update on "did I do something wrong" post

Jacque1038

Jacque1038

Cathlete
So as many of you remember I had a date I thought was great a couple of weeks ago. He seemed really into me and even kissed me twice (not quick pecks either). I won't get to into it because I already posted about it but lets just say I never doubted that there would be a second date. However after a couple of weeks went by I messaged him online and said something along the lines of "just wanted to say hi and how your finals went". That was on Friday and he has not messaged me back yet. I noticed he was online the same time as me last night so I know it is not just he is too busy and did not get a chance to message me back yet. I am not going to lie and say I am not a bummed out by it but I am going to look at it as a blessing. I mean he could have at least messaged me back and said look I am not intrested for whatever reason. I am looking at it as a blessing because I found out he was a jerk sooner rather than later. I just don't get it. My friends said maybe he just wanted to sleep with me but he did not try to sleep with me. I guess I learned a heard lesson in datingx(
 
RE: update on

Hey Jacque

This kind of thing happens all the time in dating. Its happened to me and my friends over the years. I can't tell you how many times I've heard or been in the conversations of "I just don't understand, we had a great time, he was really into me and I was sure I'd hear from him again...and then never did". Chalk it up to one of the great mysteries of the world. I'm sure its a blessing like you said but I understand the frustration with it too.

Tina
 
RE: update on

Well, he snoozes his loses. (He sounds like a dolt anyway!) Keep trying and never sell yourself short ;-)
 
RE: update on

Consider it a blessing in disguise and assume that there is something weird about this guy that someone up above is saving you from ;)
 
RE: update on

Another problem from what I hear with online dating is that people are always looking for something better on those sites. So even if they go out with you are really into you and have a great time well there are those few other people they have been messaging and they might be really great to and what if they miss out? It is almost like you are given too many options and can not focus.

I also read that guys that do that are usually the ones that are not ready for a relationship. They have the oh well we went out and liked each other and if you we out again we might like each other even more and then before you know it I will be in a relationship and all my single friends will be having more fun then me attitude.

BTW I am not putting down men because guys have some crazy gal stories too just this whole dating thing really feels like a drain on my life right now.
 
RE: update on

>Another problem from what I hear with online dating is that
>people are always looking for something better on those sites.
>So even if they go out with you are really into you and have a
>great time well there are those few other people they have
>been messaging and they might be really great to and what if
>they miss out? It is almost like you are given too many
>options and can not focus.
>


I had to post again to second this point. AGREED! On those internet dating sites, I found that sometimes the person I was talking with was also talking with tons of other people. One guy admitted that he was talking to about 2 dozen people "in depth." Where do people find the time!? I think when there is that much "inventory" people get greedy and selfish, forgetting that the person they are talking to may have more vested than them and/or common courtesy.
 
RE: update on

Don't feel too bad. He doesn't know what he's missing out on.

I am sure you are a great person. He sounds like a complete ass. Do you need me to come down there and kick his behind? :)

W
 
RE: update on

I might get blasted for this, but I don't see where he's a jerk or an ass. You guys just didn't click. His not wanting to date you again doesn't qualify him for jerk-hood, any more than you not wanting to date someone makes YOU a jerk.

And be totally honest: Did you *really* like him, or is your ego just bummed? I ask because I used to do the same thing...I realized I was more concerned with whether a guy liked me or wanted me, instead of deciding if *I* even liked *him* first! You said "He seemed really into me and even kissed me twice (not quick pecks either)."

But were you into him? Did you like him just because you thought he liked you? Could you possibly have come across as too eager to please? Too agreeable, so he would like you? I'm certainly not saying you did, but when you date, you actually have to step back and not care whether or not they like you. You just need to (cliche time!) "be yourself" and let the chips fall where they may.

And I may REALLY get blasted for this: You absolutely should NOT be kissing a man you just met that you don't know at all on a first date! Only kiss him when you know him, like him, and trust him. That doesn't happen on a first date! (Yes, I used to kiss men on the first date, and regretted it. It was when I didn't, that I found out who the good guys were!)

For what it's worth... from a 46 year old (now happily married!) woman that saw herself in your post :)
 
RE: update on

Hey Lisa,

I am not going to "blast you" for offering you opinion. However I think you have the wrong impresion of were I am coming from. He did seem really into me and we did click. So much so that another couple near us commented us on what great chemisty we had. He was dishing out compliments left and right and we were flirting back and forth all night. We ended up spending like five hours together which was a lot longer then I planned. We had a lot in commen. He found little excuses to touch me ect ect I am sure you get the picture. So I never doubted that he would call. He said at the end of the night we should do this again and I agreed(I did not even mention anything about a future date he brought it up). So after a couple of weeks went by I messaged him to see how he was doing (maybe he got busy with finals??). He never messaged me back. I have gone on dates before when I could tell the guy was not into me and I was not into him so it did not bother me that I did not hear from him again. However what in my opinion makes him a jerk is the fact that he said about going out again and never called and he was not at least polite enough to return my message and say thanks but not thanks.


As far as kissing on the first date I never saw a problem as long as it did not get to out of hand. However you may have a point. I guess it is easy to get caught up in the moment.
 
RE: update on

Jacque, I was out in that dating world for way too long, and all I can say is it's a weird and wacky world. I was constantly surprised. Nothing ever made sense. Guys who didn't seem to like me would call back, and guys who seemed to like wouldn't call back. I have lots of war stories, some of which are very funny.

All I can say is hang in there. I met my DH in 1996 when we were both just getting out of other relationships, and not particularly interested in anyone new. Things happened quickly and yes, we did kiss on the first date. Nothing was planned, we just followed our instincts. And here we are, 11 years later, still feeling lucky that our paths crossed that fateful day in June. So, no matter how weird things get, don't be discouraged. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince. At least, that's how it was for me. ;)
 
RE: update on

Please...I did a LOT more than kiss my now-DH when we first met (hmmm...I'm not sure I can even call it a "date"),and we've been married 18 years and are going strong. It all just depends on the people, the situation, etc. DO NOT beat yourself up over kissing someone on the first date. You're not 14 for god's sake. ;-)

Sounds like he probably meant it at the time, but single guys do sometimes have very short attention-spans. I truly believe that this is not about you...you sound simply lovely; he's being quite the jerk, but don't let that get you down. You'll be surprised when you finally find the right one...and this will be a minor blip that you will hardly remember.
 
RE: update on

>Please...I did a LOT more than kiss my now-DH when we first
>met (hmmm...I'm not sure I can even call it a "date"),and
>we've been married 18 years and are going strong. It all just
>depends on the people, the situation, etc. DO NOT beat
>yourself up over kissing someone on the first date. You're
>not 14 for god's sake. ;-)


Agreed 100%.
 
RE: update on

Hi Jacque,
Please understand, I'm not "wagging my finger" at you, and I'm certainly not a prude. But please, for your own safety, step back a little and look at it from how I did.

Here is a guy that you knew absolutley nothing about, because you met him online. From my understanding of your first post, you only laid eyes on him that night. Everything that he told you about himself, his life, his job, his character, his friends - everything-, could have been an absolute bald-faced lie. He could have been, pardon the expression, an ax-murderer. Heck, read the newspaper: there are LOTS of crazies out there. So, several hours after meeting a complete and total stranger, you feel comfortable enough to be kissing him, and "not quick pecks", either like you described.

In this day and age, I don't think that is safe behavior,I just don't. Who knows what this guy may think of you? Thankfully, he just seems like a harmless guy that went out, decided you weren't for him, and slunk away ---by the way, "we'll have to do this again sometime" is guy-code for "I'm not calling but I'm too embarrassed to say different". It's a social lie. We've all done it, in one way or another to save face.

I know you're not 14, but you're never too old to be cautious (I sound like my mom! :) ). Seriously, what if, after those kisses, he thought "hey she's really into me, she just met me and she's kissing me back! she must like me! I think I'll call her...oh she's not answering...I'll just call again...again...and again..." and next thing you know you're getting a restraining order. THAT could have easily happened too, because he was a total stranger to you. So please, just be careful. That's all I'm saying. :)
 
RE: update on

>Everything that he told you about himself, his life, his job, his character, his friends - everything-, could have been an absolute bald-faced lie.

Hey, that happens in real life too. Nothing's really that much different in online dating, except the bar is open 24/7. Supposedly, everyone there is available and looking. Even if they aren't available, they're looking.

That doesn't address the original concern though. It was one meeting, of one person. Pack up and move on. There are plenty of other people to meet and one day, you'll find the right one. It may not be from the online dating site, but he's out there for you. Don't give up. Use caution and trust your instincts.

FWIW, I'm with a great guy I met online. But there are some weirdos out there. One guy, I'm sure, was probably married and just looking for cybersex. Another proved to be very controlling from the get-go (I never gave him my home phone number or address). Some were great guys, but just not for me (no particular reason - I guess it's that chemistry thing).

I can't explain this guys issues or motives or why he didn't call. But I don't think you should concern yourself about it any longer.

Diane
 
RE: update on

I have been going out on a lot of dates these past few months. For the most part when a guy said he wanted to go out again he called. When he did not he said good night nice to meet you or something along those lines. Most guys do not want to seem desperate so they are not going to say right after the date so are you free next saturday also.

BTW I am pretty careful. I always meet people in a public place and do not give out any personal info like my place of work ect. However I am no more careful then I would be with someone I meet any other way.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top