Empty Nest....

S

susieq

Cathlete
My youngest just graduated and I thought I had it all under control. Well, I am just incredibly sad now. I have been mentally kicking myself saying "Hey, your kids are healthy and happy, get over it!" But it hasn't seemed to help. I guess I'm greiving my life as I've known it for the last 21 years. I loved doing things for their classes and going to all the school activities. There are so many things to do at home that I haven't had time for the last several years, but I am so not interested in those things right now.

Any one else have the same experience? Any advice?

Thanks,
Susan
 
I don't have the exact same experience but I can relate as I recently sent my oldest off into the world. I think it is normal with a major life change like this to have a period of sadness. I have several friends who have gone through exactly what you are going through and they have all said the same thing - they are sad for a few weeks and then slowly they find themselves again, adjust to the new reality and move on from the sadness into a new happy.

I try to look at it like this - you are moving on to a new exciting stage of life. Your relationship with your children will be different but different could be very good!! As they grow and mature and have children of their own your relationship has the opportunity to become much more rich then it ever has before.

So I guess my advice would be to take a few days to be sad and then start pulling yourself out of it. Take a class, join a book club, volunteer for a worthy cause, hire a personal trainer - something just for you. I bet you'll start seeing things differently. Good luck, keep us posted on how you are doing! :)
 
I totally agree with Lisa. Take your time to grieve: a chapter of your life is closing and a new one is beginning. Melancholy is a natural reaction. You sound like someone who needs to be needed, or at least, likes to be needed. You might try finding alternative activities you can do in your community that give you the same sense of purpose as helping out at the children's schools gave you. Some voluntary work involving hospitals, literacy programs, meals on wheels, whatever. It could also be a very good time to turn the focus upon yourself: what do you want this new chapter of your life to look like? What is going on with your career? Are there employment possibilities that you have kept on hold for a while until the mothering let up that you could now dedicate yourself to?

Do some research, ask around about possibilities in the community and just arm yourself with information. Then you can pore over it all and make decisions later.

But for now, there's nothing wrong with being in your sadness and experiencing those feelings for what they are. Dwell in them, process them, and gradually move beyond them, but at your own time.

Clare
 
Thank you so much!

Clare & Lisa,
Your words have given me hope. I think what I needed to hear the most is that it's OK to grieve. I will take all your ideas to heart. I know there are so many ways to help other people. Right now I need to process the end of one stage that I truly loved.

Thank you again for your kind words!

Susan
 
Hi Susan,

I agree with Clare and Lisa as far as allowing yourself to grieve. But mostly, I just wanted to send you a great big (((((((((HUG))))))))))!!!

Pam
 
Susan,

Allow me to grieve with you. My youngest just graduated college two weeks ago and got married last Friday. She and hubby are moving 1500 miles away next month for jobs. The other daughter lives 2000 miles away. We were packing up her room on Monday and after they left, the room literally echoed.

I was very good until they left and then I started crying......I think the advice you have received is good. I will try to take it to heart as well but this week I grieve. I loved being mom. I am still mom, but it is different now.

((hugs))
 
Lori Ann

(((major hugs to you)))! That must be so hard for you as a mom! Please allow yourself to grieve, you have reason to. It may sound silly to some, but it is a loss. My kids are still close by, in fact 18 year old baby is still at home. That may really sound silly that I'm sad even though he's still home. But part of my life has come to an end. I changed my calendar at work on June 1. May was full, June had nothing. Thankfully my boss was gone and I cried like a baby. But I know what you are going through is much harder!

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Take Care,
Susan
 
I feel the same way

and my 23 year old still lives at home. My 17 year old will graduate at the end of this month and attend a local university. However, I still fell this emptiness inside. Part of this is my own fault because I became a stay at home mom15 years ago. So, now I don't have a job and even though I have a masters, the field I was in has changed so much that I would have to go back to school! Anyway, I guess we just have to roll with the changes.
 
Jackie....

I totally uderstand your empty feeling. I started back to work part time when my kids were in Jr High. I have a flexible schedule which was so perfect when they were involved in so many things. I am so thankful I was able to do all the things I did. My friends that worked too far away to be at the school for certain things appreciated that I could be there for their kids also. Even though there is an emptiness now, I would not have changed a thing. The Garth Brook's song "The Dance" has been coming to mind. I am not enjoying this heartache, but we had some really fun times. There will be even better times ahead!

Susan
 
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