What would you do?????

R

runner2

Cathlete
HI Everyone,
I have been struggling with the "motivation" think now for a few monthes and it is driving me insane! I don't want to turn this into another diet thread and I don't want to make it sound like I want a quick fix either.But yet it as a little bit of my diet involved.
I use to love working out.I worked hard to.I would work for atleast 2 hours a day, either in the morning or night, and I wouldn't let myself rest until I had worked out.And then there were other days when I would break my workout up into 2 seperate workouts.Working out in the evening was NEVER a problem for me.When I felt like my dinner was settled and I had my little girl put to bed, I would start in on my workout.
But in the last year,I have let myself slip.The motivation isn't there.The drive to keep my tummy pooch at bay isn't there,my craving for movement isn't there.Even after a workout,a day at work and just general things, I would keep myself busy at night by doing laundry,cleaning the cupboards,going for a walk or just doing house
chores.I look at my friends and I see their motivation to stay slim and active,they have so much drive and desire.And I want what any other person wants as well, but I just don't have it in me to work hard and be dertermined anymore.I can't get focused!
I can't tell you how many sweets I eat in the run of a day.If I don't do my workout in the morning then it doesn't get done.Not only do I not workout, but I also don't put the laundry away,I will leave it for the next day.I fear that I may be turning into a couch potatoe.
And then again,maybe I am being to hard on myself.A day for me may mean getting up at 5, working two jobs,running 14kms and doing the normal things(cooking,tiding and homework).But yet there are times when I feel like I have gained 20 lbs,I feel like I am "overflowing" out of my clothes and everything is just getting to tight.
Ive read numerous books on diet and exercise but why can't I lose weight the way I lost it before.Probably b/c I was determined before.I just ate healthy,treated myself every once in a while and worked out regularly.
I don't want to get any bigger.I would love to create a nice rotation to keep boredom aside and to help drop those unwanted pounds.I am also not a scale freake but I can see it when I look in the mirror.I always feel bloated.I am just so confused with what to do.Prehaps I read to much.
Does anyone have any insight on this? Anyone been in this situation?
I don't think that I have a good relationship with food.I am a picker.Im not a overeater.
It seems like I have my drive gone.I know that I am healthy and that I am in alot better shape then most people around me,but when people look at me, I want them to think,"yeah,she looks like she runs everyday".Instead,I think they are saying,"oh,doesn't look like she exercises"
I have just had enough.I think I have let it go on to long.I just pulled on my workout clothes,went to workout, but nothing was interesting me.I didn't want to run,I didn't want to do step,or kickboxing.Instead I will go sit on the couch and pace back and forth to the kitchen and sneak peices of food.That when I figured I would post here.
Everyone here seems to have such good info.I don't know if I should count calories and then again, how many do I actually need?
I didn't mean to make this so long, but what I have been feeling inside as finally started to come out!Atleast I haven't started pulling my hair out.
If nothing else....thanks for listening to me vent!
 
Isn't it funny how we have stages of life when we have the motivation to stay fit, and then other times we just let it all go. When I was in my early 20's, I weighed 30lbs more than I do now. I have never figured out why. You try and try every means to lose the weight and you can't seem to stick with it. Then one day, you try again, and it becomes habit. WHY?

I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you. Have you bought any new workouts that may motivate you simply because they are new? How about breaking your routine in the evening. The weather is good - maybe you could take a walk. Maybe buy a new outfit that makes you feel great - even if you're not in the best shape. You didn't mention other members in your family... maybe you could suggest things to do together that will get you moving.

Food issues, that's another matter. Best to not have temptation in the house. Load up the pantry with healthy foods - fruit is great this time of year!

You sound very depressed and defeated. We all have our issues with fitness and you have a lot of support here.

Take care,

Diane
 
Hi runner 2!

I'm responding because, as a clinical psychologist, a lot of what you said struck me as being less of an issue of being a couch potato or needing more information on dieting and exercise, and more about being quite hard on yourself despite your incredibly busy life. You do a lot in one day! And (I'm reading between the lines here) I'd bet you put a LOT of pressure on yourself - when you described the way you used to work out, it didn't sound to me like something you did for yourself so much as something you had to do before you could let yourself relax. To me, its a wonder you were able to keep that up as long as you did!

In my experience, eating for lots of people becomes something they do to be nice to themselves, and it struck me that, with the other obligations in your life and the pressure you place on yourself about fitness, that you are maybe not being nice to yourself in any other way. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense for busy women with lots to do - eating can be very cheap and VERY EASY on time - you can do it and other things at the same time! Other self care behaviors take more time investment and energy. Food also becomes attractive when you've been restricting calories or trying to diet.

I'd recommend making a decision right now to let go of the notion that you have to exercise (the pressure is not helping you do it anyway so its not working for you) and take a look at your reasons for exercising and doing other things in your life. What brings you joy? What motivates you? Are there things you're involved in right now that drain you or you're doing because you 'should'? It might be interesting to explore some of these issues, and you may just make contact with the motivation you've lost...

Let me know what you think...
 
If I were you, I would focus on emotional issues. Are you under more stress than usual? Is something bothering you? Is something depressing you? It sounds like you're not feeling like your usual self. Something is up with you, and it's time to look inside and find out what's going on. What's different in your life from an emotional perspective? Spend some quiet time with yourself looking inside and I suspect that's where your answers will lie. And let us know what you come up with! :)
 
Thanks Ladies,
I agree with Diane on the first part, workout and eating right was total habit for me.I ate low fat and healthy and I felt great about my body and myself.Now that I have few lbs on I feel like I am not sure what to do...and I don't even have it in me to do it.
There probably is some part of me that is bothered by something.I wouldn't say I was depressed unless there are many forms of depression.The only thing that I HATE in my life is one of my jobs.Its not so much the job but the people and the person I work for.And I don't really feel that way ALL of the time.I am just tired of getting tak'in advnatage of.I think if I had my way,I would only work one job.Then that would leave alot more time for working out:) BUt from a financial view,I can't afford to only work one part time job.I have also thought about quiting and finding a job somewhere else but nothing else interest me.That could also be some underlying issues.I think it bothers me some that I don't make as much money as most of my friends.Nurse,Air Traffic Contollers,Pharmaist,skaters.....I seem to be at the bottom.Although,they don't look at me any different and they don't even know how much money I have.Don't get me wrong, I buy what I want when I want it but they are on a bigger paying scale then I.
I've thought about taking some courses or writing some test to get you into "these kinds of jobs" but I don't want to.I don't want to go away from home and leave my family.
Lately I have been short tempered.One of my friends picked up on it the other day and she asked what was wrong.There wasn't really anything wrong.There were just a couple of things that were getting on my nerves!
Thats about the only thing that I can think of that would be bothering me.I love my life,my hubby,my family and friends.And even that job isn't that bad at times.
And maybe I need a new group of friends.There are times when we get together that I feel like I have to put on something that will "hide" anything I don't want them to see.Fear that they will talk about it when I leave.But thats just this town anyway.
I just really wish I could find whatever I looking for.Weather it be determination,focus or motivation.When I won't let myself have that piece of choc(probably b/c I already ate 10) I feel this emptiness inside.It feels werid, like I want to cry.I no it is only a matter of getting use to eating a certain way again.
Preahps I should buy Dr.Phils book.I think he gets right to the bottom of your diet problems,doesn't he?
Thanks again Ladies for just listening to me!
 
Runner2, I swear you are writing about me!! My motivation and eating has been almost nonexistent for the past couple of months. What everyone has said has really driven home the fact that I need to rethink my current situation! My life is wonderful in every aspect with the exception of my job. As of today I will be here 7 years and they still treat me as an outsider. I guess I never acknowledged how this affected me in other areas of my life. If it was not for the fact that my DH and I are refinancing our house right now then I would switch jobs. I guess I will beef up my resume and try to find a new job. It is very scary going from the known to the unknown, but I think for my own wellbeing I need to make it.

Sorry, I made this post about me. Good luck in you quest! It is never easy but at least it sounds like you are on the right track.
 
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. For me, I think that stress definitely impacts my motivation to do ANYTHING.

Two years ago, I exercised 1 to 1 1/2 hours a day...and was able to finish housework, etc. etc., every day, no butt time allowed. :)

My husband noticed that I was losing interest in all aspects of my life. When he pointed it out, I quickly realized that he was right. Two years ago, one of my bosses was arrested by the FBI, a relative died, my cat died, a coworker died...it was a very bad year! I think I am finally pulling myself out of the hole. My job continues to be a stresser but I am working on not letting it consume me. I also realized that working out has to be for me...no one else. If I think of it as my time, it becomes more attractive. I do not know what is causing your problem...I definitely am not an expert. All I know is that working out can remain one of the selfish activities of your day. So enjoy it and I hope you find what is motivating for you!

Take care!
Melissa:7
 
Future Fitness Dynamo hits the nail on the head, what a brilliant response! This is what I would have written had I had her expertise.......

Clare
 
As Future Fitness Dynamo said, you have some emotional and psychological issues here that are holding you back. In the area of your job, your financial "worth" and your "friends".

Do your friends make you feel this inadequate because you earn less than them or does this sense of comparing yourself to them and finding yourself lacking come directly from within? You certainly do feel inadequate, it comes across in what you write here and these feelings of comparing yourself to to thers, feeling that you are not good enough, not worthy, maybe a failure, are hallmarks of depression. I know because I have them all. Takes one to know one. I battle with the feeling of failure all the time.

You are not happy in that job: so what's stopping you from leaving it? Fear? Fear of what? Or is it just that you don't like change? We have to embrace change in our lives: it is very hard to do sometimes, but honestly it is the only way that doors can open for you, that good things can come into your life. Start making preparations to leave that job and explore other avenues. Get help with this. get your partner behind you for emotional support.

You describe how you don't like your job and are not happy there, for very valid reasons I think, but by the end of the paragraph you have persuaded yourself that you should stay, that your feelings are unfounded, that you are fussing about nothing. You are doing yourself a disservice here, you are reducing your thoughts and opinions to worthless ramblings. Stop! Listen to those feelings: they are incredibly valid. You are incredibly worthwhile. You are as valuable on this earth as anyone else who thinks they are the bees knees. You are running yourself down and you are worth so much more than you yourself believe. Why stay in a job where you are unhappy? Why settle for less than the best you can have and achieve and be? You deserve more. Trust yourself to go get it.

These friends of yours: are they really true friends? I have to ask because you expres feelings about yourself when in their company that I never feel when I am with true friends. With my real friends I do not need to compare myself to them, I do not ever feel that I need to hide anything with them. I am only me and I tell the truth. But then again, it is also possible that what you fear about your friends is merely a projection of your own fears? Why should they talk about you after you have gone? What are you afraid they will say? What would you say about yourself?!?!? You know, you are your own worse critic here. It is you who perceive faults and reasons why others might perceive them, because you have lost confidence and a sense of your own true worth.

I know all these things because they are exactly what I have gone through as I battle with depression. I am not attacking you, please don't be offended.

You feel empty, you are trying to fill this emptimess with food, but it is an emotional and psychological emptiness that can only be filled with a combination of medications and talk therapy. Seriously. Everything you describe here is a symptom of depression, as Future Fitness Dynamo suggested to you. You have lost interest in things that once you felt passionate about, you are neglecting your health, you feel empty and at a loss, you are overly self-ctitical, you are on a self-destrcutive path, you are stuck in a rut job wise and cannot find the strength to make changes, you feel inadequate and worthless: classic symptoms.

I would make an appointment to see my PCP and talk through all this. He or She can make recommendations as to a good therapist to talk to to try and resolve some of these issues and help you feel good thoughts about yourself, and entertain the idea of a short course of antidepressants. They can give you back the internal calmness you seek, get rid of that internal emptiness and get you exercising again. It is a vicious circle: the thing you most need to help you feel better about yourself is exercise, and it is precisely what you cannot bring yourself to do.

I am sorry thtis post was so long and I hope you will not be angrry with me for writing so openly and frankly, but I recognize in your words so much of what I myself have felt and experienced: your post struck a chord with me and I just wanted to help if I could.

Listen to Future Fitness Dynamo: she knows what she's talking about.

I wish you all the best and a return to emotional health,

Clare
 
I am going to answer your questions from the top...so it maybe not paragraph form.
1.My friends don't make me feel bad about myself,obviously I am thinking that their self worth is greater then mine,b/c they make more money and they have the drive to do want they want.They also do not make me feel bad about myself and most of what I feel is probably in my own mind.
2.I am not leaving my job b/c there are days when I like it there but there are more days when I don't.My boss is a hag and a joke!She is never happy with what you do and it is never good enough.I just go in,do my work and leave.I can't afford to get another job right now.I could probably leave there and work somewhere else but I am not sure at what.I guess I am afraid that I could end up somewhere worse and I think I want to make sure that I know what I am doing before I do it.Prehaps one day I will just bust.
3.The friends I am talking about are friends that I have met in the last 2 years.I think I totally lack the confidence in myself and thats why I feel this way.If I called one of them and said..."uh,I need to lose 10 lbs" all of them would say..."don't be so silly"! I probably feel like they will talk about me b/c I have heard them talk about others, but not really about our group.So there is no real reason why they would talk about me.
Is it prehaps that I don't feel like I am worth striving for a better self? Am I measuring my self worth?
I never really thought of this issue as being inner.I just thought I lacked motivation to do the things I really wanted.
When I was EXTREMELY active and thinner I had lots of confidence.Now that I have gained a few pounds I feel like I have to hybernate.
Today while I was at work I got really hot.And I took my sweater off to cool down.I felt like my shirt was a little tight so I wanted to put my sweater back on as soon as I could.I left it off for a while and I think it did me some good. But before I got to put it back on one of my co-workers (who is about 200 lbs) came up to me and pinched my love handles from behind and said"whats that"? (joking) I said to her,"we don't want to do that to you,do we"? I don't know if she liked it or not but I said it anyway.
Thanks again everyone for your support.
Today I have had a great day though.I had a good workout and eating as been good all day.
Thanks!!!
 
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