Checking Back In

[ashaw]

I wanted to thank everyone on here for their support. I'm making progress and heading in the right direction regarding work. Last week, I officially was certified in Basic Life Support/CPR/AED from the American Heart Assn. It was a fun and informative class and I learned a lot. And that the AED's that are in places like the grocery store are really designed for the everyday person to use. If ever in that situation, I learned the first thing to do is turn it on and follow the prompts. And when you hit the shock button, yell CLEAR as loudly as possible so nobody accidentally gets shocked!

I'm having a really difficult time emotionally right now because I feel like things are coming down on me and I'm going to try to find a way to talk to someone for free because if my mental and emotional health isn't taken care of, I'm not going to be able to function in a high stress healthcare work environment.

One thing about me is that I've always kept it real about my life, whether my sobriety or my marital dysfunction, because I always feel like if there's someone out there who's struggling and they read what someone else is going through, it makes it less of a stigma to reach out for help. Incredibly, despite all that's going on, alcohol no longer is a means of coping for me. Something happened yesterday that I just need to get out in the open. And I'm sure I hear the sound of jaws dropping. Kevin and I slept together. In the back of his Nissan Pathfinder. At a grocery store parking lot. We've been talking and texting a lot and our goals are to leave our respective marriages and be together. When that might happen I don't know, neither of us are in a rush because there's a lot of "grown up" issues that need to be worked through before that happens. His work has slowed down and I've been helping him put up some pictures of jobs on the Nextdoor website. I've been more of an emotional wreck today and just had a meltdown when my husband started pressing me about school, yet wanted me to do computer work for him. Is it normal when there's a lot of sexual attraction and sexual tension between two people, when the sex finally happens that there's this release and things kind of settle back down?

Sometimes I sit here and think how do I get myself into things like this? Its like everything in my life is chaos.

 

[Kellyro77]

I'm glad you're planning to get some help with talking things through.

For me, going to Al-Anon meetings helped tremendously when I was living with an active alcoholic. The people are understanding and the program lets me take things at my own pace. No one ever tells me "you should leave" or "you should stay" or "I wouldn't put up with that". I was guided to making my own decisions, which got easier as I learned to detach with love from the alcoholic and all his problems, as well as detach from other problematic people in my life.

Note that detachment doesn't mean leaving, it just means ceasing to focus on other people and instead focus on myself. When I detach and also spend time evaluating my motives, being honest with myself, I learn why I make the decisions I make, and why I am attracted to certain people and what I can do to take better care of myself.

While I didn't involve myself in any affairs when I was with the alcoholic in my life, I certainly fantasized about doing that - and that's because I was seeking for someone else in my life to give me the love and attention I thought I was not receiving from my ex. I was a really hurting person and hadn't yet learned to value and validate myself, so I used other men to try to accomplish that. (Hint - it doesn't work.)

I'm not cured by any means. I'm a human being, after all. I still attend Al-Anon because I find the program helps me with so many things. I'm no longer with the alcoholic - a decision I found that was best for me personally. But life throws lots of curveballs my way outside of alcoholism, and Al-Anon has helped me get through many stressful situations with a lot more calm than I ever did before the program. I actually respond to things like an adult now instead of reacting.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Debinmi]

Kellyro77 provides a thoughtful, kind response. In addition to Al-anon, there's Emotions-anonymous groups too. Maybe a call to your previous LPC would be a place to start. You can also use this website to search for agencies in your area that may meet your needs. (It's for mental health issues too, not just SA).

FindTreatment.gov

Find state-licensed treatment near you for addiction and substance use disorder.

findtreatment.gov

 

[aqua girl]

Ashaw, both Kellyro77 & Debinmi have given you excellent advice & things to check on.
I just wish you the very best, and hope with all my heart that you can make the right
choices to help you out of this stressful situation . Stay safe, and I will keep you in my
thoughts & prayers.

 

[vivbc]

perhaps find some legal advice as well. You are heading towards divorce, and you need to know where you are vulnerable etc legally.
i have blown up my life on occasion, because as difficult as it is, it is necessary.

 

[Debinmi]

perhaps find some legal advice as well. You are heading towards divorce, and you need to know where you are vulnerable etc legally.
i have blown up my life on occasion, because as difficult as it is, it is necessary.

Yes, two possible resources are Legal Aide & a local Law School for low cost help.

 

[ashaw]

Thank you everyone on here. I'm taking things slowly, one day at a time and certainly have to plan my exit strategy carefully. I've been able to open to my mom about what's going on at home and when things get closer, I'll delve into the more serious things like the large amount of debt. The counselor that I saw after my affair has moved to Idaho. Right now, I need something free that I can do without him knowing. Here's where things stand at home right now: he's asked a friend to borrow $5,000 a month for 6 months because he believes the gold is about to happen. Except that's the exact same thing he told another friend who loaned him $10,000 near the end of the year. After we got in the argument yesterday he said we "needed to take the day off and go do something together." I was in shock and thought by damn am I going anywhere with you. Well, I ended up not feeling well this morning with a sinus infection so that took care of itself. And the interesting thing is, last summer, my husband saw a counselor, not a LPC, but a church outreach thing where church members are trained to help the community to fill the gap in mental health care. He told the counselor all about the gold and how he's waiting and apparently, the counselor bought into all it. Only 2 people have ever been able to tell him he needs to get a JOB. His brother and nephew.

I'm feeling better emotionally today. Its like somedays I feel on top of the world and somedays I feel like the world is on top of me. But tomorrow morning I'm planning to do one of my favorite Cathe workouts: To The Max. There is something about that workout, the music is some of the best, I love the different segments, and the ab section is fun but effective. Cardio Core Circuit is another workout that I put into that category. Don't get me wrong, Cathe never makes a bad workout, but there are just some that are timeless favorites.