What's wrong with me???
- Thread starter pixie9
- Start date
pixiesis
Cathlete
I just want to add that I agree that this drama is so ridiculous! Some people are so completely clueless! My MIL was such a sweetheart to me, and to everyone really. She was so real and never pulled this bulls**t! It's not like she and I were super close or had the chance to really get to know one another. But she saw that her son loved me and was happy and she just totally embraced me. Unfortunately she passed away in May 06. I guess it's true that the good die young.
Amy
Amy
Miss Lee
Cathlete
Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, but something is horribly awry with your MIL! What a B*TCH!! She's pathetic and one of those people who must belittle others in order to feel good about herself. We love you, Carolyn -- and we think you're pretty AND smart...and fit as a fiddle! So there:*
nancy324
Cathlete
Okay, I read some of the replies, including the lovely words from your wonderful sister (I am uber jealous of you both! I've always wanted a sister!), and I was thinking about this a bit more.
I can relate a bit. My mother is a snob, and nothing is ever good enough for her. No doubt about it: she looks down on my DH's family to some extent. They don't dress as nicely as she does, they don't appreciate fine dining the way she does, they're not as cultured as she is, etc. All superficial stuff.
HOWEVER, she has never said anything but the kindest words about my DH and his son. She knows how much I love them, and she is thrilled that I am so happy. She knows them as people, knows they have hearts of gold, and she has come to love them dearly (or at least is awesome at faking it).
Here's where I'm going with this: if my mother ever said a negative word (unless it was constructive and meant in a caring way) about my DH or his son, I wouldn't stand for it for a nanosecond. In short, I think it's time for your DH to step up and put this witch in her place. Honestly, a parent tends to follow the feelings of the child. I think my mother came to love and respect my DH in part because I do. Your DH has to show her how she is to treat you. Frankly, in my humble opinion, it's his job.
What do you and your sister think about this?
ETA: And, as usual, I agree with every word Michele just posted below.
I can relate a bit. My mother is a snob, and nothing is ever good enough for her. No doubt about it: she looks down on my DH's family to some extent. They don't dress as nicely as she does, they don't appreciate fine dining the way she does, they're not as cultured as she is, etc. All superficial stuff.
HOWEVER, she has never said anything but the kindest words about my DH and his son. She knows how much I love them, and she is thrilled that I am so happy. She knows them as people, knows they have hearts of gold, and she has come to love them dearly (or at least is awesome at faking it).
Here's where I'm going with this: if my mother ever said a negative word (unless it was constructive and meant in a caring way) about my DH or his son, I wouldn't stand for it for a nanosecond. In short, I think it's time for your DH to step up and put this witch in her place. Honestly, a parent tends to follow the feelings of the child. I think my mother came to love and respect my DH in part because I do. Your DH has to show her how she is to treat you. Frankly, in my humble opinion, it's his job.
What do you and your sister think about this?
ETA: And, as usual, I agree with every word Michele just posted below.
pixiesis
Cathlete
Hi Nancy! What a sweet reply. You and others have said some really kind things, and it's nice to be understood so thanks. I am so grateful for my wonderful sister. It's so hard with her being so far away, especially since DH and I have recently moved and I'm not around familiar friends and places! Anyway, I think you are right about Jason sort of modeling the kind of behavior he expects from her. He actually is really sweet and affectionate anyway, so she does see this (and I'm sure she just loves it!). And when he's around, she really is on her best behavior. There have been times when he witnessed something, but for the most part this is, like I said, underhanded bullying. To an outsider it could look like she's as sweet as pie.
Of course he knows it's going on and he totally believes her and is on her side. He grew up in this household where you could never be good enough, so I know he hates to see her deal with this. Also, they have kind of withdrawn from him too so he is also paying for their disapproval. I think during these visits he is preoccupied trying to deal with them and make everyone happy in a tense situation, so it isn't easy for him to make sure she's ok all the time too. But the important thing is that he cares and believes her. I think you are absolutely right that him talking to her could be the only thing that makes a difference. Of course, she will most likely pretend that she's completely innocent though! It's so maddening to deal with someone who acts so squirrelly! She's nowhere near as cute as a squirrel however...Anyway, I'm sure Carolyn will respond too but I don't know when since Jason took them out today and I'm thinking they may be back now.
Amy
Of course he knows it's going on and he totally believes her and is on her side. He grew up in this household where you could never be good enough, so I know he hates to see her deal with this. Also, they have kind of withdrawn from him too so he is also paying for their disapproval. I think during these visits he is preoccupied trying to deal with them and make everyone happy in a tense situation, so it isn't easy for him to make sure she's ok all the time too. But the important thing is that he cares and believes her. I think you are absolutely right that him talking to her could be the only thing that makes a difference. Of course, she will most likely pretend that she's completely innocent though! It's so maddening to deal with someone who acts so squirrelly! She's nowhere near as cute as a squirrel however...Anyway, I'm sure Carolyn will respond too but I don't know when since Jason took them out today and I'm thinking they may be back now.
Amy
OMG you guys! You're all so sweet!:* These posts are actually bringing tears to my eyes! 
And yes, I obviously have the sweetest sister in the world. I'm very lucky to have her. I think DH is much better than he used to be about standing up for me. It's a complicated situation but when push comes to shove, he is always on my side. It's difficult and sad that some people in his family take issue with our relationship. It does hurt my feelings from time to time and I often feel like an outsider. I'm usually fine with it and can handle a lot of cr@p, but I will admit that I find it very, very hard to deal with attacks on my appearance. I'm thinking I need a much harder shell. I'm very grateful for my Cathe friends though. Thank you ladies!!! You ROCK! :* :* :*
Carolyn
And yes, I obviously have the sweetest sister in the world. I'm very lucky to have her. I think DH is much better than he used to be about standing up for me. It's a complicated situation but when push comes to shove, he is always on my side. It's difficult and sad that some people in his family take issue with our relationship. It does hurt my feelings from time to time and I often feel like an outsider. I'm usually fine with it and can handle a lot of cr@p, but I will admit that I find it very, very hard to deal with attacks on my appearance. I'm thinking I need a much harder shell. I'm very grateful for my Cathe friends though. Thank you ladies!!! You ROCK! :* :* :* Carolyn
nancy324
Cathlete
Carolyn, I hope my being so direct with my feelings didn't bother you. I am obviously very influenced by my own situation. My mother still occasionally forgets to include my stepson with the rest of the grandchildren, and I still have to keep her in line. The same stepson who drove over an hour to visit my mother to keep her company after my father died because he didn't want her to be lonely. The same stepson who offered to walk with her in the walk for pancreatic cancer because he didn't want her to walk alone. The same stepson who gave a lovely speech about my father at his funeral, and had a picture of my father in the middle of the room at his wedding. There are still times I want to strangle her. x( x( Just so you know where I'm coming from.
Sunshine 1528
Cathlete
Carolyn - Just know that you are strong and your DH loves you. In laws are not always easy, but obviously you and your hubby have a great life together.
I always like to think positively, and not to be mean, but at least they don't live next door or down the street. :7
Maybe the fact that her darling son is with you and not her bothers her too? Sometimes perfect, controlling people take their "loses" out on others. Some mothers don't have their own lives so need to live through and count on their children for their happiness.
Just conclusions drawn from experience and reading the posts of your wonderful sis.
Hang in there and soon it will just be you and your lovely DH back in your wonderful life again.
I always like to think positively, and not to be mean, but at least they don't live next door or down the street. :7
Maybe the fact that her darling son is with you and not her bothers her too? Sometimes perfect, controlling people take their "loses" out on others. Some mothers don't have their own lives so need to live through and count on their children for their happiness.
Just conclusions drawn from experience and reading the posts of your wonderful sis.
Hang in there and soon it will just be you and your lovely DH back in your wonderful life again.
Carolyn,
I don't know if your MIL actually was trying to zing you or not, but it wasn't a very nice thing to say. It could be too though that SHE was thinking those gals in the commercial looked really good to HER and she was feeling bad about herself. I'm in no way trying to be devil's advocate here...I may have had trouble biting my tounge on that one. It's an awful thing to say.
For future reference, I'm learning how to turn things like that back on people just so THEY can squirm for a while. For instance, you could say something like "what do you mean?" Then she would have had to explain herself and it would have been more obvious what her true intentions were (which in turn helps you decide how to respond from there).
I've also found though, some people are unreachable and they strive to hurt others because they are embedded in their own misery. When I realise people are in this category I just avoid them.
I did look at your pictures and I don't know why you think you are heavy...I think you look petite in your pictures...and as a cat person, I must say your felines are quite adorable too.
Don't let that ole bag get you down! If she truly is being malicious she's not worth the salt in your tears!
:7
I don't know if your MIL actually was trying to zing you or not, but it wasn't a very nice thing to say. It could be too though that SHE was thinking those gals in the commercial looked really good to HER and she was feeling bad about herself. I'm in no way trying to be devil's advocate here...I may have had trouble biting my tounge on that one. It's an awful thing to say.
For future reference, I'm learning how to turn things like that back on people just so THEY can squirm for a while. For instance, you could say something like "what do you mean?" Then she would have had to explain herself and it would have been more obvious what her true intentions were (which in turn helps you decide how to respond from there).
I've also found though, some people are unreachable and they strive to hurt others because they are embedded in their own misery. When I realise people are in this category I just avoid them.
I did look at your pictures and I don't know why you think you are heavy...I think you look petite in your pictures...and as a cat person, I must say your felines are quite adorable too.
Don't let that ole bag get you down! If she truly is being malicious she's not worth the salt in your tears!
:7
>Carolyn, I hope my being so direct with my feelings didn't
>bother you. I am obviously very influenced by my own
>situation. My mother still occasionally forgets to include my
>stepson with the rest of the grandchildren, and I still have
>to keep her in line. The same stepson who drove over an hour
>to visit my mother to keep her company after my father died
>because he didn't want her to be lonely. The same stepson who
>offered to walk with her in the walk for pancreatic cancer
>because he didn't want her to walk alone. The same stepson
>who gave a lovely speech about my father at his funeral, and
>had a picture of my father in the middle of the room at his
>wedding. There are still times I want to strangle her. x( x(
> Just so you know where I'm coming from.
Nancy,
No, your response did not offend me in the least. In fact, I appreciated your opinion and it sounds like you can totally relate to my situation. I really feel for your stepson. I think I know how he feels - and he sounds like a real sweetie.
Carolyn
>bother you. I am obviously very influenced by my own
>situation. My mother still occasionally forgets to include my
>stepson with the rest of the grandchildren, and I still have
>to keep her in line. The same stepson who drove over an hour
>to visit my mother to keep her company after my father died
>because he didn't want her to be lonely. The same stepson who
>offered to walk with her in the walk for pancreatic cancer
>because he didn't want her to walk alone. The same stepson
>who gave a lovely speech about my father at his funeral, and
>had a picture of my father in the middle of the room at his
>wedding. There are still times I want to strangle her. x( x(
> Just so you know where I'm coming from.
Nancy,
No, your response did not offend me in the least. In fact, I appreciated your opinion and it sounds like you can totally relate to my situation. I really feel for your stepson. I think I know how he feels - and he sounds like a real sweetie.
Carolyn