Am I to friendly?

L

lorihart

Cathlete
Its Sunday and I am bored....I'll talk about anything today.
This is weird and I am not sure how to handle it. I use to work for an Airline and the maintance guy for this compnay was in the office with the girls all of the time b/c that was where his office was as well.We use to have a lot of fun when working and would often joke and carry on.But this guy does nothing for me (not to mention we are both married and I am very happy) I mean everyone use to joke and there was always 7 people around at the time.
Since then, the company as moved and he is about 3 hours drive away.I haven't seen him since but he also keeps in touch with some of the other girls and he will e-mail me off and on.
I still work at the airport but for another company where I work night shifts.
When he e-mails me he may throw little comments in,like saying that there are lots of things he hasn't told me and so on.Making me think that maybe he as feelings for me (weird!)
Today he wrote me and wanted to know when I was working again b/c he was thinking about flying in on my night shift and sitting with me the whole time and then leaving again in time to get back to work,which is quit possible for him.My response was "that would be nice,if you come here,we can also pick sara and kim up (two girls I worked with) and we could have coffee"....His response was "I'd rather not see anyone, and I would rather if you didn't have any flights either"
What am I suppose to say to that? I can't tell DH b/c he will flip. Im not joking, this is the 3rd married man in 3 monthes that as been acting weird around me and telling me that there is something they need to tell me. One guy was really bad.
I like chatting with people and I don't ever say anything to out of the way and I certainly don't give anyone any indication that I am interested in them.So is it that I am to friendly and they read way to much into it.I am just friendly to everyone...weather it be a man or women and I don't want to sleep with either one of them.
I think the airport is just a bad place to work. This is not a busy one either.And just now I sat down to read my mag and the phone rang.This was another guy (married with 3 kids) who works here and he called to tell me a joke.He isn't even working and is away on business (did you try calling your wife? ) I said, "you already told me this joke" and he says, oh...then he keeps on talking and wants to know when I am working again and so on. I eventually had to get rid of him.I think this "joke" was an excuse to call.Who calls to tell someone a joke when they are on business?
I don't know.Am I suppose to be meaner to people? I am obviuosly giving the wrong vibe but I have never done anything for anyone to think I would be interested in their "company"
Lori:)
 
Lori,

I have a feeling you must be really pretty! :) I don't think it's anything you're doing - a man who is going to hit on you is going to hit on you. I would be careful to nip it in the bud though. In the past I have found it useful to mention my husband often. Once I even flat out said, my husband is not comfortable with me having coffee with other men even just as friends (which is not true but it works). Keep being friendly!

Sparrow

PS: it's funny you mention this, I was thinking about posting about a chat I recently had with an old friend, who propositioned me with "I'm happily married, you're happily married, now is the perfect time for us to have an affair without the threat of romance or attachment." Gee, I'm tempted. (insert eye rolling!)

Sparrow

___________________
www.scifichics.com
 
I would have to say that you are somehow giving these guys the wrong impression. This seems to happen to you quite frequently. I've been posting here since March and this is the third or fourth time that you've posted something like this. Perhaps you should try not to joke around with these guys too much and keep your relationship with your co-workers on a more professional level.

Just my two cents.
 
I completely relate to what you are saying. When I use to work outside of the home, it was non stop for me with these kind of things. Really, it just got ridiculous at times. When I worked in the restaurant, I had a very obese man ask me to "squeeze his lemons" for him when he ordered tea. Well the thought of that made me quite ill. LOL! So I could laugh it off, but there were other times too like you describe. There are alot of weird people out there in this world, but I think you should just continue to be yourself and when you need to assert yourself, you must. Once I went to a club and was dancing with my SIL and her friends and guys came around me bothering me constantly. I really wasn't there to be picked up. I love to dance and was having a great time doing so. Well I had to tell them all to leave me alone. Flashed my wedding ring several times...nerdy or not, I didn't want to be bothered. Just let me dance and go away. You know..... look, but don't touch me!!!!! When I was asked to dance, I just said, "no".

Charlotte~~
 
Lori, you're hot! And if you're really friendly, I can see why guys think you're hitting on them. They're probably thinking, "Hey, this girl's cute, and she's being really nice to me. She must be hitting on me!" Silly guys. Are you also a touchy-feeling person? I would continue to be friendly, but maybe avoid touching them, even on the arm. And whoever mentioned it earlier, nip it in the bud. Or talk about your DH a lot.

This is actually an interesting topic regarding married men. I've heard people say that married guys get hit on more often. Is this really true? Or is it that when a girl knows a guy is married, then she will be friendlier to him thinking that she won't have to worry about him hitting on her, and then he thinks she's hitting on him because she's just friendly?

Elaine
 
I agree that, even if you don't realize it, there are things you are inadvertently doing that are being taken as flirting. You may be engaging in the same behavior as friends, but for some reason (i.e. maybe you are more attractive, making more eye contact, etc) you are being targeted. I also have a very bubbly personality and genuinely like talking to people, but have found when in relationships, I simply have to be more reserved around guys (due to having experienced a few very uncomfortable situations like yours).

I've realized that, although I have the right to behave any way I want, they also have the right to hit on me, and when they do, I find it extremely uncomfortable. So, given the choice between being more reserved (or talking about my fiancee immediately, which sometimes has been no deterrent!) or having to say something really forceful when things have gone too far, being more reserved with guys is always going to be the easier option.
 
There are actually girls that work at my husbands work that are in their mid to late 20's hitting on these older guys that are in their 50's and 60's (cute or not). My husbands dad (early 60's then)used to work w/ him and he had one come up to him and say, "How about we go to a hotel after work?". Well my FIL being one that is a born again/spirit filled Christian and reads his Bible every day said in a regular voice:" You don't come around here acting like that. Have more respect for yourself." (Knowing him he threw some scripture in there too). Anyways, these men are probably sending out "feelers" just to see if you WOULD do something.
 
Nope, Im not touchy feely.I am to my friends but not strangers, especially men.
I mention my DH quiet often, in most every conversation I have.I don't think I am doing anything wrong.I am just super easy to get along with and (if I do say so myself) funny at times,and when you make people laugh,they just seem to like you more.DH is always cracking up and me and some of the stuff I say.
These people aren't my co-workers (one was) These are just people who work around here, that I may see once every 2 weeks (if that)The guy that called today,actually came in to my work one night,with coffee in hand, and I had no clue who he was. It just so happened that it was my b-day and DH was hanging with me.
When we go out to clubs I can get hit on queit frequently and sometimes not at all. I always wear my wedding ring.

With this being said, I don't recall writing about this before.Just the one time that a guy asked for my e-mail address.I guess I will have to go back and see.I don't recall.
Lori:)
 
Yep, Shelly, you must be mistaken. I have been here for 6 yrs and I just reveiwed any topics I have started since Dec and they have mostly been fitness related, nothing to do with what I brought up here. You must have gotten me confused with someone else.
Lori:)
 
I find this kind of interesting. Why do we women always assume that we're the ones doing something wrong, when men hit on us? I'll bet Lori is pretty and friendly, and these guys are looking at her thinking that she would be so great. I'm sure she is, too. But, I doubt she should change anything about herself, except maybe to tell these guys firmly that while she appreciates the flattery, she is happily married and not looking for anything else.

Lori, I really doubt that you're doing anything to give these guys the wrong impression. I know men who if you look at them in disgust, they think you are coming on to them. Just accept that you're one hot lady, and let these guys down firmly (and even that might not work - some of these guys don't get a hint if you hit them over the head with a 2X4).
 
Thanks Christine.Its kind of hard to change yourself just b/c you are afraid that someone is going to get the wrong impression.And who knows,the same guys that are talking to me at work are probably talking to everyone else to hahaha.
Thanks again, I really didn't think I was doing anything wrong but some people mistake freindliness for "I want you" somehow! I don't flirt with them or say cruse things, I just talk about life in gerenal.Im not sure what else I am suppose to talk about.
Lori:)
 
Lori,

I second and third what Christine said. You are who you are and shouldn't have to change. Some men think you're flirting if you say hello, LOL!

You just need to keep your boundary up and when you feel uncomfortable, make them feel uncomfortable by telling them how they're making you feel. Or, just ask them to leave you alone.

Don't ever think your behavior is making someone act a particular way. That's the other person's issue...not yours :)
 
Interesting topic. I work in a a male dominated industry (HVAC)and consider myself relatively attractive and very friendly. I have been married almost 15 years and am 32 years old.

I engage many men in conversation and have had some make lame, joking comments but that is where it ends. They never come on to me, ask me for my phone number, or proposition me for a date. Think about your conversations and reflect as to whether there may be some dialogue that may be encouraging the behavior.

I also thought I had read this post before and double checked the date three time while I was reading it. Maybe I was thinking of the e-mail thread.
 
No one as asked me out on a date or asked for my phone number.I think the guy I use to work with just thinks that everyone wants him and he wants to see what my reaction is.
In most conversations, we talk about my husband and what he is doing now.If talking is considered flirting, then I guess I am just going to have to stop talking.
Lori:)
 
From your pictures it is obvious that you are very attractive. Not having met you or observed the situations you are describing gives me the leeway to speculate that you probably have a lot of charisma. I used to work with a guy who was married with kids, very attractive and who absolutely exuded charisma. Just about every woman in the office (myself excluded of course!!!) was completely taken with him. He was really nice and talked about his wife and kids a lot but I know he got loads of phone calls and emails from women who could not resist his charm. I can see where this could easily be the case for a woman with charisma as well. Some men are really good guys and some are always "trolling" for an opening. All I can say is keep it above-board and professional. If I were you I would focus on why you are not/cannot discuss this with your best ally - ie, your husband?
 
Boy,I didn't realize this topic was gonna get so big!:) I thought that maybe others had experienced it and you know, with all this being said there are alot more guys that DON'T hit on me, then the ones that do.
I didn't want to mention to DH what my previous co-worker had thought up(about comming to town) b/c our conversations were always innocent (on my part) this guy does nothing for me and even if he did,Im not like that.I have never cheated on a boyfriend,much less my husband.I didn't want DH to worry about it or if we may happen to run into him, I didn't want DH to tell him off or anything.I would much rather handle it myself.It may not be the right way to handle it but somethings are better left unsaid.Im sure he as handle situations before without filling me in.
I don't flirt with these people, I just chat with them when they come around.And there are always other people around.I think the people that this is happening with have different personalities b/c I treat everyone the same and like I said, there are alot more people that don't take my attitude to heart, or to their head.
Lori:)
 
Is this maybe what Shelley was referring to? From one of the summer check-ins you wrote awhile back:

"Good Morning,
Soon to be good night for me! I managed to get a 30 min nap.That nap is whats gonna get me through the next hour.
I have worked at the airport for almost 2 years so I know a few people up here.Last night I was just getting ready for a little snooze and people start comming by.One of my co-workers from my other job stays for to long and finally he leaves.When I am at my other job we laugh and carry on and we are pretty open.And we say things, that sometimes, makes your jaw drop(but everyone is just joking)He was here last night and he wanted me to rub his shoulders....then he wanted to rub mine.I was A LITTLLLLEEEE uncomfortable.He is always doing stuff like that at our other job but he does it to everyone, and it isn't a big deal b/c there are lots of people around, but I felt really uncomfortable last night when he asked me to do it and we were alone.So I didn't.FINALLY.....2-3 hours later he leaves.It wasn't soon enough.DH would flip if he knew this.And I sort of felt guilty for some reason.I wasn't doing anything wrong but I felt like I was in a situation I shouldn't have been in.I was at work..I couldn't leave.Prehaps I should have asked him to leave.He was saying other stuff but iwon't go there!
Anyway,Im sure to him,it was no big deal but to me it felt weird.
Today I would like to do GS legs and a run but I don't think I am going to have time for both.SO it will just be a run if I can't do both.
I will check back when I wake up.
Lori
 
I can't beleive someone actually had the time to go back into the forums and looks up something that someone posted.Thats pretty lame!You must have alot of time on your hands.Im sorry...but I find this very childish.

Either way Lori,don't worry about it.If people make you feel uncomfortable, Im sure you will know how to deal with it.Some people just take people being friendly as you wanting more.I don't think anyone here as the right to judge anyone if they haven't meant in person.And you made it quit clear that you mention your DH quit frequently...so sounds like you got yourself covered.
 
Well it is crystal clear to me that some would love to have your problem and don't which explains some of the rudeness.
So go on with your pretty self!

Charlotte~~
 
Thanks Charlotte and Runner2.I think you both said what I was feeling so I won't add to it, I know how these threads can turn into fights and Im not the finding kind....even when provoked.
Lori:)
 
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