Does divorce = Suing?

crazystepr

crazystepr

Cathlete
So, I just talked to my Dad, who after being married to my Mom for 36 years is in the beginning stages of a divorce because she "doesn't want to be married to him anymore". 'Nuff said.

He and I were joking about what losers he and I both are because I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years who I lived with and my dad's wife, (my Mommy)--sorry, I feel like a little kid right now--I just want to snuggle with my parents like I did when I was little-- well, basically left him. (Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom to pieces, but she's a little out of touch with reality right now). Part of the joke was that my Dad said "Hey, Allie, at least your wife isn't suing you." I said, no she's not, Dad. Mom's *divorcing* you. He said it's the same thing. Is it? It's bad enough to live with the fact that they're divorcing but if my mom was the one who served my dad with papers is she technically suing him?

God, it's been a rough day. I'm really strugglng. Not only have I lost my SO but any and all friends I had were his. I have no one now. And I'm struggling with my relationship with my Mom so I can't even turn to her.

Is my dad really being sued by my mom?

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
Yes Allison, a divorce is actually a law suit, where one party sues another for divorce. In Ohio (and in many states) there is also a legal proceding called a dissolution where the parties petition the court to dissolve the marriage. A dissolution is a legal proceding, but a divorce is actually a law suit.

(And when I used to so domestic relations work it drove me nuts to hear people refer to a dissolution as a "disillusionment". I always tried to explain that perhaps they became "disillusioned" with their spouse and that's why they needed a "dissolution" of the marriage.)

Hang in there baby girl. And FWIW, neither you nor pops is a loser. WE ALL KNOW BETTER THAN THAT! Hugs

Lorrie

www.picturetrail.com/lsass
 
Hi Allison,

My mom left my dad just before their 35th anniversary. I also felt that my mom was "a little out of touch with reality" - it was like she completely changed her personality. She just wasn't the same person she was before she left my dad. I didn't mind that she left my dad, but it was the way she did it. She was very sneaky and manipulative and completely broke his heart. He was so stunned and let her take everything when they split up. I hope that things go better for your dad. Mine was left with nothing.

Take care. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Erica
 
>Hi Allison,
>
>My mom left my dad just before their 35th anniversary. I also
>felt that my mom was "a little out of touch with reality" - it
>was like she completely changed her personality. She just
>wasn't the same person she was before she left my dad. I
>didn't mind that she left my dad, but it was the way she did
>it. She was very sneaky and manipulative and completely broke
>his heart. He was so stunned and let her take everything when
>they split up. I hope that things go better for your dad.
>Mine was left with nothing.
>
>Take care. I'm sorry that you are going through this.
>
>Erica

Oh, Erica, you just wrote everything I'm going through. My poor Dad. He and my mom created everything together but he made the money while she stayed home with me and my six siblings. They both gave up their lives for us. But now my Mom wants out and in is entitled to half of the money my Dad made in the past 40 years. It's so unfair. Yes, she is entitled to it, but all of my dad's money is in the businesses that he owns. He'll have to liquidate everything to pay her and I'm sure sell the huge house they built together 6 years ago which he absolutely adores (and she hates). My dad is so heartbroken. I don't know what to do. My mom is seeing another man now. But she went about all of this completely wrong. She has been sneaky, manipulative, and deceiving. My poor Dad. My poor parents. Everything I know is gone. I still remember them dancing together every night in the living room of our old house. Not a day went by that I didn't hear my Dad tell my Mom how beautiful she was at least 8 or 9 times. And a day never went by that my dad never told my mom how much he loved her and how he'd do anything for her. There's much more to the dissolution of this marriage than I'm aware of, I'm sure. Both parties are at fault. But my Mom is the one who actually left and moved out. And it wasn't under good circumstances--especially concerning me. It's so sad. I want to go back 10 years and see them together again. I feel so sorry for myself, my siblings, and most of all, for my parents (especially my dad). He is still in shock. He told me today on the phone that he still calls her daily just to hear her voice. Oh my god, I'm bawling like a baby right now. I have to go.

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
Ooooooo Allison-Hugs to you. I can feel your pain in your post. Try and call a friend. It is always nice to talk with a friend.

Joanne
 
Oh, Allison, sending you big {{{HUGS}}} right now! I'm so sorry that you and your dad have to go through this! Please know that you have loads of friends here, and we're all here for you!:)
 
I am so sorry that you are going through this Allison! It totally breaks my heart reading your posts. I can't even imagine!!! Plan to get a big hug in July!
 
Oh, Allison. I'm actually sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your post.

I can understand that people have to get divorced sometimes. But why can't they be respectful of the other? They raised a family together. Why be deceptive and conniving? Just because you fall out of love with someone doesn't mean you have to treat them disrespectfully.

I'm so sorry for what your Dad is going through. And you. And your Mom.
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} :( :(
 
More HUGS to you Allison.

Sad, very sad.

I hope you and you Dad are OK and can get through this together.

Such a hard position for you to be in . . . time heals all.
 
Oh, Allie, darlin', I'm so sorry. What a crappy thing for you and your dad to have to go through. Be good to each other:) I'm saving up lots and lots of hugs for you in July!
 
Allison, your post just breaks my heart in two. It's actually quite personal for me as my dear sister just went through a divorce after 30 years of marriage. She has twin boys about your age who are devastated. It hurts so much to see the people you love in pain, and of course, we ALL love you. Please be kind to yourself, my dear, and know that we are here for you.
 
So sorry you're hurting Allison. I've been there...my parents divorced when I was 18, and it was pretty one-sided just like in your parents' situation. It is so hard for everyone involved. Hang in there. We're all sending hugs and healing vibes your way!
 
Wow - our situations are really similar.

My mom also left my dad for another man - someone she met on the internet. My parents did not have a good marriage and I didn't blame her for leaving, it was the way she did it. My father worked so hard during their marriage and sacrificed so much for my mother's happiness. He adored her and said she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He deserved better treatment from her. After she left, they sold their condo which my dad loved and my mother hated. They've been separated for over eight years, my mother is on her third boyfriend that I know of (it could be more), but my dad still calls her his wife and loves her. They didn't divorce because my mother wants my father's pension if he dies first. My father holds on to that legal connection and feels that they are a married couple. He just can't let go and will never get over this.

I'm sorry that you are in so much pain over this. I know how hard it is to see a parent hurt and betrayed. Feel free to email me if you want to talk - [email protected]

Take care.

Erica
 
Oh my goodness, thank you all so much. Your words are so touching. To know anyone's out there thinking of me and understanding my pain means more than you know. Every single post I read here made me cry. I love you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
Hi Allison,

I am sorry for what you,your dad and your siblings are going through. At least your dad and you have each other to lean on. Take care of each other.

With lots of hugs and a big tissue box,

Penny
 
I too am sorry to hear of this. I can't imagine how you must feel.

I send much strength and comfort to you, your dad and the rest of your family. <3
 
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