Ageing Gracefully

LaughingWater

LaughingWater

Cathlete
Does anyone have a great book to recommend on this topic?

I love to read all kinds of stuff, especially anything inspirational, and thought this would be an excellent time for me to approach this subject.

I'm 38 and never shy about telling people my age. I also seem to get happier as I get older. I don't like the gray hair I have to color, or the fact that my joints don't seem to appreciate all the wear and tear I put them through over the years, but in general I'm pretty darn pleased with myself. My husband, on the other hand, is having a terrible time at 41. While I'm currently content, watching him has made me wonder if I'll ever reach a point of Middle Age Crazy. He thinks I won't...that I'm immune somehow :D (which he often says with a hint of envy in his tone), but I think I'd rather prepare anyway. Just in case.

Thanks!
 
From the sound of your post, you ARE aging gracefully. This subject has been brought up on this forum before, and I just have to say that I think that the point has been missed. That other thread was all about how to change yourself physically, to make yourself look younger, etc..

My belief of the idea of "growing old gracefully" is to accept it and get on with the time you have left in life. Do what you can to make yourself attractive, but don't let that be your primary concern as you age. How about realizing that there's not a damn thing you can do about getting older (and, lets face it, the alternative is much worse!). Yes, keep active and healthy and informed...at least you'll feel younger and smile a lot more. There is something wonderful about finally realizing that our time would be better spent on other activities than trying to get rid of wrinkles. I have a friend who has been dreading every birthday since she was 35. My advice to her is: "Look at it this way--you're never going to be as young as you are right now...and you're missing it by worrying about the fact that in five years you'll be 40, or 45, or whatever milestone you're worried about!"

Look, I'm paraphrasing an old adage: When I'm on my deathbed, looking back on my life, will I say I wish I'd spent more time and money on botox, wrinkle creams, staring in the mirror getting depressed that I don't look like I did when I was 25, or would I rather have spent more time having fun spending time laughing with people I love, reading a book, and enjoying all the other great moments that I should have been taking advantage of that will never come again?

But, that's just me...and I'm quite a bit older than YOU!
 
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TeTe said:
From the sound of your post, you ARE aging gracefully. This subject has been brought up on this forum before, and I just have to say that I think that the point has been missed. That other thread was all about how to change yourself physically, to make yourself look younger, etc..

My belief of the idea of "growing old gracefully" is to accept it and get on with the time you have left in life. Do what you can to make yourself attractive, but don't let that be your primary concern as you age. How about realizing that there's not a damn thing you can do about getting older (and, lets face it, the alternative is much worse!). Yes, keep active and healthy and informed...at least you'll feel younger and smile a lot more. There is something wonderful about finally realizing that our time would be better spent on other activities than trying to get rid of wrinkles. I have a friend who has been dreading every birthday since she was 35. My advice to her is: "Look at it this way--you're never going to be as young as you are right now...and you're missing it by worrying about the fact that in five years you'll be 40, or 45, or whatever milestone you're worried about!"

Look, I'm paraphrasing an old adage: When I'm on my deathbed, looking back on my life, will I say I wish I'd spent more time and money on botox, wrinkle creams, staring in the mirror getting depressed that I don't look like I did when I was 25, or would I rather have spent more time having fun spending time laughing with people I love, reading a book, and enjoying all the other great moments that I should have been taking advantage of that will never come again?

But, that's just me...and I'm quite a bit older than YOU!
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Co-sign!!

I'm 39 on October 15 and I love it! I look forward to being 40. Every year is better than the last, IMO. :)

Sparrow
 
You really don't have a choice. I get my mind in a positive attitude, and go on from there.

I try to eat right, challenge my mind and body with all kinds of different exercises/activities.

I think it's a waste of time worrying about the inevitable, "aging". I Live my life the way I want to live it, or as best as I can and I try to be kind to people. I enjoy my family and friends/pets. There will always be challenges along the way, so I try to meet them head on, sometimes I even embrace them, they make me grow wiser. It truly is up to me, I can make it easy on myself or make it hard. I chose to except it and everything else that comes along with aging. So far I've been very lucky, have my health and no diseases. Those challenges I've not come across.

It's a mind set. Sounds easier than it really is? Sometimes I have hard days, but most of the time life is good. I'm 57, ask me again when I'm in my 60's.

Janie
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TeTe said:
From the sound of your post, you ARE aging gracefully. This subject has been brought up on this forum before, and I just have to say that I think that the point has been missed. That other thread was all about how to change yourself physically, to make yourself look younger, etc..

My belief of the idea of "growing old gracefully" is to accept it and get on with the time you have left in life. Do what you can to make yourself attractive, but don't let that be your primary concern as you age. How about realizing that there's not a damn thing you can do about getting older (and, lets face it, the alternative is much worse!). Yes, keep active and healthy and informed...at least you'll feel younger and smile a lot more. There is something wonderful about finally realizing that our time would be better spent on other activities than trying to get rid of wrinkles. I have a friend who has been dreading every birthday since she was 35. My advice to her is: "Look at it this way--you're never going to be as young as you are right now...and you're missing it by worrying about the fact that in five years you'll be 40, or 45, or whatever milestone you're worried about!"

Look, I'm paraphrasing an old adage: When I'm on my deathbed, looking back on my life, will I say I wish I'd spent more time and money on botox, wrinkle creams, staring in the mirror getting depressed that I don't look like I did when I was 25, or would I rather have spent more time having fun spending time laughing with people I love, reading a book, and enjoying all the other great moments that I should have been taking advantage of that will never come again?

But, that's just me...and I'm quite a bit older than YOU!
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Well said, TeTe! Your post made me realize something. I think it's mostly the young who get depressed over birthdays. When you're a kid, you think you're going to live forever. When you turn 30, you start to realize that you're not going to live forever, and it can be pretty sobering. But the older you are, the more you come to accept that life is short, and you've got to grab your happiness where you can. For my mother, it was harder to turn 30 than it was to turn 60 or 70. I think you start to take yourself less seriously as you age. Just a random observation.
 
I think you're right, Nancy. I worried more about it when I was younger, but now, even though I'm seeing some maybe not-so-positive results of age and a very pleasure-seeking youth (which I wouldn't change for a minute!), I'm realizing that, well, it's not as bad as I'd imagined! And, as Janey and you have brought up, it's definitely more about attitude and health than trying to look younger!

I think about celebrities who have gotten so much surgery that they barely look human, much less like a younger human, and then I think of those women that I think are so attractive in their own right. They're natural and fun and smart and there is such a wisdom and an appreciation of life that pours out from them during interviews: Judi Dench, Patti Smith, Helen Merrin, Maggie Smith, Christiane Amanpour, Margaret Atwood, Maya Angelou, etc. I could be wrong, but I don't think any of them has had "work" and I'd rather look like them at their age, than a lot of much younger women who are obviously much more concerned with their appearance than experiencing a life worth living!
 
I couldn't agree more, TeTe. I cannot understand why people like Meg Ryan want to look like a zombie version of a younger person instead of just looking like their beautiful mature selves! I guess there's a lot of pressure on actresses, so I understand even less why non-celebrities spend time and money on things like botox and plastic surgery. In my experience, it's usually the women who already look great who go in for these procedures. I have a friend who is my age and doesn't have a single line on her beautiful olive skin. She can't wait to be surgically altered. Interesting, isn't it?
 
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I'm 33, so I'm a bit of a newcomer to this topic (I hope to have many years to develop deeper thoughts on the issue), but I resent the social and commercial forces that are directed at women my age and younger to color our hair and buy all kinds of products that "prevent" the signs of ageing.

I don't mind using sunblock, wearing protective clothing, eating well, and otherwise taking care of myself. I already see changes in myself that have me a little panicked, and I definitely understand why people want to have cosmetic procedures done! But for myself, I'm trying to be more relaxed about it (especially since I really can't afford that kind of stuff, and my career doesn't depend on my looks at all).

I just borrowed this book about a woman who decided to let her hair grow out grey, from the library, and it really got me thinking about this very subject.

I used to dye my hair just for fun, but now it feels like a chore, and I can see that I have a good amount of grey in my hair. I'd like to let it grow out and stop dyeing it, but I always balk when I have about an inch or so of grey at the base of my otherwise brown hair.

My mom never dyed her hair and it's GLORIOUS. It's a beautiful silvery-grey, and I LOVE it. My grandmother's hair is also fabulous: silvery-white, and she wears tons of super-bright colors and always gets lots of compliments. I think my genetic hair destiny looks pretty good, but I just can't get past the idea of having it half-brown and half-grey for the next several years (and I really don't want to cut it all off, either). Sigh. So, I guess growing older gracefully seems rewarding and worthwhile, but challenging, to me.

Lisa
 
Afreet said:
I'm 33, so I'm a bit of a newcomer to this topic (I hope to have many years to develop deeper thoughts on the issue), but I resent the social and commercial forces that are directed at women my age and younger to color our hair and buy all kinds of products that "prevent" the signs of ageing.

I don't mind using sunblock, wearing protective clothing, eating well, and otherwise taking care of myself. I already see changes in myself that have me a little panicked, and I definitely understand why people want to have cosmetic procedures done! But for myself, I'm trying to be more relaxed about it (especially since I really can't afford that kind of stuff, and my career doesn't depend on my looks at all).

I just borrowed this book about a woman who decided to let her hair grow out grey, from the library, and it really got me thinking about this very subject.

I used to dye my hair just for fun, but now it feels like a chore, and I can see that I have a good amount of grey in my hair. I'd like to let it grow out and stop dyeing it, but I always balk when I have about an inch or so of grey at the base of my otherwise brown hair.

My mom never dyed her hair and it's GLORIOUS. It's a beautiful silvery-grey, and I LOVE it. My grandmother's hair is also fabulous: silvery-white, and she wears tons of super-bright colors and always gets lots of compliments. I think my genetic hair destiny looks pretty good, but I just can't get past the idea of having it half-brown and half-grey for the next several years (and I really don't want to cut it all off, either). Sigh. So, I guess growing older gracefully seems rewarding and worthwhile, but challenging, to me.

Lisa
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Lisa, I'm in the same boat. I started to go grey early - in my late twenties - and honestly would just love to go all grey at this point, just to save on the expense of getting it colored. I once saw a women in line at the movies, about my age and with long curly hair like mine, who was naturally grey. She looked fantastic!! The thing I am afraid of is the growing out stage!!

Sparrow
 
I seriously think my hair would look better, compliment my skin tone more, and be healthier (and cheaper) if I could just force myself to leave it alone!

Maybe we could usher in a new trend for wearing hats that cover the head to ear-level or something! :p
 
Oh, I just had to join in on this discussion!

I'm 48, just about 49....About 3 months ago, I finally decided to let my hair go natural. Trust me, it was a HUGE decision! This coming from someone who has been dyeing her hair since she was about 17 (yes, I turned gray then!)...not to mention a mom who is AGHAST at the very idea of her daughter letting herself grow grey when she herself is still dyeing hers at the age of nearly 80!

But I feel like I'm fighting the inevitable at this point...and I guess I'm just tired of the "fight".

I figure I keep myself in shape, always have. I eat right and really try to take care of myself. I'm just tired of trying to look like something I'm not anymore.

I look back at the pictures of me in my 20s, and I've come to realize that I have to accept that I will never look like that again. It's just the way it is.....

And there's nothing more special to me than to see a well-groomed, inshape woman with gray hair who really carries herself with grace and an air of self-acceptance.

Back to the hair issue, yes, the growing out stage of this gray hair business is AWFUL. But I don't see any other way around it, other than to just go "through" it! :) My hair is long, dark brown and curly....I do NOT look good with short hair, so it's not like my alternative is to just let the gray grow out a bit and then do one of those short haircuts! My plan is to get hair trims fairly constantly just to get rid of the colored portion as often as possible without really losing the length. That's the "plan" anyway! :)

Meanwhile, I was even thinking of starting a blog as I sure could use some support! :)

Terri
 
I've been growing out my hair for over a year. It's taken some getting used to, but whenever I see people that I haven't seen for a while, the first thing they say is, "I love your hair!" I guess they mean it, I mean, if they didn't, I guess they wouldn't say anything!

Like you, Afreet, I dyed mine mostly for fun; I would go from almost black, to red, to chesnut browns, and everything in-between, before going to the obligatory blonder shade as my gray (which I began seeing strands of when I was about 30) started taking over. I confess that there are times when I see someone with a nice brown shade with cool highlights, and I'm tempted to make an appointment to the salon for something similar. But then I think, "Nah, and go through the painful skunk-look growing out pains again? No, thank you!" I remember thinking that I'd get a tattoo for my 50th birthday, but, as I told friends as the day approached, almost two years ago, I decided to go for something much more painful---growing out my gray!

But, look, I have no problem with women my age who choose to color their hair...this was just my "declaration of independence," and, quite frankly, if my hair had looked like crap, I could just as easily decided to go back to the bottle! I just wish, like Nancy, that some of these women who choose to do all this stuff to their faces and their bodies and their hair would give themselves a little slack, and they might find out that what nature gave them ain't so bad.
 
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TeTe said:
I just wish, like Nancy said, that some of these women who choose to do all this stuff to their faces and their bodies and there hair would give themselves a little slack, and they might find out that what nature gave them ain't so bad.
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Agreed. Also agreed of the "Declaration of Independence" aspect: I am just tired of feeling like I HAVE to do this. Maybe I'll give the grow-out a try. If anyone starts a blog about this, PLEASE post the URL...I will visit!
 
TeTe

Hi, you couldn't have posted this topic at a better time for myself! I'm 46 and will be 47 in December. I have people tell me all the time I don't look "my age?" or "Wow, you look good for your age" I know they mean this as a compliment, and I take it as that, but at the same time "what is my age in looks" I mean is 46/47 really such an odd age? I don't think so in my honest opinion. I do try to take care of myself and have in the past thought of plastic surgery, but now I'm thinking why? I'll never be young again, and I do fix my hair, and I wear make-up I mean I try to keep myself looking nice for me, not anyone else. That's what I've come to learn as I get "wiser". I just wanted to Thank you for posting this topic, because it has been nice to read everyone's response all of which are complementing each others, and being united on this topic! Just my thoughts!
 
I have been thinking about this topic lately as well. I turned 40 this year and it has thrown me more than I thought it would. (It's not like I'm that much "older" than I was last year, right?) But it still bugs me.

I recently saw The Women with my 87 year old Grandma, and we both couldn't help but comment on who looked good (Annette Bening), who looked old (Carrie Fisher), and who looked weird (Meg Ryan). It reinforced my distaste for having plastic surgery, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about the wrinkles under my eyes. I also noticed a bunch of gray hairs, not too many (I pulled them out), but I've started thinking about whether or not to dye my hair when there get to be more of them. I'm leaning towards not, but we'll see...

But most people have no idea that I'm 40, and the moms of kids in my daughter's preschool class are always surprised to find out that I have a kid in middle school. Some friends who saw pictures of me in high school said that I look exactly the same, but maybe they were just being nice. (which I appreciate!) So I guess I'm doing something right.

LaughingWater, you and your husband are the opposite of me and mine: he's taking it all in stride and doesn't fret too much about his gray hairs. I'm the one who is more freaked out. I thought it was a male/female thing, but maybe not!

There are definitely many lovely ladies in this forum who are aging gracefully and beautifully!!! I think of them whenever I am feeling discouraged.
 
TeTe said:
From the sound of your post, you ARE aging gracefully. This subject has been brought up on this forum before, and I just have to say that I think that the point has been missed. That other thread was all about how to change yourself physically, to make yourself look younger, etc..

My belief of the idea of "growing old gracefully" is to accept it and get on with the time you have left in life. Do what you can to make yourself attractive, but don't let that be your primary concern as you age. How about realizing that there's not a damn thing you can do about getting older (and, lets face it, the alternative is much worse!). Yes, keep active and healthy and informed...at least you'll feel younger and smile a lot more. There is something wonderful about finally realizing that our time would be better spent on other activities than trying to get rid of wrinkles. I have a friend who has been dreading every birthday since she was 35. My advice to her is: "Look at it this way--you're never going to be as young as you are right now...and you're missing it by worrying about the fact that in five years you'll be 40, or 45, or whatever milestone you're worried about!"

Look, I'm paraphrasing an old adage: When I'm on my deathbed, looking back on my life, will I say I wish I'd spent more time and money on botox, wrinkle creams, staring in the mirror getting depressed that I don't look like I did when I was 25, or would I rather have spent more time having fun spending time laughing with people I love, reading a book, and enjoying all the other great moments that I should have been taking advantage of that will never come again?

But, that's just me...and I'm quite a bit older than YOU!
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What a wonderful post. And I agree with all you said.

But I get my botox free, so I won't be looking back on spending too much money on that :p:p

Seriously though, we need to take a closer look at what beauty really is. And it is so much more than what we see on the surface!!
 
Lori,

You've gotten some wise responses. I went through a mild panic about aging when I hurt my rotator cuff in early spring and stopped working out as much. Shortly after I hurt myself, I remember my massage therapist and friend asking me why I continued to do pull ups and chin ups since it was contributing to my pain. It made me feel strong.:rolleyes: I've learned to define strength differently. I know so many strong woman who can't do a single pull-up or chin-up. Yet, no one would define them as weak!!! And, I can't really tell you how I managed to work through it. I think I just came to accept that it is what it is. Acceptance was a process. I redefined how much is enough. Pretty much, I got my priorities in line. And, working out wasn't very close to the top of my list. It never was the top of my list. But, it was a major part of me. Fitness supports my life, but isn't who I am. It wasn't too difficult to get over it since I am surrounded by people who love me despite what I look like or could look like.

As for haircolor. I'll color it until I'm more than 75% gray. I think long gray hair on a fit looking woman is very sexy.

Wendy
 
My husband and I were born the same year. He's already 48 and I will be next month. We have very different views on aging. He's decided that he's falling apart and aging is hell and he's dreading every coming year. I'm physically as strong or stronger than I've ever been, feel great and look forward to every coming year. I decided when I turned 45 I was going to throw myself a birthday party every 5 years and had a few friends over to celebrate. Now I find I don't want to wait until I'm 50 and I may just do it every year.

I gave up coloring my hair a few years ago because honestly no color I tried matched my skin tones as well as the gray blending with my natural color. I actually have far more gray that my "I'm old and falling apart" husband, and it doesn't bother me in the least. It's just part of who I am right now.

I've actually reached a point where I'm looking forward to moving officially into menopause (I've been perimenopausal for years with no issues except my weight) and see it as a time to gain more wisdom and to explore life even more. And I think the very best part is that with each passing year I find myself more and more comfortable with myself.
 
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