Unmotivated client quandry

honeybunch1

Cathlete
I've been working with this woman for 16 months now (personal training), and I want to tell her I won't work with her anymore. I need your help get the message across to her in a way that won't hurt her feelings.

Some details:
1. At our fitness center we don't charge extra for personal training, so my time is not costing her anything.

2. Age: early 50's; does not work outside the home; is about 40 pounds overweight; has been successful with weight loss before working with a body sculpting tape

3. I believe I have allowed her to take advantage of me because I felt it was "my job" to work with her as long as she wanted to come in, which for a long time was 3 times a week, but I will now not work with anyone more then 2 times a week. She certainly has the time to come to my classes, which I have encouraged her to do, but she won't, claiming it would "interupt her day," but I've come to realize she likes the one-on-one attention.

4. She will not take any advice I offer as far as losing weight, like keep a food journal, read certain books, wear a pedometer, etc, etc, etc. She's only lost 10 pounds in the whole 16 months. She doesn't want to have to keep track of anything.

5. In other words, she's not very motivated and is not getting results that I know she could get if she really tried. I've been able to help others achieve their goals, so I know it isn't me.

Since I've come to realize that she comes to the fitness center just for something to do, I want tell her I won't be working with her anymore. Now would be a perfect time because she hasn't come in for almost 2 weeks because she has several minor ailments going on at the same time, and does "not have the energy."

Now, Oh, Wise Ones, how do I tell her? I know she'll be crushed if I don't word it right. I was thinking of telling her I don't think whatever I'm doing is helping her reach her fitness goals and that I think it's time to stop meeting with her. What do you suggest? By the way, my boss is OK with my just cutting her lose - I'm under no obligation with my job to stick with her, especially if she' spinning her wheels.

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
HB - first off, how frustrating for you! Second, I like your idea of saying that what you're doing isn't helping. It's the typical break-up line "it's not you, it's me". Before I'd even read down that far, I was going to suggest that to you. Just let her know that you don't think your methods are working and she'd likely be better off with someone else.

Good luck!
 
I think that you are on the right track in terms of talking to her about goals. Just explain to her that it really is not a beneficial relationship if you are just "spinning wheels" and not able to help her to achieve what you think she really could. Maybe explicitly tell her what you think the goals are that she can achieve, and see where she is with that. Can you restart the relationship if she is willing to be serious about it?


Live with sincerity, love with passion, and dance like you mean it.

Debbie
 
Big IF I thought she would be willing to be serious about it, which right now seems very unlikely. But then, it may be a big shock and wake-up call to her, especially if my instincts are right and she needs this for something to do, and for someone to pay attention to her.

It's extremely frustrating, and I'm losing patience with the situation very fast.

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
Well, let me be the devil's advocate. I do NOT think you should take responsibility for this woman's failure just to avoid hurting her feelings. If you do, you risk putting yourself in the position of seemingly not knowing how to do your job. I suspect she would love nothing more than the opportunity to blame YOU for HER failure.

We women are far too nice and way too worried about other people's feelings, and professionaly this haunts us. (I am in a position where I have to be critical of others and for the longest time I avoided doing so because I was concerned people wouldn't like me. After that blew up in my face, I realized it doesn't matter if they like me or not, but you can damn well believe they are going to respect my ability to do my job!)

Personally, I would work up the courage to say, "I'm sorry this isn't working out, but as you don't take any of the advice I've provided to you, perhaps you should look for someone who might try some other approach." Period, end of story. If she gets hostile, be honest. Who knows? Maybe that will be the kick in the pants she needs to get some discipline going.

Good luck!
Marie
 
Honeybunch,
I feel your pain. I was a personal trainer for 8 years and I know when you work in a gym it is hard to "break up" with a member. It is hard because you will see this person everyday. I agree with the others that saying it is not working and that she should find someone else to help reach her fitness goals is the best approach. It is also frustrating when you are not getting paid to work with her for her to take up so much of your time. I also agree with Marie that we women do sometimes worry about the other person more than ourselves. Just be honest and tell her it is not working anymore and know that you did your best and feel good about it. Good luck and keep us posted.


Susan
 
Honeybunch-

I completly understand how you feel. I have a few clients like that myself. At first, it REALLY bothered me how unmotivated and lazy they were but I was under contract to work with them for the sessions they paid for. I finally came to the conclusion that they wanted someone to "work them out", much like taking a dog for a walk. They didn't want to learn anything and were not even motivated to take 15 minute walks on their own without me. I could not relate to this attitude. Eventually, I began to change my expectations of these clients. I started to change my attitude and now consider them part of my "less serious" clients that I work with. I do with them what they are willing to do and no more. I don't even ask them to track food intake or even exercise outside of our sessions together. If they ask me about losing weight, I am honest and suggest obvious options and even provide them with literature about the subject, but still I do this with no expectations. I've discovered that they want an easy workout with someone to talk to and I will accommodate them, as long as we understand eachother. I still try to motivate them to the best of my abilities, but I no longer carry expectations of these people. The choice to be fit is entirely up to them and I can't control them, I can only do so much.

That being said, if you're not gettting paid extra for this and no longer want to work with her, then maybe you should cut her loose. Maybe tell her (as others have suggested) that she should consider working with someone else who could offer her something different. I think this is a very common thing that trainers go through and she shouldn't be totally shocked by this. This sort of thing happens all the time. You have every right to work with who you want to. Maybe you can arrange a meeting between her and another trainer the next time you meet with her.

Good luck!!
Carolyn
 
>I finally came to the
>conclusion that they wanted someone to "work them out", much
>like taking a dog for a walk.

Carolyn, LMAO!

Marie
 
Not trying to be difficult, but this woman is a paying customer at your gym. As a standard practice you mention that the gym doesn't charge for one on one training so ultimately she is entitled to the standard 2 sessions per week that you normally would allow.

The gym does not specify that someone needs to lose a specific amount of pounds, improve aerobically to a certain degree, etc. to keep receiving free one on one training so how can you deny her?

I agree that the situation must be incredibly frustrating but until your gym changes its policies, how can you possibly refuse to train her? You might end up facing a law suit.
 
I agree with Carolyn. Perhaps your expectations for this lady are excessive. Maybe she just doesn't share your drive and that's just fine. She gets out of her gym time what she wants to get out of it, it's her life and money. You can't hold her own personal motivations, or the fact that they are not compatible with your motivations, against her. When I teach my students Spanish, I am forced to admit that although I am passionate about the language and culture, not all my students are. I have to accept that and let them profit from the class in their own way. It can be hard to accept sometimes, I know.

Perhaps "cutting her loose" is not the best way to approach this either. Why don't you just explain to her that as a trainer, you cannot now afford her the same time as you used to because there are others you are interested in working with and from whom you could learn and whom you would like to help. After all, you do derive something from your clients. This instructional relationship is not a one-way-street, as no instructional relationship ever is. Instructors always learn something from their clients/students, so we should also be thankful for them. I say this because with my university students I am constantly reminded that they bring something to the table too and I benefit from that. You can thank her for the opportunity of working with her, so she will leave feeling good about herself, and then move on to assisting others.

I think this is the best way to exit the relationship while salvaging dignity and showing respect equally.

Good luck.
 
Working with people 2 times a week is not a policy of the fitness center - I don't have to work with anyone long-term. It's up to my discretion how often I work with any one person. So she's not "entitled" to having 2 sessions a week with me. She's paying only $60.00 a year for her membership (as the spouse of a retiree), so she's more than gotten her money's worth. In the last year she's gotten thousands of dollars of personal training if you compare what she would have paid anywhere else.

What I'm leaning toward doing is throwing the ball in her court and saying, "You, in the 16 months I've been working with you, have not reached the fitness goals you outlined for yourself, and it's because you have not been working hard enough. If you had followed the program I outlined for you, you would have reached your goals long ago. My job is to help get you there, so I'm going to ask you to demand more of yourself by doing more on your own, and by being accountable by writing down your progress."

I'm going to ask her to write down what she does at home and that will include a food diary. If she is not willing to do that, THEN I'll tell her I can't work with her anymore because she has to help herself reach her goals. I can only do so much in 1 hour total a week one-on-one with her. So, I'm not just "cutting her loose," I'm making her become more responsible for her own fitness program. As far as my being excessive in my expectations of her, she HAS been successful in the past with weight loss, and she was working on her own when she did it. She's gotten lazy, let's face it. She's expecting me to do the work for her that she should be doing herself. I can give advice, but I can't actually work out FOR people.

Thanks everyone for your insight!

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
Honeybunch, I think you've come up with a reasonable way to approach this woman. The fact that she is not willing to follow to your professional advice (e.g. keep a journal, wear a pedometer, etc.) shows that she is not to committed to her goals. If someone arranges to meet with a trainer, s/he should be serious about it and willing to work, and I think if this client were paying out of her own pocket for these sessions, she might be. But right now, she is just wasting your time -- time which could be better spent with other clients. So if she doesn't step it up, I agree -- cut her loose.
 

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