Wedding present - cash

Timber99

Timber99

Cathlete
I am attending a wedding tonight & I can't seem to decide what to give money-wise. Can you guys make suggestions?

It's a Saturday night wedding in a reception hall in Northern Massachusetts. The groom dubbed it "not formal, not casual" and said that a suit is fine for men but there would be plenty of guys in shirts and ties with no jacket. The groom is a friend that I knew through my ex-bf, was closer with after I split with my ex (for 6 months) but am less close with since he met his bride. I have met her once. I consider him a good friend, but the truth is that we don't see much of each other these days. My bf & I are attending.

I googled it and it falls anywhere from $25/person to $150/person, which didn't help a whole lot!

Thoughts?
 
I vote $25.00 per person. No formal, not casual. If it were family or a close friend of long standing I'd suggest (and have given in previous weddings, confirmations and bar/bat mitzvahs) more, but $25.00 sounds reasonable.

A-Jock
 
I usually give $75-$100 for casual friends/aquaintences and more to family and close friends. I figure dinner costs around $15-25/person nowadays so I like to give enough to cover the meal they are serving me plus extra. That might sound strange but that is how I do it;)

Have fun at the wedding.

JJ
 
When we got married almost seven years ago, I think we mostly got $100 from close friends...others gave the little things we'd registered for. But I agree that $75-100 is about right.
Mandy
 
I wouldn't do less than $100 per person. Less is fine, IMHO, only if you decline the invitation. My stepson was married in 2005, and the minimum seemed to be $200 per couple. Closer relatives gave more. If it were Arkansas or Kansas, I'd do less, but for northern Mass. I think $100 per person is more appropriate. Hope that helps some?

We're going to a bat mitzvah in a few weeks where I'm told the expected amount is at least $400 per couple. Dang! :( Somehow, it doesn't seem right, especially since we're flying to Texas to be there and paying for hotels and airfare, etc. :mad: But it's my DH's family and he wants to give a large gift, so he wins.
 
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It's funny and rather tacky to think that a gift comes with expectations. Many people are lucky to be able to pay their bills let alone shell out $200.00 for rubber chicken and a bad DJ.
 
Beavs said:
It's funny and rather tacky to think that a gift comes with expectations. Many people are lucky to be able to pay their bills let alone shell out $200.00 for rubber chicken and a bad DJ.
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LOL beavs should have known something funny yet thought provoking would come from you. but true. when my one cousin got married i sent a card and $75. i couldn't make it to the wedding but i told them i wished i could give more but i hope they could get themselves something nice for their new home. not sure what they got but his wife sent me a thank you card with a ton of pictures of the wedding. she said she appreciated the thought and our well wishes even though we couldn't attend.

my other cousin is getting married in a few weeks. i am struggling right now(add to something else in my "why i hate ppl" thread) but when i get it together i plan on getting them a gift card to bed bath and beyond since that is where they are registered(my other cousin didn't give theirs or i would have sent them a gift card as well).

times are tight when we are trying to keep bills paid on time and pay for anything viola needs out of pocket that insurance won't cover. so if ppl don't like what i give then you can give it back and i will donate it to a food bank or salvation army where they don't have expectations for what you give.

if that sounds tacky and i guess i am am :p:p:D

kassia
 
You're my kind of tacky Kassia ;) Frankly, I think many people send out invites to various events just for the gifts. For many of the weddings out there I'd advocate giving something that will last as long as the marriage, such as ice cream (or Tofutti for the vegan nuptials). :rolleyes:
 
Here in Texas my sisters (3) all have gotten married in the last 4 years. With dinner costs between $35-40 per person I would say that the gifts they received were usually around the $100-150 mark. However, when i got married 12 years ago, the gift range was $50 and under. Times are a changing!
 
When I was living hand to mouth, which was most of my life, I never accepted wedding invitations unless my parents were also going. My parents always gave generous gifts and would add my name to the card. I just wouldn't go if I couldn't afford a decent gift. When I got married, the whole Brooklyn clan from my father's side came to the wedding. I think there were 7 or 8 of them and they came early, left late, and were the first ones at the buffet table. I think they gave us a check for $18 for the entire bunch. Call me a snob, but I don't ever want to be like that.
 
Well Nancy, I suppose such tackiness has a flip side, the form of a buffet scarfdown. $18 is pretty bad! :confused:
 
Nancy, that is horribly rude!

My DH is a partner in our company and so everyone in the company that gets married gives us an invite (believe me, in Utah, everyone is getting married at an alarming rate!) so we are constantly having to decide how much to "give" folks based on how well we know them and how long they have been in the company, it is ridiculous and I will give the shirt off my back, but after awhile it gets crazy. We usually opt for 200 dollars or more it its someone we know really well, but that is only because of my DH's partnership. Other times 100 dollars feels "just right" especially if you do not know the happy couple very well.
 
Call me cheap, but I don't think an invite to a wedding necessitates a big cash outlay. $100 is a LOT of money to me and to most people I know.

I'm in the $25-$50 camp for someone I'm not particularly close to.

IMO...wedding culture and what has become "expected" in terms of spending by all involved has gotten ridiculously out of hand. Bah humbug!
 
okay here is tacky,not to go off the wedding trail but....

my one sister(both are twins and pregnant together let the hormones FLY!!) is having her first baby and had a baby shower. well she actually EXPECTED a family or friend to buy a $475 crib. WTF!!! are you serious? man she was mad that nobody did. first times are tough so even if they wanted to,nobody really could. secondly when did guest have to buy the the "big" stuff for baby. i was happy when ppl gave me diapers, b/c hey can NEVER have to many of those. and those that couldn't get my sister and i gifts for our first babies gave us a card for well wishes. and you know that gift means alot too.

gayle, to funny on BAH HUMBUG. discussing with DH last night about this thread, he just wanted to know whatever happened to the though that counts.and my mom remembers getting actual gifts(like a toaster,set of dishes,etc) at her first wedding(pre-me and my dad). i am sure many were re-gifters but they tried!

kassia
 
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