Books about Girls' Body Image

V

valentine64

Cathlete
My 10-year-old daughter has started being self-conscious about her weight and about her self-perceived "belly", i.e. a small pooch around the middle. She confided in me last night that she is worried she is fat because some of her friends weigh less than she does, and a couple of them don't have the "pooch" that she does. She is not hearing this at home; even though my husband and I try to eat healthily and stay fit, we are careful not to say we are "trying to lose weight". Rather, we focus on overall health and fitness. Anyway, I would like to know of any books (or videos) that you have used to help your daughters with a healthy body image and self-esteem that either you or your daughter (or both) read and benefited from. I am surprised (though I shouldn't be) that this common female body self-image is starting so early with kids today.Thanks so much for any good resources in this area.
Valerie
 
Hi Valerie,

I don't have any books or videos to recommend but I can tell you about my own personal experience. This body image thing isn't new - I'm 49 and I had major issues with it as a kid. I was 7 when I first started to become self conscious and worried about being fat (a kid at school called me fatty). By the time I was your daughter's age I was extremely worried and that was about the time I first mentioned it to my mom. I was a little bigger than my friends and weighed more (they were about 80 lbs and I was about 95 lbs at 10 years old). I became more self conscious through my teens and was always trying the latest diets. Through it all, my mom told me over and over again that I was just right and I wasn't fat, and in fact I was beautiful. And you know what? My mom's message was the one that stuck. I was horribly insecure about my body and my weight, right from 10 years old into my early twenties. But when I got out of that time, my body image was fine. I credit my mom and her persistence in nurturing me. I never once heard her talk about dieting, or weight (hers or mine). It must have been frustrating for her to watch me go through this, in spite of her best efforts, for 10 years. I gave her plenty of grief during that time, telling her she was out of touch and didn't know what she was talking about, and she should support me in trying to lose weight rather than just trying to placate me. But she gave me the gift of a secure adulthood. Yes, I have had my weight struggles but I don't connect them in my mind with being an inferior person.

I am following the same approach with my daughter, who is 8 and is starting to be sensitive about her appearance. The best thing you can do for your daughter is continue to give her a consistent, unwavering message that she is just fine and she is beautiful & healthy.

Good luck finding a book or video - it can only help to reinforce the message!

Stebby
 
I don't know of any books in particular but I know the recent Dove ads were helpful and influential, so maybe look for those on youtube. Also, take a look at Pink's latest release and the video that goes with it. She is so right on and gets it. This video is a mother talking to her daughter, it is an anthem, and the mother just says, "don't ever feel that you are nothing, you are f*****g perfect to me". I don't have a problem with strong language because there is language way worse and far more offensive out there, and I realize that my girls heard it at school long before they heard it at home, so I would have no problem showing this video and enjoying both it and Pink's music with my daughter. See what you think: Pink "F*****g Perfect" on MTV or Youtube. "Raise Tour Glass" by Pink also is an anthem to people who are different, nerds, brainiacs, anyone who doesn't fit the Hollywood celebrity ideal of perfection, not typically cool people, to just go on and "party on our own" and that video is also hilarious and a possible "teachable moment".

I would rather have my daughters emulate Pink, who is loud and does not measure up to any Jennifer Aniston model of Hollywood perfection herself but who is happy being herself in all her physical strength and promotes ambition in girls over ideal thinness and shopping ("Stupid Girls"--"Girls with ambition, that's what I wanna see, Where oh where have the smart people gone, Where oh where can they be?"), than Angelina Jolie who is so stick thin I am astonished her body can ever support life let alone her own boobs.

Clare
 
I have an 18 year old daughter who asked me to buy a scale once. Nope. I told her the numbers mean nothing, it's how you feel, how you eat and exercise to stay fit. The numbers don't show that. I was always worried about weight when I was younger and I was underweight in my teens. I didn't want her to get in to that. She is 5'10" and big boned so numbers wouldn't have made sense to her in her younger teens in relation to bone size, etc... She never bothered me for the scale after that and she loves going to the gym and uses free weights in her room. :)
 
sigh, sorry for the ranty, life story confessional thingy. . .

If you think she is in real trouble run, do not walk, to the IOWL podcast and all of Renee Stephen's products. They help deal with body image and eating disorders in a gentle and kind way. IOWL stands for Inside Out Weight Loss. The most important podcasts are the first 18.

Body image is such a complex thing. I had (still have) a terrible time with it. I had awful sexual harassment starting in junior high (boys exposing themselves on the school bus telling me about rape etc.) and culminating in two stalkers (both wackos let loose from mental health facilities.) in college (thank G-d for the police and my 300 lb big brother.). I was always told at school how ugly and fat I was. I deflected with self deprecating humor. I had begun to lose weight before the stalkers but after that the idea of being seen was so terrifying I put on weight to protect myself.

I have a French grandmother. We are naturally bigger boned people. I didn't understand just how big Frenchman were until I met some at an international conference in Burbank, CA. They are huge. They dwarfed me. When they shook my hand it absolutely disappeared! I had always thought I was this horrendously ugly, huge girl, and I'm not. I live in the Pan Pacific, Asian men are not that big.

But, you know what? Even now I have problems. I have scarring from burns that covered most of my body, I have stretch marks from hormonal imbalances (I have a skinny brother who has the same thing, he was never fat.) I have weird body hair from the hormonal issues. The very idea of being seen has isolated me.

Exercise actually helps. I feel at the very least strong. I may not be aesthetically pretty (people tell me that I am, but if that were true I would not be single. I'm not actually blind, I do know what I look like.)

I can cha-cha with the best of them. I can make a flying angel across the step. I can run a 10 min. mile. I can do 50 sit ups without anybody holding my feet. Maybe being pretty isn't all there is to life or to me for that matter.
 
Rapidbreath:

you sound like a totally balanced, sane person I'd be happy to know. Keep on with the cha chas and flying angels...

Clare
 
It has been forever since I've posted here but this thread caught my eye and I just wanted to share a site I ran across recently: http://operationbeautiful.com/. Like many of us here, I can relate to what your daughter is going through and when I discovered Operation Beautiful, I found it to be very inspirational. Enjoy!
 
I would suggest the book: My Feet Aren't Ugly: A Girls' Guide to Loving Herself From the Inside Out by Debra Beck. I bought this book for my daughter when she was having similar issues and some situations with friends to work through. I like that the book touches on many obstacles and challenges girls face not just body image.

I think you are doing the right things for your daughter. She has a great supportive family.
 
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Ladies,
Thank you so much for your wise, helpful advice!! I'm going to check into the resources you suggested. I knew I would be able to rely on you Catheites for wonderful advice! Have a great day!
Valerie
 
Valerie,
I can so relate to your daughter. I thought I was fat at a young age (10-11) because I matured before my friends and they all had stick-straight figures. I wish I had known better because it set me up for a life-time of yo-yo dieting and self-loathing for a long time.

It's so important to teach our young women to appreciate individuality and that they are beautiful and wonderful just the way they are!!

I second Operation beautiful, and the author is working on a new book for tween/teen issues. Maybe your daughter would like to be in it?

http://operationbeautiful.com/be-in-the-book/

A recent quote I heard and loved:
"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are" and why would you do that? You are amazing!
 
Valerie,

I can't think of a specific title, but I do know that Barnes & Noble and Borders each have a section of non-fiction (in the teen section), and I remember seeing a good number of books devoted to girls' issues and self-esteem. Some might be appropriate for your daughter.

Here is a link to an Amazon search for the 9-12 age range, which turned up what appear to be a few good possibilities:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=sr_nr_p_n_age_range_mrr_2?rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Agirls+and+body+image%2Cn%3A!1000%2Cn%3A4%2Cp_n_age_range%3A673423011&bbn=4&keywords=girls+and+body+image&ie=UTF8&qid=1296290799&rnid=673420011

And although this is a picture book and doesn't deal specifically with body image issues, I feel every girl, no matter her age, should own a copy. It's The Paperback Princess by Robert Munsch.
Paper_Bag_Princess.gif


It totally turns the tables on the traditional fairy tale, emphasizing intelligence over appearance. In this story, it is the princess who does the rescuing and creates her own happy ending. It's a cute and empowering story.
 
Thanks for the link on Amazon, RunninTeach! I have it bookmarked and will enjoy researching the books to find a good one. And thanks for the other replies, Ladies--I've written those book/dvd/podcast titles down so I can check them out! Have a great Thursday!
 
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