This is to everyone:
I have found over the years that people who tend to criticize do so in all areas of their lives, and their criticism isn't only directed at a specific group of people, such as thin people. They aren't happy people to begin with, for whatever reason. Some people grow up in households where criticism is a usual topic of conversation, and so I think they learn to do it. It's acceptable in their home, so they figure it's acceptable everywhere else as well. Of course, there comes a time in each of our lives when we should realize not all the behaviors we may have learned in childhood are necessarily appropriate for the outside, adult world, but not everyone can see that. It takes a great deal of introspection to see yourself as others see you. Some people don't want to see that. They say they are who they are, and damned be anyone who doesn't like it. That's not always the best way either, because some people are just downright unpleasant to be around, and they always will be, because they are unable or unwilling to change certain noxious behaviors. We all know people like this. They may have "friends", but usually those friends are as noxious and unpleasant to be around as they are, or they're simply too intimidated by the person to say anything.
Each workplace has it's own little culture, and nursing is no different, as some of you know. Last night was my last night at my job. It was in all likelihood my last night EVER in hospital nursing. One week from this Monday I start a new phase in my nursing career. I'm entering corporate America! LOL!! I will be working at an insurance company as an Injury Claims Trainer, reviewing medical charts and educating the claims adjusters on medically-related issues, using both established training materials and ones I will develop on my own. I'll be responsible, eventually, for three area offices and the claims adjusters in each. I'll have a company car and a laptop to use, it's an 8-5, Monday through Friday job, and it's salaried. This is a HUGE step for me, and I'm so very excited about it! All I've known for 18 years is bedside nursing, working mostly nights and evenings, and of course weekends and holidays.
Anyway ... my point to all this rambling is last night at work I had three of my coworkers tell me how jealous of my new job they were. The thing is, the jobs are out there. I had four calls last week from resumes I sent out the same time as the job I recently accepted, all wanting to interview me. All because I made the effort to look for a new job, and took a few extra courses to boost my knowledge base. These jealous nurses have the same or in one case more experience than I do, and those jobs could easily be done by any one of them. But, it's easier to sit and bit*h about something you don't love, rather than make the effort to do something constructive and positive about changing it. Misery loves company. The person who strikes out on their own and actually MAKES changes is the exception. Fitness is no different.
When we lose weight and/or make the effort to get fit, people notice. But it's not easy, and they know that. They see the effort we put forth, and possibly they once tried too and failed. I failed for about 15 years to get back into shape and lose weight. And, I admit it was much easier during that time to rationalize my inability to stick to weight loss and fitness goals, and it was "easy" to slam people who did. Even if I didn't do it out loud, it was easier to do so because by doing so, I was able to rationalize my own failure to reach my goals. I think at the core of all criticism is the realization we ourselves have not reached a similar goal. I say similar, because we may be criticizing someone for something inappropriate they have done, but what we are really doing is rationalizing the fact we ourselves may have done that very same thing, or something similar, and we know that. We want to change the behavior, but have not done so yet. Criticism is often grounded in fear, and that fear is sometimes what we see in ourselves.
Just as I believe anyone can lose weight and get in shape if that's what they want to do, AND if they are willing to put forth the effort and the hard work and committment it takes, I know these same co-workers of mine could find their dream jobs. But, they don't want to put forth the effort. It's easier to crab and moan every night they work, and openly express jealousy for someone who worked hard and found one of those jobs. I got a similar reaction from these same people when I reached my WW goal in October. But you know what? I already knew these are not happy people, and I ignored it. Just like I ignored them last night. I'm not responsible for anyone's words or actions except my own, and neither are any of you. And, like I said on here on one of those threads which were deleted, words have NO power over you ... unless you GIVE them that power. Don't give them the power.
When you're criticized by someone for something, stop for a minute and think before you react. Is the complaint legit? Is this something you should be working on changing for the greater good or for yourself? If not, throw it out. Don't give it power over you. If it's legit, ask for clarification first so you truly understand what they're criticizing, then thank them for their input and walk away. Take some time to think about it when you're alone and quiet, so you can formulate a plan to change only if you really feel you need to. If you're quiet and listen to your heart, you will know if it's something you need to change. If it's not, throw out the complaint and move on. Don't give the person's words power over you, and those words cannot hurt you.
I know I've rambled here, but thanks for listening, and I hope this helps!!
Carol
