Working parent guilt... help!!

pjlippert

pjlippert

Cathlete
How on earth am I EVER going to get over the single working mom guilt?? DS is out of school already for the Summer and I have a bunch of fun activites scheduled for my him, however, the guilt associated with sending him off to do these and not officially spending 100% the Summer with him is killing me!!

I work from my home office and am working hard at getting my new recruiting company moving forward- which as anybody who has ever started a company knows- takes a LOT of time, energy, constant thought, etc, so when he is home I try to split up some time with him- then I feel guilty for not working, then I go to my office and spend some time working- then feel guilty I'm not spending time with him!! Ugh!! His dad lives in NM - about 700 miles away and we have no family nearby. Playdates are happening here and there, but ohhhhh the guilt!!!!

ANY tips out there are appreciated!!

Thank you!
Pam
 
Pam,
I don't have first hand experience with this, however my close friend was upset for years when she had to go back to work. She spent so much time agonizing over it and felt guilty all the time. It didn't get her anywhere except being miserable all the time. You seem like a great mom! Your son will have fun this summer. Try to have a positive attitude about it. You're doing what you have to do for you and him. Starting/running a business is no easy task. You are adding to your stress. I don't know the nature of your business, but maybe after it comes together there could be small office duties your son could do for you.
Sorry if I sound like a know it all, it is hard to come across as I would like to in a message.
Melissa
 
I certainly am no expert - I'm practically a professional level worrier and could probably qualify for the Olympics if tying myself in knots over parenting decisions were an event... But I can tell you a few things that I try to do that make me think maybe my kids and I will survive their childhood with a trip to Jerry Springer. I work from home and am on the computer pretty much all day sometimes, with conference calls, web meetings, late nights and early mornings of work. The kids see my laptop open from the time they leave for school to the time they go to bed, and I usually have some deadline or other that I'm trying to meet. With all this, I do feel guilty, especially now that Summer is here and I feel like we should have more time together. I know that's not really an option, so I try to make the most of the little times we do have.

In the morning, I try to wake them up slowly, sometimes by sitting or laying on the bed with them for a few minutes, asking what they dreamed about, how they're feeling, etc. (my kids are in the 3-7 yo range). We have about 10-15 minutes of bonding and snuggling before we have to get moving, but it's a really nice touchpoint to start the day. I try to have a few minutes with each one when they get home from school or daycare to ask how their day was and ask questions about things that they'd told me the day before, or ask about their friends (by name) so they know I pay attention. At bedtime, I spend some more time laying in their rooms with them talking about the best and worst parts of their day, snuggling, and just being together. I tell them how special they are to me and how happy I am to have that time with them...

One thing that i think works for us is that we have a routine that kind of reinforces these moments of closeness, so that, even if we're not totally with each other all day, they know I care about them. I've made a point this school year to volunteer for things more often, too, so that they see me doing something other than work and know that I do care about what they're doing at school. I asked them to pick which things would mean the most to them at the beginning of the year and i made a pretty firm committment to be there for those things.

Mostly just know that you don't need to beat yourself up - you are doing the best job you can and it's not a bad thing for kids to know that adults do have to work hard, sometimes. Maybe it would help if you had a talk with your son and ask how he feels about it? If nothing else, it would give you an opening to tell him how much you love him and how terrible you feel about not being able to spend 100% of the summer with him, and only with him. I've found that honesty is a pretty powerful thing with kids...

Hugs and empathetic shoulder pats to you!!
 
You gals are AWESOME!! Thank you for the pointers and the loving words of wisdom!! :D

I didn't feel quite as guilty when he was in school full time but now that Summer is here, it brings on an entirely different level- especially since it's my first year of officially running my company (or doing my darndest to!)

I know it's an adjustment time, just appreciating the heck out of the support and ALL bits of advice and encouragement. We Cathletes have to stick together and you are all such a blessing!

THANK YOU and keep the great tips comin'!!

Hugs,
Pam
 
I will tell you a secret, he doesn't want to spend every moment with you. Really. Its ok. And, he needs time to just be a kid without every little thing planned. So, don't worry!
 
RapidBreath hit it right on the nose! I used to feel the same way when my son was younger (he's almost 14 now). Then I realized that he LOVED going to summer camp! He had so much fun with his friends. It's just the way things are these days. It's not like when we were younger when it was rare to be in any type of camp or summer activity. Kids love it! And trust me, by keeping him involved in things like that, you are actually giving him a gift. You're helping him to build his self-esteem and feeling secure in himself by keeping him socialized in different environments without having you around.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY!! YOU SEEM LIKE AN AWESOME MOM! :D

Linda
 
RapidBreath said:
I will tell you a secret, he doesn't want to spend every moment with you. Really. Its ok. And, he needs time to just be a kid without every little thing planned. So, don't worry!
Click to expand...

You are right! He does LOVE his camps and seeing his friends at Summer school. I also know that we are both much better off and have more fun together when we aren't in each other's space 24x7. :cool: Being an only child he is pretty darned independent.

Thank you all very much! Always such sage wisdom from the lovely Cathletes!

Hugs,
Pam
 
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