Would this bug you???

[gettingfitmom]

I'm in your boat, my DD was invited to the bay w/ her friend and her parents. They wanted gas $. My DH and I thought this was strange because they would have gone if our DD went or not. (and they had their DD ask my DD for the $) I feel if you do the inviting, you don't ask for $. We gave her $20 beacuse we didn't want to put our DD in the middle of something...

 

[gidget1978]

Considering that everything bugs me these days...then I would have to say yes Im like a ticking time bomb! NOt really...but you know what I mean.

I would have done the samething as you did, offered the money (not really expecting her to take it) but the change would have dawned on me...if she took your money, the least she should have done was put the change in your daughters coat pocket! Come to think of it, did you check there?

Anyway..I would feel the same way that you are feeling but probably wouldn't have said anything either.

Lori

 

[fit44]

I'm in your boat, my DD was invited to the bay w/ her friend and her parents. They wanted gas $. My DH and I thought this was strange because they would have gone if our DD went or not. (and they had their DD ask my DD for the $) I feel if you do the inviting, you don't ask for $. We gave her $20 beacuse we didn't want to put our DD in the middle of something...

That is strange!
When my kids were young, and I invited my son's friends along, I paid for the invite. If money was offered, I didn't take it. I would suggest they pay next time. It always worked out too.
Fast forward pre-teen, teen years and my son invited a friend, he would make it clear they go dutch. Parents took turns cab driving

 

[kathryn]

If she didn't ask you for money and you offered her $20, then I don't think she's out of line. She was going to take the girls to a movie and pay for it. You offered her $20. She accepted what you offered. I'd leave it at that. Next time, if you wanted to give her $10 but only had a twenty, tell her here's a $20 but to please bring you back the change. I think it probably boils down to a lack of communication.

Lisa

I agree.
If you didn't mention something like "$10 should cover it, but I only have a $20, do you have change?" when you gave her the money, I can understand why she might not think you wanted "change" back.

If you had given her $10, but the movie and treats cost only $9, would you want the $1 back?

 

[jordan]

If she didn't ask you for money and you offered her $20, then I don't think she's out of line. She was going to take the girls to a movie and pay for it. You offered her $20. She accepted what you offered. I'd leave it at that. Next time, if you wanted to give her $10 but only had a twenty, tell her here's a $20 but to please bring you back the change. I think it probably boils down to a lack of communication.

Lisa

This was my first thought.

I also thought that maybe she forgot about the change or maybe they went out to eat. I don't know her financial situation or how the invite was extended (maybe the plans were changed and the kids decided on the invite). I wouldn't have gotten upset if I was in your shoes unless I knew for sure that she was taking advantage of me. However, if this is bothering you than you might want to talk to the other mom instead of holding on to bad feelings, but it could be embarrassing. I would just let it go and attribute it to an honest mistake.


jordan

 

[maddiesmum]

Interesting. If I had given 10 bucks and the cost came to 9 bucks, no I wouldn't expect change. But a movie ticket and popcorn for a kid doesn't cost 20 dollars. I think the perception of what constitutes real money versus pocket change is at work here. I do not have any money to throw away or leave in someone else's pocket. 2o dollars to me has a lot of value. I can think of plenty of things to do with it and for that reason, I personally would never think to keep someone else's change, even if it were only 1 dollar. She would get it back.

I think it behooves us all, especially in current economic climes, not to make assumptions about anyone else's family income or their appreciation of whether "change" should be given up for a lost cause. Please don't make value judgements about what money means to someone else. You don't know their circumstances. For these reasons, to have not given Deborah her change is downright rude because it makes possibly erroneous assumptions. And for these same reasons, Deborah should not hesitate to ask for her change.

Clare

 

[DeborahG]

I agree.
If you didn't mention something like "$10 should cover it, but I only have a $20, do you have change?" when you gave her the money, I can understand why she might not think you wanted "change" back.

If you had given her $10, but the movie and treats cost only $9, would you want the $1 back?

No, I would not have wanted $1 in change. I really don't find that scenario to be analogous, or even a fair comparison. I think there is a difference between keeping $10, which is half of the money I gave, and keeping $1 out of $10, which is not even close to half. I know I would feel very uncomfortable not giving someone $10 in change, whereas I wouldn't feel as bad if the change was only $1. Ten dollars is actually more than a negligible amount of money to some, whereas $1 is not likely to be so for most.

And as far as her thinking I didn't "want" change back because I didn't say so, that is an odd concept to me. Why would she think I "wanted" her to just keep the leftover $10 for her own use? And, to me, the more perplexing question is, why would she want to keep it? I guess I'd be more inclined to assume that someone who didn't specify either way may actually want or expect change (if it amounted to other than a de minimus amount, like the $1 example you use) than to assume that they did not. Unless it was a close friend or family, I just would never assume a person wanted me to keep their change.

Regardless, as I said in my OP, it really isn't the money that bugs me most. It's the fact that she didn't even offer any change.

Deborah

 

[gettingfitmom]

All I know is if someone gave me $ for anything and there was change left (even .10) I would give the change back beacuse it is not mine to keep. I think it is common curtisy (sp?) to give back what isn't yours. True?