Unexpected #3

S

StaceyDeLapp

Cathlete
I have an 11 month old daughter and my dh and I were just starting to talk about the word vasectemy when I realized that I had gotten my first period since having my daughter at the end of July, and hadn't had another since. I took a test just for peace of mind and much to our shock, discovered that we are pregnant. We are really confused right now. Our life seems so crazy with the two we already have. My son is almost 4 and I was just starting to think 2 more years and Annelise will be easy, our lifes will be less chaotic. I stay home with my children, but started a bulk mail company out of my house 3 years ago that is now requiring 20-25 hours a week pretty regularly (I try to run it during naps and bedtimes to eliminate the need for child care). I just feel so overwhelmed at the thought of having a third. I'm looking for some encouragement as well as any stories from families of 3 or more.

Thanks for any help you can give me!

I know I'll love this one as much as I love my other two...
 
Dear Stacey,

Oh, how I relate to you. I am a mother of five children, now ages 10 to 20 years of age. About 11 years ago I was in your same position. I had weaned my 'last' child when she was about 11 months old, had a period in July (!) and then nothing. My husband had already had a vasectomy 9 months earlier...and then I started to feel pregnant. Sure enough, I was (yes, the vasectomy failed!) - and to top it off, three days after we found out, my husband left on a one year unaccompanied assignment with the Air Force in Korea! Talk about wild times!

Let me just encourage you with my belief that God is in charge of all things. Our fifth is a constant joy and reminder that God desires good things for our lives. She has a sparkle that I wouldn't have wanted to miss. Yes, there were dark days at first, and in the delivery room I almost had a panic attack (my husband was still gone). BUT in the end I am thankful for the blessing that she continues to be. I have told her the story in terms of how she is a 'surprise' which means I would welcome it again. I have never referred to her as a mistake (i.e. something to avoid). She likes to tell the story "Mom didn't know I was in her tummy but God did!!"

So, hang in there. These burdensome days yield great rewards later.

Thinking of you...

Joanna
 
I don't have a similar story for myself but I sure do for a very good friend. They had two kids, and my friend's husband was, lets just say, not being a father or a husband at all. It basically was hell for her. Low and behold she found out she was pregnant with her third, and her house was crazy at the time. Their father's absent and their mother's stress had the kids in a bit of a lost situation and needless to say they were a handful. Their youngest at the time of her finding out they were pregnant was 15 mths. old. My friend was a mess, their second baby had been so hard because she basically was on her own and here comes another one! To be honest I was kinda mad at her for letting this happen, two little kids were in the midst of this and now add another one. She didn't have the energy for the first two. Anyway, the third one turned one this week and yes, there are still the problems and the ups and downs of her husband, but I'll tell ya, they sure love that little boy. As stressfull as her life was and as stressfull as it was after his birth, they, well at least her for sure, are sooo happy they had him, and do not regret it for a minute. And believe me it has been as bad sometimes in her house since this third one was born.

I'm sitting on the decision as to whether to do it again or not. I have two little girls, 5&7 and I'm so torn as to whether the chaos/stress of a baby would be worth it again. In a way your kinda lucky, the decision has been made for you and like Joanna said God works in mysterious ways. I bet you'll see the 'reason' for this new blessing soon. I believe that things happen for a reason and everything always works out. It just may look a little (or a lot) scary right now.

Don't forget too, your two will be older when the third is born and with kids, a few months can make a huge difference with their independence and will likely be a lot less needy, giving you more time for the new baby and your business.
 
Thank you both so much for your words of encouragement. It did help to hear those wonderful stories. My mom had the SAME exact thing happen to her. She had 3 years between my sister and I, and then when I was not even a year yet, she discovered she was pg with my brother. Pretty ironic.

Anyway, I know without a doubt that once the baby arrives, we will love him/her so much we won't even be able to imagine our lives without him/her. It's just hard to adjust to the idea when you weren't even trying. And, we'll be building a house really soon on top of everything else. I'm strong though, and I know I can make it through this. And, I have an absolutely wonderful husband who is very supportive of me and a great dad to our kids.
 
GO for it if you want another one. My girls were 5 and 7 when I had my baby boy last January. It has been nothing but WONDERFUL. It's always "worth it" as you state when a baby is involved. Believe me, it is much less chaotic when you have older children.
 
I was 32 when my husband had a vasetomy after our 2nd daughter was born. When I turned 35, all I could think about was having another baby, it was consuming me. My husband had a dream one night that I wanted another baby. I told him I did and we tossed around the idea of reversal. He had the surgery and we were blessed with a baby boy in Jan. I remember how chaotic it was with 2 little ones, I thought to myself "I cannot do this again." The decision to have the vasectomy was way too soon. While your life will be chaotic and stressful the next few years, it is so worth it to have children. Your best bet for sanity is to try and give up your job because your life will be consumed by your children. I think we live in a culture now where women think they have to work to be productive members of society. I am a lawyer and I had that mindset but finally came to my senses. What is more important than raising our children? I understand some moms have to work but if you don't absolutely have to, your life will be so much easier and your children will only benefit. I hope the best for you and remember, our children are gifts from God.
 
Miscarriage

Thank you all for your kind words. I just wanted to let you guys know that I lost the baby last night. I started spotting a week ago and at the ultrasound, they saw a heartbeat, but it was only 113 bpm which is pretty low. 150 is normal. They told me that a miscarriage was pretty likely.

Last night, I started having what felt like labor pains and I was pretty sure that I was going to lose the baby. I feel fine with things. As I was at the ER last night, all I could think of was the 2 wonderful children that I have at home waiting for me. And I was so thankful for them, and that this had not happened to me with one of those pregnancies because knowing that I was already twice blessed made it so much easier to live through my horrible experience last night. I will just be so thankful when this day is far away from me. I will always wonder what may have been, but I emotionally wasn't prepared for a 3rd at this time in my life. (Even though I would have loved the child as much as I love my other 2 as soon as I knew things were going to be okay with the pregnancy.) Maybe a few years from now, I'll change my mind, and I will fully embrace the idea of getting pregnant again.

I wish you all the best.

Stacey
 
Hi Stacey!

I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. Yes, you are truly blessed with two miracles. Give them both a big hug today! Take care of yourself. My prayers & thoughts are with you.


Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
I'm so sorry!

You have my deepest sympathies for your loss! I know you must have very mixed feelings right now. Given the situation, it would be unusual if you didn't. Please give yourself time and permission to grieve. This is a very difficult time for you. As you have said, just because the baby was unplanned, doesn't mean he/she was unloved. And just because there may be a tiny part of you that is relieved ( which is also natural ) that DOESN'T mean you don't also have a right to be feeling sad.

Hang in there! Here are some big cyber hugs headed your way! <<<<<<HUG>>>>>>>>

Erin
 
RE: Miscarriage

Hi Stacey! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Please take care!
 
RE: Miscarriage

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Oct-08-01 AT 10:22PM (Est)[/font][p]Stacey,

I am so sorry and can very well identify with your loss. I had a miscarriage between my two very healthy children. I just felt so empty after I came home from the hospital. It does get better with time, though. I too was very thankful for the child that I had waiting for me at home.

Here's a big hug from me to you. My thoughts are with you.

Sheila Watkins
 
RE: Miscarriage

Stacey,

I just wanted to say that I too am very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers will be with you as well. Take care of yourself and enjoy every minute with those precious little ones you have at home.

Alison
 
RE: Miscarriage

Hi Stacey,
I am also very sorry for your loss. Few people could accept an unplanned pregnancy with such a good attitude as you did. You are a very brave lady and your two children are very lucky to have you for a mommie! I will be thinking of you.
Lisa
 
RE: Miscarriage

Stacey,

My thoughts and prayers are also with you. Please allow yourself to feel all of your emotions; I'm sure they are many right now. Give yourself and your children big hugs, and take care.

Sandra
 
RE: Miscarriage

Sigh...sad times...I've been there and know the keen awareness of what might have been. You seem to have a good handle on this 'horrible' time - and I agree with others that grieving is healthy. Many years later I still wonder - what if? Somehow this experience will mold you into a different person than you could have been otherwise...

Joanna
 
Thank you all so much!

I would like to thank all of you so much for the heartfelt sympathy and kind words. This has been such a hard and emotional time for me. In the midst of all of this happening, my business was requiring me to work 12-14 hour days (extremely rare--especially for a 3 week period!) in addition to watching my 2 kids by myself most of the time. And, my birthday was the day before the miscarriage and I had no time to celebrate. I really felt postpardum after the miscarriage for a few days--it was awful. I still don't know how I made it through this tough period, but thankfully I did, and a few days ago, we got the last of the work done for my business, so I've been taking a much needed break. I did A LOT of shopping which always makes me feel better, and I'm just starting to get back to my workouts that I just cannot live without!

I am feeling so much better now, and dearly loved my life today. I can't believe the miscarriage happened just one week ago. It already seems so far away. It is so sad to think that there was a life one minute, and it was gone the next. I know I will always wonder what if, and I'm sure I will have a 3rd child one day. I just wasn't emotionally ready right now with everything else that we have going on. Maybe that baby is still in heaven waiting for the right time. Maybe he got a little over eager and God said wait a minute, not yet...but someday soon....

Thanks again. This website is fantastic, and all of you are fantastic too!

Best of luck in your pregnancies. May your children be as sweet, wonderful and beautiful as mine! ;-)

Stacey
 
Thank you all so much!

I would like to thank all of you so much for the heartfelt sympathy and kind words. This has been such a hard and emotional time for me. In the midst of all of this happening, my business was requiring me to work 12-14 hour days (extremely rare--especially for a 3 week period!) in addition to watching my 2 kids by myself most of the time. And, my birthday was the day before the miscarriage and I had no time to celebrate. I really felt postpardum after the miscarriage for a few days--it was awful. I still don't know how I made it through this tough period, but thankfully I did, and a few days ago, we got the last of the work done for my business, so I've been taking a much needed break. I did A LOT of shopping which always makes me feel better, and I'm just starting to get back to my workouts that I just cannot live without!

I am feeling so much better now, and dearly loved my life today. I can't believe the miscarriage happened just one week ago. It already seems so far away. It is so sad to think that there was a life one minute, and it was gone the next. I know I will always wonder what if, and I'm sure I will have a 3rd child one day. I just wasn't emotionally ready right now with everything else that we have going on. Maybe that baby is still in heaven waiting for the right time. Maybe he got a little over eager and God said wait a minute, not yet...but someday soon....

Thanks again. This website is fantastic, and all of you are fantastic too!

Best of luck in your pregnancies. May your children be as sweet, wonderful and beautiful as mine! ;-)

Stacey
 
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