Can I VENT please?!?!?!?!

W

WannaBeStrong

Cathlete
Hi All!
My Hubby and I are in the mall waiting for our two groups of teens to finish their scavenger hunt. I'm shopping for shoes and he says "where are you getting the money?". I told him that I received $100 from my dad for my birthday and I need some good shoes for the step workouts. He says "why don't you put it in our checking account? You're always spending money." HELLO! It's birthday money and I know exactly where I want to spend it. He makes a comment about the step I just bought (which I got for only $40 compared to the $100 it costs in the store.) THEN he says..."It will be collecting dust in a couple of weeks."

So, you see, this is my support system. NONE NO encouragement, NO support. This from a man who has a LOT of workout equipment which is in a separate building outside. He has dumbells from 15 lbs all the way up to 75 lbs, a bench, different barbells, weights, etc. He gets mad when I bring in his 15 lb. dumbells and his barbell to use. I told him to buy me some of my own but he won't. This man won't even buy me vitamins. I think he wants me to look frumpy and out of shape. Seriously! I don't think he wants me to look good or be healthy. If anything, his attitude is motivating me to want to prove him wrong. Yet, at other times I get very discouraged and want to eat junk.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. Send me some motivating vibes. I need them.

Shirley
 
Shirley,
Don't listen to him, just smile and tell him you appreciate his trying to motivate you. He won't get it, and you'll feel less stressed about the whole thing. You are doing this for you, not him, or anybody else so stick with it and reward your body. Maybe he feels insecure that if you look better other men might start looking:* And birthday money? That's officially earmarked for what ever use you feel like, I think it's against the law to spend it responsibly!
Once he starts seeing the results, I'm sure he'll get over it and start encouraging you to buy workout equipment;-)
That or at least you'll be a lot stronger and able to kick his butt!
Mattea
 
There is nothing worse then a nosy hubby!I am so glad that my DH never asks what I am doing.I guess if I were spending an excessive amount of money,it would be a different story.
Did you mention that he had all of those weights...money wasted?? My dh bought a bowflex last year that he hsan't used twice and it is a complete waste of money.So if he ever mentions anything, I have my back up.
I don't think you should ever feel like you have to explain where your b-day money is going.What would have happened if you had put it into your bank account? You would have spent it on your kids and not yourself.
Just ignore him.He will get the hint after a while.
Lori:)
 
Hi Shirley,

I've been married a long time to a wonderful man. Both of us brought baggage into our relationship. Early on, the bags kinda sat in the middle of the room. At first, no problem. Eventually, they got in the way. Over the years we have unpacked together. We looked through all the items a layer at a time. Discussed how some things came to be. Listened and understood where we were when certain things were packed. We have come to a place in our lives where the bags are almost empty. I wish we had unpacked sooner.

Now, find your motivation & never let anyone take it away. Support from others is good but some things you must commit to for yourself.

Your friend in fitness,
jordan
 
Well, my Dh does use his workout equipment, so it isn't collecting dust (except when he hurt himself and had to rest). He has never had to deal with gaining weight and he thinks he knows all there is to know about losing weight and being healthy.

I have mentioned to him that he has spent a LOT of money on his workout equipment and that is when he mentioned the step collecting dust. Oh, by the way, I have yet to receive my step in the mail; but when I do I plan to use it.

Side note: I just purchased some Ryka's via the internet.

Shirley
 
Take a deeeeeeeeeep breath Shirley and slowwwwwwwwwly breath out.

Your husband is acting like a little brat who uses sarcasim because he has the bad case of the "little green monster"

Men do try and sabatarge woman when things change in their "little comfortable home", as in your case where your looking after yourself, looking good, and maybe starting to attract OTHER attention eleswhere.

IGNORE him, and try not to retaleate with an answer when he makes stupid comments.

You are doing soo great. YOU know that! WE know that! and thats all that matters. Pat yourself on the back for coming this far.......and going further.

Im glad you spent your birthday money on yourself

Marion
:)
 
Sounds somewhat familiar. If I get some extra money and choose to spend it on myself, my husband will hint that I should use it to pay a bill. I'm sorry, but if someone gives you a gift of money - they want you to buy yourself something. Of course, if he gets a gift of money, he puts it in the checking account. I never told my mother that when she sent him money for his birthday. She wouldn't have liked to hear it.

He also protested whenever I would talk about getting my own barbell set. He keeps his out on the front porch - which is enclosed, but gets REALLY cold in the winter. There's no way I was going to exercise out there. Also, I'd have to remove most of the weight from it to transport it in to the living room. And sometimes we'd want to use it at the same time. We have this wonderful option at my job where we can sell back any unused paid time off hours at the end of the year. So last fall I was able to sell a lot back and got a significant amount of money. I told him I was using some of it to buy my Troy set and the rest to buy a new carpet for our bedroom. Of course he protested, but in the end...what could he say? He sees that I use it all the time now and I have it kept in a place that's invisible when not in use (behind the couch).

Tell your husband that it's your money and get over it. Do you work outside of the home and bring in a paycheck? That makes it much easier for me to be tough, because I essentially make about $10k more a year than he does.

They don't understand how important good shoes are because they don't do high impact aerobics. Mine kept telling me that I didn't need new sneakers, even though my knees and ankles were killing me. Just because they don't look beat up on the outside doesn't mean they're in good shape. I ended up getting a brand new pair of New Balance from my step-mother because she didn't like the way they fit her. Of course, by the time my birthday rolls around in June, I'll need a new pair. And guess what? I'm sure I'll be met with resistance.
 
I wonder if that comment is typical of him, or out of left field? If out of left field, it might be worth saying something like, "Where did that come from?" if he seems confused, make it clear in simple terms that you experienced the remark as pretty unsupportive - implying that you should always focus on helping him or your family first and placing yourself lower on the list.

If typical, it might be time to have a talk. A formal one, kind of like a meeting, sometime when you're feeling calm and collected (maybe after a Cathe workout) and he'll know you're serious. Where you wonder about his unsupportiveness, where you're asking him to explain himself. Likely he'll deny that he's been that way. Pretend you believe him and tell him that you'd like to educate him a bit. If he acknowledges not supporting your good habits, then I'd love to know his explanation for it. Does he think you're selfish? Self-indulgent? Is he jealous because you're not consulting him for advice about it? Does he have feelings about money that you don't know about?
 
Don't get discouraged. I just think sometimes others don't think before they speak. He may think about this later. My husband is always very supportive. If it wasn't for him I would not have all of Cathe's workouts. He gets positive feedback from others about how I look so I think that is a bonus. I also know, be careful what you ask, because the answer may not be what you expect. You know the gains you have made and that is important. Keep it up and you will get positive feedback.
Diane Sue
 
Your husband is a selfish, controlling asshole.

I've seen his kind before in both male and female form.

This joker is an emotional vampire and he is dragging you down.
 
Shirley,

I'm sorry he has you feeling that way! Just remember you're doing this for YOU and that you are going to feel SOOO GOOD when you meet your goals (and when that step is the LAST place you'll find dust!!)

I think that your husbands comments are just a result of his own insecurities. So think of it as HIS problem instead of yours (though that's tough!!) It's sometimes really hard to understand, but if you can remember when people say or do something mean or negative to you, it is really based on something difficult that they are having a problem with, not really with you.

For some crazy reason, if I'm eating bad or not doing excercise, I feel better when I see my DH doesn't eat well. So if I give him some cake or something and he eats it and I don't, I feel better about myself. Now if he's trying to eat well and improve himself, there I just made it more difficult for him and am not supporting him. But it is based off of my own insecurities. Now your hubby's comments were a bit extreme in that they were rough and degrading. But if that's something he does often with all his comments maybe you can talk to him. You shouldn't have to let them roll off your back all the time! He has to understand what he's doing and how it's making you feel!
 
My husband is also very threatened by my interest in fitness. He's suddenly become maniacally jealous of me, gives me nine kinds of trouble every time I leave the house, wonders aloud why I look so "cute" just to go to Wal-Mart, etc.

He has also taken to "hovering" over me constantly--literally in my face. He won't let me walk through a room without stopping to give him a hug every time we pass. If I don't, he pouts.

He goes places with me now that he's never gone before and resents ALL my friends and outside interests. He won't even let me sleep in peace anywmore; he always wants to hold onto me. It's suffocating! I have no answers. Just wanted to vent as well and let you know you're not alone.

Shari

>I think he wants me to look frumpy and out of
>shape. Seriously! I don't think he wants me to look good or
>be healthy. If anything, his attitude is motivating me to
>want to prove him wrong. Yet, at other times I get very
>discouraged and want to eat junk.
>
>Thanks for allowing me to vent. Send me some motivating
>vibes. I need them.
>
>Shirley
 
Shari,
My hubby is like that too; EXCEPT he rarely shows me affection and when I hug him or stop to look him in the eyes he says "What?". He is very disinterested in me.

Shirley
 
Shirley,

Wow, that's odd. I wonder if he is detaching from you because he thinks you're going to leave him or something?

Shari
 
Shirley, the way things work around my house is - my money is MY MONEY and his money is MY MONEY. Seriously. These men that want to talk their trash and act like Mr Bigshot need to really back off. YOU come first. Haven't you ever heard if Mama's not happy, nobody is happy? Really girl its not that far from the truth. As the Mama, you have to make sure things run smooth, everyone gets taken care of etc., The best , hands-down way to do that is to take care of yourself. You're no good to anyone laying up in a hospital bed suffering from a stroke or a heart attack or anything. YOU are entitiled to treats, toys or dreams too!!!

UGGGHHHHH! I'm sorry if I vented.

Marla
 
Wow - I don't quite know what to say here. I am sorry some of you have to deal with an unsupportive SO. Personally, I can't imagine living with someone who was verbally abusive or desparately jealous and needy. Perhaps a counsellor or marriagebuilders.com may have some advice.

ETA: I have always had my own money and would never let anyone tell me how to spend it (Luckily - my DH is too sweet [and smart!] to even try that!).
 
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