Women can be so mean to other women.

Kraphti / Desi, that's a fascinating point you just made: " . . . because for whatever reason, women tend to keep mess going." I never thought of it in those terms, although I have been in the same boat as so many here on this forum re getting bashed for staying fit and trim.

It does seem like a vast preponderance of women would rather b*tch about what isn't working in their lives than fix it, even when the tools are so simple and within their reach.

Someone on another thread on this topic also made a very good point: when a woman leans up noticeably, through the healthy See-Spot-Run methods (healthy diet and appropriate exercise), that takes the excuses of the surrounding "friends" away. And woe be to she who does that!

OP, as you can see you have many sistahs here. Don't worry about the surround; I'm sure there are other living breathing women in your area that are altruistic and fit; it'll just take awhile to find them. In the meantime, the Forums are always here.

A-Jock
 
Yep, it's jealousy. I only have a few friends that run or work out. The other ones just like to say, Oh I could NEVER do that or I HATE running, etc. Excuses, excuses.... And yes I get the obsessive comment from people also.

It sounds like you're doing great & I wouldn't worry about what the women say. No matter what someone will say something- you're either too fat or too thin, there never seems to be a happy medium.
 
I really think it's doing a disservice to other women to call it "jealousy". If someone is jealous, they want what you have, and proceed to do what they can to accomplish that. This is not the case with these people.

It's fear of something they just don't understand. It's a lifestyle they are not familiar with. The fact that they don't understand, and can't relate, causes the reaction you speak of.

To call someone who doesn't understand "jealous," isn't really fair in my opinion.
 
>I really think it's doing a disservice to other women to call
>it "jealousy". If someone is jealous, they want what you
>have, and proceed to do what they can to accomplish that.
>This is not the case with these people.
>
>It's fear of something they just don't understand. It's a
>lifestyle they are not familiar with. The fact that they
>don't understand, and can't relate, causes the reaction you
>speak of.
>
>To call someone who doesn't understand "jealous," isn't really
>fair in my opinion.

I call it what it is: Responding to a different way of living with, of all things, negativity. . .which, in my opinion, is rather immature.
 
It is jealousy and immaturity - but also a bit of misunderstanding. I had a similar thing happen recently. After working out for the last couple of years, I got myself down to a size 6 2 years ago. So, when I got pregnant, everyone remarked how 'big' I suddenly looked! It made me realize that they were probably all jealous of my weight loss in the first place. It also made me feel bad because it's not like I could control how my belly (or thighs and hips) were growing.

That said, I don't think most ppl understand what working out is. If you look at the advice that they give most ppl, they would think a 30 minute walk 3 times a week should be sufficient. If I did that, I would be back up to a size 10-12. It just wouldn't be enough to keep my body fit, but it is a good starting point for most ppl trying to manage their weight. Anything beyond walking is considered to be 'working out like crazy'.
 
I had the opposite reaction from my female friends and co-workers. They couldn't wait to see how much weight I had lost each week and teased me about how much fun I would have buying a new wardrobe and what did my husband think. Some even asked me how I was doing it. Of course, NO ONE understands the working out at home thing, so if I went on too long the glazed look appeared...but that's just typical for me as an at home exerciser. I was actually commended when I had the willpower to turn down the crap at work.
Angela:7
 
After reading this thread and thinking about it, I realize that I don't have a lot of female friends where I live. I have one really good one that she and I are very supportive of each other (she just got gastric bypass surgery after fighting a losing battle for 3 years!). The rest are people that I work with and they tend to be supportive to my face. I have no idea what they say when I am not there, but I don't push my exercise/eating changes in their face either. I am not saying that anyone here is, I just go and do my thing "under the radar" so to speak. Every once in a while, someone will comment about the time at work ("oh the day shift is just getting up now") and I comment that I would have been up and jumping in the shower after working out by that time. Suffice to say that most of my co-workers verbalize that they are very proud of what I have done with losing weight and exercising. The only negative comment was from my dad, and that stopped after DH had a "come to Jesus" talk with him!}(

I am sorry that you have to deal with these people. Some of it could be jealousy that you've gotten busy and started taking care of yourself. Others are probably just in the dark about all of it, and what people don't understand, they tend to mock.

Don't take it personally!
 
Hi there- I get what your saying but what bothers me also is when people notice what "great" shape your in and go on to belittle you by saying that you shoudn't "need" to work out- I don't know about everybody else- but I'm working my butt off to "maintain" my weight- I put serious time into working out- I jump rope2x week, lift weights every week, and try to eat "clean"-I think that people don't want to face that when you get to a certain age it either goes one way or the other. I'm just trying to maintain my physical fitness so when I'm older I can bend down to pick up a grandkid or go on a walk if I want to. Just thought I'd vent--thanks for listening-deb
 
>I really think it's doing a disservice to other women to call
>it "jealousy". If someone is jealous, they want what you
>have, and proceed to do what they can to accomplish that.
>This is not the case with these people.

I agree.
And I see tha old 'it's jealousy" remark around here a lot. It's not just doing a disservice to others, but is rather arrogant as well, I find. ("X doesn't like what I'm doing because she's jealous of me!") Kind of catty in its own right.

I think sometimes, the reacation of others is a rationalization: wanting to confirm their own way of doing things as the 'right way.' As Jeanne Marie stated, they aren't 'jealous,' because they don't want what you have, in fact, they can't really see it as being desirable. Could be denial (that it is desirable, that they should do something similar) as well.
 
After thinking about this, I take back my jealousy remark. I agree that people just don't understand or are not interested in working out/eating right.

And, I too, want to always be able to ride my bike, etc. The other day I was at a garage sale and there was a bike for $5.00. An older bike but in perfect shape. So, I bought it as it is always nice to have an extra bike around for company. Anyway, I said to the lady-aren't you sad to see your bike being sold? And, she said, no, I'm too old (she didn't look much older than me. I asked myself - what is the age that you become too old? I guess she doesn't enjoy bike riding anymore or never did. I plan on riding until the day I die. Sorry to ramble. Too much coffee.

Joanne
 
Monica,

I too am so glad for this forum and all the support about
keeping healty and fit and doing all the work that it
requires. You may want to consider spending less time and
having less conversations with those "friends". I find that
staying away from negative people is the best approach to take.
Some people just don't get how important having muscle on our
bodies is and they never will.
 
I have to address the flip side of this coin. My sister is, in my opinion, very thin. Occaisionally she dips below a certain point and I start to get concerned for her health. I have said things to her in the past. She is living with me right now and recently I realized she was gettng thinner and thinner and that I hadn't seen her eat in a while. So I asked her point blank "are you eating?" She said that she was, but since that conversation she has put on some weight and is looking healthier.

I can honestly say that my comments in no way came from jealously. I was concerned because, yes, she was starting to look emaciated.
 
When people offer me something I don't want to eat or drink, and I decline nicely and they make some snotty remark or eye movement, I just smile politely and say, "It looks better on you." It seems to put them in their place. ;-)
 
>When people offer me something I don't want to eat or drink,
>and I decline nicely and they make some snotty remark or eye
>movement, I just smile politely and say, "It looks better on
>you."

ROFLMAO!
Good one!
 
Hi Monica,

It's true that most women are jealous, or just don't get the working out thing. They think losing or maintaining your weight is too much work, so it's easier to turn their noses up at us.

What bothers me is that I'm an instructor and I get similar treatment from some co-workers. Heaven forbid you teach a better class than them; the term "better" is subjective, so I don't get their attitudes. I was quite upset over this until I read "Mean Girls Grown Up" by Cheryl Dellasega. I highly recommend this book; it helps explain why some women act like they're still in high school.

You are not emaciated, I would love to be 5 ft. 4 and 120 lbs! Keep doing what you're doing and don't let the b!tches wear you down.
 
I just had to post to this now. I've had trouble for the past four years with a couple of women at work. They gossip and badmouth me at any chance. I will walk by and hear them. One of them double-does all my work (I have no idea why--I think she's just nuts). My boss knows about this and has talked to both of them. The thing is there is absolutely no reason for it. I come to work. I do my job. I go home. That's it. I will never understand why some women behave this way. I try not to let it bother me, but I'm only human. Of course it bothers me a little.

Thanks. Just needed to get that off my chest.x(
 
Wow.. I've never really had any women have issues or be negative with the working out thing. I've always had great support from women. Hmmm not sure why and I have all types, ages etc friend. WOnder if that's where I live outside Boston MA.

Still definetely have the mean girls at work. It's fun to watch they are now turning against eachother ;) sorry I'm being a little evil here - but it's fun - after to watch after they had attacked me ;)
 
>I read "Mean Girls Grown Up" by Cheryl Dellasega. I highly
>recommend this book; it helps explain why some women act like
>they're still in high school.

Thanks! I just ordered this book.:D
 
HI Monica,

I have gone through the very same thing for quite a while now. Just the other day my DD's MIL stated that I looked anorexic(as I'm eating our grandson's birthday cake and ice cream:)). I am by no means anorexic, nor do I think I look it. My stats are about the same as yours, 5'5' between 117-120 more or less. I think it's what some of the people have mentioned here, they are jealous. I'm just getting tired of feeling like I have to defend myself all the time. I work out 6 days a week for an hour or so and I don't think that is extreme by any means.

I do like Kathryn's idea though, I'll have to try that one. That ought to make them think}( .

Good luck with your friends. We just need to learn how to blow them off.

Sally
 
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