Does she have a drinking problem?

[run4funmom]

Help, I think my mother-in-law has a drinking problem. Her moods are so up & down & she always has a beer in her hand or a glass of pop or coffee (assume there is something else w/it). She is always trying to start a fight w/her own son & I can't stand to be around her. She can't remember anything from one moment to the next & when its pointed out to her that she was there or said that, she gets really short & upset. I've expressed my concern to my husband but he doesn't think she has a drinking problem. He admits that something is wrong with her but doesn't feel that's it. I've tried to find info on how to tell if someone has a drinking problem but haven't found anything helpful. She is very unapproachable so the sit down & answer these questions bit isn't going to fly w/her, so how do I tell for sure. I'm so put off by her behavior I don't even like taking my son over to see her or even have her around him. Could this behavior be caused by something else? Any advise would be great.
Crystal

 

[Kathy02]

Are you sure that there is always something in the pop or coffee? she could possibly have the begining stages of Alzhimers, or dimentia. Those two would cause the loss of memory and the mood swings as well.
If you're sure that she is always drinking, your best bet, whether she likes it or not is to have the family sit down and talk to her. It's not easy, never is. But, it's what is recommended by AA, I believe.
Good luck.

Kathy

 

[materialsgirl]

I am thinking along the same lines as Kathy - it sounds more like dementia than a drinking problem. She probably needs to be evaulated by a mental health professional.

 

[Poochy]

sounds like someone w/a drinking problem .. but I am sure she would be staggering .. or slurring words if it was all alcohol .. someone who is drunk all the time will pick fights, and be moody, and unreasonable, and eventually get so bad that it may become physical .. so be careful.

It could be that she is suffering with depression .. and the alcohol intensifies the depression.

Also .. depending on her health .. medications could cause some of those behaivors .. then combining meds w/alcohol could make her angry .. and moody

.. as the others stated it could be the first stages of dementia . . or Alzheimers ..

Or it could be a combination of all of the above ..

I know what it is like to confront someone like that .. it is not going to be an easy thing to do .. and if it is alcohol .. I am sure she is in denial .. and until she realizes there is a problem nothing will change.

I know how frustrating this must be ... {{[ hugs }}}

 

[CollinsMom]

Let me preface my answer my saying that the field of work I am in is human services/criminal justice dealing with people who have had some sort of LEGAL problem with alcohol or drugs [usually DUI or DUID] and it is my job to refer them to a treatment program.

The forgetfulness could be due to a substance abuse problem. It could also be a mental health problem, or some combination of the two.

She would need to be diagnosed by a professional in the SA / counseling field, and she may not willingly do that.

Sitting her down with concerned family friends is a good place to start. I also recommend AA [for you AND her].

 

[cjbate]

Could be Bipolar, or depression. Often "they" can self medicate with alcohol. That is what I think of when I read your message.

Good luck. That is a tough situation.
Jen

 

[JeanneMarie]

Please don't decide if someone has a drinking problem by whether they slur words or stagger. Many, many alcoholics can very easily hold down full time jobs and socialize with friends or family without the obvious signs of being drunk.

The best sign that someone has a problem with alcohol is when their behavior negatively affects those around them. If your MIL's actions are causing problems in the family, or hurting those close to her, then she has a problem. It's not about how many drinks she takes, or how often she takes a drink, it's about how that alcohol affects her behavior and by association her personal relationships.

Alcoholism is a disease and she can be helped. I must say, however, she must recognize herself that there is a problem and want to get help. You can't "talk" to her and change a thing. Good luck.

 

[midwestchick]

My MIL is an alcoholic - not sure if she fully believes it, but I think my DH is coming around. MIL thinks her husband is but that she is fine - all the attention is on him because he can't control his alcohol as well as her. He's been hospitalized for pancreatic/liver problems several times, gotten DUI's, and the like. So, the attention has been on him and his "drinking problem" yet she continues to drink. Healthy atmosphere for him, huh?

I agree with what another poster said - they do not have to stagger and slur to be an alcoholic. My MIL is what I'd consider to be a "functional" alcoholic. Holds down a full-time job and functions on a daily basis, she just starts sipping booze by early afternoon into the evening. I've even found hidden cups of whiskey in her medicine cabinet while we visit and she'll put ice cubes in her white wine to make it look like water or sprite. When she has had too much, she'll slur and get kind of mean - will start arguments, get in your face.

I'm glad mine lives 3 hours away. It's terribly sad that she's driven a wedge between herself and her family because of alcohol. Her grandchildren hardly know her and her sons only visit out of obligation. It's very heartbreaking what alcohol can do to people.

But, as another poster said, they have to realize there is a problem before they will accept any help.

Good luck. I'm not saying alcohol is your MIL problem, I just read certain things that reminded me of my MIL.

 

[lederr]

She needs to go get a neurological evaluation done first, as well as a full physical. If she is drinking, it could be to self-medicate in trying to deal with something (depression, old age, etc.). Don't jump to conclusions yet. Just ask that she get a proper physical assessment. A psychiatric consult might also help to determine if there is a mental health issue.

Lorie

 

[beckymd]

Don't forget that alcoholism, in addition to its acute effects of dulled mentation, can cause long-term brain dysfunction (often related to vitamin deficiencies). Wernicke-Korsakoff's is the main one that comes to mind.

I think she just needs to see a primary care physician. If she needs specialty, care they can refer her out to the proper doc (psych for mental disorders/ substance abuse) or neurology (for actual brain pathology)

Becky