DebbieH
Cathlete
...need a good laugh every day! A lil' off topic, but oh soooo funny! Grab a tissue for the tears! Read on:
"The First Time's Always the Worst"
The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches
on
fire.
That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me
exactly
as
she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister - right hand
on
the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as
humanly
possible from the rest of your body). Then she clamped the machine
down
so
tight, I think my breast actually turned inside out. I'm pretty sure
Victoria's Secret doesn't have a bra for that.
Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise. I looked down at my right
breast
to make sure it hadn't exploded. Nope, it was still flat as a pancake
and
still attached to my body.
"Oh no!" Gail said loudly. These are perhaps, the words you least want
to
hear from any health professional. Suddenly, she came flying past me,
her
lab coat whipping behind her, on her way out the door. She yelled over
her
shoulder, "The machine's on fire, I'm going to get help!"
OK, I was wrong, 'The machine's on fire,' are the worst words you can
hear
from a health professional. Especially if you're all alone and
semi-permanently attached to A MACHINE and don't know if it's THE
MACHINE
in question.
I struggled for a few seconds trying to get free, but even Houdini
couldn't
have escaped. I decided to go to plan B: yelling at the top of my lung
(the one that was still working).
I hadn't seen anything on fire, so my panic hadn't quite reached epic
proportions. But then I started to smell smoke coming from behind the
partition. "This is ridiculous," I thought. I can't die like this.
What
would they put in my obituary? Cause of death: breast entrapment?
I may have inhaled some fumes because I started to hallucinate. An
imaginary fireman rushed in with a firehose and a hatchet. "Howdy,
ma'am,"
he said. "What's happened here?" he asked, averting his eyes.
"My breasts were too hot for the machine," I quipped, as my imaginary
fireman ran out of the room again. "This is gonna take the Jaws of
Life!"
In reality, Gail returned with a fire extinguisher and put out the
fire.
She gave me a big smile and released me from the machine. "Sorry!
That's
the first time that's ever happened. Why don't you take a few minutes
to
relax before we finish up?"
I think that's what she said. I was running across the parking lot in
my
backless paper gown at the time. After I'd relaxed for a few years, I
figured I might go back. But I was bringing my own fire extinguisher.
The end.
Hope you all laughed as much as I. Now, ladies, get those mammograms
but
be prepared.
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/wavey.gif If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
"The First Time's Always the Worst"
The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches
on
fire.
That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me
exactly
as
she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister - right hand
on
the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as
humanly
possible from the rest of your body). Then she clamped the machine
down
so
tight, I think my breast actually turned inside out. I'm pretty sure
Victoria's Secret doesn't have a bra for that.
Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise. I looked down at my right
breast
to make sure it hadn't exploded. Nope, it was still flat as a pancake
and
still attached to my body.
"Oh no!" Gail said loudly. These are perhaps, the words you least want
to
hear from any health professional. Suddenly, she came flying past me,
her
lab coat whipping behind her, on her way out the door. She yelled over
her
shoulder, "The machine's on fire, I'm going to get help!"
OK, I was wrong, 'The machine's on fire,' are the worst words you can
hear
from a health professional. Especially if you're all alone and
semi-permanently attached to A MACHINE and don't know if it's THE
MACHINE
in question.
I struggled for a few seconds trying to get free, but even Houdini
couldn't
have escaped. I decided to go to plan B: yelling at the top of my lung
(the one that was still working).
I hadn't seen anything on fire, so my panic hadn't quite reached epic
proportions. But then I started to smell smoke coming from behind the
partition. "This is ridiculous," I thought. I can't die like this.
What
would they put in my obituary? Cause of death: breast entrapment?
I may have inhaled some fumes because I started to hallucinate. An
imaginary fireman rushed in with a firehose and a hatchet. "Howdy,
ma'am,"
he said. "What's happened here?" he asked, averting his eyes.
"My breasts were too hot for the machine," I quipped, as my imaginary
fireman ran out of the room again. "This is gonna take the Jaws of
Life!"
In reality, Gail returned with a fire extinguisher and put out the
fire.
She gave me a big smile and released me from the machine. "Sorry!
That's
the first time that's ever happened. Why don't you take a few minutes
to
relax before we finish up?"
I think that's what she said. I was running across the parking lot in
my
backless paper gown at the time. After I'd relaxed for a few years, I
figured I might go back. But I was bringing my own fire extinguisher.
The end.
Hope you all laughed as much as I. Now, ladies, get those mammograms
but
be prepared.
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/wavey.gif If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
