Birth Control 4 18 year old HELP

Not sure if someone mentioned this yet, as it seemed most of the bases had been covered. But birth control can also be used just to help control a painful or difficult period. In the case of the shot, depo, most people will stop having their period. It can also make the period shorter or lighter.

on the non-technical side and i think someone mentioned this already...She is 18 and an adult and now she is trying to be prepared for any 'what-if' type scenario. Birth control doesn't always mean someone is wanting to go out have sex instantly.

I hope you talk with your daughter and share your concerns. Hopefully she will appreciate knowing that you are concerned. Best of luck
 
If the conversation between your daughter and the nurse went down like she said, I think the nurse overstepped her bounds a bit (though daughter might have made it sound more like the nurse was encouraging her than she really was, perhaps the nurse was actually responding to your daughter's interest?).

I don't agree with taking hormones or any type of drugs unecessarily (in this case, being on the pill when not sexually active), but I also don't agree with teen pregnancies and overpopulating the Earth with unwanted babies...so I guess I'm just glad I don't have to deal with this myself! :confused:

As others have said: she is 18, so it's her decision.
 
There are many reason to take birth control and your daughter coming to you to discuss shows the close relationship that you have. I was also 18 when I went on the pill and I did not and would never had told my mother that I was on the pill. I grew up in a very conserative house and it would not have been accepted and there would have been no discussion except my Mom going on a rant rage.

I also think as parents as much as we think we know about our children there maybe somethings that they are not ready to tell you. I would talk to her but let her make the decision she is 18 and that is part of growing up.

Good luck and hugs....

Therese
 
parkercp said:
I think that now is the time that you hope and pray that the values and morals that you instilled in her take hold. She is starting into adulthood. It's tough to stand back and let them make their own decisions in life.

Have faith that she will follow your life teachings.
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Yeah what parkercp said. I know that you may think that there is no silver linning to this but you can at least be a little happy knowing that she at least told you about it. Most 18 year olds would do it with or without your permission. Hang in there. My Dad was in the Navy for 30+ years I know it must be hard trying to go through this without your husband. My mom would go nuts trying to make decisions regarding me, and my brother and sister. Kids mess up and do things that they don't want their parents to know. I know I messed up big time growing up, but as an adult I think I turned out okay. I can tell you I totally appreciate my parents now more than ever.
 
I have small kids so this is not an issue for me yet but I am a daughter and was once young. Yes she is 18 and can do whatever she wants and etc, she may or may not be having sex and the nurse may or may have overstepped her bounds. That is all really irrelevant because they have already happened and they are what they are. At this point, I stronly recommend that you KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN. You don't have to like what she is doing, just be happy that she is talking to you about it. Even if it was an off-hand comment. Make sure DH knows this too. If you don't handle this the right way she may not talk to you about anything else. You were her age once, what would you want your parents to do? Talk to her calmly, share your concerns and your knowledge and pray that she does the right thing - and keeps talking to you. I am not saying be her friend and encourage her, we are parents, not party-buddies. Be calm, rational, open-minded and listen. Did you tell your parents everything or anything? What do you want her to do?
I apologize if I any of this comes off badly and I wish you luck.
 
i really think this comes down to one decision. either she goes on the pill and prevents an unwanted pregnancy, or she runs the risk of becoming another teen mother. my next door neighbors' 2 granddaughters had children at the ages of 15 and 17. and the 17-yr old just had her second baby! it is horrible. neither one works and the fathers are no where to be found. my neighbors take care of the great grandchildren most of the time. it is a struggle for everyone involved. i worry about those babies when they get older.

keep us posted on how things go..
 
To me, this is THE toughest part of parenthood! (and it's a very tough job, as we all know...) You are at the point where your beloved child is technically an adult and is ready to step into her own life, beyond your safe haven. It's a time of transition -- she still counts on you, so much so that she confided her decision about birth control! But she is prepared to make her decision, whether or not you agree. Furthermore, it is her right to do that!

Letting go is so hard. You may or may not be able to let go with your hands, but your heart can never let go! You are at the point where you ask yourself "Did I do enough to prepare her? Should I have done this, or not done that? I had a job to do -- did I finish it?"

Like it or not, you have to step back. You may watch her falter or fumble, you may even watch her take horrible falls! You may not always be able to come to the rescue, and indeed she has to learn to get up on her own. Mixed in with the stumbling, you'll see small victories and large triumphs -- sooner or later.

It's her life now! Love her enough to let her live it, but make sure she knows that, though she'll always have to deal with the consequences of her own choices, she'll always have your love surrounding her as she flies forth.

It's a mom's job to let go at the right time! You've done all the rest, now do this. You'll find the strength!

Judy
 
My conservative side says that no woman should bring a child into the world that she cannot emotionallyand financially support,that the government has no business telling any adult what she can do with her body...and that being said,she's an adult and has the right to her body - if we can deploy her to die in a war, she's an adult and has the right to her body-even if she is still a teenage bonehead!!!
My liberal side feels girls are STILL exploited with pre-mature sexuality...my kids go to a Christian school and one of the 6th (yeah, 12 years old) is making out with 14 year olds in the movies - and while the boy has a notch in his belt, she's being labeled with the "sl" word....and I think girls need to be taught that as EQUALS with boys, they have the RIGHT to say NO,not to become boy toys, to tell the boys to back off, that they are going to persue academic and financial achievement and independance and NOT be bogged down with sexual complications in their teens that tends to STILL cost girls way more than boys for the rest of their lives....

So yeah, at 18, tell her that waiting for the long term,loving relationship will pay off....but (say it with your fingers crossed behind your back)you're proud she decided to be responsible...but that the day AFTER a spontaneous hookup can be a miserable one .....
 
worseenemy said:
Ok my 18 years old dd come home yesterday and said to me, Mom I have an appointment for friday, and I said for what? and she said for a birth control...Whattttt she just went to get that shot I don't even remember the name her friend give her a ride and it took for ever, I mean she is not sx active not even boyfriend so why does she need for? she said that the nurse oh who ever talk to her ask, why she wasn't taking any and she answer my mom won't let me and this person said, well you are 18 so you can come with out you mom. I don't know what to do I don't think she need any yet until she is ready for this..

My husband is deploy and I'm sure his going to be mad when he found out this, he thinks that this is like OK now you can go and have sex is like giving permission or green light to go get and do what ever she want..
Or what do you guys think help me please...you guys think I'm crazy and just let her do it?
Thanks
Eunice
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I'm confused as to why you think this is something negative. Your daughter, of an age that would be considered adult by many jurisdictions and cultures, has chosen to share with you something very personal. That means you have a close relationship with her. If all children waited for their parents to be ready for them to have sex, the human race would never have gotten off the ground. Quite frankly, at the age of 18, it's none of your business whether she is having sex or not, and what birth control devices she may choose to employ are also not your business. The fact that she chose to give you that information even though she really doesn't have to is positive, not negative.
 
Melissa, I'm so sorry. :(

Eunice, I have a 13 y/o and have been quietly practicing how to handle this situation when it presents itself. I went on the pill at 19 and never told my mom. I knew she would flip, and she wasn't going to change my mind with all her yelling, so I just bypassed it all.

I agree with the suggestions that you first praise your daughter for being responsible and then follow that up with a thorough discussion about sex and its repercussions. If you don't think you can do that, find someone you trust who can arm her with the appropriate knowledge. That's your best defense.

Much luck to you!
 
I think she's being smart. I think it's your job as a parent to try to be objective and support her in this decision. Truthfully, there's nothing you can do to stop her since she's 18, anyway. If you make this a point of contention, you will just alienate her.

She's an adult, and regardless of your beliefs or those of your husband, she's legally able to make her own decisions, and it sounds like she made a very smart one.

Count your blessings... she could have come home with cocaine or heroin instead of the Pill. If this is the worst thing she ever does, you're lucky.

MC
 
appreciated all your thought!!!!

Thanks everybody for your opinion, today is the appointment and I will go with her and talk to the doctor,about the side effects and all that kind of stuff. I 'm going to let her have it,you guys are right it could be worse, if she bring home a baby or any other drugs or a punk for a boyfriend,I'm not happy but I'm ok... I will let you guys know how things going..........

Thanks Eunice
 
I have no kids but...(sorry this is a bit long)

I would be more concerned with the emotional well being behind this. She may be legally old enough to do as she wants, but there are repercussions that she may not be old enough emotionally to handle. Unfortunately it is hard to communicate that because you really have to learn from experience and that can be dangerous. Good for her for trying to be responsible though. Good for her for coming to you and letting you know her intentions. This is a signal to you that she needs some guidance. She is opening up the dialogue. She could have said nothing about it.

I think it would be wise to educate your daughter about the fact that there are more things to worry about than getting pregnant. It is now known that condoms are not as reliable as orginially thought. I am not talking about breakage either. ALL of the diseases can still be spread even if a condom is used correctly and does not break. Skin to skin contact (condoms don't cover the WHOLE area) and oral contact can also spread diseases. To top it all off, your partner may not even know they have something because of the following:

1. They may not exhibit symptoms - this is often the case with most STDs
2. There may not be a test for the disease - men are carriers for HPV and as of yet, there is no test to determine whether they have it unless it is the warts kind and they actually exhibit symptoms. HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer. There are over 100 strains of this virus and only 4 or 5 are affected by Guardasil.
3. They may never have been tested because they may not be exhibiting symptoms and therefore feel no need to do so.

Here are some facts: 95% of the people in this world have been exposed to a form of HPV. Not all people keep it in their system - many immune systems can kill it off and get rid of it. However, there are plenty that do not. They become carriers.
20% of the people have genital herpes - as far as we know. There are so many more who do not have symptoms and are carriers.

I am not trying to scare you, but it is really important to educate each other and the kids in this area. It is not a time to get angry at your daughter. You need her to trust you and to be able to come to you and ask questions. The topic is awkward, but it really needs to be addressed. At least this way she will feel more empowered to make educated choices.
 
morningstar said:
I'm confused as to why you think this is something negative. Your daughter, of an age that would be considered adult by many jurisdictions and cultures, has chosen to share with you something very personal. That means you have a close relationship with her. If all children waited for their parents to be ready for them to have sex, the human race would never have gotten off the ground. Quite frankly, at the age of 18, it's none of your business whether she is having sex or not, and what birth control devices she may choose to employ are also not your business. The fact that she chose to give you that information even though she really doesn't have to is positive, not negative.
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Being her mother makes it her business and the fact that the 18 year old child/adult is still dependent on her mother makes it her business. Children having sex is an issue with or without birth control. And yes, I understand that 18 is "legal" but like others have said, it doesn't make it the best choice and there is nothing wrong with a mother being concerned about her barely adult daughter possibly making life altering decisions. There are emotional, physical, spiritual repercussions to these adult decisions so many of our children and young adults are making and parents are the best ones to have open communication about this with their children.
 
I makes me a little angry that this girl is being spoken about as if she is a "child." Apparently she is responsible and aware of the repurcussions that come with having sex, otherwise she wouldn't have sought out any alternative method of birth control besides condoms, which are way easier to access than the pill. At 18, you're not an adult yet but you are definitely old enough to make the decision to have sex on your own, and do not have to consult your parents about it. When I was 18, I told my mom I wanted to be put on the pill and she came with me to the doctor's office. Granted, she wasn't happy but she knew I was old enough and smart enough to make my own decision in that I was ready to have sexn with my boyfriend at the time. I wasn't sexually active beforehand and once I was put on the shot I didn't become someone who slept around, so the fear that BC is a signal for a free-for-all is not true.

I would definitely suggest you learn as much as you can about the shot. I had bad side effects too, so just make sure you cover all angles :)

Good luck and I'm so glad you are being so supportive for your daughter!
 
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