Disturbing what would you do?

[janie1234]

Long story short, . my kids take fencing lessons. There is a teen who works for the community center sweet, great kid he checks in people and stuff. I usually hang out and talk to him when my kids are taking their lessons. So this creepy and I mean creey guy walks over to the teen kid and starts making a pass at him. Really inapropriate stuff he was probably in his late 50's. At first I didn't think anything of it, . .because he works for the community center too and I thought that they knew each other. He was even taking pictures of the kids and the teen kid he also works for the community center. I thought for some community flier. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it. My guts are telling me that the man is a kid predator who is stalking young boys. I spoke to the director this morning to report it but I think I should report it to the police. What do you think?

 

[maddiesmum]

Since you have reported this already to the manager of the club, I think it is now his or her responsibility. I would check with him/her next time you are there or via telephone in a couple of days and see whether he/she has followed up on your report/concern or not. You do not want to be accusing random citizens of unlawful acts and there may be more going on than you are aware of.

Clare

 

[Ivy]

In my opinion, if your gut says something is wrong, you should report it to the police as well. Atleast then you know you covered both areas and you feel better.

 

[syzygy314]

Is there any way to check the list of convicted sexual predators in your area? You may want to see if this man is on it. I believe most communities post names and pictures. I know they put fliers out at every household when one moves into the area, but there's got to be a list. You could call to check on that and if they ask why you're inquiring, you could let them know what you saw and heard.

 

[pjlippert]

VERY creepy!! I believe that our guts are most often right and trying to tell us something. Is there by any chance a Security person at the community center?? If not, I would find out first if the manager has done anything about it. If not, I believe it's best to talk to a police officer and get his/her take ont he matter. You may very well be saving a child's life (only in the worst case, of course). Let's just pray it's not the case.

Pam

 

[kathryn]

Why not ask the kid about it, to see if he knows the guy or if he felt uncomfortable about it?

 

[janie1234]

Why not ask the kid about it, to see if he knows the guy or if he felt uncomfortable about it?

Thanks everyone, . . . . this happened all when I was sitting right next to the teen talking to the him. The creepy guy just interrupted our conversation. Then when the creepy guy left and the teen said "umm what the heck was that?" I asked him "Do you know him?" The teen said "No! I was just trying to be nice!" The teen was so freaked out because the creepy guy felt up his leg, . .which I did not see or know till right after the creepy guy left. Remember we live in a very small town and this teen is so innocent and very sweet. I feel like a crapy person because I knew the creepy guys intentions when he started asking the teen if he had a girlfriend but because he worked there I thought that they knew each other and I did nothing. I didn't know till after he left. The worst of it was when the creepy guy left he stood up and had an erection and was patting his front down. I'm so disturbed and I'm angry because the poor teen felt so violated but I didn't know. I felt like I didn't protect him and I should have. As a mom I should have.

I called my brother who is a cop and he said to make sure and follow up with the director. That if the creepy guy is still there to file a report with the police. I'm so angry. You read about these type of sick people but to find it in your own back yard, . .it is scary.

 

[RapidBreath]

Report it to the police. The director would only be reporting what someone else told him, it won't have the veracity of your own first hand account of what you saw. If you see him again take a picture with your cel phone and get his license plate number. This is not to be taken lightly. I truly wish that someone had reported the guy who assaulted my brother when we were kids, every one's life would have been different. If you need to borrow the guts to do it, you can have mine for a week.

 

[janie1234]

Report it to the police. The director would only be reporting what someone else told him, it won't have the veracity of your own first hand account of what you saw. If you see him again take a picture with your cel phone and get his license plate number. This is not to be taken lightly. I truly wish that someone had reported the guy who assaulted my brother when we were kids, every one's life would have been different. If you need to borrow the guts to do it, you can have mine for a week.

Hey RapidBreath, . . .it has happened to me as a child too and I cannot tell you how it changes you for the rest of your life. You ask yourself "What could I have done to prevent it?"

I'm putting my observations in writing and going to the local sherif department on Monday to file a report. I'm only hoping that this young innocent teen will someday forgive me for my weakness of not doing something as it was happening. My brother who was trying to make me feel better kept telling me that since the teen is 18 and legally an adult you couldn't do anything anyway and that the teen would have had to do something about it but the "Mom" in me is just angry. If it was my 18 year old son you'd have chain me to a wall to prevent me from wanting to go after the guy with a pair of pliers and a blow torch.

 

[jonahnah]

Janie,

There was a LOT of additional info in your previous post re: exactly what the guy did and his "excited state" that warrants a police report TODAY not Monday. Predators don't take the weekend off! You didn't see creepy behavior--you saw an initial foray by a predator on a victim. That pervy guy did this in FRONT OF ANOTHER ADULT is a red flag that he doesn't have "normal" precautionary boundaries for his sick behavior!! He is dangerous!!

That teen boy was outright targeted by a pervert and the poor kid didn't know how to respond! Pervy guy now knows this too! So, consider this scenario: Pervy guy could offer him a ride home when the teen boy's car mysteriously has a flat tire or doesn't start. Perverts MAKE the opportunity happen--they look for it, seek it, find it.

Were you specific w/ the director re: the guy touching the teen's leg & his erection? If not, you need to tell him those details TODAY as they are the difference between your "gut" and actual facts. The director needs to find out who this guy is and why he's there.

The director should warn all instructors and teens working at the center about this guy and to be on the lookout for him.

Finally, pervy guy taking photos of kids is NOT okay either unless he works for the community center and parents signed a release authorizing photography of their children for use in the community center promotional materials/website. If he's an employee or even a contractor's employee, someone ought to check his references & background more fully because if he has committed any offenses against children, he's not allowed ANYWHERE near them--let alone for work!

If it were your son, would you want someone to wait 4 days to call the police? Horrible things happen in small towns all the time.

 

[NRG Woman]

I have no advice in this situation except to say I am so proud of you for caring about the welfare of this young man and having such a strong sense of self that you are willing to take action on your uncomfortable feelings. So in case no one else says this to you thank you for caring so much about another human being.

Shayne

 

[morningstar]

Ummm, hold on a second. Did I read your last post right? The teen is 18 years old? Then he is not a young child, he is not a boy, he is a man. Yes, he got inappropriately hit on by a creepy older guy, and yes, his leg was touched, but those actions aren't crimes when they are directed towards adults. Yes, if the teen was actually a child, I would say report it, but an 18 year old man should be able to take care of himself. It is not against the law to hit on adults like that. He is NOT a "young boy", he is a young man.

Not saying it wasn't creepy, not saying it wasn't inappropriate, just saying that it would be ridiculous and inappropriate to report one man coming on to another to the police. And the older man wasn't hitting on a child, so there is no reason to assume he is a pedophile; he's probably just a gay guy that liked the look of the young man and went for it. And who knows how the young man would have responded if there wasn't a witness?

When I was 18, I had left home a year before, was living on my own with my boyfriend, had already been to university; I was a woman. If someone hit on me, I handled it; I didn't expect someone to call the police because someone put their hand on my leg.

I realize I will probably be slammed for my reaction, but as usual, I'd rather stand up for the courage of my convictions than be popular.

 

[janie1234]

That teen boy was outright targeted by a pervert and the poor kid didn't know how to respond!

Yes, . . .I totally agree. There is more to this but I didn't want to go into it without getting lengthy. That night I drove back to the community center to make sure nothing strange was happening. I also drove by the teens house to make sure he got home okay. The next morning at 8:30am sharp right when the community center opens I went in to file a report with the director. Ironically enough the teen was there in a meeting with her. He beat me to it. I gave my report. He gave his report. Aprarently even more happened that I didn't hear but I gave my report on what I did hear.

You are so right Joan he did not know how to respond. He is such a nice kid. He was just being nice and that is what makes me so sick that this guy thought it was okay to take advantage of. I don't always remember that not everyone has "street smarts." I grew up, . . my teenage years on the streets of San Francisco you see this kind of stuff all the time and you know how to react. I forget sometimes that teens living in a smaller town only have exposure to that kind of stuff in the movies. Thing is because the teen is 18 and legally an adult he'll have to make the initial police report and my report will be as a witness. Don't worry. I won't do nothing. I just can't. Trust me I think about this all day and night.

 

[janie1234]

Ummm, hold on a second. Did I read your last post right? The teen is 18 years old? Then he is not a young child, he is not a boy, he is a man. Yes, he got inappropriately hit on by a creepy older guy, and yes, his leg was touched, but those actions aren't crimes when they are directed towards adults. Yes, if the teen was actually a child, I would say report it, but an 18 year old man should be able to take care of himself. It is not against the law to hit on adults like that. He is NOT a "young boy", he is a young man.

Not saying it wasn't creepy, not saying it wasn't inappropriate, just saying that it would be ridiculous and inappropriate to report one man coming on to another to the police. And the older man wasn't hitting on a child, so there is no reason to assume he is a pedophile; he's probably just a gay guy that liked the look of the young man and went for it. And who knows how the young man would have responded if there wasn't a witness?

When I was 18, I had left home a year before, was living on my own with my boyfriend, had already been to university; I was a woman. If someone hit on me, I handled it; I didn't expect someone to call the police because someone put their hand on my leg.

I realize I will probably be slammed for my reaction, but as usual, I'd rather stand up for the courage of my convictions than be popular.

No morningstar I wouldn't slam you for your reaction, . . I love that you say what you think.

You see this is why I came here to ask for advice. This is why I struggled with what to do. Thing is 16 year olds work for the community center and this creepy guy really didn't know how old the teen was. I didn't know till after. The teen was really quite ignorant of what was happening. The other really bad thing was that this guy was taking pictures of my kids fencing and the teen. Lord only knows what else is on his cell phone.

 

[jonahnah]

I have no advice in this situation except to say I am so proud of you for caring about the welfare of this young man and having such a strong sense of self that you are willing to take action on your uncomfortable feelings. So in case no one else says this to you thank you for caring so much about another human being.

Shayne

DITTO!! I'm sorry for not saying the same thing in my earlier post!

 

[janie1234]

I have no advice in this situation except to say I am so proud of you for caring about the welfare of this young man and having such a strong sense of self that you are willing to take action on your uncomfortable feelings. So in case no one else says this to you thank you for caring so much about another human being.

Shayne

Thanks Joan and Shayne, . . .for your very kind words. (((hugs)))
Right now I just feel bad that this had to happen at all.

 

[jonahnah]

Morningstar,

I won't slam you for your point of view either but I would ask that you consider that while 18 may be the legal minimum age for an adult, not every 18 year old has same skill set to handle every situation as an adult. Yes, experience is be a great teacher, but some experiences just don't need to happen.

Good for the boy talking to the director on his own the next day (& clearly more happened than Janie heard/saw). And good for Janie for looking out for another human being who got into a situation that was over their head!

 

[morningstar]

Morningstar,

I won't slam you for your point of view either but I would ask that you consider that while 18 may be the legal minimum age for an adult, not every 18 year old has same skill set to handle every situation as an adult. Yes, experience is be a great teacher, but some experiences just don't need to happen.

Good for the boy talking to the director on his own the next day (& clearly more happened than Janie heard/saw). And good for Janie for looking out for another human being who got into a situation that was over their head!

But Joan, there is a difference between supporting a young man while he continues to develop and reporting another man for committing a crime that he did not commit. And Janie is not this young man's mother or father and, unless this young man is clearly mentally disabled, really cannot determine what this young man is capable of handling. And even if the young man can't handle the attention, it is still not a crime.

Why do we infantalize grown adults? 18 year old people are able to leave home, hold jobs, have babies, impregnate women, get married, legally drink alcohol in some parts of North America, etc. Do they really require someone to complain to the police on their behalf when someone put a hand on their leg?

It has nothing to do with Janie's level of compassion - that is well established. But she asked our opinion, and this is mine.

 

[kathryn]

Thanks everyone, . . . . this happened all when I was sitting right next to the teen talking to the him. The creepy guy just interrupted our conversation. Then when the creepy guy left and the teen said "umm what the heck was that?" I asked him "Do you know him?" The teen said "No! I was just trying to be nice!" The teen was so freaked out because the creepy guy felt up his leg, . .which I did not see or know till right after the creepy guy left. Remember we live in a very small town and this teen is so innocent and very sweet. I feel like a crapy person because I knew the creepy guys intentions when he started asking the teen if he had a girlfriend but because he worked there I thought that they knew each other and I did nothing. I didn't know till after he left. The worst of it was when the creepy guy left he stood up and had an erection and was patting his front down. I'm so disturbed and I'm angry because the poor teen felt so violated but I didn't know. I felt like I didn't protect him and I should have. As a mom I should have.

I called my brother who is a cop and he said to make sure and follow up with the director. That if the creepy guy is still there to file a report with the police. I'm so angry. You read about these type of sick people but to find it in your own back yard, . .it is scary.

Well, that definitely is a different story. Sounds like something that should be dealt with by either the director or the police.

 

[pjlippert]

Thanks everyone, . . . . this happened all when I was sitting right next to the teen talking to the him. The creepy guy just interrupted our conversation. Then when the creepy guy left and the teen said "umm what the heck was that?" I asked him "Do you know him?" The teen said "No! I was just trying to be nice!" The teen was so freaked out because the creepy guy felt up his leg, . .which I did not see or know till right after the creepy guy left. Remember we live in a very small town and this teen is so innocent and very sweet. I feel like a crapy person because I knew the creepy guys intentions when he started asking the teen if he had a girlfriend but because he worked there I thought that they knew each other and I did nothing. I didn't know till after he left. The worst of it was when the creepy guy left he stood up and had an erection and was patting his front down. I'm so disturbed and I'm angry because the poor teen felt so violated but I didn't know. I felt like I didn't protect him and I should have. As a mom I should have.

I called my brother who is a cop and he said to make sure and follow up with the director. That if the creepy guy is still there to file a report with the police. I'm so angry. You read about these type of sick people but to find it in your own back yard, . .it is scary.

Hi Janie, HOLY CRAP!!!!! That absolutely changes things and brings the creepy, disgusting factor off the charts in my mind!!!! Like you, we live in a small, Christian town and a LOT of the kids in this town have been quite sheltered as far as TV, games, etc.. (or so there parents like to believe!). I am sure that many of these so called "18 year old adults" would be just as taken aback and scared - not know what to do. Chronological age does not equal maturity or know-how in the ways of the world.

I too would like to send you major kudos and hugs for having the courage to report this incident. Given the graphic details you provided in your follow-up post it has gone from an alleged incident to a bona fide problem. Someone bust that jerk and throw his sorry ass in jail!!!!

Very proud of the "adult-kid" for going forward. I hope to God they catch that guy!

Pam