"You look good, have you gained weight?"

[kathryn]

IMO, most people's idea of what a 'healthy' weight is has been skewed by the preponderance of overweight people in the US (over 60% of the population). Since most of what they see is 'big,' and the models for 'small' are near-anorexic actresses and socialites, 'small' is associated in most people's minds with not looking as good.

(It makes me think of the ads for this new "Bachelor"-type show with all heavy people. It's being advertised as showing "real women" and "normal" women. Um...a size 16 may be close to 'average,' but it is not "normal," nor is it any more "real" than a size 10, 6 or 4 ).

 

[SirenSongWoman]

I work in a culturally diverse place where a lot of people say exactly what's on their minds. Anyone who's read anything I've written knows I've lost a lot of weight, work out seriously, but still have a ways to go. From the waist up everything's coming along great. From the waist down... hmmm. I have thick cellulite thighs, heavily dimpled chubby knees, and don't get me started on my calves. My calves, at their widest point are 17" wide (!!!). Oh yea, and did I mention my skin is vampire white? Like, if you're checking out my legs I hope you're wearing sunglasses or you might go blind...

I work in a plant and it gets HOT so, naturally, I'm in shorts and tanks a lot. One day last week a lady was shaking her head when she saw me. I asked "What?" She said "You and me... we are two MEATY chicks." I said that I'm working on it and she seemed taken aback. She didn't realize her comment might offend and I felt bad because I knew she hadn't meant to offend and I was trying to keep her from knowing her comment had stung... she really hadn't meant anything by it. Then, two days ago, another co-worker called me the "S" word... you know the word: SOLID. Oh man.

The bad thing is all the comments are actually TRUE, even though they're usually meant as compliments or, at the very least, just inept attempts at conversation. I try to use anything other than the perfect compliment as inspiration. What else can you do?

 

[aveggiegirl]

Stacey, your post about being called solid brought back memories. When I was a girl (never a "little" girl) I was fat. My dad would say to me, "You're not fat, your pleasantly plump." He meant no harm (can you say clueless when it comes to girls' feelings?) but if my husband ever said that to my daughters I would have to smack him. Actually, I really think my dad was trying to make me feel better about myself. But like said...clueless in the girl department.

Another compliment I recieved when I was about 11 or 12 was being called "beach ball" by my cousin (Not clueless, just a jerk) when I had on a blue and white vertical striped bathing suit. Hey -- at least I knew not to wear horizontal stripes. Looking back, I probably did look like a beach ball.

 

[GMonkey]

IMO, most people's idea of what a 'healthy' weight is has been skewed by the preponderance of overweight people in the US (over 60% of the population). Since most of what they see is 'big,' and the models for 'small' are near-anorexic actresses and socialites, 'small' is associated in most people's minds with not looking as good.

(It makes me think of the ads for this new "Bachelor"-type show with all heavy people. It's being advertised as showing "real women" and "normal" women. Um...a size 16 may be close to 'average,' but it is not "normal," nor is it any more "real" than a size 10, 6 or 4 ).

From what I've seen, people generally think that uber skinny is the way women are "supposed" to look. When I was a perfectly toned and proportional 5'5" 125 and I dealt with people telling me that I was a big girl, or that I'd be so much hotter if I lost 10 lbs, etc.

I also think that BMI is crap and that waist measurement, fat %, cholesterol and BP are much better measurements of health.

 

[jodijodi]

Some people just don't think before they speak. I don't think it was meant as an insult, but it certainly could have been phrased better.

Laura, you already know what I think, but I'll say it again. I do think you looked too skinny in your 2005 pics. You looked great at last year's RT!!!

And I will tell you again in a couple of weeks when I see you again!

 

[Sunshine1528]

Let's see here . . . she really meant muscle, not weight. She just wasn't sure what us Catheites call it.

"You look good ! Have you gained muscle?" - yeppers, that is what she really meant to say.

Seriously, I have to say that we all see things differently - our own perceptions - and some just say things in a different way. She started her comment with "you look good" - so it probably wasn't meant to be derogatory. ITA she was probably being honest that she saw you as healthier looking as you are now.

We Catheites have a different way of looking at healthy and many of us are definitely harder on ourselves than others are on us. I mean, just look at how the compliments around here fly (and rightly so) but many of us still want to "lose weight" or "gain muscle" and are never happy as we are. (Raises own hand as she attempts to lose some of her own "fluff" while DH just commented on how she has gained muscle).

Hope you can let this comment roll off your back and as you continue your healthy lifestyle and set goals for yourself that "you" want to attain regardless of what others say.

You ROCK ! ! !