AAARRGGG!

[Kathy02]

Ok, my three, almost 4 year old son is going to make me tear my hair out today! I asked him to go clean up his room this morning. Did he do it, no. Then he throws a fit and breaks a candle that is in a jar, big mess. He ends up in his room then. I explain to him that he may not come out until it is clean. This was at around oh, 11:30 this morning. It is now 2:30, he's still in there, and his room still doesn't seem to have a floor. DH finally got on the phone with him and explained that when he gets home, if his room isn't cleaned up he will begin to throw away all the toys that are not picked up. That didn't even get him to budge. Finally I went in there just now and explained that dad was serious, and told him that any toy that is on the floor, even Batman, will get thrown away. I think he is finally getting that we are dead serious here. He's never givien us that much grief about cleaning up his room before. Why all of the sudden is he a totally different child than the one I had a month ago? Yes, his birthday is coming up in just a week and a half, but honestly, this is ridiculous! Anyone else gone through this, or even going through this?

Kathy

 

[lesliemarie]

I can kind of understand what you are talking about., what I did with my older kids and might work with him is I went in and cleaned his room and everything that was on the floor and that included clothes bagged and had them earn them back, took about 6 times doing that and they have all their stuff back and I don't have to clean their rooms any longer. I am only struggling with my 4 year old and well he is in a whole differant class then most average 4 year olds.
Good luck I hope you find something that will work.

 

[Katerchen]

I used to help with cleaning their room at that age. It seems like a huge task for them to clean the room when they are only four. We actually had fun while doing it. Now, my youngest is six and he takes care of his room without having to be reminded.

Cleaning up is not a point of argument in my house. They will grow out of the messes and they will start to respect their property.

Life is too short to sweat about the little/unimportant things.

 

[dogonyx]

Kathy,

I thought you might appreciate the following poem I was emailed last week. (Believe me, I'm not being judgemental about your frustrations. Unfortunately, I don't have any kids of my own so I can't sympathize with you very well but I expect it can be tough at times!!!)


Subject: From the heart of a child - It's long but well worth the read


Dear God, are you still awake? Have You got a minute or two?
You're pretty good at understanding and I really need to talk to you.

You see, Mommy came to tuck me in, like she does every night.
I was trying to play a trick on her, since she can't see without the light.

I was going to close my eyes and pretend to be asleep,
but when I heard her crying, I didn't dare let out a peep.

She started talking to you, God. Did You hear the things she said?
Could you hear what she was saying as she stood beside my bed?

Why would Mommy be so sad? I wondered just what I had done,
and then I began to remember it all as she named them one by one...

This morning we worked in the garden, but, honest, I really didn't know
that if I picked all those little yellow blooms the tomatoes wouldn't grow!

Charlie and I were trying to be helpers, cause I know that's what Mommy needs,
but I don't think she was too happy with us when we pulled up carrots instead of weeds.

Mommy said we should stop for the day, she decided we had helped quite
enough.
I sure had worked up an appetite..I didn't know gardening was so tough!

We had peanut-butter and jelly for lunch and I shared too much, I
guess...
but I didn't realize until I was done that Charlie had made such a mess.

Mommy said she needed a nap, she had one of her headaches today.
She told me to keep an eye on my sister and find something quiet to play.

Well, God, do you remember all those curls you gave my little sister Jenny?
We played barber shop...very quietly... And now, well, she doesn't have any.

Boy, was Mommy mad at me...I had to go sit on my bed.
She said never to cut "peoples hair" again. I guess I'll practice on Charlie instead.

We sat and watched poor old Albert, I just knew he must be so bored
going round and round In the same place all day, wouldn't you think so, Lord?

I didn't think it would hurt to let him out for a while. I mean, mice
need exercise, too.
By the way, have you seen Albert lately? He's been sort of missing since two.

Mommy sent us outside for the rest of the day. She said we needed fresh air,
but when Daddy came home she told him she was trying to get something out of her hair.

We thought Mommy needed cheering up, so we decided to brighten her day.
But, God, did you see the look on her face when we gave her that pretty bouquet?

We had gotten a little bit dirty, so Mommy said to get in the tub
"Use soap this time," she reminded,"And please don't forget to scrub."

Charlie didn't like the water too much, but I lathered up real good.
I knew Mommy would be so proud of me for cleaning up like I should.

I went downstairs to the table, but during dinner it started to rain...
I'd forgotten to turn off the water, it seems, and I hadn't unplugged the drain!

I decided right then it was just about time to start getting ready for
bed, when Mommy said,
"It's sure been a long day," And her face began turning all red.

I lay there listening to Mommy as she told you about our day.
I thought about all of the things I had done and I wondered what I should say.

I was just about to tell her that I'd been awake all along,
and ask her to please forgive me for all of those things I'd done wrong.

When suddenly, I heard her whisper, "God, forgive me for today...
For not being more understanding when those problems came my way...

For not handling situations in the way you wanted me to...
for getting angry and losing my temper, things I know you don't want me to do.

And, God, please give me more patience, help me make it through another day,
I'll do better tomorrow I promise... In Jesus' name I pray.! "

Wiping her eyes, she kissed me and knelt here beside my bed.
She stroked my hair for a little while..."I love you, precious," Mommy said.

She left the room without ever knowing That I'd been awake all the time.
And God, could we make it our little secret? You know, just Yours and mine?

I'm sorry I was so much trouble today, I really didn't mean to be...
Daddy says, "It's tough being a kid sometimes, but I think it's harder
on Mommy than me.

Well, goodnight, God. Thanks for listening. It's sure nice to know
you're there.
I feel so much better when I talk to you, cause you always hear my prayer.

And I'll do better tomorrow, I promise... Just you wait and see! I'll
try not to be much trouble again...
But, God, Please give more patience to Mommy, just in case! Amen.




Good luck to you, Kathy!
Shelley

 

[Kathy02]

Oh Shelley, that was so cute. Thank you it kind of helped me put a perspective on things. It can be very easy to let things like this get to you and then you blow them out of proportion. Thank you.

Kathy

 

[clareMc]

My kids aged 4 could not clean their room on their own. My eldest aged 10 now can, but the youngest aged 7 still does and can not. I agree with another poster, it is a huge task for a 4 year old.

Also, kids change all the time. He's still your little angel, but he's not the same person he was last week! My eldest is absolutely not the same girl she was last year. I can barely keep up! It's OK for him to change, he's not going to stop doing it either. Just try to keep abreast of it! Oh, and keep your sense of humour. VItal parenting skill.

Clare

 

[robyn6002]

The best advice I ever read about teens it pick your battles and it shouldn't be there room. So in a few years you can just let them close their door and not worry! Seriously I have 2 kids 18/f and 15/m and especially my sons room is a mess... but I don't care because they are great kids, don't do drugs, good students and that's what's counts. I had to go away for family business this week and they went their dad on vacation and you know what they called me every day

Granted your kid is only 4 but just to let you know what to expect down the road. I agree with the other posters.. keep your sense of humor and perspective of what's really important - also agreed that is a huge task for a 4 year old

 

[hippahips]

Kathy, granted that -- like so many posters have said -- cleaning a room is a big task for a 4-year-old, I can definitely understand and sympathize with your frustration when someone so much smaller than you pushes your buttons to see how much he can get away with, and drives you crazy while he's at it.

My son is 3, and if he were terrible at 2, he's even more of a challenge now. Like Leslie has done, we've taken things away (books, DVD's, toys, play times, TV and computer privileges) and he has had to work towards getting them back. We've also emphasized the difference between the consequences arising out of bad choices and those coming from good choices, although at his age, he still isn't sold on the happy effects of good choices. But it works some. And at this age, every tiny bit helps.

Like you, I'm teaching my son the importance of keeping his room and play areas clean. I got him this hamper from Target that looks like a sack. It has large handles and is made of thick material that allows it to stay upright, but it's also soft enough to fold for storage. Anyway, I make a game of it. I ask him to play basketball with me, and we toss his stuffed animals and action figures into the sack. Whoever shoots gets a point. Of course, I always let him win. I've also put baskets and toy chests/boxes in strategic locations around the house. So all he has to do is dump his stuff in there, cover the lid of the chest or push the basket under a table. When I'm cleaning the house, I give him our broomvac which is much lighter, and ask him to vacuum the foyer while I vacuum the living room using heavier equipment. He loves to do what Mama's doing using "big boy stuff" and to be hailed as "Mama's big helper". I think the key here for me is to emphasize the idea that he is "big" and is therefore capable and responsible. This idea also helps and ties in with making good choices. So far, my son can't keep his room and play areas as clean as I want, but the fact that he picks up after himself about 70% of the time -- with my help and prodding -- assures me that he'll develop this knack for neatness as he gets older. His teachers have also told me that he's one of the few kids who puts things back in the cubbies and shelves, so that's great reassurance for me as well. But the child does have his moments. It's not "perfect" all the time. And I guess it's better if I leave it that way than make such a big deal of it, make him feel inadequate in the process, and make him resentful and rebellious later.

Sorry this is long. Hope this helps. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Pinky

 

[JMFRANE]

Kathy,
I agree with the other posters that it is a very big task for a four year old to clean his room. I, too, would help my kids at that age. A book I read when my children were small was so great. "How to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk". I can't remember the author. I'm pretty sure the library will have it. I would remember things I read in that book all through the years of raising my girls.

Joanne