whiny vent sorta post

Jacque1038

Jacque1038

Cathlete
So a couple months ago I started going to the gym maybe once a week with a friend. This lead to me getting a gym membership of my own because I liked the variety from my home based weight videos.

The friend I went with weighed herself the first time we went and got upset and started crying over her weight. Says she is ready to change and needs to start going regularly blah blah. For maybe a month or so my friend and I would go the gym together three times a week average. I could go the the gym by myself just as easily as going to the gym with her but she seemed to need the extra motivation of having another person along. I would actually prefer to go earlier in the day but was willing to wait until evening time when she could go along with me. She would have her good days and bad days as far as gym company. Some days she would help spot me and got a good workout in but she is one that can not put the cell phone away for an hour to workout so a lot of others she spent on the phone and the drama of some of the phone calls was draining. It did not really matter to me because on the good days it was nice to have company and on the bad days I just ignored her and did my own thing.

However the past month or so things have changed and this same friend has hurt my fitness levels more then helped it. Fitness is a lifestyle for me. Fitness for her just seems like it is something she does sometimes because she wants to be thinner but her heart is not really not in it.

I always text her in the morning to check and make sure she wants to go that evening (if she doesn't I work out right after work). She says yes so I wait around. When it comes down to actually going to the gym she has come up with one lame excuse after another. I start my work day very very early in the morning so by the end of the day my energy levels are drained and if she does not go I often do not go. For example I texted her Monday morning and she says yes. She calls me later in the day when it is time to go and says she feels bloated because she ate mash potatoes and has to drop a check off for one of her friends but he does not care what time she drops it off. I say ok why don't we go to the gym and you can drop the check off after we are finished? She says no she wants to drop it off first but she will call me when she is done because she does not see herself being at her other friends any longer then 30 minutes. So I change into my gym clothes and wait and wait. Finally I give up and just do a home workout. She never called. I am so tired of trying to help someone out and then being blown off. That type of behavior has become the norm for her lately. I am thinking of just not bothering with texting her anymore and leaving her on her own. Maybe I am overreacting but I think her actions just show a complete lack of consideration for my feelings. I would rather go to the gym early in the day and know that I am going to get there and then wait around for her on the off chance that she might decide to go. A part of me feels a little bad for abandoning the friend but I keep telling myself that it is not my job to motivate her she has to do that on her own. Is it so wrong of me to expect some consideration for the fact that I have goals of my own?

Sorry for my whiny negative sorta thread. I just needed to vent to some people that will understand.
 
you're not abandoning HER, SHE'S abandoning YOU!

i'd be sweating solo if i were you. my WO time is far too precious to waste it....
 
A good work out buddy is hard to find. Don't feel badly at all. Working out is obviously more important to you then to her so do what ya gotta do, girl! :)
 
I have a friend just like that. She will want to go shopping in the evening after work and I re-arrange my schedule so that we can go together. When the time comes, she does not call. I have to call her and then she says "O sorry but I don’t feel like going, you go ahead". That gets me upset because I re-arranged my whole day.


Another incident – I also try to encourage her to workout and some evenings when the weather is nice, I say let’s go for a walk around the block, again, I re-arrange my schedule and the outcome is always the same.


It happened many times and finally, I told her that was rude and inconsiderate for not letting me sooner and that I had re-arranged my schedule. I told if she does it again, I will no longer make plans with her, ever. I have also stopped re-arranging my schedule. If I am free to go, we go, if I am not we don’t. This is working for me and I feel better.


I know exactly how you are feeling? Do what you have to do.. maybe she will have to be inconvenienced and go with you early.
 
Jacque1038 said:
The friend I went with weighed herself the first time we went and got upset and started crying over her weight.
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I just don't get this. Whatever the scale says, it didn't change the way she looked or fit in her clothes. Why does a number have so much power over people?

Obviously the initial shock of seeing her weight in numbers didn't have a lasting effect.

Don't feel bad about backing off from the workout relationship with her. You can only help other people so much, and they have to at least meet you halfway. You've definitely made the effort.

At most, you might want to let her know when you're going to be at the gym, IF she wants to meet you there. But don't wait for her or design your workout schedule around her. And if she does show up, but yacks on the phone instead of working out, don't let it affect you. Just keep on doing your thing. (You should always plan on working out alone, so you get done what you need/want to for yourself).
 
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I don't know how you put up with the drama for as long as you did. Suggest she find herself a person trainer and go to the gym by yourself early in the day.
 
My workout buddy is the same way. If it weren't for me calling here everytime we go she would never go. I find that when I go without her after she has decided not to go she feels like an idiot.

I would start going on your own. Let her know when your going and make sure you tell her that you missed her and had a great workout.
 
you have a lot of patience!

Hi! Wow! You have alot of patience and good for you for trying to be a good, supportive friend. AND you are not whiny! I would have been upset too. I think you have done all you can for your friend and she should really take responsibility for her own fitness. You can't do it for her. I would stop texting and contacting her and go do your morning routine on your time. If she asks you about it, just be honest and tell her - cite the examples you gave us and the fact that the behavior is affecting you and your goals. If she wants to get more help from you, I would suggest she goes with you to the gym on your schedule (in the morning). You have done far more than anyone else would have for her - including herself.

Good luck!
 
Don't feel bad. I recently ended a workout relationship because I wanted to be closer to home due to my dad's failing health. She was not understanding at all! We were attending a fitness boot camp and for some reason they wanted her out and got me involved. So we both quit going and she suggested working out together. It wasn't a big deal for me but she was so upset about what happened at boot camp that I said fine. So we worked out from March until September. I was probably more advanced than she was in some ways but it was ok.

I was just floored by her response. She basically said I guess I understand and she cut all ties with me. I was the one that stood up for her at boot camp and made up all the workouts for the last 6 months.

I learned my lesson. The only workout buddy I have is my twin sister because we both workout the same way...hard.

Don't stress about it.
 
Forget her. Sorry to sound so cruel but just go on doing your thing get uber buffed out and she'll get jealous that she didn't stick it with you. You are not her mother, . . and we can't force people to do the right thing. Trust me when she sees how you can out pull up and push up her she'll feel really small.
By the way my sister is the same way. There is always an excuse for everything. She's 4'11" and weighs 155lbs and is a size 16. She's been diagnoised diabetic, always has a cell phone on and when she calls me is always ordering a super sized something and some fast food drive through. The wake up call will come we just have to continue living our healthy lifestyle and hope that they see how much better life can be when you make healthy decisions.
 
A friend doesn't do this sort of thing. Leave her on her own. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink...you know? If she fusses, tell her to contact you when she gets her priorities straight.
 
That is so kind of you to help motivate and encourage your friend. It does sound like she has other priorities that are more important to her. That's OK. What you have to do now is, schedule yourself to go to the gym at your own convenience. Tell her when you will be going so maybe she can catch up with you on those days and those times because you really need to be consistent with your exercises. Continue supporting her when you can, but don't make that your priority, that is really up to her.

Janie
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tell her this

You are going to be focusing in on some fitness goals as a consequence you are not going to wait for her to come with you anymore. Be real nice about it and just be matter of fact. Don't make it personal. Don't point out the obvious (she knows) don't ask her if she wants to go workout. Text her with when you are going to be at the gym and say I hope you can make it. And just leave it at that.

I've known people like that its frustrating if you let them decide when you are working out. Do your workout when you want to, everybody's body is different and yours says one thing and hers, well, says a lot on the phone.
 
Reese777 said:
A friend doesn't do this sort of thing. Leave her on her own. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink...you know? If she fusses, tell her to contact you when she gets her priorities straight.
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I'm with Reese 100%. Forget this person already. She is dragging you down and is poison to your workouts. I would tell her straight: this is not working for you and you will no longer be her gym buddy. Don't bother to tell her when you are going so she can come along when she wants to. Even if she takes you up on your offer, her behaviour pattern is not going to change: she will still be spending her time yakking and not lifting/sweating, and from your post, I can tell that this bothers you and it does disturb your concentration.

I don't know how anybody can go to the gym with anybody else anyway. I need to be alone, get in my zone, do my thing, however long it takes me and not put up with crap from others.

You are done with her. Now, back to you. It is not whiny or selfish to put oneself first, especially as a woman. Men do it all the time. For them it's called "being successful. " Now go be successful in your workouts.

Clare
 
I think its time you move on as well. You can only do so much. Why doesn't she want to go in the morning? If I were you, I would text her in evening and tell her that you are going to the gym in the morning if she wants to join you. There is nothing worse then waiting around for someone and then they just don't show up.
When I work day shifts, I like to workout in the morning cause I know I am not going to have the energy in the evening, so I can relate to where you are comming from.
Do whats best for you and stop worrying about her. She obviously isn't in to it like you are and there is only so much you can do to help. You have done your share!

Lori:)
 
Thank you for your replies. I guess I just felt bad because she is obese (5 5ish and over 200 pounds) and I felt like maybe having someone to go the gym with would help motivate her. The phone calls do bother me. One of the last time she actually went she got a phone call from one of her guys (she is one that always has a lot of different guys in her life, none being any good for her and all causing her lots of drama). She leaves the gym to go take the call and by the time she is back I am done with my workout. Then she was upset and complaining to me on the way out of the gym that she was mad that she did not get a workout in and telling me about the argument she was having with the guy. I suggested to her to just leave her cell phone in her car (she does not have any kids, sick relatives or any other reason that she would need to be available 24/7) but that did not go over well. I am working on getting the last 20 pounds are so off because I eventually want to obtain a more athletic look. I understand this is going to take discipline on my part and need to stay as focused as possible.

The reason we can not go to the gym in the morning together is because our work schedules do not allow it. I work really early morning hours(I start work before the gym is even open) and she works more of a midday hours. I would prefer to go to the gym straight from work so I make sure that I get there. I am just going to start packing my bag and heading there right after work. I gave her a chance but the mashed potatoes excuse was kinda the straw the broke the camels back.
 
I vote screw it and screw her. There's a reason why she's obese - she would rather bitch about the drama in her life than take any positive action, and she thinks you can supply her with the motivation as well as the results.

I also vote don't even bother texting her or calling her. The only thing you'll get is another dose of her draining drama. Go do your workout, and if she wants to call you she will.

A-Jock
 
yikes

Never mind. Just drop her. Seriously. Mashed freaking potatoes?

Don't let her drama cloud your life. She knows she is pulling crap. She likes it this way. It helps hide how she feels. Its a distractor. And don't fall for any water works either. You don't have to be a door mat for stupidity. Even when I was obese (for many years.) I never not once answered my cel phone at the gym. The truth is she wants the credit for going to the gym without the discomfort that we all feel when we workout. (you know sore, breathless, dry mouth etc. .)

It sounds like she hasn't done the internal work yet. Its really hard to be committed to a wo if that hasn't been done.
 
I can't stand when people break plans, let alone for really stupid reasons. It is obvious, she is not committed to this, but what is worse, is that it is hurting your efforts.

She's dragging you down. I would go to the gym solo at the time it works best for you.
 
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