Which of these things makes you feel loved?

Which of these things makes you feel loved?

  • Total voters
    876
mogambo

mogambo

Cathlete
Do your significant people know your preferences? Do you know what makes them feel loved? I mentioned this in a relationship topic, and thought I'd start a poll about it.

This simple list has really improved the quality of my relationships with family and friends. There's a book about this, but I just got the list from a friend and used it without reading the book.
 
Cool. I'm going to have to bump this from time to time or it will get lost. Thanks for voting, everyone!
 
Cool survey. Thanks, Mogambo. Made me think hard about myself, which I haven't done in a long time.

Voted for words of affirmation. I've been blessed in so many other areas except in encouragement. I'm surrounded by women who judge my parenting style and who say things like, "Your clothes range from a 0 to a 4, and you want to work out EVERYDAY?!?" Uh... My 4-year-old put it succintly one evening. He said: "Mom, you are what you ARE." I have no idea from which Nickelodeon or Disney program he got that. But that made my day.:)

Bumping.


Pinky
 
The book is actually great! The Five Love Languages, but I can't remember the author. They have one for kids and teens which isn't really necessary if you happened upon the main one. Basically the idea is that we all have a "love lanugage" as Mogambo listed and these are things that make you feel loved. If you tune in to people you care about you will see that they do as well, and it is kind of helpful to know. More on a communication level.

I relate it to being sick. When I am truly sick in bed, I love to know I am not quarantined and locked away in a bedroom. Check on me once in a while and see if I might like a fresh water. My husband on the other hand is the opposite. Lock the door and throw away the key. I have to leave him alone. Yet my own needs are what I tend to give. So I am a pest to him:) Checking in and seeing what I can do to make him feel better, and he avoids me like the plague. Bottom line is that we are giving what we would like and not what the other needs/desires.

Clueing into things like this make it nice. I am a quality time gal all the way! When we can manage to get time together in any fasion I feel important, loved and like a priority. No gifts or flowers can ever make me feel as important as shutting the door on "life" and having a nice time together in some way. Lucky for me my husband is the same.

My boys on the other hand love gifts. It can be a pack of gum from the grocery store, but they will jump up and down that I got them a 'surprise' while running errands.

My daughter is 'affirmation'. The more praise and kind words the better.

The whole thing can be so silly, yet if you take the time to tune in a little bit it makes it really nice to know how to really let your loved one feel loved.
 
Yes, Dani, that's exactly it. I have modified my behavior for my daughter, my friends. I don't like to be touched, but some of them do. I dont care much for words of affirmation, but my daughter sure lights up when she gets them, so guess what? I have learned to give them generously and sincerely.

It's a nice easy way to get along better with our loved ones. And it helped me get my mother to stop buying me any more freekin' sweaters!!! x(
 
I read the book--The 5 Love Languages or The 5 Languages of Love or some such horse hooey. Honestly none of those things make me feel loved. Here's the way to love me

Touch--don't freakin' touch me, I have PMS

Gifts--don't spend money on things I don't need. When I want something I'll go buy it myself

Words of affirmation--"Oh you look hot" doesn't turn me on so don't say it & if you have to ask me if I'm having a good hair day, I'm obviously not

Quality time--can't you just give me 5 mintues to myself? I'm with people all day at work & I just want to be left alone.

Acts of service--just let me do it because I'll do a better job

Ok, seriously, I think I'm a words of affirmation person.
 
OK, here's mine.

Touch-- don't freakin' touch me, and I don't have PMS

Gifts-- please no more crap, clutter, things you think are cute or things you think I should have. It goes straight to the thrift shop.

Words of affirmation-- They'd better be specific. No "You are a good person." "You look good." or "You are so funny." If you can't come up with something specific like "I like the way you are able to explain things concisely." then please save it, because I will have to pretend I liked it, when really, I am rolling my eyes.

Quality time--Assuming I want to spend any time with you at all, I love to have interesting conversation (not about sports, shopping, self-decoration, or babies), or cook, or travel, or go to a museum or do something you really know a lot about that I don't or ride horses, or ski, or just about anything that isn't eating or going to a freekin' movie. I love quality time.

Acts of service- I really do melt if you save me a trip, help clean something up, help me make jam, bring me a dozen eggs from your chickens, help me wash my car, take care of my cat when I am out of town. I really appreciate it and know you like me.
 
I guess I'm needier than I thought; I like all of them! Except, as far as gifts go, I prefer small inexpensive gifts. It's easy to buy something expensive (if you have the cash), but I believe it takes more thought to pick out a small inexpensive, yet meaningful, gift. For example, two Christmas's ago, my husband bought me a beautiful sapphire bracelet and he made the arrangements for me to attend a class at Cathe's club. Guess which gift I was more enthused about? Don't get me wrong, the bracelet is gorgeous and I wear it all the time, but the fact that he took the time to set me up with the class (and it was kickboxing, which is my favorite) meant a lot.

Shelbygirl
 
Shelbygirl, I'm right there with you. I would like to have them all, but the gift really isn't one that I would chooose. But the rest for sure is something that I really kind of need in order to feel loved. I'm probably a little high maintenance I guess.

Kathy
 
Thank you all for doing this. I find this very interesting. Did any of you ask your husbands or girlfriends what they prefer?
 
Yes, I did. I asked my ex SO. His were "words of affirmation" and "touch" -- which, interestingly enough, were the lowest on my list. Mine were "quality time" and "acts of service" -- which were the lowest on his list.

So I spent a lot of time doing things for him (since that's how I expressed love) when he really needed to hear some words of affirmation.

I guess that explains a lot. Thanks for posting this question. I ended up buying the book.

Shonie
 
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