Why don't people get it???

[dorothyrd]

A couple comments to today's comments.

The request was last minute to go house hunting. I HATE anything brought up last minute. It is not just work-outs that are budgeted tightly in my life, it is grocery shopping, house cleaning, kid carting, everything. So that alone would have made me say nope, sorry, cannot go unless youa are on my calendar 6 months in advance, haha.

The other comment is about missing and then missing more and the worry that pretty soon, no working out. I used to feel that way and I don't anymore. I love working out, so I now know that if I have to miss even several days in a row, I will get back to it.

When I am on vacation, I actually look forward to doing a different variety of exercise, hiking in nice scenery other varieties of exercise. I am an early riser, even on vacation, and no one else in the family is, so to keep my sanity with all the family togetherness, getting up and out on vacation is wonderful.

 

[Fit_mommy]

>Okay, Wendy, I have a confession. I understand where your
>friends are coming from, so you can use me as a sounding
>board.
>
>I'm just putting myself in their place. If I called a friend
>to do something with me on a Saturday, and she said "I haven't
>had much time to work out, and that's my only time", I would
>understand. But if she told me she had worked out 5 days that
>week, and this was her 6th day, I would feel rejected. I
>agree that working out can be a hobby like golfing or bowling.
> But if you had a friend who golfed 5 days that week, and
>wanted to blow you off for one more day, how would you feel?
>
>I admire your commitment, and I'm not trying to make you
>angrier. I just thought it might be helpful if you could see
>the other side. I would honestly feel a bit hurt.
>
>Nancy

Hi Nancy. Don't worry. You did not anger me.

If my friend had asked me in advance I would have had time to adjust my work out schedule as well as other events I had going on that day in order to accompany him and his wife house-hunting. I am certainly not against re-arranging my schedule for good friends for all kinds of reasons but I did not find it fair that I was asked last minute and expected to drop my work out and go with him simply based on the fact that HE felt I had exercised enough that week. Do you see my point?

 

[Fit_mommy]

>A couple comments to today's comments.
>
>The request was last minute to go house hunting. I HATE
>anything brought up last minute. It is not just work-outs
>that are budgeted tightly in my life, it is grocery shopping,
>house cleaning, kid carting, everything. So that alone would
>have made me say nope, sorry, cannot go unless youa are on my
>calendar 6 months in advance, haha.

I am not against last minute plans as a rule but if it's not going to clash with things I already have planned that day then I just won't do it. It's not fair to me.

>The other comment is about missing and then missing more and
>the worry that pretty soon, no working out. I used to feel
>that way and I don't anymore. I love working out, so I now
>know that if I have to miss even several days in a row, I will
>get back to it.

I guess I am a bit OCD about exercise in this capacity then. I know I will get back to it but I STILL don't want to miss more work outs then I absolutely have to. }(

 

[nancy324]

>Hi Nancy. Don't worry. You did not anger me.
>
>If my friend had asked me in advance I would have had time to
>adjust my work out schedule as well as other events I had
>going on that day in order to accompany him and his wife
>house-hunting. I am certainly not against re-arranging my
>schedule for good friends for all kinds of reasons but I did
>not find it fair that I was asked last minute and expected to
>drop my work out and go with him simply based on the fact that
>HE felt I had exercised enough that week. Do you see my
>point?

I definitely understand Wendy! And I agree. I don't see how someone who asks at the last minute can possibly expect "yes" for an answer. I think it's okay for them to ask, but I don't think it's okay for them to expect you to change your plans at their whim.
Nancy

 

[MSJ]

I guess I could clarify a bit concerning workouts and flexibility.

If I am given advance notice of an event, I can usually wangle my schedule around to accomodate my workout and the event, but short notice--just can't do it, especially with 6 kids, which ends up being a good excuse in and of itself.

I would miss a workout(with secret regret for I am OCD and selfish about my workouts), for an urgent situation where my help was needed and for real emergencies, I would miss with no regret at all. But the latter situations don't happen very much.

Maggie

 

[writeann460]

Wendy, sorry for your frustration. That sucks. What I do (when I know I'm in the company of people who don't get it) is I do not offer any explanation. I kindly say, "Oh. That time's not going to work for me. I've got something going on then. Can we do it at (time)?" or the like and usually people leave it at that. Why do you owe them an explanation anyway? And it's the truth. That is your commitment to yourself. I would say the same thing if you had to pick up your kids, "I'm sorry. I'm busy then."

As I get older (39), I embrace R.U.E. Resist the Urge to Explain. It has been very liberating.

Hope that helps. Take care and good for you with your 6 days per week.

 

[Fit_mommy]

I have been exercising 5 or 6 days a week for almost 5 years now...you'd think my friends would be used to it by now!

I always seem to get asked WHY I can't do something so I guess I'll have to start lying about it...how sad is that? LOL

 

[RWattier]

I SOOOOO can relate to that! I just am popping on now...

Usually I am NOT good with last minute plans, because I plan my workouts and its just as important as taking a shower for me.

My husband's family might think I am a bit weird about it - but even on days we have family gatherings planned at noon and most guests arrive at 10:30 as "implied" - i show up at noon when the party starts because I am working out in the morning They will get used to it.

I plan around things best i can and miss workouts occasionally but why don't people understand that working out is like taking a crap on a daily basis and if you miss - you feel like toilet

 

[seeking_guns]

You know what, Wendy? In thinking about this some more, I'm surprised they would ask you WHY. None of my friends who have children are able to make plans on-the-fly. Usually folks understand that parents have to make their plans in advance, and even then, sometimes it's not that simple to work it out. An earlier poster said to laugh it off and make a joke about it - it sounds like a good way to deal with those who just don't accept a simple answer.

I love the RUE concept! There should also be RUY - Resist the Urge to say Yes to everything. I'm getting better at that!

Cathy

 

[Fit_mommy]

Cathy,

This same friend doesn't seem to understand the concept of planning ahead when you have kids. He has a baby boy but ever since birth his wife has dedicated 110% of her time to this baby so my friend has next to no responsibility when it comes to his son. He basically comes and goes as he pleases and his wife accepts it. I guess he thinks because he goes out on a whim that I should be able to as well....

I am very lucky to have many willing baby-sitters as well as a husband who has no problem staying home with DS if I want to go out. I, however, try to be considerate of whomever I will be leaving my son with when I make plans where this friend of mine is not. He is not very happy in his marriage...I have no idea why he agreed to have a baby with this woman but that is a discussion for a whole other thread!