vent - out of shape husband - how to help?

[fargomom]

So I'm the fitness addict in my family. I'm in pretty good shape now, but I gotta work at it. My husband, totally different story. He's always been the slim Irish guy. Ate carbs like they were going out of style, but now that he's pushing 35 the pounds are creeping on and you know right we're they're going, his belly.

It's frustrating to me because I want to help him and encourage him, but I feel like in some ways I'm teaching an old dog a new trick. He's never had to work at losing weight in his entire life until now.

How do I encourage him? I know nagging won't help! ha. Is anyone else in the same boat? I think us women are so accustomed to dieting and watching our weight and exercising that it's almost 2nd nature.

I dunno. Just feeling frustrated about the whole topic now. I feel like here's me on one side trying to be fit, eating healthy, blah, blah, blah ... and there's my husband on the totally other side eating almost whatever he wants! and then wondering why he's up 20-30 pounds! grrrrrr. MEN! ;-)

 

[meowracer]

My husband has skinny arms and bird legs, and no butt at all. Where does it all go? Straight to the middle. He will go on a diet and lose it, then gain it back. Well, I didn't say anything last time b/c I never had before, and he always did the diet when he was ready. I started to think he just was going to let it be as it was. The start of this year, he started a diet (didn't tell me though). When he finally told me, I said I was glad, quite frankly, and he was actually upset that I hadn't told him that it was creeping on before! So, you never know. At this point, he has let it go again sort of. He is also 49 this year, so older than yours. I am 40 this year, and in the best shape of my life, spending all of my spare cash on exercise equipment. He buys cigars and their stuff now. Ironic, huh?? Good luck. Men are odd creatures. Maybe sweetly mention how you eat, what you eat, and that you want him to be as healthy as possible for your marriage. Mention that the most dangerous fat is the belly fat and you want him to be well and have a body that is healthy.

 

[Vee]

Especially with fitness, I think motivation has to come from within.

35 is relatively young. It takes time for a person to fully realize and come to terms with the way age changes metabolism. It is encouraging that he is wondering about why he is 20-30 pounds heavier. This is often th first stage before a person accepts they need to start making changes.

I was naturally slim until my early thirties. I was so caught up with my career, I developed poor eating habits and stopped exercising. I did not even realize I had gained weight although my clothes were getting tighter and I was dressing in larger clothes until I had gained over 20 pounds. DH used to try to coax me, but I was too busy and in denial at first. I saw myself as the lucky person who could get away with a lot more excess on eating than the average person because that is how my youth had been. One day a switch in my brain just went click and I turned seriously to fitness. I only started to learn good eating habits in my early thirties. I spent almost two years being over weight before I cleaned up my act. It was nothing that DH said that helped. The poor guy was most well intentioned and gentle in the way he would try to encourage me. One day I just saw myself - actually saw myself in the mirror - realized it was not just vanity - I could be heading for a health risk - and decided I needed to do something about it.

You can try active hobbies together like playing tennis, trekking or swimming or early morning walks. For some reason activity and the first signs of fat loss that it creates seems to motivate people to clean up on the eating.

~* Vrinda *~

 

[ldy_solana]

i have not only an out of shape but pretty unhealthy husband. we can't talk about it he get defensive and it just leads to fights. i do most of the cooking so i watch what i do and how i cook and that is usually fine but he doesn't do any exercise or eat balanced meals when he is at work(if he eats at all)nor does he eat breakfast. he gets frustrated the once in a blue moon he steps on the Wii Board Game why the thing tells him he has gained to much weight and he is not recording any activity(you can punch in the time of your other activities too just not what you play on the game).he also has stupid ppl filling his head that men only do heavy weight training. i like to slap my barbell up that guys head b/c now thats just another excuse(can't use the college's gym b/c the big athletes are hogging the heavy weights and we are strapped for cash and can't afford gym memberships) instead of just picking up some weights at home and going through all my books and videos.

the signs are there for him he just has to accept them just like any other person man or woman. they just have to accept their situation and why they got there and what they can do to change. its very hard i know its very very hard.but that is a change a person has to make for themselves. just open and supportive for when he is ready to make the change. i really try to repeat this mantra to myself as well b/c there are days i want to give the ultimatum thats its either caring for himself or continue this way on his own(see i know its very hard to watch)but than that is not for better or for worse.

hang in there just continue to keep at your exercise for yourself. jump in on cooking as much as you can. no matter how tired i try to get in that kitchen so he doesn't. the least we can do to start is make healthier meals. i don't get much complaints from him so i must be cooking something good LOL(he is a chef he will be honset if it sucks)but exercise has to come from motivation from themselves. i hope it will work for you.

kassia

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[tneah]

I am in the same boat. My hubby is constantly stating he is on a diet, then proceeds to starve himself all day long, only to overeat at night. He insists I do not bring food into the house during his diet...ok, but I have to eat dear! It drives me nuts, I tell him its screwing up his metabolism..it falls on deaf ears though.

He used to ride his bike 20 miles a day for years...he lifted too, and naturally has wide shoulders and an incredible shape to his body. His waist used to be 30 inches. I recently bought a bike, so this has peaked his interest, he is now considering a bike and starting to ride again.

I think just like us, they have to find an activity they will enjoy, and up to us to make sure to keep healthy stuff in the house, then the rest is up to our hubby's.

 

[ShyWolf]

I have no clue as I'm in the same boat with my DH.

He works nights and sleeps all day so that doesn't help but I attempt to encourage him with walking in the mornings. Thats when he gets home and I'm ready to workout.

He'll walk with me to shut me up but it is like pulling teeth.

I pack his lunch every night with good clean meals and they usually come back basically untouched minus the 24 almonds and whole wheat crackers.

He ends up grabbing something from McDonalds or the like.

He esp needs to work off the excess weight as he now has asthma and high Cholesterol

I'm at a loss but have decided that He needs to make that choice for himself. I just can't do it for him.

He also throws in my face that I put too much emphasis on trying to eat well and exercise.

I'm just scared for his health and have talked to him but he just doesn't 'get ' it

 

[jenn99]

I try to get my boyfriend to work out as well. He is pretty thin and weak as well. I always beat him at arm wrestling. I kind of like this fact yet you would think that it would motivate him. Geez what will it take to get him to pick up a weight?

Jenn

 

[LaughingWater]

I don't say a word to my husband, whose weight fluctuates with his questionable eating habits and lack of consistent exercise. I'd hate to live with someone who pushed their lifestyle on me, regardless of the intention, so I keep my mouth shut. (Plus my brother-in-law cruelly nags my overweight sister, which makes me insane, so I may be hyper-sensitive to it.)

He knows I'm concerned for his well being, and he sometimes comes to me for help (which I gladly give). But he always falls back into old patterns, and that I cannot control. Whatever clicked in my head 22 years ago and got me on this path has yet to click in his. All I can do is continue to do my thing and cook healthy meals. The rest is up to him.

He recently experienced chest pain. We think it was heartburn, but it was enough to scare him into exercising again. My hope is that this will inspire him to maintain something more long term.

 

[netsnotes]

You can't. He has to make up his mind to do. Meanwhile I fix healthier meals when he is home. Since Dave is on the road, he eats out even though he does have a kitchenette in the room. I also encourage portion control while he is home and try to keep him out of the kitchen. The good side though he likes Romaine/Casear salad, so there is hope. Last week he played tennis with Andrew. Take it one day at time. Or do a sport (but be sneaky ) that both will enjoy.

Annette Bethel