WantFit
Cathlete
I need some help and advice for this matter.
My husband's family has no written rule that all family members have to be together on all holidays and weekends. I tried my best to go to weekend gethering. My MIL started preparing food Saturday, sometimes even Friday night for the gethering. We will get together (his sister, her husband and 3 teenager kids, my husband, me and my two kids, his brother) eat "lunchdinner" (since their rule is eat after 2:00pm, anywhere between 2:00 - 5:00pm depends on when all members arrived), then women help out cleaning, men and kids either watching TV or sleeping in the coutchs. I am not happy about this schedule because first, we are busy during the week days. When weekend comes, there are so much to take care in the house. Go to this gethering, we basically could do nothing on Sunday. Second, I am not used to their eating time. I am hungry by 12:00pm, but can not eat until after 2:00pm, then there is no dinner since we come home around 7:00pm, sometimes even later. 3rd, the gether does not serve its purpose from my point of view. Women works, and guys sleeping or watching TV, all in basement. Nothing appears to me that they are communicating. If just go to my in law's house watching TV and sleeping, I would rather do it at home. At least I can choose TV program I like to see (they always watche Simpson's, I don't think it's appropriate for my 7 year old daughter). Most of time, after I helped cleaning, I just sat in the table chair for the day turned to dark. There is not enough couches to sit, and the bed upstairs is in really bad shape. I don't think everyone likes this tradition, but since my in law like it, we have to keep coming back every Sunday...
Then they have this rule that we all need to take a week, or at least some days to live in a less than 800 square foot summer house my father in law bought more than 30 years ago. Nothing really being updated in the house. We have to drive at least 5 hours if we are lucky there is no traffic. By the time we were there, we were all tired. But we have to work to get everything ready for use including making the beds. Now with my husband and his sister married, and have kids, his brother was engaged, there is not enough space for sleeping or doing anything. We all squeezed in several bunker beds or fultons that are all in bad shape. The snoring is just annoying. I could not sleep at all. Then bathroom issue, there is only one bathroom. My experience there is clean, cook, eat, clean...there is no time to enjoy, relax. The day driving back home was exhausted, too. Get up in the moring, all women help cleaning floor, furniture and packing...then long drive. Last year, since I just had my son, we did have excuse not to go. Of course that excuse was not good enough since my mother in law said my sister in law brought her new born baby there and kept him sleeping in the shoe box:-(
Now time comes, last night my husband insisted that we should spend a week there with his family. I just could not do it no more. I am almost 40 years old. I am no longer a teenager that can sleep in any corner. I have a demanding job during the week. I can't imagine how I could survive one week with no sleep and good eating (btw, they all eat non heathly stuff, lot of fried food, cheese, bacon... you name it)My husband said I don't need to do the house chores, just watching our son. And I knew exactly what it felt like. In April we went to water park for a mini vacation. We brought my mother in law with us. We stayed in hotel (thank God). But we lived in a suite. During the day, my husband took my daughter playing in the water park, my MIL also enjoyed herself there. I was the one staying and babysitting my son. April was still cold here. We had to stay in door water park. I was sitting there either too hot or too cold. 2 days without any sleep. My son is very rigid with his routine. He normally sleeps around 7 - 7:30pm, with all lights and sounds out. When we were at the hotel suite, by 7:00pm, I was ready to pass out with my son. But my in law was not ready. She wanted to watch TV or read the paper. My son did not want to go into playpen with lights and sounds on. I ended up holding him and rocking him more than an hour until my MIL finally decided to go to hot tub, leaving the room...Then the snoring... I told him, vacation to me is relax and rest. I did not want "babysitting" all the time again. He had a huge problem with that. He said as a mother, how could I not want to babysit our son. I told him there was no good place to sleep in the summer house. He said I could bring the tent and sleep in the tent;( I understand this house is very sentiment to him. His dad bought it and they spent every summer there. His dad passed away 3 years ago. But my point is I did not mean to forget his dad. The house could no longer serve its purpose at its original state. All his brother and sister grew up. All has family and children now. How could you expect the same tiny house with one bathroom to hold 11 people. Strong family link should not just based on the form. If they don't really want to know or understand what's going on in each member's life, just being together physically doesn't mean a close knit family. But he did not agree. He said he would compromise by just staying there 4 days instead of whole week. I don't really want to drain myself in such a vacation. He said I complained too much...We had a fight last night over this...His sistered called last night asking us which date we will go because she need to schedule the same date to go with us.
Am I wrong not going to this family vacation? How could I persuade him that I did not mean dislike his family, but I really need rest with my fulltime job and 2 kids (one is just over 12 mos)?
Sorry for bothering your time. Thanks for letting me venting...
WantFit
My husband's family has no written rule that all family members have to be together on all holidays and weekends. I tried my best to go to weekend gethering. My MIL started preparing food Saturday, sometimes even Friday night for the gethering. We will get together (his sister, her husband and 3 teenager kids, my husband, me and my two kids, his brother) eat "lunchdinner" (since their rule is eat after 2:00pm, anywhere between 2:00 - 5:00pm depends on when all members arrived), then women help out cleaning, men and kids either watching TV or sleeping in the coutchs. I am not happy about this schedule because first, we are busy during the week days. When weekend comes, there are so much to take care in the house. Go to this gethering, we basically could do nothing on Sunday. Second, I am not used to their eating time. I am hungry by 12:00pm, but can not eat until after 2:00pm, then there is no dinner since we come home around 7:00pm, sometimes even later. 3rd, the gether does not serve its purpose from my point of view. Women works, and guys sleeping or watching TV, all in basement. Nothing appears to me that they are communicating. If just go to my in law's house watching TV and sleeping, I would rather do it at home. At least I can choose TV program I like to see (they always watche Simpson's, I don't think it's appropriate for my 7 year old daughter). Most of time, after I helped cleaning, I just sat in the table chair for the day turned to dark. There is not enough couches to sit, and the bed upstairs is in really bad shape. I don't think everyone likes this tradition, but since my in law like it, we have to keep coming back every Sunday...
Then they have this rule that we all need to take a week, or at least some days to live in a less than 800 square foot summer house my father in law bought more than 30 years ago. Nothing really being updated in the house. We have to drive at least 5 hours if we are lucky there is no traffic. By the time we were there, we were all tired. But we have to work to get everything ready for use including making the beds. Now with my husband and his sister married, and have kids, his brother was engaged, there is not enough space for sleeping or doing anything. We all squeezed in several bunker beds or fultons that are all in bad shape. The snoring is just annoying. I could not sleep at all. Then bathroom issue, there is only one bathroom. My experience there is clean, cook, eat, clean...there is no time to enjoy, relax. The day driving back home was exhausted, too. Get up in the moring, all women help cleaning floor, furniture and packing...then long drive. Last year, since I just had my son, we did have excuse not to go. Of course that excuse was not good enough since my mother in law said my sister in law brought her new born baby there and kept him sleeping in the shoe box:-(
Now time comes, last night my husband insisted that we should spend a week there with his family. I just could not do it no more. I am almost 40 years old. I am no longer a teenager that can sleep in any corner. I have a demanding job during the week. I can't imagine how I could survive one week with no sleep and good eating (btw, they all eat non heathly stuff, lot of fried food, cheese, bacon... you name it)My husband said I don't need to do the house chores, just watching our son. And I knew exactly what it felt like. In April we went to water park for a mini vacation. We brought my mother in law with us. We stayed in hotel (thank God). But we lived in a suite. During the day, my husband took my daughter playing in the water park, my MIL also enjoyed herself there. I was the one staying and babysitting my son. April was still cold here. We had to stay in door water park. I was sitting there either too hot or too cold. 2 days without any sleep. My son is very rigid with his routine. He normally sleeps around 7 - 7:30pm, with all lights and sounds out. When we were at the hotel suite, by 7:00pm, I was ready to pass out with my son. But my in law was not ready. She wanted to watch TV or read the paper. My son did not want to go into playpen with lights and sounds on. I ended up holding him and rocking him more than an hour until my MIL finally decided to go to hot tub, leaving the room...Then the snoring... I told him, vacation to me is relax and rest. I did not want "babysitting" all the time again. He had a huge problem with that. He said as a mother, how could I not want to babysit our son. I told him there was no good place to sleep in the summer house. He said I could bring the tent and sleep in the tent;( I understand this house is very sentiment to him. His dad bought it and they spent every summer there. His dad passed away 3 years ago. But my point is I did not mean to forget his dad. The house could no longer serve its purpose at its original state. All his brother and sister grew up. All has family and children now. How could you expect the same tiny house with one bathroom to hold 11 people. Strong family link should not just based on the form. If they don't really want to know or understand what's going on in each member's life, just being together physically doesn't mean a close knit family. But he did not agree. He said he would compromise by just staying there 4 days instead of whole week. I don't really want to drain myself in such a vacation. He said I complained too much...We had a fight last night over this...His sistered called last night asking us which date we will go because she need to schedule the same date to go with us.
Am I wrong not going to this family vacation? How could I persuade him that I did not mean dislike his family, but I really need rest with my fulltime job and 2 kids (one is just over 12 mos)?
Sorry for bothering your time. Thanks for letting me venting...
WantFit
