Oh my gosh, Jes, thank you for this! I wasn't expecting such enthusiastic support
Yes, it was a hard decision, a looooooong time in coming, but my level of misery while writing the thesis, and my realization that I just did not want an academic lifestyle when I graduated, made me realize that this just wasn't the direction I wanted to go anymore. I have changed a *lot* from the person I was when I started graduate studies, and I have come to learn that this just isn't the life I want anymore. I was in a position of having to either buckle down really, really hard, or just end it all. I can work hard, and I know I could finish it, but since I no longer wanted the "prize" at the end, it seemed so ridiculous to put myself through all the stress, not to mention the family neglect that would occur. It seemed ludicrous to be leading a miserable life, doing something that is completely optional!! My supervisor was very supportive of my decision, and really made me feel very good about it, and about myself. And yes, there is always an option to pick it up again down the road, if I decide I really do want to finish.
I am free. Oh my god. I am really free. I have been a student my entire life. The ways that that constructs your life are pervasive, and I'm just now realizing how much it affected every aspect of my daily living. I am finally free to make long term plans, and to pursue interests and activities outside of academia. There is so much I want to do!! I'm so excited!!! I have never been so optimistic or excited about my future - and I have no idea what it's even going to be yet!! What am I going to do now? Heck if I know!!! But I've got so many ideas, and I can't wait to try them all! First thing I'll be doing is taking my 4 year old out of daycare 2 days a week, and actually playing with her!! I'm going to start taking her to museums, and building crafts with her, and teaching her how to skate..........oh, so many things!!
I'm also going to enjoy being pregnant this time! Last time, I was so busy with my academics, and two other projects I had on the go, that I didn't enjoy the pregnancy. This time it will be different! And come September, I'll actually be able to enjoy staying home with the newborn, while DD begins kindergarten in the school across the street. Geez, I am beyond excited, can you tell?
There comes a time when you have to stop flogging a dead horse. I realized that I had to stop doing the same thing all the time, while expecting different results. So, I changed what I was doing
Thanks again for your enthusiastic support, Jes. Your package just got bigger :-D
Sandra
