Hugs to you Kim!
My now DH just turned 50 yesterday and I'll be 42... I was in a bad previous marriage with a man who was a habitual liar and cheat. In a lot of ways I feel that that experience has forever made me more cautious, leary and mistrusting. I still get the occassional twinge of mistrust and doubt, yet I have to work through my own demons. We have been together now for 6 years... I told him all about my past relationship woes and he did the same. We just had to come to the realization that in order to have a REAL lasting relationship that we needed to be honest with where we were coming from, and have a common direction for our future together...
PLEASE don't be so hard on yourself! I can only assume that there was something in your past that would cause you to have these feelings of mistrust and believe me (as I have BTDT) you are not alone! The fact that you have been together for 8 years says a lot about the committment you have together. I'm sure there have been more good days than bad, and that there is no reason to think that it will end. Make your future better by trying to work through your insecurities and ask him to help you... but he can't help make you feel better, you have to process that, make a decision and either be happy with what you have or end the relationship. However, if you don't deal with the issues in the first place, your next relationship will not be any better as you will continue to manifest your fears no matter who you are with until you deal with them. you don't need to fear that when he went on this weekend trip that he was cheating on you... boys will be boys and generally do not think like women do... they don't think that they need to call every day/night just so that we know they are OK. for most, they are wired completely different in their emotional attachments and thought processes... they do not do this to be malicious or hurtfull, it just doesn't occur to them that you might be at home waiting for their next call! and they don't realize that by NOT calling, it sends a completely different (generally unintended) message (to us girls) that there is something more going on...
When I met my DH we instantly felt the strongest connection and were literally inseparable (except during working hours) for the next 6 months.. Then he had to leave for his job for 5 months during the summer... I did know this about him when I met him, but didn't think it was going to be so hard to cope with... He was a fishing lodge manager and guide in Alaska and would leave every summer in June and be back late October (he did this for 4 of our 6 years together)! He was exposed to all kinds of temptations... not all, but some, lodge girls are the type who want to sleep their way through every guys that is willing... He didn't think about how telling me all this would effect me and my fear that maybe (after being apart for such a long time) that he might be tempted by his "needs" however, I do know that as he was cheated on in his first marriage and he understood the pain it caused him, that he could never have done that to me... yet, I had a hard time dealing with that first summer because the communication was almost non-existent and it was so very hard to envision what he was doing at all times... I just drove myself nuts wondering, worrying. It did absolutely no good and made a miserable summer for me. I told him when he got back how I felt and that I was trying to deal with my issue, but from then on, I simply had to put those thoughts out of my head or be trapped in my own fears and misinterpretations of every little detail forever. I had to trust that if he didn't want to be with me, he would simply leave! He didn't, and he hasn't, but I'm not going to live in fear that he won't because that would definatley lead to more complications! You have to have at least the faith to believe that You deserve to be happy, deserve to be loved for who you are (faults and all) and HE IS LUCKY TO BE WITH YOU~~ He knows this or he would still be with you either!!!
don't let suspicions rule your thoughts, but go on facts and what it is like when you are together. IMO, If things have gotten to the point where people stray, it is generally just another flag in a long line of red flags that tells you to move on... broken dates, distance between you, out with friends all the time and never at home... if those red flags are only rooted in your fears, not in actual facts and reality because he is home every night, goes to bed and wakes with you every day, is generally only gone during his work hours, then you are only going to make yourself miserable and eventually push him away with your suspicions, and will feel that no matter what he does you will never trust him...
Trust is a hard thing to build and it takes work to get it, and lots more work to keep it ~ FOR BOTH PARTIES IN THE RELATIONSHIP! It is also vital to make it day after day...
hang in there, maybe talk to a councelor or someone that can help you work through some of your insecuities and most of all communicate in a positive way (not confrontational or accusational way) your feelings with your BF... It's not going to change overnight, but if you can work through this issue together then you will be stronger for it!
Good luck and hang in there! There really IS hope!
