age of marriage

I was 18 and my husband was 21 when we married, and that was 12 years ago. However, we were both very prepared for marriage and family. Our parents had taught us very well growing up about finances, bill paying, health/car insurance, mortgages, how to get along with others, how to care for children, and how to take care of ourselves in general. We had good examples of marriage and family life in our own homes, so beginning a life together was not difficult to us. It was something we looked forward to- challenges and all.
Unless your daughter had the same experiences growing up, I highly doubt her marriage will last beyond a few weeks. I could be wrong...but I don't think so.
 
Regardless of the age, SHE HAS ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR FOUR WEEKS!!! Isn't that enough of a reason to be totally against this? I know you mentioned that she is over 18 and that you are letting her make her own decisions, but I can tell you that, if I tried something like this, my mother would lock me in the basement until I was 30, or at least until I had the common sense to know I was making a huge mistake!
 
I was 18 and my husband just turned 19 when we were married. We had met 6 months earlier and after a month, started living together.

We will be celebrating our 26th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks. When we announced it to family and friends they thought we were having a baby too but we weren't.....we were just sure we were the right people for each other. :)

We started having children 2 years after we married and now have 2 adult children (one almost 24 and another 22). We also have our baby who is almost 17. I can honestly say that I'm very happy we had them young, we have the rest of our 40's and beyond left to be a couple again. ;)

It was very tough at times though. My husband finished his college education when we were young but I'm still working on it. I don't regret it one bit, the decision for him to finish was the right one financially (he could make a much better living at his profession).

Kathy G
 
I'm 26 and got married when I was 23. I had dated my husband for two years before we got married. I was in college and worked part-time at Old Navy and he simply worked at Old Navy. We practically moved in together from the beginning. We've been through a rollercoaster in the last five years and are finally at a happy happy stage. We've both learned a lot about responsibility, paying bills etc. We got into over $35,000 in credit card debt within two years of being together not including student loans and will be done with paying it off this month.

My suggestion is that you should encourage them to live together for a while. In doing that, they can get to know each other in an environment where they have to be forced into responsibility and to really know whether they can work as a team in life's realities. Another question I have is whether other friends are also getting married early? This is going to sound silly, but when I was 16, half of my friends in school got pregnant. It became fashionable and something that everyone did and it was hard for me to resist the temptation of trying to fit into that. Rather than telling her the horror stories of divorces, I think you should invite some of your friends over who have been married, a girl's night in to celebrate her decision whilst at the same time, an opportunity to open the discussion about what marriage is really all about.

The last thing I'd suggest, is to get her a gift, one of those books where you detail everything that you know about your partner before marriage for her and her boyfriend. That way, they can have fun using it, but also realize whether they are compatible for each other.

Good luck to your daughter and to you!

Rita
 
I married my high school sweetheart when I was 19, almost 20. That was nine years and 2 children ago; thus we are still together. I was very mature however. It definitely makes a difference when you are mature. I worked full time at a bank and he went to the Army and then the Highway Patrol. So, we both had good jobs. Just based on the facts you have stated, I believe she should wait, but there is probably no way you can convince her of that. I don't mean to be a pessimist, but I know that personally speaking it is hard to convince someone of that when they are in love. Good luck to you and your daughter.
Happy holidays,
Clarissa
 
This only gets worse!!! she called me last night and said she might be pregnant, so I made her go get a pregnancy test kit, and it came back negative, but she then tells me they are trying to get pregnant!!!! they are living at his parents house, he makes only $9 an hour and she only makes $8 an hour!!! and they want to have a baby??? what happened to being married first and then trying to have a baby??? I am so stressed out!!!
 
I was 30 when I got married however I don't believe it's age that matters but maturity.

ITA that your daughter is NOT ready for marriage though.
 
I agree w/ the previous posters that say it's not really age but maturity.

Dh and I started dating in February of my junior and his senior year in highschool. We dated for four months before we decided we wanted to get married and did so the summer after I graduated highschool. We've been married for six years. We to wanted to get pg as soon as possible after marrying (unfortunately we battled infertility and it took 3 years to get pg).

BUT, I was working a full time job by my junior year in higschool as well as attending traditional highschool classes and enrolling in the community college full time at night. We were capable of supporting ourselves and had a plan all layed out for our lives. It doesn't sound like your daughter and her boyfriend are at that point.

My middle sister is just like your daughter. Married at 18 because her friends were too, didn't want to go to college, didn't want to work (infact, at 22 she is just now working her FIRST full time job!), didn't want to pay her bills etc. Her and her husband are currently in a huge mess financially, getting their house forclosed on and she is currently cheating on him w/ his best friend. x( Yeah.

Unfortunately, all of our advice has gone in one ear and out the other. We were told we could either be happy for her getting married or not be a part of their lives so we sucked it up and pasted on fake smiles for their wedding. Once they hit that 18 there isn't really much you can do but tell them your opinion and be around for them when/if it all blows up in their face.
 
Annette Bethel

I didn't get pregant with my first child until I was in my 30's. She has a whooooole lot of life to live before she settles down. Tell her to live life, and then decide on marriage. If it is meant to be it will.
 
Even if they were both fifty years old, you CANNOT get to know someone if four weeks!!! My fiance and I will be getting married this summer, after being together for six years. Even after such a long time together, there are many thing that we are still discovering about each other. I don't think that age is a factor if you are responsible and know the person that you are marrying. Does your daughter know the guy's family, his interests, when he wants to have kids, funny stories about his childhood, etc.? Maybe if you have a conversation with her and ask her questions like these she will realize that they do not know each other well and that it may be best to date a little while longer.

Best of luck!!!
 
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