Advice please

L

lrhollid

Cathlete
I'm note sure where to start with this, so let me give you some background. My husband and I got married 4 years ago. I'm 29 and he's 41. I knew when we got married that my husband wanted children. I had never really thought about it either way, but wasn't opposed to the idea. Now, I almost have a panic attack at the thought.

I've been in school for 12 years and am just about to graduate; we've sorta discussed having children next year. It's hard to get my husband to talk about it beyond, 'hey- what about starting a family soon?'. He's never wanted to discuss how the care would be divided up, etc.

Where I've been in school for so long, I've accumulated quite a bit of student loan debt and not working isn't an option. One of the few things my husband will say about having a child is that day care is completely out of the question. End of discussion. We live too far from family to rely on them, and don't have any friends where we live now that could help. Which means that somehow, I'm supposed to figure out how to work and raise a child without day care.

I'm so tired of working constantly and doing everything around the house (my husband works 50+ hours a week at his job and is hardly ever here). The thought of adding a child makes me want to cry. When I graduate, my workload is going to increase, not decrease.(Despite my best efforts, my husband thinks my job requires working 6 hours a week and then sitting around on my behind for the rest of the time.) One of the things my husband will say about children is that his children will learn to accomodate his schedule. Tell that to a six month old!!! When I hear him say that, what I'm hearing is that I'm going to have to do everything.

I don't know how to get him to talk about it-- he seems to have his head in the clouds when it comes to kids. When I think of children, I think oh boy, more work! No more sleep ever! One more thing to have to worry about! His response is nothing will change, though I suppose he means for him. I just don't think I can do it.

Sigh-- sorry to rant. I hope I didn't say anything offensive. Apologies if I did.

L
 
No offense here...:)...to let you know I am 46, married almost 25 years and have not have had kids. I really never knew if I wanted any...but being the youngest of 4 girls I watched what they went thru and probably decided I didn't want children. I know my DH would be good the 1st 6 months but after...it would be completely my responsibility. I really didn't want a 3rd job!

I seem to agree with being home with your kids if you can. I think the first few years this is crucial. I am not sure this helps you...but as I love my neice's and nephew's I have never thought parenting was my thing. Fortunately my DH agree's with me...:)...Carole
 
I met my husband at 15 and he was 23. I moved in w/ his family from the ages of 18-20. He didn't move out until he was almost 29. IMO , because he was allowed to stay at mommy's house for so long, it made him "set in his ways". We worked at the same leather factory. When I got pregnant he said no sitters. I took a voluntary lay off and stayed home w/ Caleb (who is now 12). From the get go he wouldn't and still won't let family members watch them. Mind you, we live a few miles apart. When I was in the hospital having Sarah (c-section), he brought me Caleb , just to change his diaper. My kids are 12, almost 10 and almost 7. Isaac is diagnosed w/ autism and is still in pull ups. He has changed 1 diaper and that is only because his sister refused to do it in the hospital when I was having Isaac. My husband thinks that my job is: kids,cleaning the entire house and "getting my weight off". I often wonder what I would have ended up doing if I had not had kids because "he" wanted them. I love my kids and they are the greatest gift I think you could ever have. But I don't think anyone should have to be made to feel like they "have " to have them (like I felt), and it definitely is not right to put all the care on one parent. In fact, recently, my husbands dad told me that I was a wimp because I never stood up to my husband. I am glad that my husband makes enough to where I don't have to work. I am one of those people who is afraid to be alone. Maybe that's why I've let him "say,do,demand,etc" for so many years. Just in the last 2 years I have been "standing up for myself" w/ him. Those precious days/moments he could have had w/ the kids are gone and I don't even know if he realizes it. But I got them :)
Sorry to go off on myself.
I hope SOMETHING in my post has helped you.LOL.
Maybe your post just helped me vent.:)

edited to add: I am now turning 35 and he is turning 43 in November. I have not worked since I had Caleb at 22 (besides cleaning houses/apartments while they are at school).
 
I don't have kids, and I don't really know what you're going though. My SO is ready to have children (10 years older) but the thought now gives me the same sick feeling in my gut. I'm just not ready!

I think you should follow your heart. If you know the situation will be bad and will NOT make you happy, you shouldn't follow through just to please him. Since you believe you will be the one who will make up 100% of the parental unit, you shouldn't have a child until the entire unit (YOU) is ready and willing. Otherwise, I think you'll regret the situation and resent your husband more.

And I know personally that scared feeling in the pit of your stomach when the thought of having a child comes up. My SO other wants a child now, but there is no way in he%% I am having one until that feeling inside of ME is gone. If the relationship is more about child than the two of us, he can go knock up someone else.

Don't forget you are part of this relationship, too.


Sara
 
Wow, you're in a really tough spot. Sometimes I think this is what happens when there is such a big difference in age--you guys are at two different places in your life. Your husband probably feels that he is getting old, and you're just getting started. This decision is going to require some deep soul searching for both of you.

Honestly, I think the best decision you could possibly make for any future children is to not have them until you are ready. I've never had children myself, but I can't imagine a choice that would be more life altering than this one. Children are brought forth into this world--they don't ask to be here. They deserve the best shot you can give them and if you don't want them, if you're not ready to make that kind of a sacrifice, then don't do it. I've watched all of my friends go through this and I know that even in the most ideal circumstances, child rearing is the toughest job on earth. Once you have a child, s/he must be the center of your universe.

I don't mean to come across so heavy handed, but I recognize the gravity of your situation. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care.

Michele
 
I don't know what to tell you. It's a tough situation. In a way, I can see why your husband wants a child. He's in his 40's. A lot of much older men want children almost right away. That's one of the reasons why I feel if the woman doesn't want children but the man does, they shouldn't really be together especially if there's a big age gap. Same as younger guys with older women. I know people fall in love, etc.

I have 2 children. They are 3 and 1.5. I'm also a stay at home mom and we have student loans as well. It's really not that hard especially if the husband makes good money. My husband is finally making good money. The first year was hard because he wasn't making enough money so I had to give up a lot just so my son can have whatever he needed. Also, what does not help is if you're a materialistic type of a person. It makes it even harder if you have a child and want all things. Sure, you have to give up a few things but IMO I feel it's worth it. My kids are my life.

I would sit your husband down and have a TALK with him. Who gives a rat's ass if he doesn't want to listen or talk?? MAKE HIM LISTEN. You're the one who has to do all this and all he has to do is stick it in and get you pregnant. Put your foot down and get him to listen. Men are strange is all I can say. :) Good luck!

Lisa
 
L,
You need to stick to your guns on this one and don't do anything you are not read for. This situation would not be good for your marriage or the child. You would end up resenting both eventually. Wow, I couldn't imagine being in this situation.

I married a man that already had two children. I never wanted kids so this situation for me was ideal. No pressure about kids and its never a thought in our heads. You need to do whats best for you, don't let him make you feel like you have to do this. He sounds like a very selfish man. Sorry, don't mean to be rude here, but he does.

Take care, I hope all works out well for you.
 
L......Don't do anything you don't feel 100% about. Especially something that life altering. You need to talk to him about it and tell him exactly how you feel. If you have doubts and do it, you are going to regret it.
I know you love your husband, but you need to do what's right for you. If you're not happy, your child nor husband will ever be happy.
Believe me. I know.

Kali
www.PictureTrail.com/kkali
 
Okay, here's my 2 cents.:)

I LOVE being a mom and I LOVE my son to pieces! He is my pride and joy. He is my LIFE! He doesn't however, come with out a cost...I have had many a time where I have just cried because I was sooo stressed out or exhausted that I lost it...

In my experience motherhood was a very tough transition to make. I was a wreck from exhaustion until Joey started sleeping atleast 6 hours through the night. I am a SAHM and that can be tough too as it's a real LIFE CHANGER but if I had to work f/t, take care of a house, a husband (when he's home) AND a baby??? I would have a meltdown garunteed! I couldn't do it and it's not even like my DH refuses to lift a finger when it comes to housework because he WILL help! I give GIANT applause to working moms who went right back after maternity leave! I am considering going back when Joey is about 2 and I think that will be something I can handle but as an infant? NO WAY! Not if I can help it!


That being said, I can understand why you are hesitant. Motherhood is WONDERFUL but it really can test (and drain) a person emotionally and physically.

If it were me and my DH refused to talk about how child rearing responsibility and house chores will be split up then I would personally not being have children yet...to me that means he doesn't want to or doesn't think he should have to really pitch in for whatever reason and that would NOT be cool with me AT ALL.

This is just one mom's experience and opinnion ofcourse!:)

ETA: We have family and friends "fighting" over who is going to babysit Joey next and we take them up on it and are blessed for having them! I can't understand why anyone would not ALLOW this? That is CRAZY if you ask me! EVERYONE deserves "a night off" once in a while!
 
L

I believe you should follow your instincts. Your DH seems to feel free to add several "non negotiables" in your life which tells me he will be inflexible when a child comes along. You know that is not a good situation.

Take it from some one who did do it all when my daughter came along 30 years ago. You will be doing it all if you're doing it all now.

You say he doesn't want to talk about it but he is talking. He's telling you how things are going to be and it appears you have been listening. You are just not going to hear what you want to hear from this man, unfortunately, which I believe is what you really want.
 
Unless you're gushing with anticipation at the thought, don't have kids yet. The simple fact you're almost in a panic says it all. You're not ready.

If you have kids now (from what you've said about your hubby), you'll be juggling finances, new job, housework and everything pretty much by yourself. It's never a good idea to have a kid for someone else. It must be for you and only when you're ready. If you have kids before you're ready, it could tear your marriage apart.

I'm 36 and I'm still not ready!!! I have 2 dogs, though!
 
Lets see if I can help you here . Maybe just babbling about my situation with my life and kids and relationships .I'm 43 and I have two kids from my first marriage.My X ended up being a looser . It was all up to me . we ended up divorced . It was ALL up to me even more at that point . He never even practiced his visits to busy goofing off ,and making me pay !!!! .I Met my hubby now 12 years ago . Anyway Like I said I'm 43 and well my hubby is 35. He had other children out of Wed lock way before we met .... He was differant then my X though ..Paid support practices his visits .Paid his bills ... I thought he was the greatest . We got married ... WE decided to have one baby ,And "DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME "... Well we decided I would stay home .Well now 4 years later ..My hubby practices his visits ...BUT I'm the one doing it he manages to be at work whenever his kids are here !!!! I do all the disaplinary stuff . His X has no rules and I gotta be the bad guy .. My hubby NEVER changed a diaper , NEVER Never watched my youngest so I could even go to the store alone . he would even say Joey Get ready moms going to the store ... So i had to take the poor little guy . I Love my sons very much dont get me wrong but children need BOTH parents to be plugged in Not just mom !!! Its really been a hard thing for me to well DO IT ALONE !!!And really I know he brings home most of the money (Ido alittle in home day care to make money ).Its very disapointing for me . Now its preschool time and my little guy is having a real hard time seperating from me . Staying home 24 /7 has its pros and cons .. I would of worked part time out of the home if I knew preschool would be so hard , Again its ALL up to me !!! Come to think of it my hubby always practiced his visits but guess what I've always been there to be the SITTER !!! I have given up my whole life to be a mom ,thinking I would have some help .NOPE I get none .And heres another thing ,,,Hubbys feel negleted cuz moms so busy .... Gees if Hubby would help out that might change ..... DUH Oh and then at the end of the day/week they want to MAKE LOVE .LIKE I have the energy .Gees wont someone take care of me for a change !!!! Believe me DR Phil would have a HAY DAY with my Hubby .... My hubby doesnt lift a finger around the house .Its time for me to start working again as my little guy is going to preschool . But he does need to be more settled before I do .. But part of me is scared to go back to work cuz THEN my job will be even bigger and harder !!! The kids will always be ALL up to me ... I have to say though I've done a good job . They are great kids /young Men .I guees They /my kids are truly the ONLY thing I've done right in my life !!!!! Personally I would not have a baby if you ALREADY know he isnt gonna help ,and for you I would talk talk talk to him about it ,or just hang low until he brings it up !!! Actually I think most men Just LIKE Practicing making a baby !!! LOL Tell him he can practice all he wants ,but if you have one baby the practing will CHANGE LOL .Sometimes that alone is enough to get a man to re think !!! LOL Good luck .Keep venting too ...OH go with your gut instincts about this .... NOT just cuz he wants one ..ITS LIFE LONG commitment .I will never not be a mom ...BUT I might not ALWAYS be a WIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}( }( }( And then I guess it would still be up to ME
 
contrarian 2 cents:


you married a man you KNEW upfront definitely wanted children and now he wants them and you don't want to provide them? what a cruel thing to do to another person--basically seems to me like he married you under false pretenses.


i hope you are not surprized when you tell him you don't want kids and he leaves you for a fertile 25 year old that wants kids, but knowing women today you will be.


how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one who married under the assumption you would be having kids and he said no after you devoted years to the marriage? you'd be in here complaining about it and all the women here would be telling you to divorce him.
 
Unlike Dana, I don't think just because you married a man who you knew wanted children means that now you have to provide them. I'm pretty sure (no, not certain) that your perspective on life, work, and your husband is different now than before you were married. Specifically, it sounds like you are much more aware now that he does not appear to have realistic expectations about children (they WILL NOT adapt to his schedule), unrealistic views of your job, and the expectation that you will deal mainly in the childcare.

I have a hard time thinking that you should just have kids just so he can 'get what he married you for' which is what Dana seems to think. That you should just accept all that comes with having children and potentially sacrifice your well-being AND THEIRS (anyone who doubts this should read the research on the impact of maternal depression on children, extreme marital discord on children, etc). How irresponsible that would be.

You should talk to your husband, and if he continues to avoid, tell him you will not agree to start a family until he does. No, its not mean, its getting yourself listened to (you are at least as entitled to that as he is entitled to kids). I don't think you are saying you never want kids, you are saying you'd like to come to a better understanding with him about it before a decision is made. SMART MOVE. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.
 
>contrarian 2 cents:
>
>
>you married a man you KNEW upfront definitely wanted children
>and now he wants them and you don't want to provide them?
>what a cruel thing to do to another person--basically seems to
>me like he married you under false pretenses.
>
>
>i hope you are not surprized when you tell him you don't want
>kids and he leaves you for a fertile 25 year old that wants
>kids, but knowing women today you will be.
>
>
>how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you
>were the one who married under the assumption you would be
>having kids and he said no after you devoted years to the
>marriage? you'd be in here complaining about it and all the
>women here would be telling you to divorce him.

I don't think she is saying she doesn't want kids. She's saying she doesn't feel ready to handle the added chaos of a baby right *now,* especially since it seems her DH has the same attitude towards a new baby that eight year olds have toward getting a new puppy. "I'll play with it and love it and it will be mine." Feeding it, dealing with diapers, raising it, well all that falls to someone else. Seems to me she'd be willing to consider it if she felt confident her DH would be willing to carry some of the load. Could be wrong though.

Frankly - and I don't mean this to sound judgemental - I don't understand when men or women talk about their spouses delivering these definitive statements - "day care is not an option!" - or ultimatums without it opening the door for additional discussion. My advice (lame though it may be! :) ) would be to sit down and discuss this specific situation, not in an accusatory way, but in an upfront calm manner that lets him know why you feel overwhelmed at the thought of starting a family right now. Since he thinks nothing will change, ask for his thoughts on how the *both* of you are going to manage it all. I'm talking specifics here. (for instance, are you going to work from home? If not, then ask him how day care is not going to come into play.) Maybe between the two of you something can be worked out where you start to feel less panicked at the thought of a baby and he gets a bit more of a realistic idea about things. That may not happen of course, but his desire for kids is most likely not going to go away, so best to put your cards on the table ASAP.

Just one woman's thoughts :) Sorry so long.

Sparrow

__________________
www.scifichics.com
 
>you married a man you KNEW upfront definitely wanted children
>and now he wants them and you don't want to provide them?
>what a cruel thing to do to another person--basically seems to
>me like he married you under false pretenses.
>
>
>i hope you are not surprized when you tell him you don't want
>kids and he leaves you for a fertile 25 year old that wants
>kids, but knowing women today you will be.
>
>
>how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you
>were the one who married under the assumption you would be
>having kids and he said no after you devoted years to the
>marriage? you'd be in here complaining about it and all the
>women here would be telling you to divorce him.

I don't think that this is what she is saying at all! I think that what she is sayng is that at this stage of the game, she can't handle children plus everything else in her life It sounds like you do a lot and that any addition will be difficult, let alone a child. And coming from a girl that went to school (me) and had goal after goal after goal after goal, when it is over, I think that most people want to relax for a few minutes before strating to climb the next wall. Personally, rigt now, being a full time career womn who does the majority of cleaning, caregiving (to two dogs and bf's 12 year old), etc, there is no way that I could add a child to the mix! I knw that I would find way but sitting and thinking about it makes me think that there is no way that it is possible.

So, I would say, seince you are seeking advice, is that you are not doing anything wrong by thinking of where you are in life and what you want. If you married thinking that kids were ok but maybe have now changed your mind (or just don't want them this instant), you aren't being unfair to your husband or your wedding vows. What you ARE doing is thinking about the practical things that most people don't think about...how to care for the child, the true good of the child, etc. After all, if you bring a child into the world and something happens to your marriage as a result or you cannot handle it, you arent doing the child or your husband any good.

Time is what you need. Think about what you can do, how to do it, if you want to do it. Personally, I woudl think about telling hubby thathe needs to step up a bit ifhe wants kids! You aren't superwoman, after all, and one woman can only do too much. It's not a snap deision so give it some time, but be honest with yourself when you are thinking about it.

Good luck
Christine
 
L.

Having children is a big decision. I am 43, married for 23 years, and have 3 children, ages 18, 16, 10. My husband and I discussed each pregnancy and "knew" we BOTH wanted each child. It is not something that could be forced. We talked through what our expectations were. Even with all that, we STILL had difficulties. Having children is the most wonderful and most demanding process of our lives. I worked full time until the birth of our second child. I then worked part time. I really need that outlet. It is very hard to stay at home full time, much harder than going out to work every day. The most important thing is that YOU are happy with your decision. If you are okay with it, your child will adjust beautifully. There will be many "bumps" down your road of raising children, yet if you are at peace with the decisions you have made, I truly believe your children will be well adjusted.

You mention you have school debt. I do not know what that is like, as I put myself through school while working, but I do know that debt can be like a dark cloud hanging over your head. It was interesting how you worded, that YOU are supposed to figure out how to work and raise a child without day care. Where is your HUSBAND in this decision/planning process. Don't leave him out. It's not solely up to you. And if he won't be in on the planning process, I would recommend you to rethink having a child right now. Bringing a child into a marriage can either strengthen it (when both parents are working together in raising their child) or bring them apart. Communication is key, and if you cannot talk about these important decisions about your parenting now, I strongly recommend you rethink having a child until you can.

We can never change others, only ourselves. Remember the reasons you married your husband. It sounds like he is a hard worker and a good provider. It is exhausting to "go out into the world" and work 10+ hours a day. We only have so much to give. Try to put yourself in his shoes. One thing I found very helpful in our parenting process was to look at the way my husband and myself were raised by our parents. Believe it our not, it will play a key role in what you and your husband do as a parent, whether you mimic or work feverishly to stray from those methods.

Don't rush into anything. You should feel good vibes about becoming a mom. If not, the time or the circumstances are probably not right.
You have many things to look forward to in your life. One of the first will be graduating and getting out of debt!

And in the meantime, you have your Cathe workouts to keep you pumped and those endorphins flowing! Best of luck in your decisions!
 
L, my two cents' worth for you

L,

I am very hesitant to wade in here -- it's not my style, typically, to contribute to threads seeking advice about very personal topics. But this time I am going to make an exception because I have some thoughts that I hope will be useful to you.

Since you don't know me, let me start by telling you a little about myself. I've been married for almost 21 years to the nicest, most supportive guy in the world. I am a very, very lucky woman. He's a great, devoted husband and father and works like a dog providing for his family, and he's been as close to the ideal 50/50 partner as I could ever have hoped to find. We've almost finished raising two terrific boys (they're now a freshman in college and a sophomore in high school). During my pregnancies and off and on throughout my sons' lives I have worked outside the home in every possible variation -- full-time demanding career, MORE than full-time bone-crushing career :-(, part-time career combined with being a part-time SAHM (maybe the hardest juggling act of them all), and for the last three years as a full-time SAHM, not outside the home at all. (Of course, as a full-time SAHM, I work infinite hours inside the home and on all sorts of volunteer stuff, mostly related to my sons' schools.) This is the life experience that's behind my opinions.

L, it seems to me that you've got two separate but related issues that have to be addressed in a specific order.

First -- and I say this with ALL due respect for your feelings for your husband: Before you decide whether or not to have children with your husband, you must first confirm for yourself that this is a healthy, mutually-nourishing husband-wife relationship. The first thing I noticed in your post is that it sounds like you are already feeling like your husband devalues or dismisses your contributions to the family unit, and like he devalues or dismisses or maybe ignores your feelings -- what you want, what you need, and what you are feeling anxious and fearful about. If that's what you're feeling, THAT IS NOT OKAY. Repeat that. THAT IS NOT OKAY. You are a contributing, educated, thinking, feeling, rational woman, and you are entitled -- entitled, remember that -- to share your life with a husband who recognizes, acknowledges, appreciates and celebrates everything that you bring to his life, AND who recognizes, cares about and responds to how you feel, AND who tries in every way to share life's rewards and burdens with you. Now, I realize that no husband or wife is going to live up to those standards all the time, and no marriage in reality is going to be a 50/50 division of labor all the time. But you -- and he -- have the right to expect that each of you will try to live up to those ideals. That's what the whole partnership is about. And all of that, in my opinion, HAS to be firmly in place before you bring children into the mix.

So the starter conversation I'd have with your husband is one that doesn't even bring up the issue of children, but just explores the balance (or lack of it) in your relationship. As much as we'd all like to think our partners are mind readers, they're not -- so you should take the time to carefully lay out for him what you're feeling and what you need from him. He may be able to articulate some things to you about himself that you need to better understand, too. The whole point should be a conversation about positive change in your loving relationship with each other. Once you've opened up like this, it may well be that your husband will rise to the occasion and adjust his behaviors and attitudes in wonderful, caring ways -- I sure hope so! And if the conversation changes nothing and you still feel what you've expressed to us, L, that would be a terrible heartbreak -- but this is definitely information you have to have before you have a child.

Second, it seems to me, IF AND ONLY IF you feel that the husband-wife relationship is on the right track, you must next confirm for yourself that (1) you want children, (2) that your husband sincerely wants children (and not, as another astute poster mentioned) just the equivalent of beloved pets, AND (3) that you are BOTH ready, as supportive life partners for each other, to face the gigantic realities of life with children. And I do mean GIGANTIC realities. I can see that you intuitively understand this fact and that you're already thinking very clearly and accurately about some of the challenges of being a mother. Don't get me wrong -- I wouldn't trade one second of my sons' lives for anything in the world, and they've given me more than they've taken from me. It's been more than worth what it's cost to be a parent -- but the cost is just plain HUGE in every possible way, and that fact isn't erased by the fact that the rewards of parenting are even MORE HUGE. As much as I adore my babies, I have to tell you that I don't know that I could have been a good parent to them -- or at least not as good a parent as I know I've been :) -- if I hadn't had my husband shoulder-to-shoulder with me the whole time, in every way.

Having a child is NOT a decision that you should make in order to (1) appease your husband, (2) avoid feeling guilty about "reneging" on a promise to have kids, or (3) improve your relationship with your husband if you think he's upset at you for not "saying yes". Unlike a marriage vow, being a parent IS an irrevocable commitment, and one that will tie you for many, many years to the child's father. Don't rush into anything, and talk talk talk talk talk -- spend ALL THE TIME YOU NEED exploring all of these issues with your husband until you are satisfied that you, and he, and the two of you together, are ready for this next big step.

All of this advice is nothing more than my opinion, L, and it's worth only the value you place upon it. But I hope I've helped. Good luck to you, sweetie -- please keep us updated if you feel like it, and know that we'll be thinking about you!


http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-001.gif
 
RE: L, my two cents' worth for you

Kathy S.,

You are so eloquent! Your wisdom jumps off the page! You are so blessed to have such a lovely marriage. Children are a gift from God, and we have to remember, they are "shared" with us to raise them up in a loving home and teach them how to become productive, self sufficent young adults. What a challenge, huh? And they don't come with instructions! Go figure! They let you just walk out of the hospital with your new baby. Meanwhile, you are saying to yourself, you trust me with this human being? I don't even know how to change a diaper without getting sprayed yet! (that happened to me with both of my boys!) Thank you for yor kind words. I agree with you wholehearted, mothering my 3 children has been the best part of my life! I also have a supportive husband, even though we don't always agree, we support each other.(most of the time, anyway!)
 
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