Would You Rat the Kid Out? :)
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Or you could suggest that the father come home unplanned one evening to see for himself. You could word it something like "Boy, if you ever came home unexpectedly one of these nights I think you might be surprised - kids grow up too fast and that troublemaker Bobby is spending a LOT more time with your daughter than you think". I can't imagine how quickly that might stop his daughter's activities.
I do agree you need to tell him. Of course, I have a pre-teen bully living next door who is left unsupervised days on end (babysitting her younger brother too) and her parents don't listen to anything anybody tells them. Yet I need a clear conscience knowing that I tried. The kids eat candy for dinner & have let the dog out to run in the street. I figure it's only a matter of time before they set the house on fire.
Like I said, I need a clear conscience - and I don't want them to burn down my house too!
Good luck,
Dawn P.
I do agree you need to tell him. Of course, I have a pre-teen bully living next door who is left unsupervised days on end (babysitting her younger brother too) and her parents don't listen to anything anybody tells them. Yet I need a clear conscience knowing that I tried. The kids eat candy for dinner & have let the dog out to run in the street. I figure it's only a matter of time before they set the house on fire.
Like I said, I need a clear conscience - and I don't want them to burn down my house too!
Good luck,
Dawn P.
Hi All!
Just wanted to give the update. My DH has spoken to the neighbor about what's going on in his yard/house. He has been trying to deal with apparently, especially with one or two of the boys that he *knows* are trouble. So he was extremely appreciative of our input and asked that we call his cell phone any time we see boys hanging around when he is not home.
Also, apparently the girl's mom is a real prize, telling her 13 year old that she can drop out at 16 and buying her clothes that make her look like a hooker. So, the neighbor asked my DH if I might mind trying to forge some sort of relationship with his daughter. He said she's a good kid but easily led so he's desperate for some - in his words - respectable women to spend time with her. Any ideas? I am glad to help but I think with a 13 year old it has to appear organic, or she'll smell a rat... Maybe have them both over for dinner on the deck?
Sparrow
Just wanted to give the update. My DH has spoken to the neighbor about what's going on in his yard/house. He has been trying to deal with apparently, especially with one or two of the boys that he *knows* are trouble. So he was extremely appreciative of our input and asked that we call his cell phone any time we see boys hanging around when he is not home.
Also, apparently the girl's mom is a real prize, telling her 13 year old that she can drop out at 16 and buying her clothes that make her look like a hooker. So, the neighbor asked my DH if I might mind trying to forge some sort of relationship with his daughter. He said she's a good kid but easily led so he's desperate for some - in his words - respectable women to spend time with her. Any ideas? I am glad to help but I think with a 13 year old it has to appear organic, or she'll smell a rat... Maybe have them both over for dinner on the deck?
Sparrow
candi
Cathlete
It's very kind of you to want to get involved for the sake of your neighbor's daughter.
I would be very cautious about getting in between a mother and her daughter which is basically what he's asking you to do. Remember...the relationship between a parent and child is very strong. You can try to influence her but this could blow up in your face. Just be prepared
I would be very cautious about getting in between a mother and her daughter which is basically what he's asking you to do. Remember...the relationship between a parent and child is very strong. You can try to influence her but this could blow up in your face. Just be prepared
I'm don't think he's asking you to "get between the mother and daughter" just to be an additional female voice. A POSITIVE female voice to kind of guide by example (and maybe gentle suggestions).
I think inviting them to dinner on the deck is a great idea. Start there. Then maybe ask her to go shopping with you, so you can "get the hip fashion ideas" (or something like that). Just forge a friendship first, let her learn to feel comfortable around you being herself, before you try to do anything that she would see as instructing/nagging.
Something else, if you and your DH call the father everytime the boys are there (which you should) AND you start being more friendly with the girl, she WILL make the connection and will probably ask you if you are "informing" on her. So think of a good gentle answer now. So she might not want your friendship if she thinks your a tattler. In this area the father might not be able to have both things. Just a thought.
Good luck and bless you for trying to help this lost girl.
Nadine
~~Happiness is an Attitude~~
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=6&uid=3517754&
CATHE ROADTRIP PICTURES:
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I think inviting them to dinner on the deck is a great idea. Start there. Then maybe ask her to go shopping with you, so you can "get the hip fashion ideas" (or something like that). Just forge a friendship first, let her learn to feel comfortable around you being herself, before you try to do anything that she would see as instructing/nagging.
Something else, if you and your DH call the father everytime the boys are there (which you should) AND you start being more friendly with the girl, she WILL make the connection and will probably ask you if you are "informing" on her. So think of a good gentle answer now. So she might not want your friendship if she thinks your a tattler. In this area the father might not be able to have both things. Just a thought.
Good luck and bless you for trying to help this lost girl.
Nadine
~~Happiness is an Attitude~~
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=6&uid=3517754&
CATHE ROADTRIP PICTURES:
http://www.realphotovideo.com/inv/7ED46414DD55505
Sparrow,
Dinner on the deck sounds perfect. When I was 13, all I wanted was someone to care what I was thinking. Just ask open ended questions and try and get her to chat on topics that interest her. Maybe you could be prepared with a few "I need a teen opinion on..." type questions.
Let us know how it goes. Don't worry about the mom. No matter how much of a prize this woman is, her daughter will still put her first. You won't be able to come between them even if you wanted to. Just be a witness to a good caring lifestyle that she can soak up.
Dinner on the deck sounds perfect. When I was 13, all I wanted was someone to care what I was thinking. Just ask open ended questions and try and get her to chat on topics that interest her. Maybe you could be prepared with a few "I need a teen opinion on..." type questions.
Let us know how it goes. Don't worry about the mom. No matter how much of a prize this woman is, her daughter will still put her first. You won't be able to come between them even if you wanted to. Just be a witness to a good caring lifestyle that she can soak up.
TarHeelMom
Cathlete
Sparrow, you and DH definitely are doing the right thing. It does indeed take a village.
http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-001.gif
http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-001.gif
Thanks again to all who responded!
DH and I have decided to have a mini BBQ on the deck and invite the neighbor, his daughter, and a couple of others from the neighborhood.
You know, I have to say this whole thing has really been a positive experience. There have been some other things going on with kids in the 'hood running wild. So, about 8 families on our end of the street (marrieds, singletons, childless,) have essentially banded together and let all the kids know that they are free to have fun but we'll all put a stop to wildness, excessive cursing, littering, general bad behavior. The parents who are involved have told their kids that all the adults will be reporting misbehavior to the relevant parents. The kids whose parents aren't involved have been told that when they are at this end of the street, they have to shape up or go away. I don't expect it to be perfect but most of the kids have responded well to it, and those who haven't don't come around that much any more. the kids also know that they can call on all of us as a resource, should they need anything and their own folks aren't around.
Behold, the power of adults banding together and meaning what they say
Sparrow
DH and I have decided to have a mini BBQ on the deck and invite the neighbor, his daughter, and a couple of others from the neighborhood.
You know, I have to say this whole thing has really been a positive experience. There have been some other things going on with kids in the 'hood running wild. So, about 8 families on our end of the street (marrieds, singletons, childless,) have essentially banded together and let all the kids know that they are free to have fun but we'll all put a stop to wildness, excessive cursing, littering, general bad behavior. The parents who are involved have told their kids that all the adults will be reporting misbehavior to the relevant parents. The kids whose parents aren't involved have been told that when they are at this end of the street, they have to shape up or go away. I don't expect it to be perfect but most of the kids have responded well to it, and those who haven't don't come around that much any more. the kids also know that they can call on all of us as a resource, should they need anything and their own folks aren't around.
Behold, the power of adults banding together and meaning what they say
Sparrow
andtckrtoo
Cathlete
Wow! A neighborhood the way it used to be when I was a kid. I always knew I could run to any of our neighbors if I needed someone. But I also knew that many pairs of eyes were watching. It made me think twice before getting into trouble.
I think it's wonderful and you're right it is a positive experience. And what a wonderful experience for the kids. I've found that they generally like to have rules (of course, they won't admit this even under torture). Way to go Sparrow!
I think it's wonderful and you're right it is a positive experience. And what a wonderful experience for the kids. I've found that they generally like to have rules (of course, they won't admit this even under torture). Way to go Sparrow!
candi
Cathlete
If the mother is telling the daughter one thing and another woman conflicts what the mother is telling her it can cause confusion in the young girl's mind ..especially a teenager. The fact that the father stated he wanted a better influence for the girl than her mother's influence said a lot, to me at least. That's all I meant. So, however involved the other person wants to get, they need to tread the situation carefully. That's all I meant.
Best of luck to you!
Best of luck to you!