Way O/T, but need some feedback...

G

getnfit@39

Cathlete
Disclaimer: If you are a person that cannot handle discussing issues related to racism you may not wish to read any further!

Well guys, here is my problem:

On another forum I became a mentor to a woman who emailed me and asked if I would consider helping her with her weight loss. She said she'd read about how much weight I loss and thought she could benefit from my being email buddies with her and she all but begged me for whatever time I could give her.
Well, I was honored that she thought I could be of any help so of course I accepted. Well, for months now we'd email DAILY, no sooner than I would send her a reply she'd have off yet another email full of questions about her eating, exercising, etc. And I thought we'd built a really nice "cyber friendship."
So recently, after all this time it occured to her that all our emails were about her and her difficulties, weight loss, etc., and she said she realized she knew nothing about me, so she asked me to start from the beginning and tell her all about myself, including my weight problems.
Well, I figured the best bet was to give her the link to fitnessvideofanatics.com and let her read my bio and she could see my pic as well, sort of put a face to the emails. Makes sense right?
WRONG! My next email from her was one word: nigger!

Is your mouth open? Well mine was! I was so shocked I had no words at that moment! Now it's not like I've lived 39 years and never been discriminated against, but that really shocked me. Until she knew what I looked like I was the greatest thing since sliced bread!
My problem is that I am having problems getting past this one! And like I said, I've lost count at the number of racially stupid remarks that have been hurled my way in my life time, and actually laughed at the stupidity of most of them! Now one part of my brain says to feel sorry for her ignornace, she can't help how she was raised and what she was taught, but the other half of my brain is stuck on stupid and I can't get past that email!
I think it's because it wasn't said face to face, and maybe because there will never be closure for me, I don't know I'm grasping for straws here trying to understand what I'm feeling. And for some reason I had the silly notion that none of us on this fitness journey were black, white, yellow or purple, but seekers of a healthier life style united! Stupid me?

I'm really hoping to just find some balance and peace of mind here. I really feel insulted on some "new" level?

Donna
Fitness~ It's a journey, not a race!
 
Oh, Donna, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can't say anything that will make you feel better, or that will make the situation better, but I just want to say SOMETHING. I think you're incredibly wonderful, thoughtful, reasonable, funny, and inspiring . . . every good thing I can think of. And while I feel angry with that woman as an initial reaction, upon reflection, I feel deeply sorry for her. She has lost a one-of-a-kind friend.
 
Donna,
I don't even know what to say to you. Your weight loss story is amazing. How kind of you to agree to help someone you didn't even know. This person is a sad example of someone who has probably missed out on a lot of great relationships because of her racist views. It's her loss not yours. Keep up the great work!
Angela
 
(((((Donna)))))

OH MY GOD!!!! http://www.mindundermuscle.com/forum/WTF.gif I don't even have words to describe my disgust & distaste for what you have described. Donna, I just can't imagine how horrible this can make you feel.

I don't have any pearls of wisdom to give you. I totally agree with your "silly" notion. I have never been concerned what race any of us are. Or even been surprised when I do find out that someone is not caucasion (for the record, my race).

Here's a little to make you laugh, I hope, remember the fun we had with "bad" words & the software used to censor us? Typing Dick's Sporting Goods? I can't believe the software let you put a word like that in your post! In my naive little opinion that word is worse than the F word! That woman is so foul & out of line. What rock is she living under that she could use language like that.

I could just type forever telling you how happy this makes me. I wish I could come to you and give you a great big hug! Since I can't, here's a cyber hug for you. http://www.mindundermuscle.com/forum/Hugz.gif

edited to say, they must have the filter turned off--it let me type Dick!
 
OMG, yes my mouth just fell open when I read that. I cannot believe someone would say that. It actually brings tears to my eyes to read it. I hate to admit it, but I was brought up using words like that, but I would never ever use them now that I know better and my kids do not use them either. Luckily my parents have also learned over the years that it is wrong. I am so sorry for your pain and there is no way I could really know exactly how you are feeling.

All I can say is that I'm sorry that someone has hurt you. ;(
 
Donna yes my mouth flew open I can't believe that someone has that much hate in their hearts.I have no words to express the empathy I have for you and it makes me MAD! yes I also grew up hearing that ugly word.But I am raising my child different he knows people are people and color is only skin.I have never even brought up color of skin to him and he has never asked why the differnce.But he plays with a potty mouth kid who said that word to him and he ran in to tell me that they were saying a really bad word.I didn't know what to tell him.She had said that in front of me once and I ask her what her parents would think of her using such fowl words and she replies they say it to and I told her you will not say that in my home and you need your mouth washed out.she hasn't been back in my home since.I can't tell you how sorry I am for this person making you feel this way it really tugs at my heart.You thought you had found a new friendship,please don't let peoples stupidity make you feel sad.They have to answer for it and beleive me they will.I am sending a BIG HUG your way.
 
;( It is hard to believe that people can be so prejudiced. It is a shame that people are still being taught this hatred from their parents. You do not need a friend like that and you have many friends here who respect you for who you are, not your color!:*
 
Donna,

That is simply appalling. I'm still sitting here with my mouth open. She is showing her cowardly ignorance and you should not waste one minute of your time trying to figure her out. There is no expalnation for that kind of bigotry--except that the poor thing was not born that way, someone made her like that. The sad thing is, she's probably making her kids like that, too. My guess is she will not succeed at overcoming her weight problem because she is so stuck in fear and prejudice. She is to be pitied, and you are to be commended for offering your support and friendship unconditionally to a stranger. That's maybe why it hurts so much--because you took a leap of faith and put yourself out there and she tried to slap you down. I hope you know how loved and appreciated you are around here, and what an inspiration you continue to be.

--Ann
 
OMG. I just made the worst sound when I read that and my daughter came running, asking if I was okay. That is horrible, I am so sorry you had to deal with that. What a tremendously horrible person. I am shocked and appalled.

Please don't let it get you down, some people are ignorant and horrible.
 
Donna: I am so sorry that you had to experience this--and from a person you were trying to help, to boot! If the fact that the single factor that changed her opinion of you was the color of your skin doesn't prove to her that her judgments are completely prejudiced, nothing ever will. Just goes to show that there is no cure for stupidity or cruelty. I say forget about her. If she cannot appreciate you for the wonderful, caring, giving person that you are (and that she thought you were before she saw you), she doesn't deserve your precious time. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to have this conversation at all. Hugs go out to you.
 
I am absolutely shocked! Donna, I am so sorry that this ignorant person hurt your feelings. :-(

I think everyone else summed up how I feel about this but I wanted to say that you should try not to take it to heart. There are a lot of dumb people in this world and we should never let them make us feel bad. You know better and so do most people, so just be extra nice to yourself tonight. Take it as a reason to pamper yourself over the next couple of days and be grateful that you are you, and not that ignorant woman. :)
 
My workout buddy, Donna
I have friends that are every color of the rainbow and from all around the world. How blessed I feel because one can learn, grow and become a so much better person when that horrible P (prejudice)word is out of the picture.
The God that I worship says in Acts 10:34 "that God is not partial..."
If that is good enough for Him....well it certainly is for me.
You have so very very much going for you. Don't let someone who is obviously of narrow mind, spoil your joy. Sadly, the world is full of prejudices and hatred. Yet there are still those who share the hope of a world where all nations, tribes and tongues will live together in peace.

I have come to know you to be a kind, loving, caring, and humorous person. One with strength, patience, one not afraid of hard work (Cathe workouts).
Hang in there. You have many many friends. You even have friends you haven't met yet.

A great big hug to you
 
Oh Donna~this makes my heart just break in two for you! I think the thing that saddens me the most is how much you did for her. Wasn't that enough to show her how wonderful, caring, supportive & sacrificing of your time you were for her? Seems like she would realize just from that, that it doesn't matter a person's skin color! I am so, so sorry and wish I knew the right words to help lessen your hurt. You have been just like a sis to me since the day we "met" and HB & I can hardly wait til we meet in person as planned. Til I can give you a hug then, here is one to hold you over! {{{DONNA!}}} THINKING of YOU!
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/wavey.gif If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. I'm crying here thinking about it. It's shocking that someone would do that. Just awful. I'm trying to come up with something to say that would help, but I can't think of anything. It's heartbreaking. You're beautiful and you've done a great job and you know how many people here admire you.
 
Oh my gosh!!!

I can't believe that either!! I just DESPISE that word. I would never ever in my life even think of using that word.

I'm really sorry for you. That's a shame. Very unfortunate. What on earth would make someone be so mean? especially to someone who had been so kind and helpful to them? My mind cannot even comprehend that.

I have been corresponding with a couple people lately too, regarding a different topic, and while I have to admit, I'm just curious what they look like (I want to know what everyone looks like!), I certainly wouldn't change ANY single opinion of any of them no matter what race they happened to be. They have all been very kind and helpful people to me regarding some other health issues, and to think that I could totall change my opinion of any of them (or vice-versa) because one of us found out the other was a different skin color is just beyond me!!

Well, quite obviously, YOU are the better person!! Carry on just the way you are :) I'm sure your feelings are very hurt, I know mine would be.
 
Donna,

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. What a betrayal!! To offer your help to someone and they do that to you.

If the laws of Kharma work right, what goes around, should eventually come around. I wish for you in this case that we could get a kharmic accelerator to speed the process up }( .

Take care.
 
(((((((Donna!))))))))), MY HERO! Yes, my mouth dropped open and I also have tears in my eyes. Debbie pretty much summed up my feelings. I'm so sad that she can't see that only a truly nice, caring person would go to the trouble to be her mentor and help her out. Please, if you can, don't let this get you down. So many people here (and everywhere, I'm sure :) ) admire and respect you.

I believe her comment wasn't about you....it was about *her*.

((((((((MORE HUGS))))))))))
 
Oh Donna,
That turns my stomach! What a pig she is! How someone that ignorant can draw breath is beyond me! I understand that you must so feel betrayed. You helped this woman out and she sticks a knife in your back. Sweetie, stop wasting your time trying to figure this psycho out! Good people can never understand evil. You just don't have it in you. I think you are one damn amazing woman, and that idiot has screwed herself out of a great friend. Her loss.
Take care,
Dawn:)
 
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