Don't you think we should laugh at our disfunctionality<---?

FourAM

FourAM

Cathlete
When I was in 7th grade my mom went totally nuts. I mean certifiable! We live in a small town so even if everyone did not know your name they sort of knew the situation.
So my brother and I had a coping mechanism that kicked in. Kind of weird because we did not discuss it. The next week, when we returned to school, we made a big joke of it...with all the details. The funny parts were in the details. A week in a kids life sometimes seems like a lifetime and we easily made light of a situation that just a week earlier seemed like the end of our lives as we knew it.
Of course I thought mine was the only family that was this screwed up and that no one would ever be able to relate. That was when the term "disfunctional family" was gaining such popularity. If only then did I know that no one lives in a perfect world and that disfunction is what made me what I am today. I did not grasp the total reality of this until I met my DH and learned there are so many different forms of disfunction that it is not possible to not be exposed to it in some way...but it is so ridiculous sometimes that if you can not laugh about it I don't think you can survive it.

Sorry if this is heavy...it was really not meant to be that way.
Rachel
 
Laughing is a coping mechanism to get you through the day....but I've learned that many a laugh masks tears...and rage....and its good to come to that point and face the grief and rage....you are human and deserve to exorcise those feelings, what you went through was NOT funny, it was tragic, and I hope there were loving people around to nurture your through that time.....

What wonderful kids you were to cope with such bravery,insight and intelligence....go back in time somehow and hug yourselves and tell those kids that it is going to be all right.
 
My family uses humor as a coping mechanism. Sometimes we have to be careful and not cross that invisible line of what's appropriate, but most of the time, it works well.

*Warning: Do not click on my links if you are easily offended. I certainly do not want to upset anyone. :)

An example of my family's warped collective mind: My Christmas gift this year. (from my SIL)

More horrible examples from above mentioned Christmas gift.

I'm ashamed to say that we howled with laughter for a good hour. It was easy to laugh then though. Everyone was happy and healthy.

There's one page with a picture of an adorable puppy that says, "It's Malignant." Isn't that awful? Yet when we recently had that very diagnosis about a month ago, I found myself pausing and thinking, "Hmm...should I or shouldn't I...maybe not..." Believe me, it's not that I don't respect the gravity of the situation. I do. But for a brief moment there, my instinct was to search for some humor. Anything to lighten the mood a bit.

I hope all is well with your mom. <3
 
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Lori - It might make me a warped person, but I laughed out loud when I clicked on your links.

Every family has some form of dysfunction. I also come from a family that uses humor (plenty of tasteless humor) to deal with the worst of times, though I think we eventually get to a place where we can face the hard emotions head on...if that makes sense.
 
You peeps are a rip! I have to get some on those postcards. My favorite is the dachshund "I'm into weird sh!t"
 
One of my nieces has already sent out a few postcards. One woman missed the big message on the front (a bunny with "I used to be a man"), saw the reference to the title "Grandma's Dead" on the other side, actually thought my niece's MIL had died, and figured this was the way she decided to tell people. :eek: As if the postcard itself wasn't funny enough.

Some more favorites:

"Those pants make your a$$ look fat."
"Grandpa left you nothing."
"You're bad in bed."
"Mom found your stash."
 
Rachel,

Your post sort of saddens me, if that makes sense. It seems to me you are looking back at your childhood and still trying to make sense of it. It is as if you are still wanting others to look at your life and say it is normal or somewhat normal so that you can come to peace with your childhood.

Well, this is my 2 cents.....I think ALL mothers at some point go "off the deep end" because being a Mother is the toughest job in the world. So if your Mom went off nutso for a brief period and all of your other memories of her are good, well, then forgive and forget.

I think a misconception we have is that our parents are supposed to be perfect, but they aren't. They are just older versions of ourselves. And aren't we are just trying to figure it all out?

Again, just my 2 cents. If you have a good relationship with your mother now, just let it go, if you can.
 
I got a good laugh out of those postcards too.

Our family also uses a lot of wit in difficult situations. For example when my father went into assisted living because of his dementia he would continually ask me where I lived. For most of my adult life we lived miles apart and it was confusing for him to see me so often. Finally one day I said "I live real close but just far enough away so you can't walk over there!" He thought that was hilarious and stopped asking me. However as others said humor can also be used to avoid dealing with difficult feelings. I guess what I'm trying to say is that laughter is good but it also good to be able to talk about things without the jokes too.
 
Worknprogress said:
Rachel,
It is as if you are still wanting others to look at your life and say it is normal or somewhat normal so that you can come to peace with your childhood.
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I took Rachel's post to mean that it took some time to realize there is no "normal" as she had envisioned as a child (as many of us did as children). I think feeling "different" is one of the worst feelings a child can have. I guess as someone who used to have a grandmother with issues, I found the post poignant in my own way.
 
I took your post more as a comment on how humor helps us cope than as being a dysfunctional family. I had to tell you about my hilarious sister and her incredibly sad situation and how she's handling it. Earlier this month she was in the hospital with cancer issues and was told she had only had a few weeks to live. She looked at the doctor and her husband and said "well, if that's the case, I'm not doing laundry anymore." (her least favorite chore). They all just laughed.

She's my hero. :)
 
darli ann said:
I took your post more as a comment on how humor helps us cope than as being a dysfunctional family. I had to tell you about my hilarious sister and her incredibly sad situation and how she's handling it. Earlier this month she was in the hospital with cancer issues and was told she had only had a few weeks to live. She looked at the doctor and her husband and said "well, if that's the case, I'm not doing laundry anymore." (her least favorite chore). They all just laughed.

She's my hero. :)
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Wow..what a wonderful attitude! Your sister is amazing!!

I also took the OP to be a comment on how humor helps in very stressful situations. We are currently dealing with my father's dementia. It's been extremely hard but laughter is helping us cope.
 
Those postcards are a scream. I may have to get me some. :D

I love this topic. Personally I think the only way to get through life with sanity intact is to be able to laugh at our foibles. I think it would be boring if my family were so perfect and everyone got along and no one ever did anything wacky. Of course, no one wants drunken brawls at the family reunion, but a little crazy keeps things chugging along, IMO.
 
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