What to do about alcoholic family member?
- Thread starter kellib
- Start date
Aquajock
Cathlete
I think Alanon is your best first bet; Alanon focuses on the healing that the person who loves the alcoholic must undergo, rather than giving "tips" on how that loved one may "help" the alcoholic. Take care of yourself first, then others.
The website for Alcoholics Anonymous is (I think):
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
That is the website for alcoholics by alcoholics. There may be some links to other good sites for families affected by a loved one's alcoholism. You may also want to do a Yahoo or Google search engine search for the Hazelden Foundation, which has contributed enormously to the body of knowledge about treatment of alcoholism and for the families of alcoholics.
I say again, however, what you can "do" about the alcoholic family menber should take a back seat for the time being to what you can do for yourself.
Annette Q. Aquajock
Sober 15+ years
The website for Alcoholics Anonymous is (I think):
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
That is the website for alcoholics by alcoholics. There may be some links to other good sites for families affected by a loved one's alcoholism. You may also want to do a Yahoo or Google search engine search for the Hazelden Foundation, which has contributed enormously to the body of knowledge about treatment of alcoholism and for the families of alcoholics.
I say again, however, what you can "do" about the alcoholic family menber should take a back seat for the time being to what you can do for yourself.
Annette Q. Aquajock
Sober 15+ years
Attending the meeting is a great idea. Unless some one here with first hand experience can help, I think the meeting would be your best bet for getting help for this person, especially advice on how to approach them, which can be the hardest. I have an uncle who was/is an alcoholic but years ago he would never admit it (he still hasn't). He was found passed out from an auto accident he caused or all bruised and bloody from another one. I can't tell you how many accidents he caused. Fortunately no of his victims were ever physically injured.
Luckily for him but unfortunate as well, the cops or friends who always found him were so called 'buddies', so the incidents were never reported. And luckily for him the one victim who's car he hit was the daughter of a friend of his. So once again no jail time, which I was all for! My grandmother would never admit that he had a drinking problem, she'd get angry and yell at you and what have you but never would she or my uncle admit the truth. My point was that one day he was going to either kill someone or hit/injure another person or their vehicle but it wouldn't be someone he knew and then he'd suffer plenty of consequences. His favorite drinking place was only 4 miles from home but when you drink heavily and go out and drive, you're asking for trouble!
I don't know if he ever straightened up his life or not, I don't keep in touch. But do seek the help of the ALANON group. I think it's great that you care enough for this family member to do this. But do remember that they have to accept that there is a problem and be willing to confront it in order for things to work out.
God Bless you and your family,
Angie
Luckily for him but unfortunate as well, the cops or friends who always found him were so called 'buddies', so the incidents were never reported. And luckily for him the one victim who's car he hit was the daughter of a friend of his. So once again no jail time, which I was all for! My grandmother would never admit that he had a drinking problem, she'd get angry and yell at you and what have you but never would she or my uncle admit the truth. My point was that one day he was going to either kill someone or hit/injure another person or their vehicle but it wouldn't be someone he knew and then he'd suffer plenty of consequences. His favorite drinking place was only 4 miles from home but when you drink heavily and go out and drive, you're asking for trouble!
I don't know if he ever straightened up his life or not, I don't keep in touch. But do seek the help of the ALANON group. I think it's great that you care enough for this family member to do this. But do remember that they have to accept that there is a problem and be willing to confront it in order for things to work out.
God Bless you and your family,
Angie
Thanks for the responses. I am worried about her and it's really hard because we live very far apart. She was visiting for the weekend and it seemed to me that she drank a ton - I don't have first hand experience with alcoholism but after talking to an alcoholic and a friend with an alcoholic family member, the consensus was that it was quite possible for her to be an alcoholic. Something I don't want to deal with, but really, if I don't, I don't think anyone else will. Keeping in mind of course, that she has to want to accept the problem as her own and that she has to want to change. I'm really worried she will wreck her car (and her life), as well as destroy her body with all the liquor she's been drinking.
Aquajock
Cathlete
Hello again, Kellib! Boy, do I feel for you. Welcome to the wonderful dysfunctional world of alcoholism and its discontents.
My mother's alcoholism finally started to manifest itself about 15 years ago (quite uncommon for it to really start to roar later in life), and it got to the point in the early '90's when I tried to have a conversation with her about it, and she very deftly switched me off. Then, in April of 1994 I saw in her apartment that she had 10 bottles of strong spirits in various cabinets and refridgerator; I wrote her an anguished letter after that visit and received a response so scathing and projection-oriented (an alcoholic myself, I quit drinking back in summer of 1987) that I will never forget it and probably will never forgive her. She went into the hospital in December 2000, her kidneys and liver in almost complete shutdown, weighing in at around 325 lbs, and it took that to get her to stop.
That's a fairly bleak story, but I think it points to the reality of what alcoholism can be, and what you can and can't do for the alcoholic. You can try to approach your loved on on the subject; don't be surprised if your concerns are met with denial, rejection or outright hostility. You can also set your boundaries about what kinds of behavior you will and will not tolerate when this person is in your presence. There are intervention methods available to explore; sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. As you noted, it all depends on the alcoholic.
I do hope this is of some small help. As I said, I feel for ya. It's never easy.
Annette Q. Aquajock
My mother's alcoholism finally started to manifest itself about 15 years ago (quite uncommon for it to really start to roar later in life), and it got to the point in the early '90's when I tried to have a conversation with her about it, and she very deftly switched me off. Then, in April of 1994 I saw in her apartment that she had 10 bottles of strong spirits in various cabinets and refridgerator; I wrote her an anguished letter after that visit and received a response so scathing and projection-oriented (an alcoholic myself, I quit drinking back in summer of 1987) that I will never forget it and probably will never forgive her. She went into the hospital in December 2000, her kidneys and liver in almost complete shutdown, weighing in at around 325 lbs, and it took that to get her to stop.
That's a fairly bleak story, but I think it points to the reality of what alcoholism can be, and what you can and can't do for the alcoholic. You can try to approach your loved on on the subject; don't be surprised if your concerns are met with denial, rejection or outright hostility. You can also set your boundaries about what kinds of behavior you will and will not tolerate when this person is in your presence. There are intervention methods available to explore; sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. As you noted, it all depends on the alcoholic.
I do hope this is of some small help. As I said, I feel for ya. It's never easy.
Annette Q. Aquajock