WannaBeStrong
Cathlete
Naw. Nothing new but it's getting worse as we grow older.
Can I VENT please?!?!?!?!
- Thread starter WannaBeStrong
- Start date
kathryn
Cathlete
Am I right in assuming that he's the sole money maker? It seems like it from you're saying that "he" won't buy X for "you." He sounds very controlling, and if he's the only one earning money, he may feel he has the right to.
Some men also don't want their wives to look better (and associate working out as part of that), and try to sabatoge their efforts. I think it's sometimes insecurity on their part: they seem to think (whether they acknowledge it or not), that their SO wants to look better for someone else, or that if their SO looks better, she will attract someone else or be interested in someone else.
Control and insecurity are not that incompatible. DH (or "not-so-D"H?) may like to control to give himself some security.
Enough of my amateur analysis!
I'd get my own source of income and spend it anyway I wanted!
Some men also don't want their wives to look better (and associate working out as part of that), and try to sabatoge their efforts. I think it's sometimes insecurity on their part: they seem to think (whether they acknowledge it or not), that their SO wants to look better for someone else, or that if their SO looks better, she will attract someone else or be interested in someone else.
Control and insecurity are not that incompatible. DH (or "not-so-D"H?) may like to control to give himself some security.
Enough of my amateur analysis!
I'd get my own source of income and spend it anyway I wanted!
icklemoley
Cathlete
I'm not being funny, but ... why are you with him?
You are very attactive and do not need to be treated like this.
He needs to get a little self-will and keep that mouth of his shut.
Clearly i do not know you, but from you picture (looks wise) he is a very lucky man.
I totally understand about you saying he wants you out of shape, frumpy, etc... a friend of mine's partner is like that, but he lost weight regardless, and yes, men were interetsed in her more, and yes she left him, and yes is happier than ever.
Be you. Be strong. Be healthy. Be whoever you are. And if he starts again tell him to shut the Fxxk up.
You are very attactive and do not need to be treated like this.
He needs to get a little self-will and keep that mouth of his shut.
Clearly i do not know you, but from you picture (looks wise) he is a very lucky man.
I totally understand about you saying he wants you out of shape, frumpy, etc... a friend of mine's partner is like that, but he lost weight regardless, and yes, men were interetsed in her more, and yes she left him, and yes is happier than ever.
Be you. Be strong. Be healthy. Be whoever you are. And if he starts again tell him to shut the Fxxk up.
WannaBeStrong
Cathlete
I do have a PT job now, but yes he is the one that brings home the $$$. I did start classes for a nursing degree but had to quit because of the stresses of home life. I'd like to start again sometime soon. Although, when I do start, I'm still doing the darned prerequisites because the college won't accept most of my credits from my 2 year degree which was attained when I was 20.
We are still together mainly because we don't want to mess the kids up. Btw, My dh is just like his dad. His mom warned me...;(
Have a great day everyone!
I'm out.
Shirley
We are still together mainly because we don't want to mess the kids up. Btw, My dh is just like his dad. His mom warned me...;(
Have a great day everyone!
I'm out.
Shirley
shirley...
You dont know me...I am just some type written words, but I have to say your post and words have made me sad. I have been where your at, and it is sad for me to remember it and sad for me to know someone else is feeling the way I felt and you feel now. I know your worried about your kids, as you say messing them up...but shirley, what you are going through day in and day out is messing you up...
fight!!! take every step you need to take to save who YOU are..fight anyone who tries to bury you under self doubt, fight for your worth, fight for your health..FIGHT!!!! Life isnt paved for us, and you cant pave it for your children...but you can teach them through examples how to FIGHT for who you are, who they can be, and against anyone who would break them down !
Be tenatious as hell, and be the best you can be...!!!! and if he gets in your way...keep FIGHTING!!!!
Take care of you and yours
Samantha
You dont know me...I am just some type written words, but I have to say your post and words have made me sad. I have been where your at, and it is sad for me to remember it and sad for me to know someone else is feeling the way I felt and you feel now. I know your worried about your kids, as you say messing them up...but shirley, what you are going through day in and day out is messing you up...
fight!!! take every step you need to take to save who YOU are..fight anyone who tries to bury you under self doubt, fight for your worth, fight for your health..FIGHT!!!! Life isnt paved for us, and you cant pave it for your children...but you can teach them through examples how to FIGHT for who you are, who they can be, and against anyone who would break them down !
Be tenatious as hell, and be the best you can be...!!!! and if he gets in your way...keep FIGHTING!!!!
Take care of you and yours
Samantha
67firecracker
Cathlete
Just a minute. Did I hear you say he's just like his dad and his mother warned you? So he's acting exactly as he's been taught! I'd place bets he hasn't put any effort into learning a different way of dealing with things. Some wise friend pointed out to me that we spend all sorts of time learning all sorts of things but marriage/relationship skills have the biggest effect on our lives and we spend the least time learning how to deal with things. Talk to him over coffee. Be honest about how you feel. I echo the advice to get marriage help - don't wait for things to escalate. There are videos, retreats all sorts of things out there. Yes there are other guys out there that would probably treat you better but the fact is we usually end up attracting the same kind!
You do deserve better...and he needs to give it to you.
Just my opinion.
Trish
You do deserve better...and he needs to give it to you.
Just my opinion.
Trish
WannaBeStrong
Cathlete
Yes, I do have six kids and I have the stretchmarks to prove it. 
As for my relationship with DH, we are going to try to meet with someone soon. (I hope.)
Thank you all for all your support!!!
Shirley
As for my relationship with DH, we are going to try to meet with someone soon. (I hope.)
Thank you all for all your support!!!
Shirley
Shirley, I have been a stay at home mom for many years. I worked as a teacher for a few of those years. My dh makes a decent salary and has never, ever told me I couldn't buy whatever I wanted. It is our money. I earn it by staying home and being there for our children and managing our household. I also manage the money and pay the bills.
I do hope you can get professional counceling. If he doesn't want to go, then you go on without him. Life doesn't have to be that way. It is a wonderful thing to have a supportive partner who won't put you down. I would be devastated if my daughter married a man like that.
Do you have daughters? How does he treat them/her? You really should go back to school and this time, don't let your home life get in the way.
Btw, I have tons of stretch marks too. I named them after my children, LOL !
I do hope you can get professional counceling. If he doesn't want to go, then you go on without him. Life doesn't have to be that way. It is a wonderful thing to have a supportive partner who won't put you down. I would be devastated if my daughter married a man like that.
Do you have daughters? How does he treat them/her? You really should go back to school and this time, don't let your home life get in the way.
Btw, I have tons of stretch marks too. I named them after my children, LOL !