dysfunctional family ???

ldy_solana said:
i have a few relatives that are controlling, condescending, and pretty much verbally abusive. there are other issues but these are the what is causing problems with my family. pretty much they belittle my ability as a parent and overturn everything i say. they talk down to me and always pull a guilt trip if i don't drop everything in the world to solve their problems or help them out.

i am avoiding them as they don't even deserve a word from me as to why i don't want to be around them. i know at some point i have to confront the issues but a confrontation is not always the answer(as my therapist said its not about the other person its what and how we change for US). many live out of state so its not a huge issue.

the same is with my dh's family. its hard b/c we are raised to love family and to stand by family but when family is part of the problem with abuse of any kind, you have to let that toxic relationship go.

sorry you have to deal with this but sometimes there is little we can do unless the other party is willing compromise with help.

kassia
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Thanks Kassia, your right with having to let the toxic relationships go. I am happy they live in other states, we moved about 4 yrs ago and have nobody here. But it's better than who we had there. - Autumn
 
Autum, I'm a Christian too and I don't think God would want you beating yourself up about this. You can still love and forgive your family. I have forgiven mine but you can't control the screwed up things that they do. You can pray that they make the right decision and trust that God will do the rest. It aint up to us. Focus on your own family or others out there that want and need your help. Hang in there.
 
I love this Quote!....by Maya Angelou

"When People Show You Who They Are.....Believe Them!... The First Time!
 
janie1234 said:
Autum, I'm a Christian too and I don't think God would want you beating yourself up about this. You can still love and forgive your family. I have forgiven mine but you can't control the screwed up things that they do. You can pray that they make the right decision and trust that God will do the rest. It aint up to us. Focus on your own family or others out there that want and need your help. Hang in there.
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Thanks for saying that. I'll hang in there.
btw, love your quotes!
Autumn
 
Yep. My parents had to cut my Dad's sister out and my Mom's brother, both were black hole alcoholics, they absorb all of the energy around them. I cut out my child hood abuser even though I forgave him because hearing his voice induces flashbacks and I'm a mess for weeks. So, there is no positive aspect in seeing/hearing from him.

I do have a mentally ill brother with borderline autism (high functioning, would fool you into thinking he was normal, but nope not so much.) I have had to learn to accept that he is not really the age that his birth certificate is no matter how smart he is with language or computers. I hope that someday he can keep a normal job. But, in the meantime I count my blessings, he bathes himself, feeds himself, can drive, is nice (most of the time.) The problems are like he was an 8 year old, doesn't pick up after himself, forgets to set the alarm or won't take his meds on time (the meds were his idea, no body forced them.) So, with him its just annoyance but not enough to cut him out.

I guess my point is that some things you accept and some things you just don't. Its ok Autumn, everybody has family like this.
 
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