a nonsmoker (who never nagged me about it, what a saint, don't know how he put up with me) where I smoked like a chimney, letting myself get nice and sick of it (I know, don;t try this at home). Well, when I quit, I quit. That was it. After 12 1/2 years of smoking (which was half my life at the time-yup I started young-family of smokers). It changed my life and set a healthy chain of events in motion for me. I am so glad I quit. I was so addicted, and just as bad as the addiction is the loneliness and low self-esteem you feel for yourself. Try to be supportive of your guy. Let him know that you are there for him. I hope he is open to the idea of quitting, though. Is he just intensely frustrated? Is he open to taking non-smoking drugs, programs, etc? I guess I'm curious if he is just frustrated and wanting to quit, or if he is just totally not emotionally available regarding the subject. Just a thought, but gosh, I hope he doesn't smoke in the house. Also if you have kids, poor kids. My mom smoked when I was a kid and I always felt like I was competing with her cigarettes for attention. Can you believe that?!?! It's true.
Anyway, best of luck with this. It's a hard situation!!
Kathy
 
I smoked for 15 years and quit 5 years ago. I knew it was time to quit and was working up to it when I met my DH. He asked me to quit and I told him I would, but found myself sneaking all the time. Finally he caught me. It broke the trust we had between us and darn near ruined our relationship. He had been trying to give me the benefit of the doubt but finally issued and ultimatum. I quit on the spot that day and have never looked back.

But I think the important thing is that even though he issued an ultimatum, I quit for myself. I realized that I loved this man far more than I loved smoking. It was much easier to throw away a pack of cigarettes than to throw away the best thing that ever happened to me. And it had been time for a long time.

I think the important thing to remember is that he can only quit when he is ready. Nagging him will only create a resentful situation. I would sit and talk to him and explain that you are concerned for his health. That you want to share a long and happy life together. That you want him to be there for you and your family for many years. That it would mean a lot to you if he quit and that you would be there to help him every step of the way.

Is he open to patches, medication, therapy? Hypnosis is also an option that a lot of people use. Frankly I personally think that cold turkey is best, but not all people are strong enough to do that.

I hope this helps and good luck!!!
 
Hello everyone,

Thanks for all of your great advice. He does smoke outside because thats is one thing I can't tolerate in the house since we do have young children. Since he is an airline pilot he can't take that pill because of the possible side effects. I do know that he does want to quit and he says he has a date in mind so I know I just need to remain supportive and pray that he eventually gives up this habit. Thanks for all of your wonderful input. Everyone on this forum is so supportive and understanding.

One stupid question - what does DH stand for when referring to your husbands? I know-it's a stupid question but I have always wondered what this stands for.

Thanks

Sarah
 
Hi Sarah;
I used to be a flight attendant, so let me just say he is already not smoking for a long time. Hours and hours at a time. If he really wants to, he can do it. But, for him, I'm sure smoking helps with stress relief, messed up sleep patterns, you know all the crap associated with it. I believe your hubby smokes for the relaxation, since he can't have a drink. He has such a high stress job. You also have a right to be concerned, but, alas, it is his decision. I think when he makes the decision himself that will just be it. Good Luck!
Dawn
 
Hi Sarah,

I quit smoking cold turkey 4 years ago. It was tough. DH and I quit at the same time - happy newlyweds we were not! Unfortunately, nagging did make it worse for me, and it probably does for a lot of people. It is an addiction, and is not something that is easy to give up for most people. I still think about it once in a while now, but then I remind myself of the first few weeks after quiting, and I DON'T want to go there again. For some people shock therapy can nudge them in to kicking the habit - i.e. taking them to the cancer ward. For me now, the biggest issue is how when you smoke you are not just hurting yourself, but those who are around you when you smoke. Others are motivated by money - when we both quit, the money we saved covered our car payment! And cigarettes were cheaper then! Keep in mind too that some people are worried that they will gain weight when they quit. Assure him of your full support. Don't give up on him, and do your best to let him know you understand that it really is difficult, but not impossible. When it comes down to it, when he's committed to quiting, he'll quit. Sadly, it won't happen before this. Try to subtly tell him how much his smoking hurts you. Maybe that will provide incentive. Hang in there,

Beth

PS Any of you other ex-smokers appologize to your non-smoking family and friends for smoking in their homes? I did big time to my parents. When you're smoking, you really have no idea how stinky you are! :)

Our attitudes control our lives. - Tom Blandi
 
Hi Beth,

I don't often think about smoking (only that I am glad I quit), but I do have a recurring monthly dream where I carry around with me a pack of 20, and smoke them to my hearts content, and then I wake up in the morning ! :7

Anna :)
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Nov-21-02 AT 03:09PM (Est)[/font][p]Hey Anna,

You crack me up! I love that I quit too, but every once in a while I'll get a whiff of someone's cig and it smells heavenly (for about 5 seconds!) :D

Beth

Our attitudes control our lives. - Tom Blandi
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Nov-21-02 AT 04:12PM (Est)[/font][p]I smoked for about 9 years, on and off and quit when I got pregnant in 1984. I will repeat that nagging does no good at all. It is just irritating. It does no good for smokers, eaters, slobs, basically it is just something you learn to tune out.

But, here's a practical tip for quitting when he wants to which helped me: A smoker knows there are "essential" and "optional" cigarettes. Many times you smoke a mindless habitual cigarette that you don't really "need". Get rid of those first. Then you'll find you're only smoking the ones that if you don't smoke them, you'll go insane. I got down from a pack and a half a day to 7 cigarettes a day instantly using this method. Then, over a week I got down to 5. I found that this was as low as I could go, but obviously my blood nicotine must have been lower than it had been at 30 a day!

So, then I went cold turkey. I avoided situations that were triggers (alcohol, social events). I drank a lot of water, took extra vitamins, went for walks, took a shower, chewed gum. It took about a year before I never ever wanted a cigarette. Now I can't believe I ever liked them.

You might want to tell him about the "essential cigarettes only" method. Hope it helps.
 
Hi Sarah. I am really embarrassed to say I have smoked off and on since I was 13, despite also having been an athlete since then too. I still occasionally have a lapse and have a smoke here and there. BUT my Pepe is dying of lung cancer and I just got back from visiting with him in New England....I have decided that I have to, for those that love me, not ever smoke even one cig ever again. The pain the family, and he, is going through.....it breaks my heart.
I guess each of us is different as to motivation. I am glad my fiance hates smoking. He has this really awesome way of nagging without nagging. When I "fall off the BBQ" as we call it, he will give me a hug and say something like "honey, I wish smoking was healthy, I do. I just love you so much it would kill me to loose you to those cigs baby." He never says anything nasty.
For me, when I quit this last time my daily habit was only 4 or so cigs a day. What I did was take a soda straw, and cut it down to the size of cig. THen I would suck on it and blow out the air just like a smoke- close my eyes and pretend. I'd do it at habitual times...coffee, after lunch, and at night (or anytime I drank booze) my big "habitual smoke times." It looks silly, but my friends and coworkers were very supportive and the "going through the motions" worked for me because it was more a mental thing than a physical one. Hopefully your husband will be successful, but remember it might take him a few times. I will send out a prayer for him. :)
 
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