I need some advice...I have a 12 yr old daughter who has always has had crappy eating habits but basically a typical kid. All of a sudden, she's stopped eating all junk food and meat. Bascially by my calculations she's eating between 300-500 calories a day. In the form of fruit and a low carb tortille with cheese mostly. She also begs to go to the gym with me and does cardio for an hour. This is really a 180 degree turn around for her. My husband and I did an experiment today and I bought her a 3 muskateer (one of her faves) which she got angry with me for buying! She did end up reluctantly eating half though. The good thing is this just seemed to happen a month ago so I feel like I still have a chance to nip it in the bud. But I'm really not sure how to help. I have my own issues with food and exercies and now I feel guilty because I'm sure alot of this she picked up from me. I'd like to get a hold of her laptop and find out what sites she's been going to. Does anyone have advice or experience with this kind of thing?
daughter showing signs of anorexia
- Thread starter Cbelle
- Start date
RunninTeach
Cathlete
I don't have children of my own, but I'm a middle school teacher, and I've seen plenty of girls develop unhealthy, distorted body images and dangerous habits at this age. The pressure they feel to be thin is tremendous. I would recommend having a straightforward talk with her rather than trying to figure out which websites she's been visiting. Praise her for wanting to change the unhealthy eating habits, but voice your concerns. You might want to share with her articles/information which show just what kind of damage she is doing to her system by undereating. You might, too, want to share w/ her photos/stories of anorexics and/or bulimics at extreme stages, so she can see first-hand where she will wind up if she continues to go in this direction. Since you're also admitting some issues with food/exercise, it sounds like this is a journey you and she will need to travel together. Perhaps it might be a good idea to invest in sessions with a nutritionist/trainer for the both of you.
Good luck!
Cathy
Good luck!
Cathy
aintnosunshine
Cathlete
I would say that it does sound like she is starting to have an eating disorder. My sister went though anorexia and that is how she started. Unfortunalty i dont have much advice for you but just let her know you are there for her and NEVER push food on her, In my sisters case anyway it made it much worse, because then she will see you as the enemy.
Be her friend, maybe something happenend at school, or she feels the need for some attention. Try to talk to her.
im sorry you have to go throught this i know when my sister did it was hell and i was so scared. I hope she can catch herself before it gets too bad.
Maybe suggest she talk to someone....?
Best of luck with everything.
Be her friend, maybe something happenend at school, or she feels the need for some attention. Try to talk to her.
im sorry you have to go throught this i know when my sister did it was hell and i was so scared. I hope she can catch herself before it gets too bad.
Maybe suggest she talk to someone....?
Best of luck with everything.
buffettgirl
Cathlete
I've never dealt with this myself, but wouldn't it be a good idea to seek professional help? I'd call your doctor or pediatrician and ask for guidance.
delfin
Cathlete
If this has been going on for a month now, I would definitely seek professional help. I've got a 12 year old DD, too, and she eats a TON! (She's also a gymnast, so she needs the cals) But if she ever started battling food like this, I would seek out an eating disorder specialist asap.
crazystepr
Cathlete
Wow, she is exactly like me when I got into anorexia (but I was 15). My mother would buy me my favorite m&m's and I would get so angry and frustrated at her--I felt like she was trying to sabotage my "diet" on purpose. I never visted any websites but I did get dangerously thin. You need to address this quickly with her and seek professional help. I was (miserably) dragged to a nutritionist and therapist and put on medication and it got me through it. Just don't be her enemy and try not to get angry with her. She can't control it any more than you can. She definetely needs help. Best of luck to you both.
I agree with the above post. In my lst job( I am a RN), I dealt with girls in your daughter's age group. I wish I could say I thought it was a phase, but if it has been going on longer than 3 weeks, it probably is not. With this type of disorder it is much better and more successfully treated to intervene early. Start with talking to her, and move on to professional help, such as your FP or a counselor. Good luck, I am praying for you all.
Just another vote for a visit to the doctor or a counselor, but I would be very careful that your daughter doesn't resent your interference because she may use starvation as a way to show you that she is in control and not you. That is what I did with my mother when I was anorexic - the more I felt she was interfering, the more I was determined to starve myself.
Good luck. Eating disorders are very stubborn.
Erica
Good luck. Eating disorders are very stubborn.
Erica
Hi there:
I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling with this. I am currently reading a book called "Wasted" by Marya Hornbacher. The author has written about her extensive struggles with bulimia and anorexia starting at the age of 9. I'm not sure, but it may be something helpful for you to read and perhaps for your daughter to read to help her get some real insight into the true devastation of the disease. Your doctor may also be able to help to get you connected to an eating disorder specialist. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling with this. I am currently reading a book called "Wasted" by Marya Hornbacher. The author has written about her extensive struggles with bulimia and anorexia starting at the age of 9. I'm not sure, but it may be something helpful for you to read and perhaps for your daughter to read to help her get some real insight into the true devastation of the disease. Your doctor may also be able to help to get you connected to an eating disorder specialist. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
GreenEyedLefty
Cathlete
I agree with the post above. And as for resenting your interference, as a previous poster mentioned, I can only say "oh, well." You (OP) are the parent and you have to do what's best for your kid whether they like it or not. Hang in there!
nancy324
Cathlete
I agree that you should get her to an eating disorder specialist as soon as possible, preferably a psychologist. The eating disorder is probably showing up now because your daughter is going through a period of feeling stressed about something. It's extremely important to deal with it now, before it "takes hold". The longer an eating disorder persists, the harder it is to change. I would take action immediately.
I am going to be the one voice of semi-dissent here. I do think you should definitely keep a very close eye on her, but if she's cutting out junk food and meat, that's not necessarily a bad thing. You said you tried to get her to eat by buying her a 3Musketeers? Probably not the best choice. I went on a hard core health food kick when I was in high school. No meat, no candy, no junk food, nothing "manufactured." I would yell at my mother if she bought those "cheese food singles". If it isn't real, don't bring it in the house, was my motto. I got to the point where I gave her shopping lists and I did the cooking. And I'm not anorexic - not even close. Maybe help her along to ensure she's not just trying to eat more healthily. Encourage her to eat, but encourage it with things that are good for her - not with junk food or candy. Maybe, just maybe, this could be a good thing for her - leading to early adoption of a healthy eating lifestyle. I do like the idea of going to a nutritionist to help define what that means. But, if she's just trying to cut out junk, follow her lead. Keep junk out of the house and work with her on it. As scary as this may be, it may also be a great opportunity if approached carefully.
dorothyrd
Cathlete
>I am going to be the one voice of semi-dissent here. I do
>think you should definitely keep a very close eye on her, but
>if she's cutting out junk food and meat, that's not
>necessarily a bad thing. You said you tried to get her to eat
>by buying her a 3Musketeers? Probably not the best choice. I
>went on a hard core health food kick when I was in high
>school. No meat, no candy, no junk food, nothing
>"manufactured." I would yell at my mother if she bought those
>"cheese food singles". If it isn't real, don't bring it in
>the house, was my motto. I got to the point where I gave her
>shopping lists and I did the cooking. And I'm not anorexic -
>not even close. Maybe help her along to ensure she's not just
>trying to eat more healthily. Encourage her to eat, but
>encourage it with things that are good for her - not with junk
>food or candy. Maybe, just maybe, this could be a good thing
>for her - leading to early adoption of a healthy eating
>lifestyle. I do like the idea of going to a nutritionist to
>help define what that means. But, if she's just trying to cut
>out junk, follow her lead. Keep junk out of the house and
>work with her on it. As scary as this may be, it may also be
>a great opportunity if approached carefully.
OK, this happened to a girl on my daughter's swim team. Her intention was to clean up her eating patterns and not eat junk. What happened is she dropped to 70 pounds(whey to small) and it became and obsession, so yes it was a problem.
Don't try to get her to eat junk. That is silly. If she wants to adapt good eating habits, great, but this girl on swim team simply did not know how. So finally her parents took her to a nutrionist who worked with her, worked with her goals, and 2 years later she is back to a normal weight and looking good. She still eats healthy, but understands how to fuel her body for her athletics.
>think you should definitely keep a very close eye on her, but
>if she's cutting out junk food and meat, that's not
>necessarily a bad thing. You said you tried to get her to eat
>by buying her a 3Musketeers? Probably not the best choice. I
>went on a hard core health food kick when I was in high
>school. No meat, no candy, no junk food, nothing
>"manufactured." I would yell at my mother if she bought those
>"cheese food singles". If it isn't real, don't bring it in
>the house, was my motto. I got to the point where I gave her
>shopping lists and I did the cooking. And I'm not anorexic -
>not even close. Maybe help her along to ensure she's not just
>trying to eat more healthily. Encourage her to eat, but
>encourage it with things that are good for her - not with junk
>food or candy. Maybe, just maybe, this could be a good thing
>for her - leading to early adoption of a healthy eating
>lifestyle. I do like the idea of going to a nutritionist to
>help define what that means. But, if she's just trying to cut
>out junk, follow her lead. Keep junk out of the house and
>work with her on it. As scary as this may be, it may also be
>a great opportunity if approached carefully.
OK, this happened to a girl on my daughter's swim team. Her intention was to clean up her eating patterns and not eat junk. What happened is she dropped to 70 pounds(whey to small) and it became and obsession, so yes it was a problem.
Don't try to get her to eat junk. That is silly. If she wants to adapt good eating habits, great, but this girl on swim team simply did not know how. So finally her parents took her to a nutrionist who worked with her, worked with her goals, and 2 years later she is back to a normal weight and looking good. She still eats healthy, but understands how to fuel her body for her athletics.
Another idea would be for you to see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders so that you can find out the best way to handle your daughter right now.
I would not say, "Oh, well" about your daughter resenting your interference. Eating disorders are all about control and, if your daughter thinks that you are trying to take something away from her that she is using to cope, she may choose to cling to the eating disorder even tighter or use it (unconsciously) to show you that this is one thing in life that only she can control - what she chooses to put in her mouth.
Erica
I would not say, "Oh, well" about your daughter resenting your interference. Eating disorders are all about control and, if your daughter thinks that you are trying to take something away from her that she is using to cope, she may choose to cling to the eating disorder even tighter or use it (unconsciously) to show you that this is one thing in life that only she can control - what she chooses to put in her mouth.
Erica
newswoman13
Cathlete
Like some of the others suggested, seek a therapist who *specializes* in EDs (asap). You can't control it or fix it, and it's best to prepare yourself to handle it. Check out the sites below, and find that therapist -- do it for both of you -- forget cost, fear, etc. It's better to catch this early for her sake, and if you've been struggling for years, why not have that support for you, too!? If you find a good therapist, it works wonders.
Research a bit to find a good therapist. Some sites:
http://www.edreferral.com/Referral Request.htm
http://www.something-fishy.org/treatmentfinder/
Also, take advice from some pros right away:
Read http://www.edap.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=286&Profile_ID=41175
and read this book: "Talk to Eating Disorders" by Jeanne Albronda Heaton PhD and Claudia J. Strauss -- http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Eatin...730551?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184503743&sr=1-11
Take care -
Research a bit to find a good therapist. Some sites:
http://www.edreferral.com/Referral Request.htm
http://www.something-fishy.org/treatmentfinder/
Also, take advice from some pros right away:
Read http://www.edap.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=286&Profile_ID=41175
and read this book: "Talk to Eating Disorders" by Jeanne Albronda Heaton PhD and Claudia J. Strauss -- http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Eatin...730551?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184503743&sr=1-11
Take care -
lesliemarie
Cathlete
I agree with taking her to a therapist who deals with eating disorders, but be very careful. My parents used to call me names about my thinness, like twiggie and toothpick, I loved it when they did that, it reasured me that I was doing a great job on keeping my weight down, Don't focus on her eating or her size, I would try to reinforce her selfesteem, I to am a recovering anorexic, I will forever have anorexia but right now I am not anorectic, I always try to keep my girls selfesteem, try to validate her feelings and emotions, that is very important, make sure that she knows what she is feeling and going through is important to you, try to watch her bathroom habits also, she might be purging, I am not going to say that is what she is doing, just speculating. if you can let me know what her name is I can check out some ana sites I know and yes I visit now and then.
kathryn
Cathlete
Giving up junk food at meat by itself isn't bad, but if she isn't replacing those calories with healthy calories, then she could get in trouble. I don't think making her eat candy is the way to go.
I think you should take her desires (not eating junk food and giving up meat) into consideration, and work with her to create a healthy, nutrient-rich, calorie-sufficient diet based on it.
Get her a good book on vegetarianism and maybe a couple of recipe books,so she can educate herself about healthy eating without meat. Get her some whle sprouted grain tortillas and make her some burritos with beans, rice and veggies, for example.
If that doesn't quickly help, then a visit to a dietician or nutritionist is definitely in order.
I think you should take her desires (not eating junk food and giving up meat) into consideration, and work with her to create a healthy, nutrient-rich, calorie-sufficient diet based on it.
Get her a good book on vegetarianism and maybe a couple of recipe books,so she can educate herself about healthy eating without meat. Get her some whle sprouted grain tortillas and make her some burritos with beans, rice and veggies, for example.
If that doesn't quickly help, then a visit to a dietician or nutritionist is definitely in order.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family.
Is she using your computer at home? You can check the history and even past searches (if you are using a yahoo or google toolbar)
There is a lot of stuff out there on anorexia or bulimia. There's almost a cult, keywords are "pro ana" "pro mia" "anamia" "goddess ana"
There's a lot of body image pressure out there. There's of course the peer pressure, is she withdrawing from friendships to focus on one or two friends? If so are they practicing this themselves?
Other external pressures of course are the constant barrage of media, ads, movie stars etc
We had a round of this with my DD (now 19), of course we were already dealing with ADHD and BiPolar disorder so we had a therapist already on board. Her figureskating coach, almost a big sister to her, was the greatest help. Told her that the diet was killing her other dreams.
Don't battle this alone
Is she using your computer at home? You can check the history and even past searches (if you are using a yahoo or google toolbar)
There is a lot of stuff out there on anorexia or bulimia. There's almost a cult, keywords are "pro ana" "pro mia" "anamia" "goddess ana"
There's a lot of body image pressure out there. There's of course the peer pressure, is she withdrawing from friendships to focus on one or two friends? If so are they practicing this themselves?
Other external pressures of course are the constant barrage of media, ads, movie stars etc
We had a round of this with my DD (now 19), of course we were already dealing with ADHD and BiPolar disorder so we had a therapist already on board. Her figureskating coach, almost a big sister to her, was the greatest help. Told her that the diet was killing her other dreams.
Don't battle this alone
I am a psychologist with experience treating eating disorders. I am not giving yyou professional advice because I don't know all the facts and have not met/assessed your daughter, but I did want you to know I have had experience dealing with these issues.
Get her (and yourself) to a therapist. Key things that stand out for me are the fact that she is restricting her calories and her eating, that she got angry when you bought her a candy bar (the anger is concerning), and that she is begging to go to the gym with you. Now, some others have said that giving up meat and junk food is not a bad thing nor is exercising. No, alone they are not but that along with her mindset and restrictive eating (and scant caloric intake) is very concerning. Also, she has been doing this for a month already.
IMO, it will only get worse. I agree 100% with Nancy that this behavior has been brought on by some kind of stressor (a lot of times if one feels there are things in their life that they can't control they will attempt to control the things they can. Anorexia is a way to completely control what you eat and how much you weigh. Oftentimes, it gives people the illusion of being in control). The longer the behavior continues, the more habitual it will become and the more "addicted" she will become to it. There is research to support that certain chemicals are released when a person is starving themselves and the people actually become addicted to these chemicals and the feelings of being hungry. Also, the behavior becomes comfortable.
There are serious cognitions underlying this type of behavior and those need to be dealt with. Once she has a full-blown eating disorder, she will most likely deal with it her whole life. She might never show the behaviors again but she will always be susceptible to having them come back.
Please get her to a psychologist who deals with these issues.
Get her (and yourself) to a therapist. Key things that stand out for me are the fact that she is restricting her calories and her eating, that she got angry when you bought her a candy bar (the anger is concerning), and that she is begging to go to the gym with you. Now, some others have said that giving up meat and junk food is not a bad thing nor is exercising. No, alone they are not but that along with her mindset and restrictive eating (and scant caloric intake) is very concerning. Also, she has been doing this for a month already.
IMO, it will only get worse. I agree 100% with Nancy that this behavior has been brought on by some kind of stressor (a lot of times if one feels there are things in their life that they can't control they will attempt to control the things they can. Anorexia is a way to completely control what you eat and how much you weigh. Oftentimes, it gives people the illusion of being in control). The longer the behavior continues, the more habitual it will become and the more "addicted" she will become to it. There is research to support that certain chemicals are released when a person is starving themselves and the people actually become addicted to these chemicals and the feelings of being hungry. Also, the behavior becomes comfortable.
There are serious cognitions underlying this type of behavior and those need to be dealt with. Once she has a full-blown eating disorder, she will most likely deal with it her whole life. She might never show the behaviors again but she will always be susceptible to having them come back.
Please get her to a psychologist who deals with these issues.
cottagecheeks
Cathlete
When I was a teenager I tried all kinds of fad diets. Everything that promised fast weight loss. Do you remember those? The diets where you ate only one thing like grapefruit or apples. I even went 21 days on water. Yes only water. I lost weight then put it back on fast.
I then went to Weight Watchers. I found out that you can eat real food and lose weight.
What you daughter is eating sounds much healthier than what I was doing at her age. She just needs to know that when you lower your caloric intake too low it will lower your metabolism. When you body thinks it is starving it will store fat. Just like when you don't drink enough water it will hold water. She needs to get some kind of protein daily too. You don't want to loose muscle. that will lower your metabolism also.
I then went to Weight Watchers. I found out that you can eat real food and lose weight.
What you daughter is eating sounds much healthier than what I was doing at her age. She just needs to know that when you lower your caloric intake too low it will lower your metabolism. When you body thinks it is starving it will store fat. Just like when you don't drink enough water it will hold water. She needs to get some kind of protein daily too. You don't want to loose muscle. that will lower your metabolism also.