Defensive non-exercisers?

K

kgravel

Cathlete
Hi y'all,

I am fairly new to Cathe, but a long time Firmee and am continually baffled by the defensivenss of the non-exercisers that I encounter. I try not to discuss my healthy lifestyle unless asked, but even then am at the receiving end of some serious attitude.

For example, yesterday re: QVC's Firm TSV, my sister asks me my opinion of the workouts b/c maybe she should get them, which I enthusiastically give and answer her specific questions. Her sarcastic response? "Nice sales pitch, maybe you should do their infomercials." Which of course is to mean that she will not be purchasing them and thats fine, her decision, I say nothing further.

Why do I feel like I am offending people and that I should just quietly accept their sarcasm? I told DH, from now on, I am not discussing my fitness lifestyle w/anyone, all they will get is a very short, generic comment, i.e. "oh I try to get a little exercise", period. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, I would love more than anything to encourage someone else, but I am realizing how personal and individual motivation is.

Sorry so long, just had to get this off my chest to those who probably understand. Do any of you have suggestions as to how you handles these situations?

Many thanks,
Kim
 
Hi y'all,

I am fairly new to Cathe, but a long time Firmee and am continually baffled by the defensivenss of the non-exercisers that I encounter. I try not to discuss my healthy lifestyle unless asked, but even then am at the receiving end of some serious attitude.

For example, yesterday re: QVC's Firm TSV, my sister asks me my opinion of the workouts b/c maybe she should get them, which I enthusiastically give and answer her specific questions. Her sarcastic response? "Nice sales pitch, maybe you should do their infomercials." Which of course is to mean that she will not be purchasing them and thats fine, her decision, I say nothing further.

Why do I feel like I am offending people and that I should just quietly accept their sarcasm? I told DH, from now on, I am not discussing my fitness lifestyle w/anyone, all they will get is a very short, generic comment, i.e. "oh I try to get a little exercise", period. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, I would love more than anything to encourage someone else, but I am realizing how personal and individual motivation is.

Sorry so long, just had to get this off my chest to those who probably understand. Do any of you have suggestions as to how you handles these situations?

Many thanks,
Kim
 
I hear you Kim, I have the same thing. One of my neighbors mentioned that there is no way she has the energy to workout, and I won't either once I get over 30! So, I just don't bring it up anymore. I just don't think that they understnad how good they will feel, and they may be a bit jealous of how well we are doing and how motivated we are. I do ahve a lot of people ask me what I do, like my parents and that makes me feel good, but I just try not to preach, I tell them what works for me, and just leave it at that. Otherwise I just don't bring it up to people that I work out at all, unless they ask. Try not to get too frustrated, I really do think it may just be a bit of jealousy. But then again, I'm not in their heads, so maybe not. Just a thought!
 
I hear you Kim, I have the same thing. One of my neighbors mentioned that there is no way she has the energy to workout, and I won't either once I get over 30! So, I just don't bring it up anymore. I just don't think that they understnad how good they will feel, and they may be a bit jealous of how well we are doing and how motivated we are. I do ahve a lot of people ask me what I do, like my parents and that makes me feel good, but I just try not to preach, I tell them what works for me, and just leave it at that. Otherwise I just don't bring it up to people that I work out at all, unless they ask. Try not to get too frustrated, I really do think it may just be a bit of jealousy. But then again, I'm not in their heads, so maybe not. Just a thought!
 
Hi, Kim! I think consistent exercisers get that all the time from consistent non-exercisers, and the range of available responses from the consistent exerciser is pretty limited if she doesn't want to start WWIII.

I think your short, generic comment couple with a quick subject-change feint is probably the best way to go. Even if you don't bring it up, non-exercisers probably will, so it's helpful to have a quick, bland subject-ender like yours handy.

And keep coming back HERE, where we give ourselves and each other permission to work hard, enjoy the work and enjoy the benefits!

A-jock
 
Hi, Kim! I think consistent exercisers get that all the time from consistent non-exercisers, and the range of available responses from the consistent exerciser is pretty limited if she doesn't want to start WWIII.

I think your short, generic comment couple with a quick subject-change feint is probably the best way to go. Even if you don't bring it up, non-exercisers probably will, so it's helpful to have a quick, bland subject-ender like yours handy.

And keep coming back HERE, where we give ourselves and each other permission to work hard, enjoy the work and enjoy the benefits!

A-jock
 
Kim:

you know what bugs me the most about non-exercisers? It's the way they try to make us feel guilty about spending "SO MUCH TIME DOING EXERCISE". As if exercise were some kind of dirty, perverse activity that no-one should be owning up to, and honestly, if we were truly busy people like we say we are, and as we know being "super busy, and so busy it's a crime" is the only way to be these days if you want to have status and be taken seriously, there's no way we'd ever be able to find "SO MUCH TIME FOR SIMPLY WORKING OUT."

I fight hard not to let these people into my brain. My mantra: I'm right and they are unenlightened. It's the workouts that help me with discipline, and help me keep perspective, that help me organize myself to be "busy" and get the work and the parenting and the home-making done, without going totally awol in a society spinning increasingly out of control!!!!!!

As Ajock says, keep coming back here!!! Here's one of a few places where you can have substantiated your knowledge that you are in fact doing the right thing for your body and health.

Attitudes of the non-exercisers will always be there ready to fell you on your weak days, just as people sabotage the efforts of others to quit smoking, drinking, eating fatty foods in the hopes that they will crumble under temptation and fall back to the level of the drink, cigarette, junk-food addicts....remember that the reason is: your efforts make them look bad and they just can't handle the truth.

You friend in fitness,

Clare ;-)
 
Hallelujah, Clare! I agree wholeheartedly! I used to get about half as much done before I started "wasting" an hour or so a day exercising! Not to mention, we exercisers will probably live longer in the bargain, thus increasing not only our daily output but our lifetime output as well. :)

Shari
 
one of my closest friends is morbidly obese and her doctor told her that a lot of her health problems could be taken care of with exercise. Her response is that the doctor obviously didn't know what is wrong, so he obviously thought to blame her problems on her wieght.

It kills me to watch her keep gaining wieght but she usually has an excuse why she can't walk with me or doesn't have time to exercise. I don't have any suggestions how to handle a defensive non exerciser. I would love to be able to motivate my friend to exercise.
 
Here is my suggestion. I would just continue to be encouraging, as much as possible. No matter how you may feel in terms of friends/relatives being defensive. I am so greatful to a friend who was always positive, even when I wasn't willing to work out. I can honestly say that I was never mean, rude or anything like that to her, but I did tell her "No, I can't" an awful lot:) She has been my best workout partner since the beginning of the year. I think the main reason is because once I really started working out, I knew she would help me. She had ALWAYS been so positive about it, and I knew I could count on her, and especially not to judge me in my fitness level. Wherever I am, she is upbeat about it. Now, we are really compatible, and in a lot of areas I challenge her. She has yet to try Cathe, but definitely wants to know where all my strength has come from:) Maybe someday I will let her in on my "secret"!

As for my slump, it was just really hard. I have three kids whom I homeschool, and plenty of cooking, cleaning, etc. I never had the time. Well, I sort of hit the wall when I looked in the mirror one day and I saw my mother! Scary! Now, I don't have time NOT to exercise. It is not always easy, but I fit it in. I always felt like it was selfish, but now I see it as really giving. My mood is better, my monthly pms is better, I have way more energy. It is the best thing I could do for not just me, but my family. The benefits are a lot further reaching than I ever imagined.

Don't let people get you down. Stay happy and have a good time with the choice to be fit. Those naysayers will come around, and you can be there for them!

Take care!
 
Hi - I'm wondering if this is a culturally specific phenomenon.I'm from Sydney, Australia, and I've never met defensive non-exercisers!
It's eery to contemplate. I'm delighted that we have all recognised how great exercising is!
--Heather:+
 
>Hi - I'm wondering if this is a culturally specific
>phenomenon.

Could be, I'am from the Netherlands and I've never met a defensive non-exerciser either. People actually admire me for getting up an hour early to get my workout in for the day.

I have met loads of people though who'll find plenty of excuses why they do not exercise. "No time" is probably the alltime favourite. I never tell them that if you can find time each day to sit and watch the telly or chat with friends, you can also find time to exercise.

Dutchie
 
Well said, Dani! And I don't think I mentioned that I WAS one of those defensive non-exercisers once, too. Well, not defensive, really. Just unavailable, uninterested. The motivation has to come from inside. For me, it finally did. It's nice to have people available, as Dani mentioned, who you know are there for you when you're ready, but if they push, it just makes the non-exerciser pull away. That's the way it was for me, anyway. I felt inadequate. I knew, even if I started exercising, that it would be years before I could keep up. (I started by walking and riding my bike the 6 blocks to the store and back.) So when I started, I had to do it on my own, at my own pace. But we (speaking, again, as a non-exerciser) hear you. We may not acknowledge it right then, but sometimes we absorb it for later, even if we don't seem to, even if we don't know, ourselves, that we're doing so.

Shari
 
Well I just knew it wasn't only me. I really appreciate the great support I have gotten here in a short time. Perhaps knowing I have friends-in-fitness here to chat with will make taking the 'high road' a little easier.

Many thanks,
Kim
 
Kim,
I can't remember any "defensive" attitude from non-exercisers, and I'm in Michigan (and have lived in Kansas, Oklahoma, and California). I've always been gung-ho, "macha", exuberantly open about my passion for being active and lifting heavy weights, and seem to have met a lot of people who are active in their own way. I think for those who are afraid to exercise or look at their diet, they may be bored or even "intimidated" by my "macha" attitude--yet I've also had people come and tell me they're trying to walk regularly, that my constant "babble" inspires them to get up and move. From others comments here about their experiences with defensive non-exercisers, I think perhaps my exuberance overrides anyone's defensiveness--or I'm simply blind to it.

My point is, don't hide your light under a bushel--don't hide who you are. Be open with your passions and healthy lifestyle--you never know who you're inspiring, and those people may never speak up. For those who feel threatened and speak words less than supportive--that's their stuff, and not yours. Consider yourself a seed-planter--you sow the seed, but whether it lands on fertile soil isn't under your control. You never know when the seed will sprout, despite formally unkind words. The world needs you to openly model healthy living and attitudes. Forgive those who speak unkindly--they know not what they do, and you are planting seeds that may later bear fruit. And always have other supportive people to turn to who'll be the gentle support and acceptance you need.

May you always know peace.
 
Great timing on this post, I am at home visiting my family and have seen some of the rolled eyes when I talk about exercising. The funny thing is, everyone asks what I do, then when I tell them, they mock me. If you want to be healthy and maintain a healthy weight, you have to work at it, it just doesn't happen by taking a pill or trying some silly gimmick. I get upset when they say I am too thin or too obsessive about it. I am right in the middle of the "acceptable" range for my height (can you imagine if I told them they were too out of shape???), and when they say I am obsessive about fitness is very insulting to me. Most of us that visit this site are dedicated to fitness and health, and unfortunately, it seems like we are becoming a minority. I think I am going to just keep quiet from now on, unless someone is really interested in what I do. It is so wonderful to have a website like this to find others who feel the same way. Wishing good health to all!!!!

Lori
 
I've met defensive non-exercisers, and defensive non-vegans, and the pattern is very similar: I don't bring up the subject, they do, then I answer their concerns or give some general suggestions, then they make it sound like it's something that's too hard, or obsessive or something that just takes too much time.

For the defensive non-exerciers (DNE's!), I think some of the reasons for the defensiveness are 1) if they admitted that it's "doable", then they'd have to face the fact that they haven't done it, and have been slacking for however many years, and they feel more comforted by the "fact" that it's too hard to do (of course, those of us who take up exercise get past that and see the benefit of starting, no matter when); 2) they're in the majority, so they can see us as "odd". Unless you live in California (I'm assuming), it's pretty obvious that the majority of people don't exercise; 3) media messages about exercise being too hard , or sweating being bad(it seems like every diet pill or drink or exercise gizmo or gadget or "lose weight while you sleep" program touts the benefits of their product not needing effort or time).

I pretty much don't broach the subject with the non-exercising crowd, even though I'm sometimes tempted to (because, as you know, it's one of my obsessions! Much "sicker" than the stamp collection my former department chair had, or the ceramic painting parties that the former secretary had.):+
 
Interesting.. I've never run into this either and live in MA. I find folks very supportive and ofter ask what do you do to work out etc...

I have such a wide group of friends 20, 30, 40, few 50, stay at home, working mom's, single mom's, guy friends - maybe that's why I haven't found this.. with such a wide group of friends (ok I DO steer clear of the far left - and career ONLY women) - I've got my work out friends - my fellow single mom friends - work friends - hockey mom's..

BUt around MA I'd say everyone admires folks who work out and stay healthy.... but of course I dont talk to folks about it unless they ask. Just like I dont talk too much about my kids with women who don't have kids...

Hopefully you can find enough kindred work out souls!
 
I have run into this problem MANY times over the years, especially since I started working out at a relatively young age. Of course, because I was young, and worked out, I was vain and obsessive, right? :D That's a whole 'nother topic.

I am not at all embarassed by the fact that I work out a lot, or hard, or at home with vids. I'm not embarrassed to be seen eyeing the dumbell selection at Wal-Mart. I feel great about myself, because I know that I truly am better in the sense that I am healthier, leaner, and most likely happier.

I would love to be supportive to those defensive non-exercisers, but then I look at it this way: How many of us would dare criticize one of our co-workers because they were overweight, or because they ate horribly? Not many, because it's not ok to do that. But it is ok for them to tell us we are "too skinny", too obsessive, or we have too much time on our hands. And I've met few people who have had any sort of problem criticizing my healthy eating habits...

I think it's all nothing more than the typical way to make themselves feel better. They have to know that they aren't the ones doing the right thing... and I'm sure they feel guilty. So we take the flack. But that's fine with me! We're the ones having a blast and feeling great, and they are missing out on so much in life!! No amount of criticism and blame replacement is going to make them feel better than I do.

Sara
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top