Feeling Guilty

martijean1

martijean1

Cathlete
Ok ladies...I don't know how to start this...I recently left the work field to be a stay at home mom and am going STIR CRAZY!!! My boyfriend and I have 3 teenage girls (13, 14 and 16) and we made this decision as a family, but I can't help feeling as if I stay home doing nothing all day...I clean, do laundry, make dinner...Yes, there are times that I help at the stores (dollar store, sporting goods stores and a tanning salon), but can't help this "I'm not doing anything" feeling...Am I being whiney?

MJ in MN
 
....not sure what to say....

im a sahm to 3 girls....i love it

you most definetly arent doing nothing! this is a full-time, often thankless, job. any sahm worth her salt is BUSY!

your dds are quite a bit older than mine...what about some sort of hobby? any classses you can take?
 
I know how you feel

My kids are also teenagers (DS14 and DD 12) and although I stayed home before they were in school, I could never do it now.

I work part time, which is the perfect balance for me. My work hours are very flexible and I get home around 3:30, just when they get home from school and need to be driven somewhere!!
 
Mostly stay at home Mom

Hey when I switched over I was really depressed. I had gone from doing big presentations on my research and being called all the time for my valuable opinion to changing 5 poopy diapers before 11 in the morning. I was really not sure that I was doing the right thing. But to keep my sanity I work part time. Now the job I have lets me mostly control my hours when I want to work. I feel like I m still contributing to the dollars and I get to be there when my kids need me. It keeps my sanity. Even if you could do volunteer stuff for a few hours each week it would give you something outside the home to call your own.
Just a thought
Heather
 
Staying home isn't for everyone, but give it time to see how it goes for you. Summer is coming up and they will be around the house more. Personally, I love it. My boys are almost 8 and 10 and we homeschool, so there's lots of running and activities, but I'm basically in total control of my life! Something I never was when I was working. When you are home during the day and getting all those things done, instead of getting them done around your work schedule, you'll find you have far more time and energy to be present for your family when they are home.
 
After brainstorming for all of, well, 20 minutes, I think there's a solution that's easier than I thought...We're in the middle of aquiring a building and moving one of our sporting goods stores (higher visibility, more sq footage) this month for a mid-summer opening (will be adding a tanning salon there as well)...Since my DD goes to school in that town (our DD's are in 2 different districts), in theory, I could work 10-3 at that store?? Would get me back in the "real world" and STILL be home when the girls aren't in school...Also, after doing the math, if I put in 20-25 hours a week, the building payment is "free"...Ran this by my guy and this was his response..."Honey, instead of driving 15 minutes up, 15 minutes back, then 15 minutes up again, why don't we put a shower in the basement so you have less running to do?" His thought? Drop DD off at school (8 am) go to the store, workout (the basement of the new store is "new", but not salesfloor worthy, no windows), take a shower and open the store at 10...Hmmm...Have a month to ponder this...

MJ in MN
 
I have the guilt feeling at times too. Mostly due to the $$ issue. And once in a while you get the person who snarls there nose at you when you tell them you don't work outside of the home. Like your a total dumb ass or something. And let me tell ya - that part of it is coming home to roost for many people and many here in Michigan where I live. I know of 3 female engineers who are doing what I do now.

I have one son who is turning 14 tomorrow and I told my DH that now would NOT be a good time to work. I fear the steering of this ship called high school.

That being said I did have a part time job at a health club 5 minutes from my home and that worked out great. Now I have been laid off. These are the times.

I agree with the above poster - look into some new things for you. I am going to drive to Detroit to take a Bikram yoga class. I have been wanting to do it for months. It will be 1.5 hours drive but what the heck!

And I have purged my home and having a garage sale on Thursday.

Good Luck with your decision . . .
 
baylian said:
I have the guilt feeling at times too. Mostly due to the $$ issue. And once in a while you get the person who snarls there nose at you when you tell them you don't work outside of the home. Like your a total dumb ass or something. And let me tell ya - that part of it is coming home to roost for many people and many here in Michigan where I live. I know of 3 female engineers who are doing what I do now.
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And then there are those who think someone is a bad mother because they choose to work and have children. I'm amazed, and saddened, at how judgmental mothers can be toward one another.
 
Beavs said:
And then there are those who think someone is a bad mother because they choose to work and have children. I'm amazed, and saddened, at how judgmental mothers can be toward one another.
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You are so right!! Until you walk in another's shoes you have no place to judge. Either way, working out of the home or a sahm, i's not an easy choice!
I work out of my home yet I am still able to get stuff done around the house at the same time. I don't know how you women who work outside the home 40 + hrs do it!! Hats off to us all!!! :D
 
I did the sahm thing and LOVED it. I babysat out of my home for extra money. My boys are young, but in school full time. I WISH I could find more flexible hours. It is a pain to wake them up so early to bring them to their babysitters, then have to pick them up. I wish I could work out of the home, but I haven't had any luck in that area. Even if I could be home by 3pm to get them off the bus would make a huge difference for us. THey love it when I get out work early which doesn't happen often.

Either way is tough! I agree, hats off to all of us. :)
 
chefkate said:
you most definetly arent doing nothing! this is a full-time, often thankless, job. any sahm worth her salt is BUSY!
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ITA! I love the quote, "Every mother is a working mother" When I decided to stay home with my twins - I have never worked so hard in my life. Being a good mom is the toughest job on Earth whether you stay home or not! Now, I teach a few exercise classes...and, they do NOT feel like work. And, I get thanked! ha

Being a good mother is very difficult - no matter what you choose. Make sure you take time for yourself. Keep yourself in your day because it is easy to get lost in doing everything for the kids.
 
Beavs said:
And then there are those who think someone is a bad mother because they choose to work and have children. I'm amazed, and saddened, at how judgmental mothers can be toward one another.
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I agree! We are all in this motherhood-thing together! We must support each other for our OWN personal choice. Some of my friends are better mothers because they also work outside the home, and some of us are better for working in the home. We all do what works!
Oh yeah...and, my mother taught me that MOTHERHOOD=GUILT! ha ha ha LOL!
 
Beavs said:
I'm amazed, and saddened, at how judgmental mothers can be toward one another.
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This has always bothered me too. We all make our own decisions that work for our family situations, and when we hurt each other, we hurt all of us.

To the OP, it sounds like you've found a good idea to try. You might want to wait until school ends to see what the summer is like before deciding. Otherwise, another idea would be volunteer work, maybe at the kids' schools, or another local organization. My kids are younger than yours, but soon I will find myself with more time on my hands. I've always had an idea in the back of my mind to volunteer with one of those organizations that teaches computer skills to Seniors, or maybe do something at my local library.
 
megadoo said:
Either way is tough! I agree, hats off to all of us. :)
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I hear you all! Being a stay at home is so not easy and neither is going to work. It is a choice that each individual has to make. It is funny to me how keeping house, and raising kids can seem like no big deal to the outsider looking in. When I leave my husband home with the kids for a few hours he freaks out. I work from home and have huge flexibility with my job but I don't know how full time mom's do it. By the way just my 2 cents worth. It almost seems like the older kids get the more they need that parental influence.
 
I think what's needed here is a thread about great at-home jobs for sahm's... and the rest of us!

I don't have kids and think if I did I'd love to be a sahm. But my mom was a sahm up until I was in about the fourth or fifth grade and I swear she about went nuts - and nearly took us all with her.

Seriously, a part-time job sounds like a good deal (some interaction with the outside world, for better or worse) but I'd love to hear suggestions for at-home jobs. That sounds even better.
 
SirenSongWoman said:
Seriously, a part-time job sounds like a good deal (some interaction with the outside world, for better or worse) but I'd love to hear suggestions for at-home jobs. That sounds even better.
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I've worked from home for the past 4 years and it isn't really all that great. You need super duper discipline to get things done. You're always on call for everything at least I am and the worst of it is that it does get kinda lonely sometimes. I'm already anti social enough as it is but not having anyone to talk to while at work does get a little depressing. I do love that I don't have to dress up in work clothes but I do feel frumpy sometimes. I have a very respectable closet full of buisness clothing that has collected a whole lotta dust. The best thing about working part time from home is being able to be there for my kids and always having time for my workouts.
 
Has anyone read the stay at home moms book by Laura Schlesigner (spell?) It was really good, it helped me in my struggle with staying at home with my 2 boys 4 & 6. I also teach a few classes each week.
 
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