This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm the mother of a soon to be 17 year old and we have been through the ringer and back and around again with her and its been tough. She has ADHD and we even tried the medicine route - 3 different kinds and it did nothing. I would agree though, that if my daughter weren't coming home directly when I told her to, that she would be picked up. We tried letting our daughter catch the school bus on her own or walk to school (we're very close) and she skipped school a couple times, so now - she's driven every day. If they can't be trusted, they don't get the opportunity anymore.
Consequences for daughter???
- Thread starter sittinduck
- Start date
delfin
Cathlete
Another vote here for picking her up. My daughter is 13, and I pick her up every day. (Partly because she's so little, she looks like she's 10).
Does your daughter have a sport or activity she's passionate about? I really believe that helps keep alot of teens (and preteens) out of trouble. If she isn't doing a sport or other activity, I would try to get her involved in one, where she can see the emotional rewards of her efforts and feel proud of herself. My DD is on a gymnastics team... practicing 4 days a week, and she loves it so much. Not only the sport, but the comraderie. She has bonded so much with all of her team mates.
Good luck to you.
Does your daughter have a sport or activity she's passionate about? I really believe that helps keep alot of teens (and preteens) out of trouble. If she isn't doing a sport or other activity, I would try to get her involved in one, where she can see the emotional rewards of her efforts and feel proud of herself. My DD is on a gymnastics team... practicing 4 days a week, and she loves it so much. Not only the sport, but the comraderie. She has bonded so much with all of her team mates.
Good luck to you.
sittinduck
Cathlete
You all are great friends...Thank you!! I went to the therapy appointment and lost it on the therapist...x( I said I needed to know if she had a diagnosis. I told her if she didn't have a diagnosis then she was just a "bad" kid and I just can't believe that...because she can be great! She took a few minutes and looked up what the doctor wrote and she said "bi-polar"-finally!! So yes picking her up daily is now on my schedule. Now I know why none of my consequences worked! I want to thank you so much for helping me with this because I just couldn't understand why?? Which by the way I am also not allowed to ask my dd that question...why? It will just set me up for failure...so I am now taking her right along side me close to me to help her in every way possible...this will not be easy but I now "get it"! duck
story1267
Cathlete
Duck, I'm glad for you to finally have a stepping-off point for treatment for your daughter. It isn't easy to hear serious diagnoses like that but, like you said, you can at least know that she isn't a 'bad kid', that she does have some identifiable problems that can be worked on.
Best of luck you you and your lucky girl for having such a caring and concerned mom!
Best of luck you you and your lucky girl for having such a caring and concerned mom!
I really question why the therapist would not have given you a diagnosis already as well as why it sounds (from your recount) that the diagnosis was told to you somewhat reluctantly.
Also, I would suggest you do a lot of research as diagnosing a child with bipolar disorder is very controversial. I am not intimaating that the diagnosis is incorrect, I am merely suggesting you do your research and make sure you have coverd all your bases regarding differential diagnoses and comorbidities.
Also, I would suggest you do a lot of research as diagnosing a child with bipolar disorder is very controversial. I am not intimaating that the diagnosis is incorrect, I am merely suggesting you do your research and make sure you have coverd all your bases regarding differential diagnoses and comorbidities.
sittinduck
Cathlete
I totally agree with you leddrr... I think the diagnosis is severe and maybe they want to follow her before telling me but what they don't realize is that without some kind of something it leaves us all confused and bewildered to see a child do things as I have seen. I plan on doing all the research I possibly can...books, online research, etc... It was devastating yet relieving to hear that word.
Just please make yourself aware of the literature out there regarding the controversy about this diagnosis in children. I can tell you that I have DEFINITELY seen children who are bipolar, but I have also seen quite a few that were misdiagnosed (IMO). It is a lofty diagnosis, but there are treatment options available (both psychopharmacological and therapy) and it is not the end of the world. That said, I would not hesitate to go for a second opinion and further testing confirm the diagnosis.
I know how devastating this is for you to hear and I wish you the best of luck. You will need to advocate for your child.
I know how devastating this is for you to hear and I wish you the best of luck. You will need to advocate for your child.
JMFRANE
Cathlete
I agree with picking her up after school.
I also agree with keeping her busy after school with sports or activities.
Remember, you are the boss, not her. I know it is hard as I raised two daughters. I had to remind myself to always make THEM responsible for their actions and we had OUR rules (which would a lot of times be different from their friends).
Joanne
I also agree with keeping her busy after school with sports or activities.
Remember, you are the boss, not her. I know it is hard as I raised two daughters. I had to remind myself to always make THEM responsible for their actions and we had OUR rules (which would a lot of times be different from their friends).
Joanne
roxy28
Cathlete
Hello
I have an 12 year old that I went through a deceptive situation. I thought she was doing her work, doing well in school. I was very shocked to find out that my once a great student daughter was being a wreck loose at school.
It is really important no matter what the source of the problem that you stay consitent. I had to take away tv, radio, movies all kind of things, and that ment I had to give it up also. Which is hard, it is hard to say pick up the child after school when you may have to work or have other children. I was able to work every week end to be home and be all over what my daughter does. You clean out her room, throw things away you did not buy. She will learn no matter what if she is rebelling, into a boy friend, has a bad group of freinds, my mom is no joke. Kids will try to manipulate you also.
My husband tried to get into all kinds of things but his mom would appear out of no where, search his room, go to the school to find the answers. I lost all kind of trust and faith that my child was doing the right thing, after she saw I was truley hurt and disappointed she changed her ways and I realized wow she is a person. Being your own person is with consequence. I will not purchase extra goodies or clothes for some one who disrespects me. She will not be home watching TV while someone some where could use her assistance so we both did some volunteering. It is nothing like filling a need to correct your own foolish idle time.
I hope this helps. I know we all go through bad seasons but you can help her only so much she needs to know you already graduated high school and have lived your life. She has to live hers with wisdom so she will not waste good or bad times learning from them all.
I have an 12 year old that I went through a deceptive situation. I thought she was doing her work, doing well in school. I was very shocked to find out that my once a great student daughter was being a wreck loose at school.
It is really important no matter what the source of the problem that you stay consitent. I had to take away tv, radio, movies all kind of things, and that ment I had to give it up also. Which is hard, it is hard to say pick up the child after school when you may have to work or have other children. I was able to work every week end to be home and be all over what my daughter does. You clean out her room, throw things away you did not buy. She will learn no matter what if she is rebelling, into a boy friend, has a bad group of freinds, my mom is no joke. Kids will try to manipulate you also.
My husband tried to get into all kinds of things but his mom would appear out of no where, search his room, go to the school to find the answers. I lost all kind of trust and faith that my child was doing the right thing, after she saw I was truley hurt and disappointed she changed her ways and I realized wow she is a person. Being your own person is with consequence. I will not purchase extra goodies or clothes for some one who disrespects me. She will not be home watching TV while someone some where could use her assistance so we both did some volunteering. It is nothing like filling a need to correct your own foolish idle time.
I hope this helps. I know we all go through bad seasons but you can help her only so much she needs to know you already graduated high school and have lived your life. She has to live hers with wisdom so she will not waste good or bad times learning from them all.
roxy28
Cathlete
Dont accept anything before really asking her what the problem is. Please that is very serious thing to say about someone just starting out life. Does it run in your family? Have you ever been depressed? Dont answer but just to think about.Just questiion and talk to another doctor the meds alone can make you just feel like nothing and that is no way to live. I work at a hospital and see alot of different DX.
Make sure to get a second and third opinion from two more qualified doctors. Mental illness is so subjective. Your child's doctor should have discussed his thoughts with you and then had you go for a second opinion before writing a diagnosis in her chart. I took my son to three different doctors before I would let the Bipolar label be placed in his file. And please be careful who you share this information with. Autism and Bipolar are growing at a staggering rate. However, you mention Bipolar and people will roll their eyes and say its being over diagnosed. Mention Autism and people will want to know how they can help and school systems that will make accommodations for that child. There are so many newer medications now that can make a world of difference, and if the child is treated early enough, can have a fully functioning life.
sittinduck
Cathlete
I am actually step-mom!! But to her and to me I am mom! Yes, her mother is a very disturbed woman...depression was major, she was suicidal and attempted many times in front of her children and also alot of neglect... Their natural mom has been denied any rights to the kids due to the cases they had on her! It is very sad. I have been around since she was 8 so we have had a long road full of struggles..Her brother is fine but she has always had difficulties. I have waited a long time to get her some help and without knowing what is wrong I couldn't help so much..now I feel I have a chance and she has a real chance in having a truly better life...
duck
duck
roxy28
Cathlete
That's right she can have a better life. Sometimes family indoctrinate kids with certain issues or labels from parents but you can keep telling her positive statements. "It is not how you start but how you finish" ,"you are special good whole not broken, "you can be stable if you focus". And you have to look up self talk and positive thoughts. Because she still has control. Speak to the part of her that still has clarity when she is the most stable dont confront her when she is upset. You will be alright as long as you know you love her and want her to thrive.