Did you change your name when you got married?

Did you change your name when you got married?

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I changed my name for all purposes except my profession. I didn't get married until I was 35 and already had my legal career established. Since all my my clients knew me under my maiden name, I kept that for my professional realm. For all other purposes, I have my DH's name. It's funny when someone who knows me personally runs across me in a professional capacity - they're rather baffled. And I like it when I get local media coverage because my dad still says "what's that name again?" I think that's cute.

Lorrie

I'll be walking the Komen 3-day (60 miles) the week after Cathe's RT. Here's my webpage.
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=202302&supid=166016627
 
<Because, that's pretty much how the whole concept of a woman changing her name started; back in the good old days when women were, indeed, the property of their spouses.>

So I guess the question I should ask is why, despite the laws having changed many moons ago, does this thought still linger when there are other very practical reasons for the change? (because sexism is unfortunately alive and well IMHO) Hell, if either spouse can opt to change names then why should anyone change names? Hmmm

Or on the flip side, why do people choose to change their name if they are perfectly happy with their own?

Despite having a name that is constantly mispronounced to something ridiculous I had decided I would never change my name to that of my future husband. I may change it on my own but never to his. I had my own feelings about, many mentioned by others. Then I met my current SO, and if he ever asks if I'd like a ring on my finger, I'd change my last name to his. Partially because I know that he is not any of the sexist things that are out there (thanks to having four really cool sisters and an awesome mom) and partially because he has a nice easily pronounced Irish name that reflects both our heritage.
 
My husband's family has a funny name, one of my best friends (who eventually introduced us) used to talk about him and I'd always chuckle at it, they had a local business and their van's had their name on it and, again, I always chuckled when I saw them.....well he turned out to be the most selfless loving person I could imagine. I learned early in our relationship that he operated under the rule 'if it means more to her then I can compromise' and I soon assimilated that quality and loved him by the same guideline. I thought I would keep my maiden name and said so when we started talking marriage. He didn't balk, protest or get threatended, he looked pensive and earnest and said "but I've always dreamed of Mrs. Pickles".....after I stopped chuckling and felt his unabashed love, it was obvious that it meant more to him than it did to me. So I am now and will forever be Ms. Laurie Pickles(couldn't do the Mrs. thing, like someone else said, that's his mother).....I love my name, it's unique, cute and funny and people don't forget it. One of my 3 daughter's says absolutely that she will not change her name if she marries. Two of my 3 sister's-in-law kept the Pickles' family name and we all bear it proudly.:)

Take Care
Laurie
 
Beavs,
It's true that being chattel was a few generations ago (not that long ago, from my perspective), but there was a sea change even from my parents' generation to mine. I know you're very familiar with the music from the era of those changes, but do you know much about the women's rights movement? It's so recent, it is yesterday in terms of the overview of history. The twenty-somethings of today sometimes act as if life has always been the way it is now, and they take for granted all of their freedoms. But it was only yesterday in terms of history that women had to fight for every bit of equality we have today. Even today, there are more countries that don't have such equality than have it. Just read what Justice Ginsburg has to say about the hardships she endured as a lawyer. My boss's law school class had 2 women in the whole class. He's still alive and practicing law today, so we're not talking ancient history here. If the young women of today let go of everything we've fought so hard for, IMHO, we could wind up back where we started. Whatever you may think, and whatever you may do, all I'm saying is please don't take your freedoms for granted.
 
Yes, I changed my name. He changed religions, so it seems fair. :7
JK, I included my maiden name for a short time, but it was just unnecessary. I am ok with not being associated with my dad's family. They are insane and not in a fun way. Eventually, I dropped my maiden name, which I know, I know is not "proper". My identity is Autumn plain and simple... like Madonna and Cher. :D
 
I wasn't sure I wanted to change mine. It took me a year but I finally did it. I wasn't very fond of my maiden name anyway. A few years after I changed it, I wished I hadn't because I wanted to carry on my dad's name. Then I realized I was not going to give my maiden name to my son anway so I guess it doesn't really make a difference.
 
I did change my name. I was so sick of the misspellings and mispronunciations of my 5 letter, German last name.

If I had been career-settled, I might have hyphenated.
 
I didn't change mine because I had a job and a whole life when I got married and thought it would just confuse people. Also if I ever do anything fantastic I want to the people from high school to know its me.

I was very surprised when I got married in 1999 that people were so shocked by it one lady asked me, "how can your marriage stay together if you have different names." I told her, "if the same last name is the only reason we are together we have so many other problems to solve."


KIM
 
Ahhh...this is going to be a tough one for me. If I marry my SO I do love his last name but not sure it would sound so great with my first. I love my last name and am the last generation to carry it in the whole U.S. It's Czech. It gets misspelled, mispronouned ALL the time. But I love it. I wish I could give it over to my children one day so it can carry on. I just don't know how my future husband would feel about that...its probably unlikely.
 
Nancy,

Here we go again, agreeing with each other!!!!

About 10 years ago, I worked with a woman who was 22. She actually told me that she hated feminists because they had ruined it for everyone because they had convinced women to have careers, and she'd rather stay home and be a housewife. Do you know how hard it was for me not to smack the crap out of her?

All I could think about was my mother, who had no choice but to work, and all the men she had trained to be her boss over her 20- year tenure. They would leave, she'd do their job AND hers (sans a secretary) until the next guy would come along for her to train, and then she'd be relegated back to the secretarial pool. She lived in a small town where jobs, especially for women, were not easy to come by, so she had to stay there. Finally, about five years before the company went out of business, she was put into a management position, but I can bet you, her salary never came close what those men were making.

Ruined it, indeed.
 
Thanks for posting, tpf. I'm so often a lone voice here on the Cathe boards. It means a lot to have someone agree! :)

I'm sorry life was so hard for your Mom. :(
 
I have been thinking about this a lot. I have dated the same person for 10 years. We are finally (I think!!) going to get married this summer. I really like my last name, it is unique (French and German). It gets mispelled and mispronounced all the time (even though it isn't really that difficult), but it is my name and I am proud of it. Professionally I am also known by this name. I am trying to decide if I should just add his name to mine, - his last name at the end of mine, or like some of the other posters have said, keep my maiden name for professional use only. I still can't decide. I don't want to offend anyone in either family, but I know I want to keep my maiden name somewhere in there.
 
Not initially, I added my DH name to my maiden name. BAD IDEA! I have a tongue twister first name with a tongue twister maiden name (for Americans), so I changed my name to only my DH last name a few months into the deal - BAD IDEA. Totally got me screwed up between Social Security, INS and IRS. Paying the price for it now, the left hand on those government agencies doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

If I had to do it all over again, I would just take my DH name, but then again I am an immigrant, makes things a whole lot more difficult anyway.

Carola
 
>One good thing about not changing your name is that when
>solicitors call and ask for Mrs. Husband's-Last-Name, we know
>that it's not someone we know or that we've ever gotten in
>touch with. When we hear them say that on our answering
>machine, DH always yells out, "My mom doesn't live here!"

I know anyway because they cannot pronounce it!
 
TeTe

That's a powerful story one many women can tell and are living today.

Nancy,

Don't worry your voice isn't that lone....


KIM
 
My husband changed his.
1) His name was goofy sounding.
2) My name is beautiful.
3) His father abandoned him before the age of 5, and he was an awful human being. Why take the name of someone like this?
4) My husband wanted us all to have the same name.
5) My husband doesn't care what other people think. He's comfortable in his masculinity.
6) Anybody who takes the simple minded position that it's somehow un-masculine, consider what that says about YOU!
Heather
 
Yes, I changed my name. Actually, I love being Mrs. William Costello! I'm in no way conservative. My maiden name was something I couldn't wait to get rid of...My father was never present in my childhood, so I had no pride in his name.
As for the women's movement, I know all about it and applaud all those who were a part of it (my husband being one of those)! We've come a long way baby, and we still have a long way to go too.;)

Peace!

FUGWB
 
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