Hi SirenSongWoman,
I bought a book by Nancy Clark (who's widely regarded as an expert in sports nutrition) that's aimed at marathoners, and she has a really simple formula for determining your calories required and how you should reduce it without sacrificing your ability to fuel your workouts properly.
First, she has you multiply 10 by the number of pounds you weigh--this is your RMR (to get even more accurate, you can use the Harris Benedict formula). Once you have your RMR, she has you multiply this by 1.3 or 1.4 if you live a fairly sedentary lifestyle OUTSIDE OF YOUR WORKOUTS, 1.5 if you moderately active in your lifestyle, and 1.6 if you have a very active lifestyle. Now you have the calories you need just to maintain your every day life.
Next, you calculate the approximate calories you burn during the week when you exercise. I have a Polar HRM, so I'm able to record the calories I burn during all my workouts--do you have something similar? Otherwise, I'm sure you can google some sites that can estimate calories burned on common activities.
Once you've got the total number of calories burned in a week from exercise, you divide it by 7, and then you add that number to the calories you need to maintain your lifestyle. This total number is the number of calories you need to maintain your weight when you're exercising.
To lose weight but still be able to appropriately fuel, she recommends taking off no more than 80% of calories needed to maintain while exercising. She believes that taking off more than that will lead your workouts to suffer. She also believes in honoring the hunger and making sure that even on rest days or if you're injured, that you need to eat those calories so your body is repairing itself properly.
The weight loss will be slower than if you were to do the traditional 500 calories a day deficit, but she believes that for really active people, this can be too big a deficit and can really harm your metabolism because of muscle mass loss. The idea is to lose weight, but not feel deprived during the process.
Hope that helps!
Jennifer